By: Revanche

My kids and notes from Year 6.10

November 23, 2021

Conversations with JB

Over breakfast one day, we talked about the coveted Mr. Sketch scented markers they would sniff all day if I’d let them and why I didn’t let them sniff markers, even harmless ones, until we had a chat about it. I don’t think I had even heard about whip-its until watching The Good Place but kids inhaling things for a euphoric high, or eating things that aren’t food on a dare (hi, Tide pods?), or inhaling and ingesting things that really shouldn’t be isn’t new in the world. We talked about how, often, kids will make foolish decisions and pressure other kids to do the same or to follow them into trouble. It can be harmless (we cousins used to follow each other into mischief all the time) but it can also be really harmful (when it gets to ingesting non foods or inhaling anything).

*****

We also talked about scammers. They asked what a scam call was, so I explained that some people try to call and trick you out of your money. How??

Well, sometimes they say they’re from your bank, and they need your password because something is broken and they need to fix it so that you can get to your money. Or they might say oh, give me your info so I can send you money. Do you think they ever send that money?

JB: noooooo!
Me: Nope. Who is going to give you free money if they don’t know you??

We discussed how scammers use fear or greed or both to push people into doing what they want. We even lightly touched on how my dad was a scammer, he lied to me playing on my desires to help my family, and took my money and ran.

JB: He’s the worst!
Me: Yep. That’s true.

Portion control

We typically tell JB how much of something they’re allowed to eat because given free rein, they’d likely gobble up everything in sight like a host of locusts. We want them to have balance in their nutrition sources and to be mindful and conscious of the food they take in so they have a solid foundation for a good relationship with food. We also want them to remember that other people exist!

It’s a work in progress of course, and we have to slowly take off the brakes to give them chances to exercise their judgement and get it right or wrong. So when faced with a platter of 8 deviled eggs, I turned the question around. How many do YOU think is reasonable?

JB: Four. I can eat four.
Me: Yeah? How does that work?
JB: I can eat four and then there’s four left!
Me: There are four left. How many does that leave for each other person who might want some eggs?
JB: Four! Everyone can have one!
Me: So you get four and then everyone else gets one?
JB: Yep! That seems reasonable.
Me: Ok, so you think that’s reasonable for you. I see. How would you feel about it if someone else got four and you got one?
JB: Oh..no. I wouldn’t like that.
Me: Ok so maybe that’s not fair to everyone? How should you divide them then?
JB: Ok I will stop eating now because I’ve already had two, and that leaves two for everyone!
Me: That’s probably more fair, though you can have one half of one of Smol’s since they might not want two.

Struggling

Gotta be honest, I’m really struggling to connect as a parent. It may partially be a function of depression and the pandemic, but I am struggling so much to connect to JB as a young kid. They’re not that “easy” (super active/angry/ cheerful/demanding/hilarious) baby anymore. Babies are physically chaotic and emotionally super easy for me. Young kids have opinions and desires and are trying to figure out everything through their little kid lens that I just don’t understand. And as their personality develops, little things that remind me of terrible family set off all my alarms and it’s harder to shut those alarms down. When they refuse to engage with their schoolwork as we work on homework together, and instead just throw out random guesses, my back goes up and I get angry. When they try to make me laugh, I stiffen up. That was my brother’s MO; I hated how manipulative he was. It’s not that JB is him, it’s just these little targets they keep hitting that viscerally remind me of people I can’t stand. Habits that I had grown to loathe decades ago. I keep looking for my little kid but they’re not that little kid anymore. Emotionally, I missed a whole year of bonding because I was so exhausted and prickly during pregnancy, I mentally checked out and PiC did almost all the fun hands on parenting. I was just trying to survive. It’s hard right now.

Life with Smol Acrobat

Hilariously, but inconveniently for us, Smol has realized they can use the nice door stoppers we have on our doors as a door handle. If any door isn’t latched shut and they want to leave the room, they just grab hold of the handy baby level “handle” and open ‘er up. 🤣

In the same category, they’ve learned how to climb and every box is now a stepstool. Talk about motivation to get my decluttering act together again!

*****

My favorite developments this month: While Smol isn’t that fun to feed with their finickiness sometimes, they are mimicking us when eating. They like to pretend to offer ME food after they take a first bite, much like how I often take a first bite to demonstrate that this is a thing we’re going to eat, or to check the temperature, before I offer them their food.

New game: they just started this flopping thing. They’ll sit on a bed and just flop on their face spread eagle. Get up, crawl a step and flop again. Rinse and repeat for ten minutes, sometimes giggling, sometimes being really really quiet and then POP surprise! Still awake! Annnnnnnd PLOP down again. It’s cute as heck.

*****

Overnight diapers have really saved our sleep this month. Smol has been back loading their bottles in the latter half of the day and so they were overfilling their normal diapers overnight. I kept waking up to a 3 or 4 am baby with a soaking wet diaper that had leaked. Thank goodness for the super absorbency of the overnights!

*****

My least favorite developments: the whining and the refusal to eat what I put in their mouth. They’ll open, accept the bite, then PLOP push it back out. Rinse and repeat. Arghhhhh. Just eat it.

They also have a need to chew on my sleeve or hoodie every meal and get so so angry when I deny this demand. Look, sometimes mama needs her hoodie to stay clean for a whole 12 hours!

*****

It’s startling to me that Smol asks for me.

They’re in a stranger danger sort of moment right now when looking at people makes them worried or vulnerable and, even when PiC is holding them, they might reach for me in that moment of scrunched up face cry. JB never did that. I mean, they never had that vulnerability fear thing which is probably odd but more specifically they also never reached for me. It was always the other way around. If they were in my arms, they wanted dad. If they were perched in dad’s arms, they were staying put. Being wanted is still unusual.

Pupdate

Sera had a bad ear infection this month, pup was hiding it well until she couldn’t any longer, so I’m grateful that a course of meds cleared her right up after 10 days. She did NOT enjoy the applications but … had to be done!

I continue to be impressed at how patient she is with Smol. She is always allowed to walk away from any interaction but even though she doesn’t love their heavy-handedness, she clearly genuinely wants to engage with him. We always caution them to use gentle hands and show them but babies will pound away with their drumming hands.

She lets them hang out next to her and she just wants to lick them in exchange for the giant pats that look like hitting. She isn’t startled or stressed, maybe in part because we don’t allow that to happen unsupervised and so she’s always getting positive reinforcement for her tolerance as well, but I would expect some stress if she didn’t like it. She most certainly doesn’t hesitate to get up and leave when they are heading for her and she doesn’t want to deal.

Precious Moments

JB’s attempts at jokes continue….
What does the banana say when the apple bumps it?
Hey, watch where you’re going, apple!
JB: The joke is that bananas don’t talk! And apples don’t have EYES.

JB: Knock-knock.
Me: Who’s there?
JB: Door handle.
Me: Door handle who?
JB: Door handle the knob is crooked!
…. I don’t get it.

JB: why did a bunny eat a turtle marshmallow?
Because it wanted a turtle but it couldn’t get one so it ate a Turtle Marshmallow!!