May 13, 2026
Life with JB
Parenting is such a balancing act. I can’t say who was more in the right here, I think it’s probably a percentage of both, but PiC and I had a joking mock-fight this morning over JB.
They have a state project right now. They have to write a paper, give an oral presentation, and make a diorama. JB is artistic enough that they are well-equipped to self manage the diorama so long as we get them the supplies. PiC scavenged a really good box from Costco, I got them a big box of clay for some parts, checked in with some friends for an assist on mini animal figures (no luck there but I asked). I’ve given them home-deadlines that supercede school deadlines to make sure they actually stay on track and won’t end up working on this last minute and then stepped back.
PiC is a perfectionist. PiC has SOOOO many ideas on how this could be good. Really good! And, he’s right, his way would result in a fantastic diorama. (But his way would also take ten times the amount of time and inevitably at some point cause frustration.)
JB asked me if I could remind him that this is their project and their responsibility. They appreciate that he wants to offer ideas buuuuuut please (stuff it) back off. I reminded them that they are perfectly within their rights to tell him themselves, but I did later tell him to get his own state if he’s so enthusiastic about doing a project.
Him: Sooooooo I looked at the diarama. I had ideas.
Me: You need to back off and give them space.
Him: I did! I’m just offering some suggestions!
Me: Well, stop. Let them be their own person. They’ll come to you if they need or want help.
Him: They can be their own person later! They won’t have the ideas if they don’t know what they’re missing!
Me: They won’t BE their own person later if we don’t let them develop personhood now! And they will come to you when they want help!
We’re not actually fighting and I understand his pull just as much as mine. Maybe his even more. I worry that mine means they won’t do the best that they CAN do, b/c he’s right, their perspective is limited. But they need to be independent, too! What’s the happy medium between forcing them to hold the highest standards (and interfering constantly) and being so hands off they don’t develop a sense of quality?
Point for me: They did come to ask me for help a couple of times. I offered an idea (Go collect pinecones to use as “trees”) and I offered a “suggestion” (I can’t find a small enough pinecone! // I think that’s a problem that’s solved by going and looking some more, isn’t it?). They did their thing from there.
He’s a reasonable human so he’s taken my push in the way it was meant and told them that if they would like suggestions, let him know.
Life with Smol Acrobat (5.3)
SmolAc has been really cheesed off about being the youngest lately. No idea why. They’re the most coddled but, oh. Right they want all the same things that JB gets. Hilariously this is the exact same fight I’ve been having with JB for two years ages8-10 where they want all the same things that SMOLAC got (fewer responsibilities, age appropriate responsibilities for SmolAc that they had long outgrown) – but didn’t want to give up any of the privileges of being the older kid.
But some of this difference isn’t a function of age, it’s a function of size and ability. Sometimes JB gets a double patty burger when they’re especially hungry or they order off the adult menu. We allow it because they are a good eater and usually have a decent idea of what they can handle. They’ve had this privilege a pretty long time because they’ve always been an enthusiastic experimental eater. Yes, they miss the mark sometimes and hate what they chose or can’t finish it but we use that as a learning experience for next time. Sometimes concession stand food sucks. We can’t do anything about that except choose “safer” options.
SmolAc is a giant pain to feed because they’re picky and fussy and whiny and easily distracted and takes forever to eat a marginally calorically appropriate meal. We’re not letting them order anything we already know they will let go to waste.
I overheard them telling JB: When I am 100 I can have three burger patties!
Related: They don’t need eyeglasses yet but needed to try on frames because JB was doing it, so couldn’t they? Fine, that’s not hurting anyone. Or when they thought that JB was getting to drink from a syringe for fun but it was because JB’s mouth was so swollen they couldn’t drink from a cup. SmolAc believed that a syringe would cure them of everything, too.
April 22, 2026
Life with JB
I was hugely frustrated with a situation that JB described from school recently. One of the boys who thinks he’s so funny was pulling stupid pranks during class again and when their classmates ask them to knock it off because it’s distracting, their only response is a “Why?” So the kids have to escalate to the teachers when it becomes unbearable, and then the little twit then turns on them: “why are you always tattling all the time?”
Why are you always a pain in the ass, Joker-wannabe?? I told JB that this kid was entitled and manipulative trying to turn this into a them-problem rather than admitting their actions are what earned them the teacher’s attention. What chapped my ass even more was that the kid didn’t even get in trouble. They were just told to stop the behavior. That’s it. There was literally no consequence for being disruptive, and they were still so outraged at having to stop, and having that boundary enforced eventually by someone in authority, that they tried to frame this to be about the kids who want the disruptions to stop. This is the early framework of toxic entitlement bullshit that leads boys and men to think that their rights are being infringed when they’re simply told to NOT to mistreat people. UGH. (I shared this story with PiC and he was equally incensed.)
