My kid and notes from Year 3
March 14, 2018
Mixed feelings
JB (who definitely needs a new blog name as ze is no longer a baby but probably still The Unstoppable something) is turning 3.
I don’t know how to feel about year 3. Everyone keeps harping on how much harder 3 is over 2, but 2 was pretty dang hard. Didn’t we get a lot of that difficulty out of the way yet? No?
We are exhausted many days keeping up with the mood changes and high spirits. But ze is suddenly so much more capable too! But only if ze is motivated.
We’re having real, if distracted and fractured, conversation punctuated with random Christmas songs and outtakes from one of 4 favorite movies. Ze can help around the house a bit, is interested in the world, is interested in sharing zir thoughts with us.
Learning & responsibilities
New lessons and skills
Generally if you want JB to learn to do anything new, ze is interested. If it’s a repetitive chore, then the shiny tends wears off after the second or third time. That’s not nearly enough time for zir to competently do anything so I like to make up silly little songs to keep zir entertained/interested. Bragging rights naturally top the list of motivations, but ze doesn’t have much to revel in when we’re talking about necessary and not fun things like washing your own hair.
(sung to the tune of One Little Finger)
One little circle, two little circle, rub rub rub
Little circle up, little circle,
put it on your …
HEAD.
One little circle, two little circle, scrub scrub scrub
Little circle up, little circle down,
put it on your …
NOSE.
It helps that ze really likes that silly song. Ze can now do, with some assistance, half the shampooing and half the conditioning on zir own. I have no idea if this is way too early or way too late but progress is progress.
See last month for zir current responsibilities.
Parenting perspective
This Captain Awkward post about not attending an abusive ex-stepfather’s funeral brought up a whole lot of feelings and introspection.
“Things that your parents provide for you do not translate into debts that you owe them.”
“Like Cordelia Vorkosigan says, you repay your parents by providing for your own children or humanity in some small way.”
It’s clear to me now that somehow, somewhere along the line, my dad twisted around my sense of duty to convince me that it was my responsibility to do for them what they did for me. I’m writing about this here but I know that I wouldn’t ever expect that from JuggerBaby, I just want zir to become a whole, happy, considerate good person when ze grows up, and be a productive human who cares about others enough to do some good in zir life. I very much hope that ze will want us in zir life the whole way as well, and that we’ll always (mostly) enjoy zir company, but I don’t take that for granted. I think that the parent-child relationship needs a lot of nurturing and growth. This is why it made me laugh when JB came home the other day and asked me: Mommy, you want to be my fren?
I’m your mom, that’s a pretty big deal already, isn’t it?
Someday I want to be zir friend. But today, and tomorrow, and for 20 more years I can’t be. I have to be zir mom.
Addendum: Two weeks later, ze asked me “Do you want to be my best mommy?”
Me: That’s what I’m working on!
Good news/ bad news in children’s books
Someone recommended Dragons Love Tacos.
Good news: Ze received it as a Christmas gift.
Bad news: It’s not very well written
Good news: We can pull off a dramatic reading to incite gigglefest
Bad news: Successful readings beget more readings.
Good news: Sometimes I can hide it or distract with better books.
Bad news: Any day now, ze will remember it’s gone missing.
Precious moments
For zir birthday we had lots of money lessons. We picked one meal at the local museum cafe, and while PiC was paying, ze asked for: a $5 juice squeeze packet, a tiny $2 dessert, a $3 piece of fruit. I explained that $5 for one juice squeeze wasn’t a good price, and that we could buy several packets, maybe even 12, for the same price. We agreed that we’d go buy a box of them instead. The same explanations were used for the dessert: we have plans to make lots and lots of cupcakes for $2 at home. How about lots of cupcakes instead of 1? How about three cupcakes? Ze nodded firmly. Expensive, partly bruised fruit: We already have good fruit at home, let’s go home and get it. OK!
Me on a particularly tear-filled (for zir), frustrating (for me) morning….
We built this city! We built this city on toddler tears!
After ze turned a 10 minute contemplation and time out period into a 30 minute fight, ze finally became rational again. We asked what ze learned: “don’t what?”
“Don’t mess wif mommy and daddy!”
We laughed so hard we forgot what we were originally prompting zir to parrot.
When I was too sick to get JB ready for school, PiC told zir to get dressed and meet him in the kitchen. Ze came running out: I got D’ESSED, n I BWUSHED MAH TEEF! N SPIDERMAAAAAAAANNNN.
Me crawling out of bed: ????
JB: Mama? You have owies?
Me: Yes, I do today.
JB: Yet dem heal, otay? Don’t tush (touch) them.
Me: That’s a good idea. I’ll leave them alone.
JB: Dood. Dey will get better.
Learning to share Magnetiles
Me: Can I have some more small triangles?
JB: In one minute please. You have to ASK.
Me: I did ask!
JB: oh. I am playing wit dem now so you will need to wait one minute! I am hiding dem now so you won’t ask!
(Ze would be a classically bad evil villain.)
JB: I have owange, bwoo, red, lello.
Me: May I have 2?
JB: Ashually you may have owange owange owange!
JB: May I play with my tiles?
Me: After you wake up, yes
JB: No! I don’t want to rest! I’m tired!
Me: Mm yes that’s logical.
Me: We’re going to trade soap tonight. You can use our soap tomorrow.
