February 25, 2026
Life with JB
Most of the schools in our area do a weeklong sleepaway camp and it’s time for me to make a decision about whether or not I’ll allow JB to go. I’ve been ignoring it for months but next month we’ll have to make the final decision.
I told JB that I needed some space to sit with it and consider. They have done a good job of leaving me alone to do just that.
I am coming to the conclusion that I hate it, I’m not ok with it, AND despite all that, I’m going to pack up my worries and keep them to myself, and relent on the issue. Trusted people, like my own GP and a local friend whose kid went a few years ago, all seem to have confidence in their ability to keep the kids safe even if I continue to mutter: I don’t know these people, why would I trust them?
I am going to be stressed and hate the anxiety it stirs up and the worrying if they are going to be ok and the amount of angst SmolAc is going to have about them being gone a whole week – that will all suck. That last one is going to be as bad as all the other things. SmolAc can barely handle JB being away from home for half a day when they’re at a birthday party, forget a whole DAY and NIGHT. We are not going to be fun to be around that week. But if they have fun and are safe, then I will deal with it.
Life with Smol Acrobat
We are navigating a rough patch with SmolAc where they don’t want to go to daycare for weeks on end. They sulk and grump about it every day, have a fine time when there, rinse and repeat. It doesn’t seem to be rooted in anything in particular. According to the teachers, they enjoy playing on their own, then enjoy playing with their peers, and then have some more solo time in the afternoon. By contrast, to hear them tell it, there are no endearing qualities about the place, not a single one. It’s weird. Not just because JB adored the place and after long tenure through daycare and summer camps but because when JB does summer camp there, they make it a point to visit SmolAc every day. Instead of making SmolAc like the place better, it seems to make them resent the times they don’t get JB with them. And maybe that’s all it is. They adore their sibling and the lack of them during the school year is unutterably disconcerting.
Precious Moments
SmolAc: can I have my car?
Me: Is it in my backpack?
SmolAc: Yes.
Me: Did you put it in my backpack?
SmolAc: Yes.
Me: Which pocket? *doubting*
SmolAc: The top one. I think. …….. That means I don’t know.
Me: Yeah kiddo, I picked up on that.
****
JB: SmolAc, can I have some help?
SmolAc: with what?
JB: cleaning my room.
SmolAc *considering silence*
JB: Remember I helped you clean your room? Now I’m cleaning my room. Can I have some help?
SmolAc: We cleaned my room, now it’s my turn to help you?
JB: yes.
SmolAc: … Ok! Give me a minute.
I was eavesdropping and was pleasantly surprised at how this went.
January 21, 2026
Life with JB
One of PiC’s parenting struggles is seeing JB start to shy away from new experiences. Their first several years of life were brazenly curious to the point of lacking self preservation, so the shift, for him, is hard to adjust to. I’m taking it a bit more philosophically. Just like they used to eat everything and love it, their tastes and preferences are undergoing some refinement. They’re allowed to have opinions and preferences as long as they’re not obnoxious (bratty or rude) about them.
We shared some hilarious parenting stories with our friends who equally struggle with their kid who is a few years ahead of us. They’re currently in a really touch patch where their kid knows everything and therefore they know nothing. When they try to share their experiences, they get the stereotypical teenage shrug of “well that’s how it was for you, but it’ll be different for me.”
Life with Smol Acrobat
We had our Winter parent teacher conference and the teacher had some surprising (but good) things to share. SmolAc’s had a terrible attitude about going to school almost every day for weeks. They never want to go. We empathize verbally but privately have worried that they have no friends and that they don’t want to go because it’s just sad solo time all day. That’s certainly how they start their mornings after dropoff every day. When we drop them off, they very much do their own thing even when old friends are around. But it didn’t quite seem to track with how they end their days – they always seem engrossed with whatever they’re doing and don’t want to leave. If they were miserable all day, I would expect them to be raring to leave when we pick them up.
