Just a little (link) love: Brown Eyes Blue Eyes edition
July 14, 2016
CAREER + MONEY THINGS
Frugality as a lifestyle choice is a privilege. Coming from poor and poorer, where indoor plumbing wasn’t even an option, I appreciated Matt pointing out that the middle classes in the US, compared to the rest of the world, are significantly better off.
Related: Leigh points out that financial stability isn’t a virtue
Nicole and Maggie asked if your parents struggled when you were growing up. You know my answer to this, I’d like to know yours!
Crossing my fingers that Linda closes on her new home this week
Harry kicks around the idea of saving more for early retirement so that you can still hire out jobs that requires expertise. That makes a lot of sense to me from a practical viewpoint – I might enjoy doing the landscaping but do I have the energy to commit to it the way it needs? Likewise roof repair, or painting? That’s a definite no. I can commit that reclaimed time and energy for gardening, that’s something that isn’t overly strenuous where my commitment level can be customized, and so fits my model of doing something productive, that I enjoy, without turning it into onerous work that belabors my health.
Improve meetings by adding two items to the agenda. Sounds counterintuitive, I know.
Alton Sterling and Eric Garner were practicing the much vaunted side hustle when they were killed. Why is that, for black men, a crime punishable by death? Reminder that white men and women have brandished actual firearms and shot them at police and weren’t shot down. Reminder that police do not have the right to be judge, jury and executioners. That’s not their job. Good cops all know this, we shouldn’t have to be subject to the whims of the bad ones.
FUN THINGS
Scott Bisson’s glass critters are AMAZING
Awesomely Luvvie on Blaxit made me laugh too hard. Please don’t take everyone and everything that has flavor, rhythm, fun, and coordination. No but seriously, what is with America’s need to always have a persecuted minority class. For a country that’s hot on Christianity, a whole lot of people fail to remember that Jesus tended to the lowest in society.
And then negotiations ensued and they were also hilarious.
INTERESTING THINGS
An ex-cop says what good LEOs that I know say – this is the job. That it’s risky doesn’t give you special privileges to take the lives and rights of those you are intended to protect: When you take a job as a police officer, you do so voluntarily. You understand the risks associated with the work. But because you signed on to do a dangerous job does not mean you are then allowed to violate the human rights, civil rights, and civil liberties of the people you serve. It’s the opposite. You should protect those rights, and when you don’t you should be held accountable. That simple statement will be received by police apologists as “anti-cop.” It is not.
A striking image from Baton Rouge
Women stalkers, oh goodness. I had a brief brush with this a few years back and it made me triply grateful that I won’t give my personal information out to anybody. This woman thought that a few gestures of friendship meant that a person was obligated to her forevermore, and turned it into a middle school level feud spewed all over the internet.
Jane Elliott
No BS, I wish every white person on Twitter could see this. Maybe it’ll help pic.twitter.com/vae574ysG0
— Tsunami Sea (@carltonspeight) July 6, 2016
My parents didn’t struggle, at least not as adults. I remember concerns about money, but we always lived comfortable middle class lives on my dad’s Army salary. It was easier to do in the 70s and 80s; I don’t think the same standard of living would be achievable today–at least, not in the metropolitan areas we were posted.
But my mom spent three years of her childhood in a POW camp in the Philippines during WWII, so there’s that.
Agreed, we lived on a LOT less in the 80s and I think that would be a little tougher to do today. Not impossible, my aunt still supports her household on maybe $30K a year in a suburb, but it’s not easy elsewhere.
Your mom’s experience sounds like there’s a lot more to that story, did she ever discuss it with you? I had a friend who spent part of their childhood in the internment camp and that was a hell of a story.
Oh, yes, she was very open about it. She was my best Show and Tell exhibit. Later, she spoke at applicable conferences and events.
Thanks for the link!
A lot of good stuff this week. I really like the Harry Sit piece on comparative advantage. After reading the latest Mr. Money Moustache piece (and specifically part of the comments section where someone dared say something to the effect of… “but you *like* construction work, not everybody does,” and got slammed), I had been thinking about writing something on the topic myself, but I think that piece really already says everything that needs to be said. An excellent read.
nicoleandmaggie recently posted…Growing up (a money post)
Yes, Harry’s piece was very sensible!
From what I’ve skimmed, MMM seems to suggest the answer to everything is “bike and walk to work” and DIY alongside the shunning of regular luxuries. I can get behind the latter – I’m happiest in my own home and don’t need a ton of things but there’s a smugness of people in good health with the luxury of making many choices that is beyond me.
Also you’re supposed to have exactly one kid, no pets, and to homeschool now, apparently. (Though it seems to me that his argument, taken to its logical conclusion would be to have no kids. Except, you know, he has one kid and whatever he does cannot be wrong.)
nicoleandmaggie recently posted…Ask the grumpies: Writing an external tenure letter
I saw that! I got curious and looked at the latest post and thought, oh ok. Having kids (other than his, I guess) or having pets is “wasteful”. Sure, ok. Sounds joyless to me but what do I know.
What’s the point of having money and time if you can’t rescue a few pets?
I mean, I spent summers growing up living his ideal (washing dishes by hand, putting up laundry on the line, doing yard work, cooking meals from scratch, puttering on crafts and so on) and it was BORING. I know he doesn’t find it boring, and more power to him, but that doesn’t make me wrong.
And I somehow don’t think that if I did it more that I would somehow find Nirvana as he insists because I was so ready to back to school at the end of three months even though I hated school. Forcing a Type B lifestyle on me just makes me deeply depressed or I start to make trouble with unnecessary activism.
nicoleandmaggie recently posted…Ask the grumpies: Writing an external tenure letter
Loving all the links this week!
