Kelly Sue and Five Steps to Becoming a Professional Discomfort Provider:Doing the right thing is not a passive act. You do not get to be a good guy just because you figure you’re not a bad guy, you follow? I am not a mutant, not a superhero. I hate being uncomfortable, I hate it every time, but I am better for it, my work is better for it, and if I had to boil my job down as an artist to define exactly what it is that I am paid to do, it would probably be this, to be uncomfortable and to make you uncomfortable too.
One reason I want to raise LB not knowing we have money for things like all the latest fashion and crap. I watched Trainwreck Sibling going to private school with the rich kids and his trying to keep up with the Richie Riches was just as bad for him as if he’d gone to public school, I suspect.
For International Women’s Day, Richard Branson explores women’s rights and equality. Feels a bit like he’s walked the earth all these years not knowing anything about the challenges women face, and maybe he has, but better late to the party than never at all.
LB confidently climbs onto and off of furniture now, safely, and faceplanting only rarely. Except that one time onto concrete. Oops. That was sad. Ze pivots on hir face a lot. All in service of a greater cause: climbing onto furniture and making a grab for the remotes, the books, and the tissue box. Oh lordy the tissue box is the BEST. 5 seconds of silence means ze made it and is pulling fistfuls of tissues out, shaking them on the floor, taking an experimental bite out of one or the other handful. If you time it right, ze will turn and stick hir be-tissued tongue out for you to scrape out the latest indiscretion.
We <3 books
We’re constantly reading to LB, several books a day, and ze normally “listens” while cruising for the latest bruising. These days, the listening is active and participatory. Ze wants to help turn pages, really looks at the pictures, sometimes touching them, sometimes just urging us to turn pages faster. A lot of the time ze will shut the book on my hands just to be able to open it up again. Ow.
Lapbaby, lapbaby, where are you?
Today, ze picked hir plushie, pivoted, and plopped hirself into my lap! This is a new thing. Since the day ze discovered self-locomotion, we haven’t been able to get the kid to sit still. We suspect this is a by-product of fighting for attention at daycare.
They’re decently staffed, but the kids there compete for attention as kids do. When a kid crawls toward an adult, it’s a cue for the rest of them to converge on that adult. PiC said it looked like being pursued by a tiny mob of tiny zombies.
Big Brother
Ze still isn’t cuddly with us but is trying to form an alliance of affection with Seamus. When he sniffs hir face, ze leans in with an open mouth to lay a kiss on his nose. He never lets hir land the kiss, deftly dodging like a submarine dodging a calf and thus thwarted, ze will crawl to his back and lay hir face on it instead.
Independence and (un)coordination
We haven’t lost an eye to fork stabbing yet but it’s not for lack of flailing. Ze’s use of spoons and forks involves much banging on the tray, excited waving in the air, and holding both ends of the utensil while biting down on the middle. Most attempts result in half the food on the ground and half down hir front. Never mind, ze will carefully place bits of food on the utensil and try to steer it into hir mouth, oftentimes flipping the fully loaded spoon face down and getting absolutely nothing to each. That’s alright, ze carries on with determination.
The clean-up crew knows to (literally) shake hir down for food scraps after a meal.
We had some of our worst sick days yet. So many middle of the night wake ups and so many pitiful little sobs. We tended to hir and cuddled hir as best we could, sleep-fuddled and clumsy, but most of the Motrin ended up inside hir, at least. (Thanks, daycare.)
Pirate-raccoon-kitten
Most small things are unsafe around hir. Everything goes into the mouth: hair clips, binder clips, small toys. Hair ties on my wrist are pulled right off, gets clamped between hir teeth as ze pounces for a water source like a pirate of old, cultass clenched in mouth, there to … wash the object?
Yep.
Have shiny object? It will be stolen and washed for you. Possibly returned, but only after a thorough wash.
It’s not getting a ton of use specifically as a walker, but both LB and Seamus rock out to this learning walker.
We have some great hand me down alphabet toys that LB likes to chew while we decide what “B” stands for. This combines two of LB’s favorite things: magnets and letters!
The number that means you’re safe? You can relax, you can enjoy life and kick up your heels a bit? Maybe buy the good cheese, or wine, or really splash out and get both?
This is an emotion question, not a logic one. What number would you need to hit to feel like life is alright?