Their teacher said that they do participate in all activities, from beginning to end, even if there are challenging moments. There are kids who will often quit or refuse to try so this is good. It’s with varying levels of confidence and enthusiasm but they are consistent. They apparently do better with writing at school than at home which is a mixed relief – they’re very apt to quit on me after writing one sentence. They even raise their hand in class and talk to their classmates. It sounds like they do actually seek a balance of playing with classmates and choosing to have alone time. That is a relief.
Precious Moments
SmolAc kept asking me to sleep on the (short end) sofa with them.
“But I will fall off.”
They hug my hand really tightly: I will hold you on!
JB: Smoooooool what happened with my soap?? (Translation: you screwed it up)
SmolAc, thinking about the answer that won’t get them in trouble: uhhhh. I .. don’t know?
December 17, 2025
Life with JB
JB desperately wanted to table at the local kids craft fair. I very very much did not want to deal with it. But they had to skip the spring one because I was way too busy to deal with anything but survival back then so I reluctantly agreed to this one on the condition that they be done with all their merch at least a month out.
Sigh.
They were not. It was a lot harder to make time to go to the library to test out the equipment in the Maker Space than I’d anticipated. I foolishly thought I’d make some time on the weekends but when said weekends arrived, my beaten-down body and soul simply could not muster the energy to leave the house. Before I knew it, game time was nearly upon us and I was having to order supplies and we had only one day left to work on everything and I was so sick and PiC desperately needed several hours to work. I girded myself, delivered several stern warnings about this being a Working Session No Playing, and carted the kids to the Maker Space where we sweated over their crafts for a solid 3.5 hour session. Precisely the thing I had very specifically did not want to do. Once I figured out how to do it, they did the rest of the work but it was an entirely exhausting day.
The event itself was just under 4 hours and a reasonable success, they sold 17 of their art card and 19 sets of KPDH fan art magnets.
I think the wise thing to do is to prep their art now well ahead of any new craft fair dates, and start making stock so that most is ready to go before we even make any commitments. I know they’ll want to do it again.
Life with Smol Acrobat
JB defends SmolAc’s honor claiming they are not annoying to other people and they are repaid by SmolAc being a giant pain in their ass.
“Wee, did you wash your hands?”
YES.
“I did not see you”
WELL I DID.
“Mom, did you see her?”
Me: (Non accusatory disinterested) Nope.
“Does Wee need to “twy again”?”
(We both know that’s SmolAc’s shady way of pretending they did wash in the first place but they didn’t)
JB stomps to the bathroom: IF IT MAKES YOU SOOOOO HAPPY I WILL “TRY AGAIN” UGH.
They really didn’t have to but clearly SmolAc wasn’t gonna let it go.
This is SmolAc in both parts: koala for JB and Panda for me.
Precious Moments
I want to ski, I wish I could ski! I just don’t like the downhill part.
☠️
****
SmolAc: Mark aweady wearned all da phonics. Dey know all the phonicses.
****
SmolAc: Who cooked dis meal because I want to say thank you.
Dad did.
Thank you daddy for cooking.
But mom made the cornbread.
Thank you mommy for the cornbread it is dewishous even dough I did not eat it yet dis is not cooked.
Hey! It is definitely cooked!
November 12, 2025
Life with JB
Far too many kids in the fifth grade have Apple Watches and phones already. At least one of them is a jerk who’s constantly creating drama so of course she’s now using the tech at her fingertips to get other kids to gang up and pick fights with other kids. This kid also has a history of picking fights with JB and lying about JB to the other kids to stir up drama so I have no liking for them specifically. I’m absolutely judging their parents for either allowing them to behave this way or for not monitoring their usage (and being clear that they’re monitoring, with consequences for unacceptable behavior).
We’re not letting JB have a phone for YEARS yet, and we’re using this time to talk about internet safety and rules until they can recite them in their sleep. When we do, we’re adopting a good friend’s rules. Parents have audit privileges so we can drop in and check texts at any time, and unacceptable behavior has consequences. Phones at these ages are a privilege and privileges can be lost.
