My kids and notes: Year 7.4
May 17, 2022
JB’s been enjoying Kiki’s Delivery Service and they’ve learned the word “dirigible”.
It’s knocked Encanto and Turning Red off the roster temporarily for which I am deeply grateful because I couldn’t take hearing about them again and again and again. And again.
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I’d been meaning to adapt Nicole and Maggie’s weekly allowance policy ($0.xx per year of age) for JB because we want them to practice thinking about saving and spending real money in real terms. We’ve been remarkably behind on this practical application but I wanted to talk to them a lot about our spending choices and our money philosophies and teach them to think more critically about money than just “I want”. They turned the tables on me several weeks ago when I was looking at earrings that I wanted. When I couldn’t choose between two pairs, they said: buy them both! When I said I could only have one pair because I have lots of earrings already, they said: so you don’t need them, this is just a want!
I’m under no illusions that this process will stick when it’s their turn the first several times but I’m hoping the foundation is set well enough for a start.
When the book fair came around, we had a chat about gifting them a set amount since they hadn’t had time to save up yet. They had to think about whether the desire is to own books they’ve read before and know they like, want to reread a lot, AND wants to have on their shelf enough to move out other books that are less well loved, OR if they want to explore new books. They pondered and said they’d like to put some money aside for an Encanto notebook later. So they’re already starting to think along the lines of figuring out priorities, at least ahead of time. We’ll see if it holds up in the face of the actual book fair.
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Generational trauma has been on my mind lately thanks to media (Encanto and Supernatural). I was struck with the realization that my sense of duty, the need to do my absolute best to look out for JB, is also at least partly what gets in my way of appreciating them for who they are. They’re a pretty good kid but I don’t see that in the day to day moments when I’m run down, constantly worrying about what everyone needs, and they’re being belligerent or defiant.
From that perspective, everything about them that doesn’t fit into a square peg isn’t something I can appreciate the way I did when they were young.
When I was younger, in my teens, my mom only wanted the best for me and of me. She didn’t want me to suffer in life the way she did. But what that meant in practice was that she was always pushing me and didn’t appreciate who I was already. When I was an adult, we connected differently and she could see a person she respected but she couldn’t offer that support when I was a kid. Between that and the horrorshow narcissist dad and brother, I still never think anything I do is good enough no matter what I do. I could literally move mountains and still feel inadequate.
I don’t want to repeat that with JB. I want to be able to remember in the day to day that they are a pretty good kid and appreciate what they’re like in real time. It’s not just the lifetime habits I have to break, we have to break more of this relentless daily pressure, internal and external, as well. But identifying that mental block is a big step for me. I’ve been so frustrated with myself for months for not being able to break through something I couldn’t identify.
Life with Smol Acrobat
Smol’s internal alarm clock is persistently set to pre-6 am these days no matter what time they go to bed. It’s way too early.
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Does anyone remember Caps for Sale? I think I mentioned this before but Smol picked up the “tss tss tss” with the finger shake from us scolding them so now when they’re planning to say, pester Sera when she’s eating (not that she cares one whit, they can literally take food out of her bowl WHILE SHE IS EATING and she won’t bat an eye), they preemptively grin and “tss tss tss” to us. Way to give yourself away, puppy!
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Smol’s really running around now and that means they’ve begun doing the Naruto Run! That will never not be funny.
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We’ve started flossing. They’re very amused by this.
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They’ve begun tantrums and meltdowns so that’s fun. They’ve also begun to be a reliable delivery toddler when sending them to give things to JB. There is no delivery service in the opposite direction though. Sent to give something to Mommy or Daddy? They’ll go to the wrong person and then refuse to give up the goods.
The delivery service doesn’t run when they aren’t sure where JB is, though. They won’t even try.
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Pupdate
Precious Moments
Smol hasn’t done this in ages but they just walked right off a step, following me, without bending their knees or anything. Big crash. Big cry.
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It’s Smol’s turn to learn basic commands like “leave it” and “sit!”
When told to sit, they’ll start walking toward me, then turn their back to me, keep walking backwards and then suddenly drop down wherever they approximately remembered my legs being. PLOP.
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JB can spot a snack at 20 paces. JB cannot find the one button on the power strip right in front of their face after close examination for five minutes. It’s a conundrum. A very frustrating conundrum.
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JB: why do the petals keep falling off the flower?
PiC: oh no! Will the beast find love in time before the last petal falls??
JB: blank look
PiC: have you not seen Beauty and the Beast?
JB: I have, I’m just not amused.
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Smol Acrobat playing with an old tug toy that Sera won’t play with discovers two very dried up Zuke’s training treats. They carry them around chirping about it for fifteen minutes.
The section on generational trauma is incredibly insightful.
I think your kids will do great. 😀
Identifying it is just the first step, I’m trying to do better but BOY is it hard.
My older nibling has learned to ask to have a picture taken of a thing in the store that catches their fancy – it’s amazing and I don’t know if it would work for any other kid at all. The younger nibling is too young/I haven’t been in a store with them. That seems to scratch the acquisitive itch (kind of like me downloading podcasts I’ll never listen to/holding library books I’ll never read?).
Book fair: Do you think it would help to send them to the book fair with a checklist? I never got to experience the joys of the book fair – I assume there are actual physical books to paw? I went to a very small school (~20 kids per grade) and we just got a leaflet or catalog page – I remember straining my eyes to read the TINY print that talked about the books, but at least I was never subjected to the temptation of all the books in person.
Smol: is there any chance it’s the light that is waking them up? Or do you already keep it super dark in there? I certainly have a big light-related shift in my wakeup time.
ha! I did a full LOL at the Beauty & the Beast story!
We were doing that for a while, actually. I think PiC is still doing it with them – I don’t go out with them shopping very often. But we should do more of it.
So we did have them write up a list, they forgot to bring it. XD But yes, there were actual physical books and things to paw through and boy did they! I only got the catalog most years myself, since I never had the money to shop anyway. Though the one year I did walk through, must have been 5th grade? Oooh my eyes ware going to fall out of my head.
There is a chance! They don’t have blackout curtains like JB’s room does. I meant to look into getting blackout curtains for them too, so that’s back on the list.