In 2008, my number wasn’t about net worth; I wasn’t that advanced in my Personal Finance Nin-jit-su. It was salary. It was “do you know how much I could save if I made a $100,000 salary?”
8 years later I still can’t answer that question so now I’ve got two more years to figure it out because arbitrary and deadlines are what I’m all about.
But what’s that number?
Would I feel safe if I had $1M in the bank?
No, that wouldn’t buy a house with four walls and a roof here.
Would I feel safe if we had $2M in the bank?
See above.
Would I feel safe if we had $3M in assets and carried a spare $100 bill in all our wallets?
That’s just asking to be mugged.
Would I feel safe if we had $5M in assets?
If we had $5M, say $1.2 of that was spent on a house, bought outright. We’d need to need 0.8M for renovations since of course nothing for that much is going to be updated and we’ll find something that needs fixing. Tuck away another $1M for maintenance and taxes for at least the next decade.
No, better make it $10M. I think – I’m only speculating here, that I’d feel comfortable to relax, without having changed our basic lifestyle, other than quitting my job and managing money full time, buying a house (and don’t look! I’m just gonna slide this under the wire, adding two more dogs to the pack), if we had at least $10M in assets.
Back up – what was that?
Quitting my job is a change in lifestyle? Not exactly. It’s just redirecting my energy and time to focus on the thing I’m pretty good at. And it’s realistic. I do alright for now, with PiC’s love and support, but nothing is forever.
Specifically, my health could nosedive and force me out of the rat race at any point. The horror show that is trying to get approved for disability can’t possibly get easier as we age, that’s simply not what governments do. It took Mom six years to be approved. She would have been dead on the street in the time it took the state of California to help out with a few hundred a month, long after she’d lost much cognitive function, and the ability to feel reasonably human, if I hadn’t already been working my butt off to keep the lights on, gas in the car, and food on the table.
You’d better believe I took a dang hint from that. I’ve been planning for and saving against forced retirement, reasons of cripplement, since 21. Shoot, I’ve been planning in case of my early demise since I was 22 because when you find yourself in college supporting dependents that you didn’t birth, not even once, life gets serious in a hurry.
$10M is my Happy Place. (I think.)
What’s your Happy Place number? Also, Happy Pi Day!
I really hope Apple doesn’t give in to the FBI because the privacy issues are rife and I would have to dial back my phone use to standard calls only if our data is made more insecure. One reporter experiences this firsthand.
We spend a lot on food. But we also eat a lot and I don’t have FOND memories of those penny-pinching days when I’d only eat one meal a day and that was leftovers from dinner from the night before.
So we spend on food. I wondered, though, could we feed all three of us for $75? That’s what our biggest Trader Joe’s and local produce shopping trip cost.
Mostly I’m curious. I am terrible at meal planning in any sane kind of way that saves time and energy so this is an experiment in making a meal plan and sticking to it. I’ve hit a cooking rut. I typically like cooking even if I suck at coming up with vegetable side dishes, but when my cravings are for take out it’s because I’ve gotten busy and stressed or more tired than usual and can’t spare the brainpower to come up with foods we like.
What we bought, roughly, was mostly stuff for this week, but some stuff for freezing and will be used later. In turn, I’ll be using ingredients we already have but the value is generally going to balance out. This week I bought 4 pounds of ground turkey for $2.99/lb. Two weeks ago we picked up a few pounds of chicken for $1.19/lb and pork for $1.99/lb. We use more chicken or pork in a single recipe than ground turkey so it’s an even enough trade.
The menu
Caveats: Cooking really only applies to dinners. Breakfast is almost always eggs, sliced ham, toast, or a simple bowl of oatmeal.
Lunch is (PiC) ham and cheese sandwiches with chips; (LB) some combination of banana, tofu, raisins, clementines, tortillas, cheese, ham, dinner leftovers; (me) leftovers.
Monday
Turkey burgers (made with ground turkey, minced zucchini, quinoa) on honey whole wheat buns served with tomatos, red onions, sprouts, mayo, ketchup. Plus tator tots. What happened? Success! Despite a major bump in the day, we got burgers on the table.
