Living in the time of pandemic: COVID-19 (33)
January 19, 2021
Week 44 of COVID in the Bay Area.
Week 44, Day 305: My jobs today were: 1) revive my old iPad, 2) talk to the vet about Seamus, 3) set up a therapy appointment for myself, 4) keep Smol Acrobat alive, 5) fax our representatives to insist on accountability for the Jan 6 and ongoing coup attempts.
#1 and #4 took me all flipping day.
#1 was not a continuous effort, I just had to keep coming back to a failed restore and start again. I hate Apple products.
#4 was naturally an all day endeavor. Smol is currently refusing to sleep unless they are being held. In related news, I’m in the market for new arms to replace these two falling off. PiC and JB were doing yardwork so I managed SA and their need for constant cuddles forever. It’s surprisingly tiring and a small part of me is grateful for our current stay at home orders because I remember how hard it was to do this all day all alone but for Seamus who couldn’t hold the baby for me.
#2 was heartbreaking but we had a necessary discussion.
#3 was initiated but I haven’t heard back.
#5 has to happen tomorrow.
Week 44, Day 306: I got three hours of sleep. ZOMBIE TIMES. After handing over the baby to PiC for the morning shift and trying to catch another nap, unsuccessfully, I hauled myself out of bed to deal with pumping and eating and all those other lovely basic necessities that I resent so much when I’m dog tired.
Today’s top priorities: 1) Contacting our representatives – DONE. 2) Do more data / files clean up because our cloud storage is running low. 3) Overseeing get well cards for sick relatives – MAILED. 4) Take another swipe at setting up the iPad. 5) Refill Seamus’s meds – ORDERED.
Thanks to OMDG for this JAMA article link: “Under baseline assumptions, approximately 59% of all transmission came from asymptomatic transmission: 35% from presymptomatic individuals and 24% from individuals who are never symptomatic (Figure 1).”
Week 44, Day 307: It seemed like the day was a bust between my getting up super late (long night with Smol meant I needed a longer mid morning nap), a long-winded call with a relative, and the hours spent with the Comcast tech trying to figure out WTAF is wrong with our connection. He removed some attenuators and that helped with half the problem. I pulled the plug on our range extender and that helped with the other half. Here’s hoping it actually works for more than two days.
At 4:30 I got my butt in gear and started dinner prep super early. I had this vision of prepping dinner, walking the dogs, then hitting the Target parking lot for a drive up pickup of the things I needed to clean our dishwasher and try to cut my hair.
What actually happened: I put the first half of dinner in the oven, vetoed Daniel Tiger for JB, took them and the dogs out for a walk, deferred the Target run to tomorrow, and had JB work on several chores while I finished making the salad and pumping milk.
On the subject of dinner: We had our Home Chef delivery today and I think I’ll throw together a review for it. Getting dinner on the table by 6:30 and much of the evening routine done myself since Smol Acrobat was holding PiC hostage felt really good. I haven’t felt physically able or mentally competent to mentally organize / prioritize / execute like that in a long time.
I’m truly appreciating the glimpse into what it’s like to feel capable again, and not just struggling to get the bare minimum done while feeling like a failure.
Week 44, Day 308: I’m pondering on the situation of a dear relative who we’ve been helping out a lot through some serious circumstances. These are thoughts I’d never share with them because they’re about me as it relates to them, not about them, and also because it’ll sound judgy. It’s not meant to judge them, though, it’s just me weighing things.
They have made some choices that were based on lack of information and now they’re doing their damnedest to fix the situation. I’m providing financial and moral support. It’s been years and it’ll take more years to extricate them safely. The hazard for me here is I tend to get too emotionally involved. I forget my place, as it were. I want so badly for them to be ok that I throw my whole being into that end goal and then I’m devastated when they inevitably make choices I disagree with because we are not the same people and there are reasons we’re at different places in life. I’m observing my ability to see that now, I couldn’t do that in my younger years, and maybe it’s growth that each time they flail or say they’re going to do something I really wouldn’t recommend or think is a bad choice, my first reaction now is to step back and let it breathe. Previously it would have been to try and convince them to do the safe thing. The “right” thing because it was safer. But you know, the right way was only “safer” because it created familiar pain. Not because it was pain free. It was successful financially, I’ll grant you, but there most certainly isn’t one path to getting to firm financial ground. It’s just that there’s only one path I know well enough to share.
But today’s thought is about how I have to keep practicing being a better listener and a better friend by providing what’s needed and not adding more pressure by adding my preconceived notions of what’s right and what’s wrong. I’ll give them my judgements and opinions when they ask, or when it’s dangerous, but not when they’re fixing to build a new life and trying to figure out how.
