My kid and notes from Year 4.3
June 24, 2019
It’s my turn!
I didn’t take it personally when JB so clearly preferred PiC to me as the vastly superior parent. It’s the kind of thing that goes in cycles. I’d have my turn eventually.
I think this is it. After four short years, I think I’m finally up to bat and it’s very weird. I’m not used to being picked for the team – ever. I’ve gotten accustomed to assuming that even though I answer all the nightmare calls and administer the medicine and tough love and teach essential life skills, when it’s time for a hug or hanging out or you just want a parent, PiC’s the guy. I’m the person who keeps you alive, not the one you want to hang out with.
But now I’m up to bat and I’m making the best of it even as part of my brain goes, huh? Don’t you mean “Dad!” right now?
All I want from my child…
… is for zir to be a good person who we can love and cherish, and who loves us in turn, in a healthy and self aware kind of way.
Is that too much to ask? I really hope not but you never know.
Backwards wiring in internal clocks
Almost every week day is a struggle to get JB up and going. We’ve tried a dozen tactics and some of them work some of the time. But come the weekend, at 6:30 when my body is just hitting that delicious REM sleep: I’M AWAKE!!!.
I don’t like it.
Is this the silly side?
JB does this thing where ze likes to ham it up, then crosses the line over from silly, zips past super silly, straight to forced-awkward-and-even-sounds-painful laugh trying to coerce a laugh from your audience zone and it’s not at all funny. I don’t know what to do with it because that’s a part of childhood I never participated in, nor enjoyed watching in my own peers, and it just brings out the irritability in me. It’s not objectively funny, it’s just awkward. It gets under my skin far more than it should because it reminds me of my sibling’s manipulations when we were younger – he wanted to control how I felt and how I thought and forcing me to laugh was one of his methods.
I know zir goal is just to get a laugh but ze is nowhere near it … what does a parent do in this situation??
Precious Moments
I was musing to PiC that at least half my accomplishments as a child were motivated by spite. People would tell me I was too small, too weak, too frail to do any physical sports or even learn to play particular instruments. I never did pick up guitar but I did get pretty good at running a race and learning to fight.
JB overheard and chimed in: “das not nice! But you don’t have to listen to dem. You can do whatever you want!”
I agree. Just because someone says you’re not capable of something doesn’t mean you have to believe them.
Clearly my lessons on paying attention to animal body language have taken root.
JB: if my bunny’s ears are down, it means it’s sad. If the ears are up, it means the mommy is home. If the ears are sideways, it means it’s going to flyyyyy awayyyyyy.
My bunny is sad. Her mom died. Bad guys caught bunny’s mom.
In the hotel pool
JB: Daddy, now be a shark and swim back!
PiC complies and ze jumps out of the pool yelling: IT’S A SHARK!
PiC, confused: But you *told* me to be a shark.
Me: And then you were. When you see a shark, you GTFO of the water – pretend or not! I endorse this instinct.
Facts
JB: You were supposed to drive me to school but Daddy drove me to school instead n dat’s not right.
Me: Daddy and I both drove you to school.
JB *checks the passenger seat*: No, there is no wheel there so you did not drive.
How I know JB *is* listening (all other evidence to the contrary) aka when ze turns my words on me.
JB: I fixed this! *waves toy toaster*
Me: Good job! Is that toast in there?
JB: Yes I’m making toast for you.
Me: Could I have pretend jam on my pretend toast?
JB: Yes but you have to have peanut butter and jam because JUST jam is not good for you.
JB comes into the kitchen, looks at me with disapproval, capping a pen I’ve left uncapped since the day before: you’re going to let this dry out, Mommy.
JB pops into my unlit office, flips on the light: MOMMY! Dark is not good for your eyes!
between 4 and 5 is when they start figuring out humor. They are very bad at it. But the first step to being any good at something is sucking at it.
Short answer: wait it out. This too shall pass <3
THIS IS A PHASE?? Oh thank goodness. I just keep getting flashbacks.
Little Bun is also at the same stage. He has become more empathic which I am relived about but doesn’t jump in to soothe you when he steps on your foot with 40 pounds behind him… O_o
We are working on it but he is a very obedient child who listens which I like as a parent but also don’t like as a rebel rouser.
Hahahha empathy. Yeah empathy is so hit or miss right now!
IMO, Baguette has always been hilarious (I am biased, I know this). Her favorite form of humor is “That’s not X, it’s Y.” Telling you the wrong word for something is apparently the BEST. This can be applied anywhere at any time.
I’m so glad that Baguette has always been funny. I wonder if she can teach JB some tricks of the trade 😀
I love the last section 🙂 I’m dying of cute. JB has such a fun personality!
There’s a lot there 😀
This! This! This!… Oh how I dream of this. “is for zir to be a good person who we can love and cherish, and who loves us in turn, in a healthy and self aware kind of way.”
My fingers are crossed for both of us. All of us.
Oh such cute quotes!
I went through a terrible bad joke and prank phase around age 10 that only I found hilarious. From memory, the non-reactions made me bored with that phase relatively quickly, but no one actively said anything or discouraged me. From imagining myself in that place, I’d think Ze needs a safe space with loved ones they feel confident enough with to try and fail at humor. Ze’s smart–they will learn that their actions do not produce the intended laughs if you don’t laugh, right? It’ll take a few weeks to months, max, I’d bet.
Ze’s classmates and the other people that interact with zir in life will squash the misguided attempts at humor naturally, and probably not in a nice way (sadly enough). I’d think that it is sort of part of a loving parent’s job to do the same, but in a kind way. 🙂
I forgot there are multiple stages of this. *groan* I’m trying not to squash it as an overreaction to my history with my brother, and it sounds like this may be a normal developmental stage.
I’m trying to encourage the “good” humor with laughter and not react badly to the irritating bits.
I disagree with Sense about trying to curb it, mainly because 3/4 is not the same as 10.
I’m not a very laughing person, but I try to laugh when my 3-year-old is trying to be funny. I think of it as being like her painting projects: I don’t want to squelch her desire to paint and make her feel sad by telling her that her mishmash of colors are ugly and don’t look at all like what she’s trying to make. I want her to learn, and all learning requires a practice phase. Encouraging her through this early stage sets her up for better when she’s older.
Is there any way you can work on reframing the attempts to get you to laugh mentally so that it doesn’t irritate you so much? Your child is so much younger than your brother–it’s not coming from the same place, even when it feels similar.
Reframing – I am working on that! Venting a bit here helps me get perspective, too.
That’s some pretty adorable stuff right there. I kept trying to hit the Like button and then remembering this wasn’t Twitter. I worry about my brain sometimes… But anyway, the anecdotes were adorable. And I’m glad that JB was smart enough to get out of the water for a shark, pretend or otherwise.
😀
I love the quotes. And if it makes you feel better, I have, at times, googled “how to know if my child is a sociopath” about my 5-year-old!
Why, yes, that totally does make me feel better!
Haha, JB has a cool personality. He wants the best for you, instead of just jam he wants you to have jam and peanut butter and doesn’t want you to read in the dark because it’s bad for your eyes. That really is adorable!!
It’s either empathy or loving turning the tables on me, but it works either way 😀