Tuesday Homemade pizza with tomato sauce, cheddar and mozzarella, chicken What happened? Fail! Turns out my yeast is super expired. It didn’t even put up a token fizz. Of course I discover this at 430 pm, so instead I recklessly tried a miso-butter chicken and bok choy recipe. This is what happens, I was looking for a green bean vinagrette and get a whole new recipe instead. I cannot be trusted. (Justification: We had leftover baby bok choy that needed to be used! And it’s not every day I have miso in the pantry.) It was delicious, soooo, yay improv?
Wednesday
Hainan chicken with ginger garlic rice (cooked Sunday), served with cherry tomatoes and cucumbers What happened? Fail! My brain shut down at 4 pm and this is where it would have been really useful to have cooked more on Sunday. But I had cooked enough rice and mashed cauliflower to go with the Trader Joe’s packaged chicken curry we had in the fridge from last week and that was served with a side of fresh green beans. I did cook ahead a pan of roasted red potatoes for tomorrow.
Thursday
Side roasted red potatoes with dabs of butter and lots of garlic. Um. A main dish of some kind. What happened? We had turkey burgers again because I’d made 6 adult patties and 2 baby patties.
Friday
Tuna or ham and cheddar sandwiches, salad and soup What happened? Cheese sandwiches and boxed tomato soup. I could make a good tomato soup from scratch but not all days are from-scratch cooking days.
Saturday Unplanned What happened? Turkey burgers again! We wanted to use up the burger buns and veggies bought specifically for this (sprouts, red onions, etc) and we did. Good thing we love our turkey burgers and enjoyed them down to the last bite!
Meal approximations are better than planning
Ironically, I did better in the three weeks after the initial challenge. Forcing myself to follow an exact menu plan, meal and day, just didn’t seem to work well. $75 was high for our perishables but our overall costs were generally in line with a $75-100/week budget. We pick up bulk staples irregularly so that’s the extra $25-40 in the weekly spend.
Some of my best dinners were…
A) Lemon baked tilapia served with brown rice and green beans
B) Mixed cavatappi and whole wheat rotini topped with a zucchini, carrot and turkey ragu sauce served with a homemade load of bread, baked bok choy and carrots
C) Crockpot lasagna
D) Tilapia fish tacos & burritos.
Warning: if you’re baking your fish with lemon slices, the rind might leave a bitter taste on parts of the fish. Also remove all the lemon slices before serving. I missed one and wondered why my fish taco was disgustingly bitter.
Ideas for future menus
Shrimp and grits with garlic, onions, and tomatoes
Poached eggs served with polenta, hash browns, veggie
Marinated Baked Pork Chops
Pork chops with caramelized onions
Lemon baked chicken with roasted potatoes and onions
Best Takeaways
I don’t mind using the occasional packaged or prepared meal anymore. First it was about the cost, then it was about the nutrition. But overall, we’re doing a lot better on both fronts just by virtue of this experiment, more so than expected, and a few conveniences are just fine by me.
Our stress over getting a meal on the table, previously disproportionate to the crime, is incredibly low now.
I did serve pasta so frequently it’s been put on the No Fly List for a while. That was predictable but oddly disappointing, nonetheless. It’s just barely fathomable that it’s possible no one can eat pasta every day for three weeks without complaint.
If you’ve got tried and true recipes that you’re willing to share, please do! I require simplicity, though.
I hate the phone. I hate talking on the phone. I hate making calls. I hate waiting on hold, all of it. But darned if I won’t get over all of that in a right hurry to save myself $515.
Here’s what happened.
I had some fillings last December and the hygienist and receptionist encouraged me to get everything done in 2015 so everything would be covered by my annual deductible. I know, I know, the dentist in December, does anything scream poor planning! louder? When I have my act together, I visit the dentist in March and again in September for twice yearly cleanings and avoid all scheduling disasters to do with holidays, school being out, high season at work, all of it. 2015 was not the year of any part of my act being in the same vicinity as any other part of itself. Thus, I found my way to the dentist’s chair, garbling away, in December.
Post-filling comes the billing ordeal.
I’m not afraid of dental treatments but I sure do hate what comes after.
The secret I learned the hard way about dental insurance and billing waaay back in ought-2: Unless your insurance pre-approves all of your expected treatments, do not pay the estimated patient owes amount before your treatment is done.
