Willfulness
November 17, 2006
I think PaDucky’s lying to me again. In fact, I’m sure of it. To “protect” me. Supposedly, MaDucky’s been making noises about how hard I work and how bad she feels about how hard I work. [She should know by now that that’s not a good idea, that just pushes him to pull some hardheaded foolishness!] He decided to take matters into his hands by not only telling me not to pay for rent this month, don’t put in my fair share either.
I’m SO MAD AT HIM. I know he’s lying to me because he feels guilty, but WHY can’t he see that he’s making matters worse? Even if I chooose NOT to hunt down where he’s unravelling things to patch things superficially because it’s his choice to make, I KNOW my own father looks me in the eye and lies to me. I don’t lie to them! Doesn’t he care how much that hurts? I’m completely deflated right now. And there’s nothing I can really do about it. Even if I just throw in my fair share wherever he’s stretched, it doesn’t solve the problem. No matter what I say, he refuses to see that his choice upsets me.
Besides, just because I tell them not to stress over the bills when they’re short doesn’t mean I’m pretending not to stress… at least no more than I would if I was making oodles of money I could keep but had no idea how secure they were. I have to work overtime no matter what, even if money were coming out my EARS I would still have to work this hard. And how can I help them, protect them, or otherwise support them if he’s constantly working against me?? [I know he’s making some poor decision in this situation, I’ve seen it before and I’ve had to clean it up because it affects MaDucky too.] Is THIS how parents feel when they have teenagers?!??
I know I’m his little girl. I know I’m supposed to be his coddled, pampered, spoiled to death little girl. I’m already spoiled! I’m better off than every other kid out there who doesn’t know bone deep and off the top of her head that her parents love her. What more do I need?
THIS is not right. Lying to your little girl is NOT RIGHT.
Man, I am so sorry that things are so stressful and tough. If this helps any at all, you’ve managed the situation very well. I admire how you’ve taken it upon yourself to help your parents out, even when they are not telling you the whole story. I am sure you hear this all the time but you are a better person for it, and it will pay off soon.
Hang in there.
Thanks, FR, welcome back btw!
It’s pretty much just PaDucky, to be perfectly fair, MaDucky understands how much it freaks me out and depresses me to have to be paranoid about their decisions or to be lied to.
I understand but that doesn’t change my feelings.