My kid and notes from Year 3.3
June 6, 2018
Imagination Town
Ever since spending time with a pregnant Auntie Crystal, JB has been pretending that ze has a baby in zir belly. Ze also pretends that PiC and I do too. It’s a little weird but whatever, we play along. Ze also enjoys reassigning our genders, for some reason (YOU da mommy, and you a BOY. YOU da daddy, and you da GIRL). Not sure where that came from.
Oh and ze also has an invisible baby hamster that gets wrapped up in zir favorite blanket, or goes missing every so often. Invisible baby hamster gets handed to me at the end of the night to “put on Daddy’s belly to keep warm”.
Morning Glory no more
Alas, JB no longer wakes up like a bright lightbulb clicking on. Ze has morphed into me: groggy, grumpy, so not ready for morning to come.
I’ve had to harness all the good cheer that I can find so that I can pass it on to zir and get us all out the door at a reasonable hour. I keep thinking that we really need to outgrow this or else it’s going to make the transition to school really tough. That’s coming up much sooner than I’d like to think.
Units of measure
It just occurred to me the reason JB asks for “TOO much” milk (or cereal, or strawberries, or watermelon…) instead of a half cup or five strawberries is our fault. We don’t use actual units of measure, we just holler “STOP that’s TOO MUCH!” when ze is pouring milk or ze hollers “nooo dat not enough!” when we stint on the treats. Duh.
I’ve finally adapted to this late realization by telling zir to squeeze the bottle or pour the milk for a specific count of “1-2-3” or more.
Precious moments
Empathy and the doctor
One morning, as we cuddled for a minute, JB whipped out zir plush lamb: It’s LAMBY!! If we just pretend, we can say “rawrrr!!” but if we see dem at da farm, we do NOT do dat betuz it will scare dem.
Me: That’s right! We can only pretend to rawr if the lambs aren’t real, we don’t want to scare real lambs. That’s mean.
JB: Why does Gigi have to stay inside?
Me: Well, he doesn’t but NewPup does, she doesn’t know that it’s not safe to run into the street yet so when she gets really happy and excited that you’re home, she runs out into the street and –
JB: She could get ‘URT! She get smushed by a ca’ and den she will have to go to da doctor!
Me: Yes, exactly.
Counting
JB: Stay with me for one minute, please?
Me: Ok, count it off
JB: *counts 1-29 fine, stumbles through 30-60 badly but gets there*
Me: Ok, time for me to go
JB: No wait, we count to ONE HUNDRED!
Me: Ok fine, go.
JB: 61, 62, 63…69, 100!
Me: 70
JB: 71. 72, 72 … 79, 100!
Me: 80
JB: 81, 82, 83…89, 100!
Me: 90
JB: 91, 92, 93 … 100!
Me: GOT IT
JB: 61, 62, 63…100ty!
Me: Seventy.
JB: 71. 72, 72 … 79, 100ty!
Me: 80
JB: 81, 82, 83…89, 100ty!
Me: 90
JB: 91, 92, 93 … 100ty!
Me: 100!
Me: JB! Please lay DOWN, I already spread out your blankets for you!
JB: No, dis MAHY as-bons-a-blety!
Me: This is your responsibility? This is the one you choose at 9:30 pm?
Let’s make a deal
Ze had been tucking a Peppa Pig book from the library under zir pillow every night. PiC is trying to convince zir to let us actually read it.
Counterproposal: How bout dis. I make you a deal. Tonight I’m going to put dis under my pillow and den tomorrow we will read it.
Ze makes this deal every single day. We’re never reading that book.
Playing pretend or playing REAL
Sometimes I get confused about why JB is proposing something ludicrous or really mean. Then ze clarifies: No mommy, I jus’ PE-TENDING. Is not REAAAL.
Then other times, are you playing pretend, JB?
No, mommy, I p’aying REALLL.
On meltdowns, by the professionals
“Never in the history of calming down has anyone ever calmeed down by being told to calm down”. [Ed Note: Except me, it actually works with me if it’s coming from a really good friend and I know I’m being irrational.]
The best way to help our kids to calm down – they need to feel safe to calm down.
Laughing at the thought of a three year old coming up to me with the phrase: “How bout dis. I make you a deal.”
C’mere and see what kind of deal ze tries to broker with you! 😉
I completely agree about the uselessness of the phrase “calm down” when someone is upset (I first read about it in reference to law enforcement; some department was training officers not to use the phrase, but darned if I can remember where). My approach with Baguette is to talk to her about what she’s feeling, and let her know I understand. Then, when she’s able to start calming herself down, I tell her that I can see her working hard to be calm, and that she’s doing a good job of it.
A week ago, we were at a party and one of the kids broke his arm. I avoided “calm down” and instead said, “You’re staying so calm!” and every time I said that, he relaxed a little and breathed easier, even if just for 30 seconds. Hearing that he WAS calm helped him FEEL calm.
I have to say that I’m a very strange exception as an adult – coming from a trusted friend, “calm down” can help me. But I KNOW that and so I tell them it’s ok to use. I’m practicing other more useful phrases instead. I have had no success with suggesting we take deep breaths in the heat of the moment.
OMG, the book thing is so adorable!
Yes, especially when my “calm down” or “settle” is being told to my dog, who has not even been trained in those commands! 🙂 (not through lack of any attempt, but it was too hard when he was young. Maybe now it would be a good time to try again!) Another unhelpful phrase “you seem to be in a bad mood”. No one in a bad mood has ever been cheered by that!
I’m working on “calm” with Sera now and it took MONTHS to start to sink in. I’m not sure that it has, TBH.
Really, really adorable. You manage to capture and convey the essence of cute in your child so well. These will be precious posts for you to read again and again over the years ahead. What a wonderfully weird, random, fantastical realm children inhabit!
As for “calm down” – worst two words ever.
Aw, thanks 🙂