Living in the time of pandemic: COVID-19 (34)
January 25, 2021
Week 45 of COVID in the Bay Area.
Week 45, Day 312: We miss grocery shopping pre-COVID. We love browsing the shelves and coming up with new foods and recipes to try. My appetite is really suffering these days. It makes me want to just revert to takeout all the time but honestly, even takeout palls after a while.
As a homebody, this doesn’t happen too often but I feel trapped today. I wanted to make this a good day where we enjoy the rare sunny day but everyone was grouchy when I got up and so that made me grouchy, and I want to put this day in the bin.
I want to take the kids somewhere but there’s nowhere to go. We can’t go swimming, we can’t go to the craft store, we can’t see most friends safely. Everything has to be carefully planned and spaced out to be sure we’re not putting anyone at unnecessary risk. Sigh.
We did find a safe place to hike, eventually! Though it was hot enough for ME to be happy and comfortable, that meant it was too hot for JB who got TIRED and WHINY about halfway through the outing. I calmly pointed out that a little suffering wasn’t going to break us and that we could manage to keep the day from going to pot if we took some breaks, had a bit of snack, and powered through. We probably walked and jogged about 2 miles over two hours which is the furthest I’ve gone in months. I hope it helps me sleep better.
We were all tired mid-afternoon but I’m still glad we made it out. I juuuust kept a lid on my temper as JB asked 20 million questions while we mixed up some cornbread for dinner together but it was a very close thing. I had to put some brakes on before it went too badly.
PiC had them help him with some coffee grinder. That went a little less well but they found their way back to playing pretend after a bit.
Week 45, Day 313: Thoughts on accessibility – we opt for glass jars that we can reuse when we have to buy ready-made as much as we can but one massive drawback is that with my hands, I simply cannot open some of those jars. It takes grippers, hot water, a hearty amount of cursing and even then it might not work. I cannot be wholly dependent on having someone else’s hands available when I need to cook! This is the kind of thing that makes me feel like I have to turn to plastic sometimes. Booo.
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Smol is really struggling with gassiness this week. Poor poppet, they’re just so uncomfortable and we can only help so much. Thankfully relief seems to come soon after the gas is released, I’m so glad this isn’t colic, so it’s just intermittent gas sadness we’re dealing with. We made a tiny bit of progress last night, Smol was willing to sleep next to me, not on me, for each new sleep cycle. Sadly for me, though my hands were mildly less swollen than usual, I couldn’t get to sleep soon after each wake up so I’m running on 2 hours and 15 crumbs of sleep.
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I tried recreating one of our Home Chef recipes from scratch for dinner. I didn’t have all the ingredients so fingers crossed it turns out well.
Week 45, Day 314: INAUGURATION DAY. I’m not prepared to breathe a sigh of relief exactly and I’m the type to immediately start looking for traps and pitfalls but I respect the need of those who have suffered greatly and remain to celebrate this day.
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I feel at odds with almost everyone in my small world today.
I inadvertently hurt a surrogate family member’s feelings and I feel terrible about that even though I’ve apologized. They haven’t responded and that’s their right, it just itches.
PiC and I are trying to work through some difficult things. One of them isn’t a matter of agreement, it’s a matter of timing but it’s a hard thing to do. For the other thing, I just don’t see a good resolution. Just hard ones.
JB has Seesaw on their asynchronous school days (today) and it sucks. We all hate it. There’s always some way the assignments are technically annoying and frustrating and rage inducing. In an effort to make it a less scream-inducing exercise, I suggested that we reward ourselves with a baked treat after provided there was a real effort at managing the frustration, deep breathing, and practicing patience. The whining and fussing and exasperation commenced even before the assignment was opened. There’s something about working with Seesaw that just brings out the absolute worst in all of us.
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Smol Acrobat’s still not amused by tickling or raspberries on the belly, but I persevere. It will be funny one day!
JB remains enamored with their hapless new sibling, long may this last. But not in an enabling spoiled brat kind of way, I hope. Maybe that won’t be a concern since JB is already mentally assigning Smol chores in anticipation of their being able to sit up independently.