Heck, don’t even pay it immediately after treatment if they haven’t already pre-billed the insurance or gotten pre-approval. They really want you to do. Every dental office here in California that’s taken our basic Delta Dental plan has patients sign a quote agreeing to pay anything the insurance doesn’t cover. If they can get you to pay the hundreds in advance, promising to reimburse you when the insurance comes back, then you’ve adhered to the letter of that agreement, but they will not adhere to the letter of theirs and you will be out of luck.
This is what I mean
Delta Dental (DD) has negotiated rates and set percentages that they’ll pay for every service. After a visit, Dental Office (DO) sends me a bill, and bills DD. The submitted claims are reviewed, DD determines both what they’ll pay and what I should pay, then mails me their statement.
My twice yearly exams are covered 100%. Patient pays column says $0.
My xrays are covered 100%. Patient pays column, again, says $0.
My filling on surface 30 was done in the last 2 years, so DD won’t pay them for that. Patient pays column says $0. DD’s notes say:
*You’ve already been paid once in the allowed 2 year timeframe for that, so we’re not paying again.
**DO may only bill what DD lists according to their pre-established agreement.
My fillings on surfaces 20, 22, 28 were approved and paid at 80%, leaving me with the other 20% to pay.
All told, DD said my bill was $95. Meanwhile, DO is over here sending me a bill asking for $610.
Now, according to my agreement with them, disregarding all else, I was responsible for $610 because DD didn’t cover it. However, because they accepted my insurance plan with the accompanying rate plan and rules, they are first subject to billing according to those rules. My plan specifically says they cannot charge me anything that DD doesn’t agree with, even if it’s something DD will not pay. If DD says they won’t pay it but I must, then DO may bill me.
Back when I was 20 years old and didn’t know about the DD to DO agreement, I thought I had to pay up in full so I did. My poor wallet. Much older, and a little wiser now, I know better.
Somewhat reluctantly, on the principle that this is the year 2016, should we not be able to handle all our bills online without having to talk to a person yet?? I called DO and asked to speak to someone about billing.
I politely suggested that we go over the discrepancies between the bill they sent and DD’s statement. Would you believe that before I could finish pointing out the problems, the office manager was striking out charges left and right? That’s right. She knew they were trying to get around their agreement with DD by billing me the full amount and was quick to rectify this, but only after being called out.
Line by line, we fixed all the “discrepancies”, and lo, my correct remaining balance was $95, NOT $610.
Protecting our cash: all part of a good day’s work.
Does your health or dental insurance work similarly or is this a quirk of California providers? Are your dentists reasonable and not scary? Do they recommend work too often? (PiC thinks my dentist always wants to be billing. He may be right.)
Late Note: This isn’t to demonize dental providers, mind you. The same one that got me to pay over hundreds that I shouldn’t have was also the one that cut their costs to only their own costs when they were aware that I had been laid off and was paying everything in cash. So they have their good and bad, in somewhat equal measure.
We donate to the local homeless shelter and the animal shelter. It would not have occurred to me to donate pet food to the homeless shelter but Penny’s post reminded me to ask if they’d accept it. Our latest donation was a bit of a coup: we redeemed a reward for a pile of nice new household appliances and we donated them new in box to the shelter. Before that we pulled together all those often overlooked “conveniences”: sample sized toothpaste, full sized toothbrushes, nice soap bars, shampoos, conditioners, utensils and crayons for kids. Yeah, I know that last one doesn’t match the rest but kids deserve to have some fun, especially if their family’s going through hard times, right?
Women, be careful who you choose to marry. The exception I’ll allow for “Do not even consider marrying the following people: “I’ve never changed a diaper.'” is PiC because it was followed up by “how can I get some practice so I know what I’m doing?”
This is beyond creepy: employers don’t do this. “To determine which employees might soon get pregnant, Castlight recently launched a new product that scans insurance claims to find women who have stopped filling birth-control prescriptions, as well as women who have made fertility-related searches on Castlight’s health app.”
I HATE “gender judo…explicitly stating ownership over one’s accomplishments in a way that includes the offender. It could sound, says Williams, something like this: ‘Kanye, I’m so glad you liked my idea. You’ve added something important, but here’s the next step.'” It may have its uses but I hate it.
CAREER + MONEY THINGS
The Gymnast
Do you have a number?
We spend a lot on food. But we also eat a lot and I don’t have FOND memories of those penny-pinching days when I’d only eat one meal a day and that was leftovers from dinner from the night before.