We had a long talk about how we don’t let the people who cause the problems in the first place to frame our setting boundaries as the problem. Nope.
Life with Smol Acrobat
I don’t know what brought this on but for 24 glorious (for JB) hours, Smol Acrobat was their devoted servant. Every time JB was told to do something, SmolAc would pop up like a minor Alfred: JB I can do that for you! I can do it!
They’d even race from different rooms to come offer their assistance at top volume. I CAN DO YOUR JOB FOR YOU, JB, I CAN! Ended exactly 24 hours later. So weird.
This does coincide with an uptick in their general helpfulness lately. They’re usually too busy playing to want to be pulled away to help with cooking and things but now they occasionally volunteer or agree happily to come lend a hand when asked. I had wondered if they would be perpetually an unhelpful grump and hope this represents a long term change.
I’ve been expanding their responsibilities more: they help with my pill organizer now (this was their idea), they take things out to the recycling, they’ve been offering to clean up the living room and properly putting everything away instead of just haphazardly piling them into a corner. That makes a really nice change.
Precious Moments
SmolAc: I want a tree. I want it to be the TALLEST TREE in the world! And it will have apples on it because I WUV apples.
Me: But if it’s so tall, then how would you pick the apples?
SmolAc: It’s as tall as Daddy! He can pick dem.
March 25, 2026
Life with JB
Every time JB is invited to another birthday party, they’re not as frequent as when they were in daycare thank goodness, I sigh a little. Will there ever be a party they won’t want to attend? (No.)
I bought the kids matching jackets and they are absolutely delighted. JB got to pick the color. SmolAc didn’t care what the color was so long as it was the same as JB. They are wearing them everywhere even when it’s not puffer jacket weather. SmolAc has been explaining to everyone: if we wear the same thing, then that means we are twins. But if we do not wear the same thing then we are NOT twins.
Life with Smol Acrobat
This child is annoying me deeply.
Every time I tell them to do a thing: “I don’t want to I don’t know how I’m too tired I need to sweep (sleep) that’s SO MUCH it will take a WONG TIIIIIIME” *whine whine whine*
But if you use a silly voice and anthropomorphize literally anything to tell them to get their chore done they will listen to it 99% better than me telling them.
Me as their stuffed animal: SmolAc! Hurry up and get dressed, you need me to take me to my playdate with Other Stuffie!
Them: Ok!
Me as their ham: SmolAc! Finish the laundry so you can eat me!
Them: Ok!
Me as their shoes: SmolAc! Put me on! I don’t want to be late!
Them: Ok!
Having to explain to them how underwear works for the purposes of folding it: there are three holes. Two are for legs, one is for the waist. If you have a leg hole, the waistband will be on one side of it.
Precious Moments
Apparently SmolAc’s teacher recently had an MRI and told the kids about it. They caught sight of an ad that flashed an image of an MRI machine and they very excitedly told me all about how Teacher got a cut on their face and they had to lay down on a table and get pictures taken and it was “just like dat one. Exactly wike dat.”
Whenever I take JB to pick up SmolAc from the playground, SmolAc insists on a piggyback ride out. I keep waiting for JB to refuse but they still haven’t yet.
SmolAc painstakingly wrote out their wants on the grocery list then turned to me expectantly: can you check tomorrow to see if we have them?
Erm. Well. That’s not grocery lists work. BUT THEY SHOULD. Just imagine: writing what you want on the grocery list and then it appears the next morning! What a service! Maybe we need to develop this idea.
Do you know what an apple cheese is? It’s when you put a swice of apple between two cheeses and you eat it!
Do you know what a finger cheese is? It’s when you put your finger between two cheeses and you eat it.
Ewwwwww that’s disgusting!
*Cackles* no but your finger is chocowate.
It is not!
February 25, 2026
Life with JB
Most of the schools in our area do a weeklong sleepaway camp and it’s time for me to make a decision about whether or not I’ll allow JB to go. I’ve been ignoring it for months but next month we’ll have to make the final decision.
I told JB that I needed some space to sit with it and consider. They have done a good job of leaving me alone to do just that.
I am coming to the conclusion that I hate it, I’m not ok with it, AND despite all that, I’m going to pack up my worries and keep them to myself, and relent on the issue. Trusted people, like my own GP and a local friend whose kid went a few years ago, all seem to have confidence in their ability to keep the kids safe even if I continue to mutter: I don’t know these people, why would I trust them?
I am going to be stressed and hate the anxiety it stirs up and the worrying if they are going to be ok and the amount of angst SmolAc is going to have about them being gone a whole week – that will all suck. That last one is going to be as bad as all the other things. SmolAc can barely handle JB being away from home for half a day when they’re at a birthday party, forget a whole DAY and NIGHT. We are not going to be fun to be around that week. But if they have fun and are safe, then I will deal with it.