Related to this, I’m don’t understand bribing kids with $500+ motivation like JB’s classmates’ parents are doing. They’re offering a Switch2 if the kid hits certain meaningless goals. Meaningless to us, anyway. JB reads both for their own enjoyment and to win prizes at school. This kid reads plenty, at the same level as JB, which is a lot. I don’t understand the need to dangle larger incentives to hit higher reading numbers. For what purpose? They’re already reading tons, as any kid would have to in order to hit the millions of words. If the kid wants the bragging rights, good for them. What’s the parent getting involved that for? Maybe there’s a good reason for them, but it seems silly from where I stand. But I’m also working on teaching JB to develop their own intrinsic motivation, and to love doing things purely for the joy of it because I got to keep so little joy in my adult life, which may not be at all those parents’ intent.
Life with Smol Acrobat
Many of SmolAc’s same age classmates have left daycare and moved on to TK in their school districts. The changes have left SmolAc as one of the two oldest kids of their daycare class. This makes me feel weird and empathetic to their recent desire to stay home more. They’re always sad when they go to school now. Not because of school specifically but because none of us family are there with them. They really loved the summer when JB attended camp nearby. Unlike JB, who rarely if ever looked back when we dropped off, SmolAc is full of yearning.
I finally figured out their motivation! The joke’s on me that it took me this long to figure it out. I used to ask JB to do me favors: whether it was a chore or running something to me because I was in too much pain and needed to conserve energy, and they were always happy to do it. SmolAc was put upon and grumpy every time until I hit on the magic words: delivery, please. It’s funny because that comes from a game we played a few years ago when play cousin came to stay with us. The two of them took turns flying their Lego construct to ask me to send them on a delivery run.
Precious Moments
SmolAc drawing a robot for me: “He’s sad.”
Oh? How come?
He’s sad because he doesn’t have his family.
Oh no, I’m sorry.
But … he won’t be sad way-ter. Because I will draw a big one and dat will be da daddy wobot, and the medium one will be da mommy wobot.
*****
SmolAc: I didn’t do anything to him. I did not hit his arms, or his wegs, or his nose, or his head or his feet. He just kicked me.
Thought to self: that was a very specific list of didn’ts.
*****
SmolAc: Waaaaymooooo! And no people.
PiC: There’s no driver?
SmolAc: No.
Me: Weird.
SmolAc: Dey have computers, what are you talking about.
Me: well that’s me told.
*****
I’m so proud: One morning, SmolAc yelled to me, “Mom can you pwease wun the (robot) vacuum? It’s dirty.”
Yep, I need to move all the shoes first, though!
SmolAc: I aw-weady did!
Reader, THEY HAD. Not only did they notice vacuuming needed to be done, they proactively cleared up the space to make it easier to vacuum!
October 1, 2025
Life with JB
We now have a fifth grader and our first “please don’t hug or kiss me in public” request which is weird after a summer of cling.
I’m second guessing myself a little tiny bit but mostly not. JB had a friend in their sport who turned out to be a real jerk of a kid but they’re also manipulative so they’re nice to JB’s face and an asshole behind their back to mutual friends. I’m proud of mutual friend for shutting that shit down outright and I’m proud of JB for learning to use the little white lie when JerkFace approached them and wanted to know what they were doing. I’ve been teaching them to be honest with people you’re close to, but people who aren’t trustworthy don’t deserve all of the truth. Especially the little twerps who use that honesty to hurt you. I’d given them my phone to use for a quick phone game so they could have an excuse not to talk to JerkFace, JerkFace wanted to know what they were doing and JB blandly replied, “Oh, just texting a friend.”
“Mutual friend?”
“No, you don’t know them.”
Now, encouraging my kid to lie isn’t maybe the strongest parenting move but honestly I’d rather they had that protecting them from having to be honest and therefore vulnerable to the random jerk kids they encounter regularly.
Life with Smol Acrobat
SmolAc has this funny thing where they are very declarative, and I can’t tell if it’s for emphasis or a cadence thing. It makes them sound a bit like a kids storybook:
I wasn’t coughing, I was not.
I do not want those fruits, no, I do not!
Did you know I jumped the fence? Not the other fence, no. Not that one.
