By: Revanche

Sharing is caring: Happy ferrets edition!

April 20, 2013

This. Week. This edition wasn’t supposed to be so morose but …

To quote the Onion: “Maybe next time we have a week, they can try not to pack it completely to the fucking brim with explosions, mutilations, death, manhunts, lies, weeping, and the utter uselessness of our political system,” said basically every person in America who isn’t comatose or a complete sociopath.

And on top of the Marathon news, the earthquakes,  the shootings, and being disgusted with the news outlets’ shenanigans, my mundane life was quietly unraveling.

I spent an inordinate amount of time fixing my computer, am worrying about work sustainability and have to start thinking ahead to what’s next, and really screwed up my physically feeling pretty good (for me) on Monday. It’s always a bit of a cycle, really, pain starts, which means fatigue starts, so I prescribe extra sleep and hydration, but the pain keeps me awake.  Which is, y’know, wonderful. But slowly and surely, we creep toward feeling better …

Until I got a pair of parking tickets issued by the home-local school. Which meant that my dad had let my brother drive my car again. Without my permission. In fact, against my explicit instructions that he and only he is allowed to drive my car because Sibling can’t be trusted.  The excuse is always: well I got busy and he needed to X so I had to let him borrow it.  No. You didn’t. His desires are not your priorities. Respecting the fact that I’ve been providing for all of you for ten years and respecting that I have set boundaries for good reasons ARE your priorities.

Dad’s logic is absolutely beyond me.  When he can’t cater to my brother himself, which is often enough considering he’s killing himself working now, he decides that the next best thing is to give him the keys to my car. Instead of saying: you’re an adult, this is YOUR issue, not mine, you figure it out. There are, in fact, buses and trains in our area. Not plentiful but they exist. So Sibling could very well figure out how to get someplace with public transit. Instead he relies on making something a “crisis” and either he gets my dad to take him or manipulates him into giving up the car.

I can’t and won’t buy Sibling auto insurance because he’s not allowed to drive my cars, and my dad knows that, so if he got into an accident, I’d have a world of problems there. Even if I wasn’t held responsible, I’d still have to deal with the aftermath.

I don’t even know who this person I call “Dad” is anymore. Instead of standing up to your son you’d rather put me at fiduciary and other risk for anything he did. Because I haven’t sacrificed enough. And he wonders why telling Sibling that “by doing that, you will screw your sister over” doesn’t register. If he can’t even be bothered to look out for me, why on earth with the perpetually selfish sibling care when there are no consequences?

Dad says that he’s sure my brother has legitimate mental issues (which I still have trouble believing because my brother is historically that selfish and manipulative that it’s incredibly hard not to believe this is another one of his ruses) so he has to “take care” of him which is, apparently, letting him have what he wants when he wants it.  I mean, I knew my dad had issues with being tough with his kids but this version of him is appalling and it’s incredibly hard to swallow.

We had a thoroughly unpleasant conversation hashing it out.  At the end of the day, it doesn’t matter what his reasons are, Sibling has the freedom to make his choices, good or bad, to improve his life or not, but I refuse to be, even at a distance or even by proxy, his pawn.  But it seems my dad will keep dancing to his tune by choice and I can’t abide with that.

I started feeling a lot like this ….


Ah well.  The week is over and with it, I hope, all the horrible.

More cheerful links!

Linda’s inspiring me with her mortgage refi. Get butts in gear!

via @centsinthecity: Actual “kitty” pumps. These are hilarious and yet, just subtle enough I would totally wear them. Just not at that price.

via @practicalwed: Finding joy in the little things. Also, I’d like to have an answer for this post, but I’m not doing anything brilliant right now.

Characters in your bra drawer. I nearly died laughing.

via a friend, the wonders of Google Play. He recommended some apps: Adobe Reader, Voxxer. My Nexus 4 is linked to my gmail account so when I opened those pages up, it scanned my devices, said yep! You’re compatible and sent the downloads to my phone when I clicked Install. I am living in the future.

Donna and this weather in Alaska leads to some breaking up related hilarity.

Popcorn …. FERRET!!

11 Responses to “Sharing is caring: Happy ferrets edition!”

  1. Kris says:

    Good for you putting your foot down. And excellent cat meme.

  2. Linda says:

    Oof! What is it about family?! With the family issues you deal with, you do a remarkable job staying well and being productive. I hope you can work towards some sort of compromise with your father and brother, like “Here’s your cab/bus fund for the month. When it’s gone, it’s gone, so plan wisely!.”

    Glad you found my mortgage re-fi inspiring! The other cool thing about the re-fi is that it took place on March 1 and payments start May 1, so I had all that extra mortgage money in my April budget. Weeee!

    Hang in there!

    • Revanche says:

      Family! Just… Yeah. You know.
      My dad has full access to the car, I just can’t do any more for my brother because he refuses to accept constructive help, get help, or admit that anything is wrong with not having earned his own way in years or not intending to do so.
      Yay for extra mortgage money! Honestly I hate to say it but every time I compare refi things, I get overwhelmed. That’s … unusual for me.

  3. Miss JJ says:

    I’m glad you were strong enough to say no to your father. A friend of ours have a similar story, though with her, it is one against two other leeching siblings and a mother who cannot say no. And she has been accomodating all of it for the sake of her mother, to the point where her husband is probably going to work himself into the grave supporting all of them.

    I can understand favoritism as a motivation, but when you ask the mother, she claims to love all her children the same. It makes me wonder about the thought processes and emotional motivations of such parents. How can anyone not see the unfairness of it all, in that case.

    • Revanche says:

      Your poor friend. It’s hard enough for me with ONE sibling and two enabling parents before (now one)…and I too accommodated for the sake of my mother. Big mistake.
      I honestly don’t believe that parents love their kids the same, but I’m jaded now I suppose.

  4. Ms. S says:

    Oh gosh, what’s the resolution to that? Seems like your dad will keep on letting sibling use the car? I really hope nothing happens while he’s driving your car without insurance. Scary.

    • Revanche says:

      He had better not, ever again or we’re going to have serious issues. I don’t know about the bigger picture resolution, I don’t know what we’re going to do to get through this.

  5. Well…wait. If the car is at your dad’s and you left it there for Dad to drive, why not just give it to your dad as a gift? Then he can foot the bill for the insurance, and if the crazy brother crashes it or runs over a grandmother and two toddlers in a crosswalk the headaches will not be yours. At least, not the car-related financial headaches.

    Seriously…this would transfer the responsibility for letting Young McNuts drive the thing to your dad, relieving you from the need to grind your teeth over it.

  6. […] Over at A Gai Shan Life, Revanche relates another episode in the family soap opera. […]

  7. Love the cat thing. But you have no control over your father and brother’s co-dependency and dysfunctional behavior. Maybe you need to rethink taking control of YOUR car or sell the car keep the proceeds and go from there. I do not know, but you can only control how you feel, think and act. This kind of stuff is just infuriating so try anything new to break the pattern and your involvement in their nonsense.

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