Life with Smol Acrobat
We are navigating a rough patch with SmolAc where they don’t want to go to daycare for weeks on end. They sulk and grump about it every day, have a fine time when there, rinse and repeat. It doesn’t seem to be rooted in anything in particular. According to the teachers, they enjoy playing on their own, then enjoy playing with their peers, and then have some more solo time in the afternoon. By contrast, to hear them tell it, there are no endearing qualities about the place, not a single one. It’s weird. Not just because JB adored the place and after long tenure through daycare and summer camps but because when JB does summer camp there, they make it a point to visit SmolAc every day. Instead of making SmolAc like the place better, it seems to make them resent the times they don’t get JB with them. And maybe that’s all it is. They adore their sibling and the lack of them during the school year is unutterably disconcerting.
Precious Moments
SmolAc: can I have my car?
Me: Is it in my backpack?
SmolAc: Yes.
Me: Did you put it in my backpack?
SmolAc: Yes.
Me: Which pocket? *doubting*
SmolAc: The top one. I think. …….. That means I don’t know.
Me: Yeah kiddo, I picked up on that.
****
JB: SmolAc, can I have some help?
SmolAc: with what?
JB: cleaning my room.
SmolAc *considering silence*
JB: Remember I helped you clean your room? Now I’m cleaning my room. Can I have some help?
SmolAc: We cleaned my room, now it’s my turn to help you?
JB: yes.
SmolAc: … Ok! Give me a minute.
I was eavesdropping and was pleasantly surprised at how this went.
January 21, 2026
Life with JB
One of PiC’s parenting struggles is seeing JB start to shy away from new experiences. Their first several years of life were brazenly curious to the point of lacking self preservation, so the shift, for him, is hard to adjust to. I’m taking it a bit more philosophically. Just like they used to eat everything and love it, their tastes and preferences are undergoing some refinement. They’re allowed to have opinions and preferences as long as they’re not obnoxious (bratty or rude) about them.
We shared some hilarious parenting stories with our friends who equally struggle with their kid who is a few years ahead of us. They’re currently in a really touch patch where their kid knows everything and therefore they know nothing. When they try to share their experiences, they get the stereotypical teenage shrug of “well that’s how it was for you, but it’ll be different for me.”
Life with Smol Acrobat
We had our Winter parent teacher conference and the teacher had some surprising (but good) things to share. SmolAc’s had a terrible attitude about going to school almost every day for weeks. They never want to go. We empathize verbally but privately have worried that they have no friends and that they don’t want to go because it’s just sad solo time all day. That’s certainly how they start their mornings after dropoff every day. When we drop them off, they very much do their own thing even when old friends are around. But it didn’t quite seem to track with how they end their days – they always seem engrossed with whatever they’re doing and don’t want to leave. If they were miserable all day, I would expect them to be raring to leave when we pick them up.
Their teacher said that they do participate in all activities, from beginning to end, even if there are challenging moments. There are kids who will often quit or refuse to try so this is good. It’s with varying levels of confidence and enthusiasm but they are consistent. They apparently do better with writing at school than at home which is a mixed relief – they’re very apt to quit on me after writing one sentence. They even raise their hand in class and talk to their classmates. It sounds like they do actually seek a balance of playing with classmates and choosing to have alone time. That is a relief.
Precious Moments
SmolAc kept asking me to sleep on the (short end) sofa with them.
“But I will fall off.”
They hug my hand really tightly: I will hold you on!
JB: Smoooooool what happened with my soap?? (Translation: you screwed it up)
SmolAc, thinking about the answer that won’t get them in trouble: uhhhh. I .. don’t know?
December 17, 2025
Life with JB
JB desperately wanted to table at the local kids craft fair. I very very much did not want to deal with it. But they had to skip the spring one because I was way too busy to deal with anything but survival back then so I reluctantly agreed to this one on the condition that they be done with all their merch at least a month out.
Sigh.
They were not. It was a lot harder to make time to go to the library to test out the equipment in the Maker Space than I’d anticipated. I foolishly thought I’d make some time on the weekends but when said weekends arrived, my beaten-down body and soul simply could not muster the energy to leave the house. Before I knew it, game time was nearly upon us and I was having to order supplies and we had only one day left to work on everything and I was so sick and PiC desperately needed several hours to work. I girded myself, delivered several stern warnings about this being a Working Session No Playing, and carted the kids to the Maker Space where we sweated over their crafts for a solid 3.5 hour session. Precisely the thing I had very specifically did not want to do. Once I figured out how to do it, they did the rest of the work but it was an entirely exhausting day.
The event itself was just under 4 hours and a reasonable success, they sold 17 of their art card and 19 sets of KPDH fan art magnets.
I think the wise thing to do is to prep their art now well ahead of any new craft fair dates, and start making stock so that most is ready to go before we even make any commitments. I know they’ll want to do it again.