Week 44, Day 309: Smol wasn’t feeling up to snuff yesterday and this translated into an interesting night. We had somewhat longer stretches of sleep but they were also clearly uncomfortable and sad and that tugged on my heartstrings. I’d almost forgotten what it was like to have suuuch a helpless little loaf that doesn’t have any way to communicate other than crying and little non-word sounds.
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I don’t know if I’ll ever use it but I decided that I wanted to learn about options trading. A mentor has been doing it for a year and if nothing more than an intellectual stretching exercise, I’d like to see if I can’t at least wrap my head around it. We have to manage options from our company compensation anyway so I would like to understand them more deeply than I do now. I hope it’ll help me make better decisions.
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The Nicole and Maggie gross dishwasher post inspired me to pick up some Lemi Shine to clean our dishwasher. We just ran it today so I hope to see results in the next dishwasher load! Fingers crossed.
I’ve been struggling deeply with this: “ But today’s thought is about how I have to keep practicing being a better listener and a better friend by providing what’s needed and not adding more pressure by adding my preconceived notions of what’s right and what’s wrong. I’ll give them my judgements and opinions when they ask, or when it’s dangerous, but not when they’re fixing to build a new life and trying to figure out how.” There are so many things I want to say to a friend, but deep down I know she already knows them and though I want to help her I would only be causing more damage by saying them aloud.
May we find our way through being true support without damaging our relationships.
Thanks for the link! I’m definitely interested in knowing if one of those cleaners works because that sounds much more pleasant than digging out contaminated grease.
PS. You’ve probably tried this, but I could not have survived DC1’s babyhood without a ring sling. (Though DC2 didn’t like the sling so much, zie was also ok with not being held.)
Oooh I couldn’t nail the ring sling but loved my carrier (Manduca).
“I’d almost forgotten what it was like to have suuuch a helpless little loaf that doesn’t have any way to communicate other than crying and little non-word sounds.”
Ohh I know this all too well. Hugs. And even though Spud is super verbal now, for whatever reason I don’t think he can communicate when having gut issues. At least that’s what I think they are, from the way he wriggles, cries piercingly, and sometimes seems relieved after eking out a pained fart.
Growth, I think, includes being able to step back and hold space/listen freely, and ask questions, vs offering opinions. It truly sounds like you’re doing all the right things. Good luck for the long haul. I imagine this is how my friends feel about my current thing (and how I feel about one of them and her thing)
@nzmuse: I hadn’t heard of Manduca before but from the front it looks very much like the Jeep branded carrier I got as a hand me down. Unfortunately it doesn’t have the great hip straps or other wearing formats that it looks like you had. Sadly, Smol likes that one best but it’s so uncomfortable as they get heavier!
May our smols’s gut issues resolve SOON. You had a much rougher time of it early on than we have had so far but I have noted all the options you described.
I guess we all have that person in our lives, and we all are that person in someone else’s lives, to some degree.
@nicoleandmaggie: Is the ring sling similar to the Mobi wrap? PiC used the Mobi wrap early on and Smol HAAAAAATED it. We have a carrier that they like but has zero hip support so their weight is entirely on my shoulders and I hate that. Still searching, but mostly hoping this phase will wear off soon instead.
A ring sling is a lot simpler than a mobi wrap. DC1 loved it, and it distributed the weight well for me. DC2 was less of a fan, but also didn’t need to be held as much. YMMV.
Good to know about the lemi shine! Who cares about what is hiding inside so long as the dishes are clean, amirite?
This webpage has some good examples of different holds with a ring sling.
https://thebirthshop.wordpress.com/category/baby-slings/
@nicoleandmaggie: Post-first Lemi Shine cycle: everything was clean in this first cycle! We shall see if it keeps up the rest of the month, though. I will report back since I’ve seen very temporary improvements like this before. I’m not sure how I’ll know whether it worked against the build-up without taking apart the machine, though.
Would you like to try an Ergo baby carrier? I’d be happy to mail you mine. (My youngest is about to turn 7 years old so yeeeah it’s probably time to let it go.) Ergos do a great job distributing the baby’s weight through the wide waistband, not just the shoulder straps.
That’s a super considerate offer, thank you, Bethany! Unfortunately we do have a hand me down Ergo that Smol currently hates. I think it’s because they don’t like their legs tucked in, but they aren’t big enough yet for their legs to hand down.
Then I’ll cross my fingers that Smol will like it better once their limbs are freeeee! 🙂 My 1st baby disliked carriers until she was big enough to face outwards – and THEN she was happy.