Week 45, Day 315: Smol Acrobat is a dilophosaurus! The amount of laundry we’ve had to do (almost every day) because this one spits up CONSTANTLY is not to be believed. Our water and gas bill has skyrocketed because of the washing and drying. It’s too damp here to line dry, unfortunately and you really can’t let the spit up sit for long lest the funk set permanently.
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I’m in a Holding Pattern of Suck. Waiting for answers and resolutions that are entirely out of my hands stinks. I am sitting with the negative feelings and trying to just acknowledge that I don’t feel good about how things are right now but also accept that there’s nothing I can really do.
Week 45, Day 316: I usually try to combat sadness with positive actions: working on the Lakota project, cleaning and organizing things at home, sending out cheerful snail mail to people. But at the end of a long week, I’m sapped.
I feel like I’ve failed JB – we waited too long to advocate for them with regard to finding some accommodations at school and they’re now actively looking for ways to get out of attending school. It just took 3 months of negativity from their teacher to break them down.
Family is complicated and I suspect I will, like my mom before me, never feel like I am truly part of any extended family after being rejected and betrayed by my family of origin. Unconditional love is not for the likes of me.
Childcare this year is complicated. We’re putting in an application at the daycare so we can try to create some options but I don’t feel good about that either. Maybe because I don’t feel good about anything right now, maybe because, as careful as they are, it isn’t keeping our bubble strictly intact. We’re going to need some kind of help though, once we’re back at work, and I can’t see trusting a nanny whose income is dependent on us to be honest with us about possible exposures if we could even afford someone exclusively. There’s too much conflict of interest there.
Please consider googling jar openers and other assistive devices for use to ease the pain in their hands and the decreasing ability to do activities that require lots of hand dexterity or strength A quick search for tools for people with arthritis might net a plethora of potential devices that may increase the quality of life and decided pain and maintenance of the function they do have A consult with an occupational therapist might also give they more ideas for energy conservation and maintenance of function for everyday activities of living Good luck! (If someone else has suggested this or they are already utilizing these skills, congratulations) Best to all!
I just have not-so-strong hands and have found the best way to get a jar open is to use one of those flat can openers (sometimes called a church key) – it’s important to find the kind with one pointed end and one rounded end. The rounded end fits under the edge of the lid and I can lever it out to release the suction. Makes a HUGE difference in the snugness of the lid.
I’m sorry things are feeling hard!!!! I had a moment this weekend of just being sick of it all. Still feeling that.
There is a product called jar key that releases jar suction with very little effort.
I bought mine at the hardware store.
Bethh: I think you and Lisa might be talking about the same thing? I will have to look into it.
<3 feelings are very hard. Hope both our moments pass sooner than later.
Thanks, Cheryl, I thought our current stuff was sufficient but clearly, it was not! I will take a look.
Thanks for the suggestion, Lisa, I will have to find one!
Childcare is so hard – no great options, especially since you have a been able to stay so insulated otherwise.
We admittedly did not look super hard, but didn’t think we could trust a nanny, nor could we afford someone exclusively, especially those that live in low risk situations. Forming a share could have worked, but again, requires so much trust. LO’s daycare has 6 kids, which is great on one hand, but scary on another. Plus thee three adults (who wear masks) and good ventilation, etc. We are back in, after pulling out for extra time around the holidays. With a young baby, you might be able to stretch it without childcare for a bit… but that is probably complicated by having another older child trying to do online school. :/ Best of luck in working through the options, none of which are great.
And, I’m so sorry to hear about JB’s bad experience at school. COVID is really robbing so many children of the school experience that they deserve. JB will get that eventually, but it is so hard while we wait.
I wish I could come by and hold the baby (well, that would be for ME more than for you to be honest) or try to entertain JB or do something even more useful for you all!
Even exclusively, I would worry a bit about whether they’d be honest about exposures. I guess the only reason they wouldn’t be is if their income was guaranteed no matter what.
We’re going to do our best to stretch it out longer – but we have no idea what that will look like. I did manage to keep JB home for quite some time buuuut that was a different world.
Mostly my discontent is with how the kinder teacher is unnecessarily making things harder by complaining all the time. Just the absence of her bad attitude would go a long way.
No no, extra arms to hold the baby would be wonderful for us! 🙂