By: Revanche

My kids and notes from Year 5.11

February 16, 2021

You have to prioritize

Just remembering back to Halloween. I was getting really grumpy because I had stolen bits of time here and there to set up a surprise Zoom Halloween playdate with treats and decoration for JB but I definitely didn’t have time to get them a new costume.

The week of, I overheard them telling their teacher that they “still don’t have their costume yet”. UGH. “They are REALLY going to be miffed about this,” I thought. Their auntie agreed. As a child, she would have been cranky that she didn’t get a new costume. I found myself getting wound up anticipating their reaction to the news of no costume, and my reaction to their reaction, and it was all bad all the way down.

But talking to their auntie about my grumpiness made me take a step back mentally and realize that there was actually a lesson here.

They could and should learn that we have to pick and choose where we put our energy. So as they were eating up a snack they’d brought me (but I thought was wayyy too sugary), I shared a SECRET: I only had time to EITHER get them a costume or plan a secret party for them and her two friends. And I decided that they would probably rather have a party than a new costume. Their eyes going wide, they immediately agreed that a party is more fun than a new costume and that they would just wear an old costume.

A few minutes later: “Mom, in fact, you didn’t even NEED to buy me a costume! I have PLENTY of clothes and costumes that I can pick from that people gave me so you don’t need to buy anything more!”

I was thinking that exact same thing earlier but it was from a very top-down, LOOK HERE KID, kind of perspective. I love that they figured it out for themselves.

This just underlines our parenting philosophy: Give the kids the honest (age appropriate) truth and they will build a foundation of reasoning. They will become adults one day sooner than we think, and we need them to be able to think for themselves.

Doing something right …

We were taking a walk to the park and on the way, we passed a lady with her toddler holding a sign asking for help. I quietly handed her some cash and we wished each other well. JB was busy pushing the stroller and didn’t even notice but on our way back, they saw the lady and walked backward staring.

I told them to stop staring, and they objected because they wanted to read the sign. I explained that it was asking for help with money because they were having a hard time and JB indignantly demanded, well why didn’t we help her then???

I had to laugh. I gently explained that we did give the lady money earlier, they just didn’t see when it happened. But I have to say it was a real moment of pride there that their first thought was that we should help someone in need even if they assumed I had not yet done so.

We’ve talked a lot about conserving money for later and only spending on what’s important to us. They occasionally get mixed up about how priorities and generosity work but this one was spot on.

Reading Central

JB has been doing so much reading with their tutor and with PiC. It’s no wonder they are bored with kindergarten where they’re just constricting simple sentences. They have been writing short book reports on all kinds of early reader books that PiC picked from the library: Amelia Bedelia, Catstronauts, Tiny Titans, Superman Family Adventures, the Dory Fantasmagory series, the Judy Moody series.

The fourth trimester

Giving birth during COVID was a really unsettling prospect. We don’t have much help around here at the best of times and this is anything but. I hated that I couldn’t actually plan anything in advance with regard to the eventual hospital stay other than packing a bag with the basics and hoping for the best.

Smol Acrobat put in an appearance a little early and we were incredibly lucky in a few ways. We had one set of friends who are being at least as strict as we are, or more, because they have immunocompromised family members who agreed to take JB if needed. We were admitted to our first choice hospital (we had to go to our third choice with JB), where they had relaxed their rules enough that PiC was able to tend to all our family’s needs while I was in labor and still be present for the actual birth. We had been warned that he likely wouldn’t be able to return, which caused a fair bit of stress as I mentally prepared myself to do the whole shebang alone. The in-hospital care was phenomenal and I can see why this facility was rated one of the top 25 in the state. I do think it’s a shame that the hands on care ends after discharge (though they provide lots of resources for post-discharge supports for breastfeeding, PPD, etc), it put me in the mentality that I had to hit the ground running as normal when I got home. That was unrealistic. I was still exhausted, physically and mentally, and sore and in need of plenty of recuperating. Whatever possessed me to think I could just operate as normal after having a baby, I do not know. Most resources say to expect physical recovery to take anywhere from 4-8 weeks.

The first week home was a lot of transition stress. We hadn’t completed some of our prep work because I’d been working so much. I had planned to take care of it that weekend. So much for that! Our friends were wonderful about providing childcare and a first night home meal though so we muddled through the first day and night. We pulled together changing stations and got a better sense of what kind of child Smol Acrobat is (yes swaddles, no pacifier, no cold) and shifted their wardrobe choices accordingly.

JB was more than thrilled with the new baby and that was really good. Seamus refuses to show interest in them and that made me sad. I had hoped he would at least be interested even if not protective the way he was of JB. But he’s so old now I do have to understand he doesn’t want another human sibling to care for.

It only took a few days for my milk to come in. The surprise there was that it came in early (for me) and fast, and everything about this part of the process was unpleasant. I suffered a great deal at first with the milk coming in so fast and Smol Acrobat’s fury at the difficulty of nursing in the face of adversity. We had to have a couple lactation consults to get through the rough patches but I was honestly inclined to throw in the towel after a week of pain and struggle and fatigue. I didn’t, but I wanted to.

Each day was tough in its own way but the lack of sleep was a constant. As expected. I had hoped we’d have a more mellow baby but I knew the odds of that were low.

I had one therapy session in the first month, I had PPD in waves, and it helped me reset my baseline to remember that these growing pains are temporary and will pass.

Also, being on parental leave has taken my “what day is this??” fog to a whole new level.

Amazing new baby gifts: food in most forms. Hand me down clothes. Seasonally appropriate clothes. Baby books. Diapers. Wipes.

Puzzling baby gifts: extremely pricey plushies. living plants (sweet of them to think of us but we have our jobs cut out keeping one new life alive!).

Pupdate

Seamus in his final season with us was incredibly painful. With several ailments going on, and his veterinarian commented that you couldn’t expect anything different given he’s outlasted most dogs in his cohort, it was no comfort to know that he was well older than the average life span of a dog his size. Our last and final service to him breaks my heart into a million pieces.

Precious Moments

Part 1:
JB: Can we go to the beach?
PiC: I need to finish this before we can talk about that, honey. Can you please pick an independent activity to do for about 20 minutes?
JB: Ok I’m going to take a very important call then. Please don’t interrupt. /shuts door.
Opens door: On my play phone, of course.

***

Part 2 and related to the prioritizing, I overheard …
PiC asked: JB, did you want to go to the school parade (which is just driving through the parking lot)?
JB: No.
PiC: OH! I thought you wanted to …
JB: No. I want to go to the beach. If we go to the school parade, then we don’t have enough time to do both. So I would like to do the beach instead.

***

PiC: We have our thing with Bestie at 9 o clock
JB: NINE O CLOCK? ARE YOU KIDDING ME
PiC: No, it real-
JB: No, that was just an express.

* They’re trying on the phrase “it’s just an expression” on for size.
***

JB at dinner: Mom, did you also forget about your anniversary?
Me: …..
We BOTH forgot!

(Yes.)

***

After Smol has a huge burp: Wow!! What a good burp! High five, baby, you did so good, adorableness!

:: Do you have siblings? Were you ever enchanted by them if they were younger, or did you have a good relationship with them if they were older?

Sharing is caring!

Email

Twitter

Pinterest

0