My kids and notes: Year 8.3
May 16, 2023
Life with JB
JB and I had a serious talk about red envelope etiquette. You never open them in front of the giver, you never ever count the money inside in front of them! They’re so accustomed to Western gift giving traditions where you open gifts you were given in front of the giver (I also hate this tradition) that they recently did both in front of a person who is far too permissive. I was horrified. I’ve spoken to them in the past about the rule. They clearly had not absorbed the lesson. It didn’t help that said person pooh-poohed the error and then tried to naysay me when I corrected JB. Oh, hell no. My kid, my rules. This dismissive nonsense is Not Happening. (I’m proud/glad/relieved that this difficult person in this particular encounter didn’t affect my blood pressure as usual. Thanks, meds, therapy, friends with helpful coping strategies!)
This isn’t an idle worry. I’ve seen Permissive Person with their other child-relatives. Those kids are unbearable. They ignore people speaking to them, pout when they don’t get everything they asked for, pitch tantrums in response to everything that isn’t precisely and exactly what they want. As far as I’m aware (and there are Special Ed specialists in the family who would have identified it if this were the case), this isn’t an issue of being neurodivergent and overstimulated. They’re just bratty and worse for not having any boundaries enforced. Anyway. Cautionary tale as far as I’m concerned. Permissive Person’s influence has to be counteracted at all times.
It’s especially important because of the wide economic gulfs between our family members who would give them red envelopes. I never ever want my kids to come across as ungrateful or flippant about how much someone was able to or chose to give them.
We sat and talked quietly for a long while, me explaining and them asking questions, until it seemed like they understood the reasons. I get that they don’t look at money as sacred, and they shouldn’t. But they should still respect the fact that $5 from someone who has never made more than $40k a year and are very thoughtful and generous is every bit as meaningful as the $100 that a wealthy relative could give.
More so because those wealthier relatives are so well off, they wouldn’t miss that $100. I remember when $5 was very much a significant amount in college or in my first post-college job. That $5 now is a mere drop in the bucket for us because we make a lot more and have a lot saved from years of frugal habits.
This is why I make it a point to do direct giving every month. We don’t have money to burn but we can certainly help folks for whom that $5, $20 or even $50 means the difference between getting an abscessed tooth fixed or a blood transfusion or a roof over their head or food to eat for a day.
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We do our best not to put JB in a position where they’re expected to parent but they definitely stretch the role of Big Sibling as close to parenthood-bossiness as they possibly can. Just the bossiness though! Not the responsibility.
Life with Smol Acrobat
It only took 2 years+ to finally get the notary I needed to get Smol’s birth certificate. FINALLY checking that off my Major Things checklist. Now we need to finish another pile of paperwork to update our will and executors of our estate. Sometimes I think we’ve been overly cautious about creating a trust for the kids but I am paranoid about us leaving our affairs a mess and not protecting our kids financially and in their guardians, etc. if the worst should happen.
I never want my immediate nuclear family (biodad or brother) getting their hands on our money or our kids. I also have very specific requirements for guardians. Too many relatives are too permissive and will let the kids turn into giant brats (I’m seeing this happen now with other kids). Not the future I want for my kids.
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We got a bag of hand me downs for Smol: “summer weight clothes,” they said.
š If only we got summer weather here. It’s fog with the occasional cold sunny day most days, if we aren’t getting drenched.
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Empathy! Up until now, Smol has always laughed at JB’s tears. They didn’t understand them, and always cracked up, as if JB was being dramatically funny. To be fair, JB frequently IS very over the top dramatic with Smol specifically to entertain them and get a laugh.
But JB was crying over feeling left out recently, and Smol started yelling at them: bear! Bear!
I thought Smol was just being a clueless toddler, asking JB to help them get their bear and ignoring JB’s distress. I was wrong! JB piped up “Awwww, thank you!” Smol was yelling to JB to offer their cherished bear to cuddle because they were sad.
Pupdate
I was rubbing Sera’s ears and she turned so her body was perpendicular to mine for better skritch access. Smol Acrobat got jealous and ordered her off. They threw themself at me and wiggled into the same position she had been in. Toddlers! But of course Sera is always patiently and quietly willing to do whatever the kids seem to want if she understands them.
Precious Moments
Me: Go get two more books (holding up two fingers)
SA: two?
Me: two
Sa: bee? (Holds up five fingers)
Me: two.
Sa: bive?
Me: two
Sa: two?
Me: two.
Sa: ohhhkay. (Picks up ten books)
Me: two
Sa: two? Ohhhkay.
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JB: where would you live between a castle, a beach house and a mansion?
PiC: hmmm…
Me: None. Castle would be too hard to heat, salt air is terrible for house and car long term, and a mansion would be too much upkeep.
JB: š
Me: I like to be comfortable! For a reasonable price!
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Smol Acrobat kept popping up and down on their chair, ignoring repeated warnings to sit down, and just before they ran out of chances, they ran out of luck. Their foot slipped and they fell, biting their lip on the way down.
They wailed for JB, who promptly flew over to comfort them: oh no, are you bleeding? I’ll hug you, it’ll be ok. Just don’t feel it! Or, I mean. You can feel it but just don’t make a huge fuss!
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I’m raising some soft city children š
Smol, building a Magnetiles castle, loses control of the build and freaks out, smacking at the pieces that suddenly stuck together: owie!! Bandaid!!!
Me: oh bud, your hand doesn’t need a bandaid.
Smol: cream?
Me: you don’t need cream, look at your hand. No cuts, just a little owie because you hit something hard.
Smol: oh. Oh-kaay.
You have to pay a notary to get your own kid’s birth certificate? How do people afford that?!
You have to pay for the birth certificate (!!) and the request has to be notarized if you’re doing it by mail. I’m not sure if you have to get anything notarized if you’re willing and able to go to the county office and apply for the certificate there, I suspect it’s only for the mail in requests. It was free because I have an account at Chase bank so they offer free notary services to account holders but it is a pain to have to do that.