Life with Smol Acrobat
JB defends SmolAc’s honor claiming they are not annoying to other people and they are repaid by SmolAc being a giant pain in their ass.
“Wee, did you wash your hands?”
YES.
“I did not see you”
WELL I DID.
“Mom, did you see her?”
Me: (Non accusatory disinterested) Nope.
“Does Wee need to “twy again”?”
(We both know that’s SmolAc’s shady way of pretending they did wash in the first place but they didn’t)
JB stomps to the bathroom: IF IT MAKES YOU SOOOOO HAPPY I WILL “TRY AGAIN” UGH.
They really didn’t have to but clearly SmolAc wasn’t gonna let it go.
This is SmolAc in both parts: koala for JB and Panda for me.
Precious Moments
I want to ski, I wish I could ski! I just don’t like the downhill part.
☠️
****
SmolAc: Mark aweady wearned all da phonics. Dey know all the phonicses.
****
SmolAc: Who cooked dis meal because I want to say thank you.
Dad did.
Thank you daddy for cooking.
But mom made the cornbread.
Thank you mommy for the cornbread it is dewishous even dough I did not eat it yet dis is not cooked.
Hey! It is definitely cooked!
November 12, 2025
Life with JB
Far too many kids in the fifth grade have Apple Watches and phones already. At least one of them is a jerk who’s constantly creating drama so of course she’s now using the tech at her fingertips to get other kids to gang up and pick fights with other kids. This kid also has a history of picking fights with JB and lying about JB to the other kids to stir up drama so I have no liking for them specifically. I’m absolutely judging their parents for either allowing them to behave this way or for not monitoring their usage (and being clear that they’re monitoring, with consequences for unacceptable behavior).
We’re not letting JB have a phone for YEARS yet, and we’re using this time to talk about internet safety and rules until they can recite them in their sleep. When we do, we’re adopting a good friend’s rules. Parents have audit privileges so we can drop in and check texts at any time, and unacceptable behavior has consequences. Phones at these ages are a privilege and privileges can be lost.
Related to this, I’m don’t understand bribing kids with $500+ motivation like JB’s classmates’ parents are doing. They’re offering a Switch2 if the kid hits certain meaningless goals. Meaningless to us, anyway. JB reads both for their own enjoyment and to win prizes at school. This kid reads plenty, at the same level as JB, which is a lot. I don’t understand the need to dangle larger incentives to hit higher reading numbers. For what purpose? They’re already reading tons, as any kid would have to in order to hit the millions of words. If the kid wants the bragging rights, good for them. What’s the parent getting involved that for? Maybe there’s a good reason for them, but it seems silly from where I stand. But I’m also working on teaching JB to develop their own intrinsic motivation, and to love doing things purely for the joy of it because I got to keep so little joy in my adult life, which may not be at all those parents’ intent.
Life with Smol Acrobat
Many of SmolAc’s same age classmates have left daycare and moved on to TK in their school districts. The changes have left SmolAc as one of the two oldest kids of their daycare class. This makes me feel weird and empathetic to their recent desire to stay home more. They’re always sad when they go to school now. Not because of school specifically but because none of us family are there with them. They really loved the summer when JB attended camp nearby. Unlike JB, who rarely if ever looked back when we dropped off, SmolAc is full of yearning.
I finally figured out their motivation! The joke’s on me that it took me this long to figure it out. I used to ask JB to do me favors: whether it was a chore or running something to me because I was in too much pain and needed to conserve energy, and they were always happy to do it. SmolAc was put upon and grumpy every time until I hit on the magic words: delivery, please. It’s funny because that comes from a game we played a few years ago when play cousin came to stay with us. The two of them took turns flying their Lego construct to ask me to send them on a delivery run.
Precious Moments
SmolAc drawing a robot for me: “He’s sad.”
Oh? How come?
He’s sad because he doesn’t have his family.
Oh no, I’m sorry.
But … he won’t be sad way-ter. Because I will draw a big one and dat will be da daddy wobot, and the medium one will be da mommy wobot.
*****
SmolAc: I didn’t do anything to him. I did not hit his arms, or his wegs, or his nose, or his head or his feet. He just kicked me.
Thought to self: that was a very specific list of didn’ts.
*****
SmolAc: Waaaaymooooo! And no people.
PiC: There’s no driver?
SmolAc: No.
Me: Weird.
SmolAc: Dey have computers, what are you talking about.
Me: well that’s me told.
*****
I’m so proud: One morning, SmolAc yelled to me, “Mom can you pwease wun the (robot) vacuum? It’s dirty.”
Yep, I need to move all the shoes first, though!
SmolAc: I aw-weady did!
Reader, THEY HAD. Not only did they notice vacuuming needed to be done, they proactively cleared up the space to make it easier to vacuum!