Thank you, glad you enjoyed them!
Excellent links! I enjoyed.
Yay, thanks!
Thanks for sharing, Revanche!
Matt @ The Resume Gap recently posted…Our Frugality is a Sham
You’re welcome!
The question about parents really hit home for me right now. I grew up and definitely saw my parents struggle with money and health issues, both. I knew from a young age that I wanted to go to the college, the first on either side and including extended family who would do so. I worked my tail off in high school to get a full-tuition scholarship for four-years (and then worked my tail off in college to keep it). This has allowed me to work in more white-collar types of jobs that are outside the experience of almost everyone in my family. I have some savings and don’t live paycheck to paycheck, but my parents still do (and my dad’s jobs keep leaving the country, so…)
I was back in my home state with my parents a couple of weeks ago, and my mother had two broken teeth: one upper front and one lower front. They looked painful, but she insisted they weren’t. The cap had fallen off one and the other had broken. Now, I’ve only had good dental for about 10 years of my life now, and I have terrible teeth. I had my first root canal at age 18 and my second at age 26. I literally just had four teeth worked on a couple of months ago, because no matter what I do, I have terrible teeth. I think it’s partially poor dental care growing up and no fluoride in the water due to growing up on rural well water.
You’d think I would think about that more than I do, but I jumped on my mom for not going to her dentist. She reminded me that she didn’t have any dental, although by some boon of luck she had just received enough hours at work over the past x-months to qualify for benefits starting a week later. She was going to make an appointment for after the benefits started, and I kept reminding her to do that until she finally did. She was told she needed a root canal on both, but she is just going to get them pulled–because it’s cheaper.
I just finished a master’s degree program a couple of months ago and am now job-searching: it has been amazing to see how supportive my parents, especially my dad, have been. They truly want to see me succeed. After this last visit, however, I am torn between feeling a bit of relief that I am able to get regular dental checkups (even if it usually means more dental work, at least I can usually afford it) and feeling a lot of guilt that my parents are still struggling. How do you reconcile this feeling? I can’t afford to give them money (and honestly, they wouldn’t take it–even trying to treat them to dinner is an argument), but it makes me so mad to see them in the same situation that they were in when I was a kid.
They’ve both been hit with long bouts of unemployment over the past 10 years (after my dad had worked at the same place for almost 30 years and my mom for about 15) due to the rural area they live in along with the fact that they have factory-floor experience and those jobs are leaving their area quickly. It seems that they get a job only to have it shut down and move to another country, leaving them grappling for another job. My dad has a hard time, because he is getting older and many of those places want younger guys. It’s just frustrating to see what’s happening, even though I know they are glad that I broke the cycle.
(Sorry this is such a long comment. These thoughts have been just dangling there in the back of my mind, coming to the forefront quite often.)
No apology necessary! I had to think about this a long while because it’s such a familiar thought pattern. You’d think the ANSWER would also be a familiar one but it isn’t. I think that’s because we may always feel the imbalance of “how do I enjoy my life, even while I know my parent(s) cannot do the same things that I can do because of money or lack thereof?”
I think it’s wonderful that they don’t appear to resent your success nor to expect to profit from it – they are genuinely hoping for better for you and that’s unrelated to what they want or need for themselves. As a new parent, I have the beginnings of understanding that in THIS position, even if I was having a hard time of it, if JuggerBaby was a good person and was making it on zir own, I would be so happy for zir. On a small scale, when I’m having a bad day and ze is having a great one, I don’t feel like ze owes it to me to make mine better, if that makes sense. It genuinely lifts my spirits just to see that ze is having a great time and is happy so I benefit indirectly. I know, though, that from a daughter position, I struggle so hard with the feeling that I’m living a more comfortable life when my parent doesn’t have the means to do so. And perhaps it helps to know that if they are good parents, generally speaking, they don’t feel the conflict like we do about it?
Put this way: I would do ANYTHING to spare my child pain and suffering (of the true suffering sort). So I wouldn’t want zir to feel what you and I feel in the way of guilt over zir circumstances being good, and I suspect your parents feel the same way.
I’m sorry your parents had so much struggle behind and possibly ahead of them. You know I know what it’s like to see that. I can only hope that when the time comes, if they do need your help and you want to give it, you will have been able to get to a financial position where it is no hardship at all to give it.
Wow, I am just checking through my comments folder and your response hit me very hard. In particular, when you wrote, “I think it’s wonderful that they don’t appear to resent your success nor to expect to profit from it – they are genuinely hoping for better for you and that’s unrelated to what they want or need for themselves,” I just teared up, because it succinctly says something I haven’t been able to fully realize myself yet.
I’m still struggling with the whole feeling like I don’t deserve a good job and looking at ads thinking “I can’t be qualified for these things or do these jobs well!” because it just doesn’t seem like I should be able to. I really need to shake that off and move ahead, because my parents do want me to succeed and move ahead–with absolutely no thought for their own gain or circumstances.
It’s hard finding others who understand these feelings, so THANK YOU for taking the time to write that. It actually cleared a lot of the muck in my head up to see it written out like that, and I appreciate it a lot!
You’re very welcome and I truly hope that you’re able to find your way through to making the most of your ability to grow. It’s the best thanks your parents could have, I’m sure, and most importantly, you do deserve it. You’ve worked so hard to overcome what many people don’t even know is a problem, and you have a unique perspective to contribute.
Hit reply too soon! I meant to say also: congrats on earning your Master’s and breaking the cycle. You are amazing.