JB: Ok! Dat will be awesome. I YIKE dat very mush!
JB: Dad! Do we have fwuit?
PiC: You have oranges for your lunch tomorrow, we’re finishing grapefruit tonight.
JB: I don’t WANT gwapefuit, I want OWANGES.
Me: *glare*
JB: …..May I have owanges peese?
Me: No, we need to finish our grapefruit tonight. Oranges tomorrow.
JB: but I don’t WANT –
Me: If you whine about oranges, I’m going to take them out of your lunch and eat them myself. So are you going to choose to whine about oranges or to behave?
JB: … I going to choose to be-ave.
Me: good choice.
JB whispers quietly: I want owanges.
Me: 🙄
JB: MOMMY MOMMY YOU NEED BWUSH YO AIR!
Me, waking up: Yes?
JB: Mommy, come wif me, I bwush yo teef fo you.
Me: OH NO THANK YOU I can do that.
JB: Den you come out and I bwush yo hair.
Me: Yeah ok that’s fine.
JB: Mommy you need sit on my lap.
Me: Wha?
JB: You need sit on my lap so I can bwush yo hair.
Me: … I need to sit on your lap?
JB: YES! Right ‘ere *pats lap*
Me: If you insist…
JB singing: Five little monkeys sitting in a tree,
teasing Mr Alligator “you can’t catch me you can’t catch me”
Along came the alligator as quiet as can be and …
*claps* SNAPS dat monkey right outta dat tree!
*looks at me, grins with mischief*
One little mommy sitting in a tree,
teasing Mr Alligator “you can’t catch me you can’t catch me”
Along came the alligator as quiet as can be and …
*claps* SNAPS dat mommy and daddy right outta dat tree!
Us: Who’s going to take you to school, then?
JB: GIGI!
Seamus’s face: Nope.
Wait, is JB putting shampoo in their nose? o_O
I love these posts. Children are silly and weird.
Just on zir nose, not in it, but I would be completely unsurprised if it went up the nose. Children make such bad life decisions. I just hold out hope for temporary bad decisions, not permanent ones.
It’s entirely possible that I recommended Dragons Love Tacos, because I recommend that book all the time. My secret is to read it in the voice of a reporter from a 1930s screwball comedy.
Maybe you did! I can’t achieve such a good reading of it, I bet I’d like it better if I listened to you read it.
I should give it more credit for giving us salsa and jalapeno jokes, though.
Oh my gosh JB is C-U-T-E!! I hope you transcribe many conversations in the days to come. Precious treasure. (And yes, kids’ songs are brutal. It’s been that way forever though. “Ring Around the Rosie” is horrific.)
Lots of these conversations will be transcribed for the sheer entertainment value 🙂
And yes! Every time we play Ring around the Rosie we finish with: And that’s a song about the Black Plague! JB hasn’t noticed yet.
I like Dragons Love Tacos. It’s a fun book.
Year 3 was hard for us too. For me, the best time was when he was 18 months until 2 years old. After that, it was really hard because we fought a lot more.
Once he started kindergarten, it got a lot better again. Anyway, enjoy your time with little zir. Kids grow up so fast.
I miss months 11-20. All the other months before and after were hard!
What a cutie!
Great way to teach him about frugality and the $5 squeeze juice packet! (What is that, highway robbery!?! Lol)
I really really hope some of these lessons are taking! Because those prices are OUTRAGEOUS.
My own daughter was, of course, AWESOME IN EVERY WAY AT EVERY STAGE* so I can’t say which stage is best. However, I think 3 and 4 are awesome because the kids are much more capable (if challenging) and lots of fun because you can play, be silly and even share jokes.
JB is precious. You are very lucky.
*Said daughter reads this blog and may eventually have to pick out my nursing home.
We had a lot more laughter in the earlier stage but we sure do have more interesting conversations now!
Don’t forget:
Revanche: You will only open your mouth politely. Don’t be rude to Auntie Crystal.
JB: *literally opens zir mouth wide and says nothing*
Auntie Crystal: *tries really hard not to encourage JB by giving zir a high five for pure smart assed-ness*
And the smartassery is just going to get worse from here!
The baby bumblebee song is pretty brutal too – our kiddo came home from preschool singing that the other day haha. Dragons Love Tacos is a hit in our house as well, though his favorites are any of the series by Cynthia Rylant (the Mr. Putter books at current, but the Henry and Mudge series are personally my favorite). And on the hair washing – at least bathte is a positive experience for you all! Baths and showers are still no fun in our house, for whatever reason.
Now I’m curious, I have to check out that song 🙂
We got lucky, JB has always loved water so baths were the best thing ever, and even made teething a tiny bit less terrible.
I just got Dragons Love Tacos recently.Now am scared if we should go ahead and read it or it will be a mess for us.I love your lively kidos though
I would go ahead, it’s just me that didn’t enjoy it much but the kids all love it 🙂
“ze asked for: a $5 juice squeeze packet, a tiny $2 dessert, a $3 piece of fruit. I explained that $5 for one juice squeeze wasn’t a good price, and that we could buy several packets, maybe even 12, for the same price. We agreed that we’d go buy a box of them instead.”
I love it! Teaching starts incredibly early, as I’m reading about now in the 30 Million Words project.
We’ll be checking in regularly to borrow/steal parenting tactics from you two.