But I can’t help wif anything? I cannot?
They thought it was an awien (alien) but it was not an awien, it was not.
Pupdate
The problems blocking dog adoption that I can solve are: rebuilding our cash reserve, much depleted after the house work, to a minimum of $12K and identifying reliable sitters in case we need to travel where we can’t bring our furry family. I hate leaving them but there are some places that aren’t suitable for them and they’d be happier staying with a good sitter. There’s a hospice dog that I’ve got my eye on. We’d been going through Rover with Seamus and Sera but it was a slog every time the casual sitters would move on or stop sitting or whatnot. I think a full time sitter and a dog boarding facility that isn’t depressing will be the key combination for our needs.
But the thing I can’t solve, only time can, is moving into a slightly different (less?) hectic period of our lives. Caring for dogs is all-consuming at times and right now it’s hard to tell when makes more sense to bring home a fur companion. I surmised that maybe next fall could work, that’s also when our daycare payments finally stop which would be a huge cash back to our budgets. That’s good! Dog money!
Buuuuuut that’s also hard to figure out what we’re going to do with SmolAc being in school only half the day. Unfortunately SmolAc could not fill that time by, say, helping me care for a dog. They need age appropriate activities so that time period will be ??? I will still have a full time job so uh. That might NOT be the best time. I don’t know – there’s not going to be a quiet time in our lives for another twelve plus years, so it’s not like waiting til that happens will work. I’ll quietly tip off the edge of reasoning if I have to be dogless that long. But if we can get in our
Precious Moments
SmolAc: Ozzy came to my school and we did a breakdance. We runned, FWIP! Like dat.
SmolAc: *sudden cackling* Coach Paul today, he said (tapping on my head with each exclamation) “boing-oing-oing-oing, oops! Ribbit! Wet’s twy dat again! Ribbit! Ribbit! Ribbit! Boing-oing-oing-oing! Ba-doop! Ba-doop! Ribbit!”
Oh, was he playing duck duck goose?
SmolAc: “No!” *Cackles, then farts 12 times, cackles some more*
*****
SmolAc: what are these?
Me: Stretch marks from when you and JB were in my body.
SmolAc: you eated me???
Me: No!
September 10, 2025
Life with JB
JB has been unusually clingy with me lately, constantly wanting to hold my hand (which leads to fights with Smol Acrobat over the hand they want to hold), constantly wanting hugs, constantly needing to be in the same room as me when we’re home together. I’m feeling smothered this summer.
I was mildly horrified by my therapist’s suggestion that this is partly because JB might be emulating me now but she may be right. Dammit. I don’t know what to make of that, they’ve been PiC’s kid so long.
They’re also moving out of their mostly pink and purple but generally rainbow (never black) stage into a solids and black with sparkles stage. (SmolAc is fimly in their own rainbow stage.)
Life with Smol Acrobat
Remember when I used to gripe that I couldn’t even have private bathroom time because the dogs would always open the door and stare at me until I came out? Well, I found something worse. I opened the door late at night to a Smol Acrobat just standing there, silently. I about jumped out of my skin! “WHAT are you DOING THERE??” They were upset that a stuffy was not in its appointed place, but PiC was asleep so they couldn’t complain to him.
We’ve been dealing with their little temper tantrums, generally short but very intense, when they don’t like an answer they’ve been given. I thought they’d grow out of that intense reaction, but nope. It’s going to take a lot more active adjusting. I’ve been telling them calmly (most of the time. Sometimes less calmly) that they need to use their words to ask for what they want instead of stomping their feet and snarling like a rabid cougar. (Mistyped that as rabbit cougar and now I’m going on of that tangent.) They are very resistant in the moment but I’m seeing some improvement day to day. Usually when told to go start their shower routine, if I stick with mine instead of PiC’s, they snarl and wail. After a solid week of firmness, they asked if they could do it the other way ’round instead and I agreed “because you asked so politely”. It’s slow but we’re making tiny steps of progress.
Precious Moments
SmolAc trying very hard to get their way: Can we eat our snack? I’m just asking. If you say no, den I will say “yes, mommy“.
****
PiC told SmolAc to go “Say good night, and you’re not coming back for another round of good nights!”
“Ok!” SmolAc happily replies. Then proceeds with his good nights: “Good night leggy. Good night toe-y. Good night other leggy. Good night other toe-y. Good night eyebrows. Good night cheek. Good night other cheek. Good night nose. Good night ears. Good night chin.”
****
JB was minding SmolAc for me during one of my flares. OH: I won by a couple hundred points.
SmolAc: You won? So, I woose (lose)?
JB: Yeah.
SmoAc: Aw.
****
PiC: mom’s work friends are probably already here.
JB, listening: I hear them laughing. They’re probably making jokes with curse words.
Me: oh like you haven’t heard those words before.
August 13, 2025
Life with JB
It’s really a shame that the kiddo JB spends the most time with comes from a family where the parents are clearly in a shitty relationship. The mom is very sweet and kind but the dad is pure crap. She’s always trying to be complimentary about him but the amount of effort, all her softening language, and what she ends up sharing all tell me is that she’s been making excuses for him to herself and others for a very long time. She clearly doesn’t hear herself. “He loves the kids but he doesn’t want to spend time with them” can’t possibly add up to “he’s a good dad.” I don’t see how he can be if he only likes to spend time with their pictures, won’t parent, actively undermines the person who IS parenting them right in front of the kids, and also voted for Trump. That last one consigns him to the asshole bin completely, in my book. Though he was already there with all the other things.
All that to say I don’t ever want JB at their house because I don’t trust that guy one micrometer. PiC is in full agreement. I don’t know how long we can hold that off though. Kiddo is very welcome at ours and always has been perfectly well behaved, and I know they want JB to come to theirs too. But. No.
Were you ever banned from going to anyone’s house growing up (was the reason ever clear to you)? Or been the banning parent/guardian/responsible party?
Life with Smol Acrobat
Smol Acrobat has been so difficult and moody whenever they don’t get their way. It’s especially rough in the mornings when they really don’t want to have to get up, get dressed, go pee, brush their teeth, eat breakfast, or leave.
I know we went through this with JB sometime during Years 2-4. I remember specifically grumbling about how impossible mornings were with them and I know we got through it – mostly because time passed and they changed. But wow is it hard to figure out how to motivate this kid to get going some days. One morning telling them that they were showing me sloth mode, “show me hummingbird mode!” worked. But most tricks really only work once.
****
After an offhanded mention from an autistic friend, which I thought was brilliant, I’ve been loading the utensils by group for two months. Maybe three. SmolAc’s job is to unload the utensils, they do this 2-3 times a week. They’ve JUST noticed: Hey! Forks wif forks on one side, spoons on de other side!
YUP.
****
The trouble with anthropomorphizing the kid’s giraffe flosser is that SOMETIMES you grip the thing wrong and right in the middle of the giraffe grappling with the germs and the gingivitis prevention, you snap the giraffe’s neck. O_O
Precious Moments
SmolAc to their cake: Dis wooks dewishious. I’m going to eat you. Ok? Ok!
SmolAc to me: It said “ok!”
****
SmolAc: I wish I could take a shower first and den play.
Me: Well, if you ate your dinner quickly and showered quickly, you would still have time to.
SmolAc: Well! I have a lot of questions.
Me: About what?
SmolAc: About work and school.
Me: And that’s why you eat slowly?
SmolAc: yes.
Me: ….. Welp. Ok.
****
SmolAc, curiously: Maybe when I’m very very old, wike you, den can I do dat too?
****
SmolAc: Da water is hot but dat is ok, I like hot showers. I want it very warm. When I was three, I didn’t. Or two. Or one. One, I was a baby.
****
SmolAcrobat is angling for a sleepover: I want to sleep wif someone who is ten. LIKE JB!
PiC: I’m 10!
SmolAc: No you’re not! You’re 209!
SmolAc to me: how old are you?
Me: I don’t know, how old am I?
SmolAc: Fifteen hundred!
No wonder they keep saying I’m “really really old”.