By: Revanche

My kids and notes: Year 7.5

June 21, 2022

Thank goodness for four layer masks including an N95 filter layer. JB only missed a few days of school this year when they felt a little sick, just as a precaution, but they were tested regularly all year both at home and at school. They’ve been top notch about masking everywhere and so, even though we’ve had a veritable flood of COVID notifications from the school post Spring Break, they have stayed healthy and not gotten the rest of us sick. Their immune system is very robust but we are absolutely unwilling to risk any one of our family getting it from lack of precautions. I know it’s going to be hard to dodge this forever but the longer we can put it off, the fewer instances we have, the better for all of us. PiC and I are a great team but we are frayed beyond all imagining. So I’m ever so grateful that JB has been a star at staying masked indoors and out.

*****

JB makes friends with other kids, even just for a single hour to play, like breathing air. I’ve been bemused by this forever. This school year they decided they were besties with one kid, whose parents were social and willing to set up playdates, so we’ve struck up a little friendship with them which has been really helpful for us to fill in the blanks on stuff going on at school when the school failed to communicate well.

*****

JB is so resistant to learning how to learn. They’ll come to me with a concept that they were taught in school already, unable to remember it partially or completely, and then ask me what it is. Instead of telling them the answer, I direct them to the resources that they can use to refresh their memory. I’ve explained that this is because giving them an answer isn’t helping. I need to help them learn to learn. Inevitably this leads to a total meltdown. Flopping on the ground, “I can’t do it!”, whining, and grouching like it’s the end of the world because they “can’t”. I try to harness my patience but generally fail miserably because it’s “won’t”, not “can’t”. This reminds me of my older brother who refused, absolutely refused, every single academic challenge like he was allergic. He would work five times harder to avoid the work than the work itself required. I don’t know how to gently steer JB away from that.

Related to this, they are ALWAYS whining about their chores. They don’t have nearly the number of chores that they once did early in the pandemic and it’s still like pulling teeth some days to get them to go do them much less without the whining. We’ve had countless conversations about having an attitude about things they know they have to do and it’s so frustrating to keep having those conversations. They just aren’t working.

Their first solution to reduce the whining: fewer chores. Well, that is not an option. So.

Sigh.

I’m working on positive reinforcement but this plus their habit of talking back reflexively anytime we point out things that need attention is making me banana pants.

They immediately contradict us when the evidence is right there in front of them. There is no faith required here! All we ask is that they listen and process the information we gave them. Then if they see a need to contradict us, go ahead. We’ll always allow them to be right if we’re wrong but for the love of peas and carrots, establish that that is true first! They do this for every little thing!

Your shirt’s inside out.

No it’s not!

Look down.

Oh.

You tracked dirt in the house.

No I didn’t!

Look down.

Oh. I didn’t know!!

Well yeah that’s why I told you.

It goes on and on. We aren’t fans of this habit at all.

Life with Smol Acrobat

Smol is (inconsistently) dramatically empathetic to other people’s pain. It always catches us by surprise.

Smol has mastered the Weeping Angel defense. Unlike JB who would always turn their back to the (play) predator to run, Smol absolutely will not turn away from an approaching attack no matter how close they get.

They are mastering climbing on everything: chairs, stools, boxes, stairs….

Smol thinks it’s super duper hilarious to:

• stick a finger in my ear,
• sneakily undo one diaper tab after I’ve just sealed them up,
• yank one leg out of their pants when I’ve just got one leg into them,
• stick their finger in my mouth
• sneak up behind us and bear hug us so we can’t turn around and see them.

Their current daily obsessions:

• Vacuuming.
• Rummaging through JB’s many pencil boxes. They’ve been getting a cheap one from their school programs for the past three years so they have too many with latches that are dead easy for a toddler to break open like a plastic Easter egg. So they do.

Pupdate

Sera’s patience and bond with Smol Acrobat is a constant source of amusement (for me).

They obtained a new toothbrush so the first person they wanted to share it with? Sera.

They “brushed” their teeth, offered to brush her teeth, “brushed” their teeth again, offered to brush her fur with it. Noooo thank you. I’m accustomed to kids doing gross things but there are limits!

In turn, she sticks around for 85% of Smol’s attempts at bonding. There are limits for her too of course and when she hits them, she just gets up and walks away. We monitor them closely to make sure she never feels trapped and always has an exit.

Precious Moments

Me: no, puppy, I can’t do that right now. I need to rest my muscles, they’re very tired and ouchy.
JB: Smol, mommy’s muscles hurt because she’s had some hard times.
Smol: ???
Me: 😒 *it’s true but I feel mildly offended anyway*

*****

Me: Ok, pick one book. It’s late and time to go to sleep.
Smol: *picks a book, flops on my lap and relaxes. Halfway through, they reach up, close the book and pick another book.*
Me: Technically, we only got halfway through so I guess that’s still …
Smol: *hands me a new book, hands PiC a new book, and sits down with another book in their own lap and opens it up*
Me: That’s three books. One each… Which ok. I guess…
Smol: *signs “read please”*

*****

A: I’m going to pick up pizza but leave you there to wash dishes to pay for it, ok?
JB: No way!! You stay there!
A: but I need to take the pizza home.
JB: then I will drive it home!
A: but you can’t drive.
JB: but mom and dad’s rule is that I cannot be left alone with strangers ever so there! Right, mom??
Me: hm, that’s true. How would you solve this problem?
JB: do you have your wallet?
Me: why do I need my wallet?
JB: hmm do you have paper?
Me: I don’t know ….
JB: I need light green paper.
Me: why??
JB: so we can draw pictures on it and make fake money. Then we can give that to them and go home!
Me: ok I guess that might solve one problem, but it creates a WHOLE OTHER problem of going to jail for passing counterfeit money.
JB: ok then we use someone else’s name.
Me: Identity theft. Oh boy. That’s…. Also a thing you get in trouble for.
JB: then we go hide! They’ll never find us!!
Me: um. Is all that worth it for a pizza though? Is there no other way you can think of to solve this problem?
JB: It is if you don’t have your credit card!

Serious question: Is anyone else concerned how quickly we turned to a life of crime? Over a pizza???

*****

JB: Mom. It’s EGGSHELLENT that Auntie came.
Me: yes, it is EGGSHELLENT.
JB: get it? Egg for Easter egg, shell for crab?
Me: well I DID get it before but now I don’t.

*****

JB: Look at it turning yellow!
Me: I see it.
JB: How can you see it from there??
Me: My eyes work fine! I can see it quite clearly.
JB: Well, your body doesn’t work right, what if you can’t see clearly!?
Me: The rest of my body doesn’t work right. My eyes are excellent!
JB: *radiates skepticism*

*****

JB spelled presents “prestents”: “I thought the T was silent!”

*****

Questions that make you hold your breath for a few seconds: “You know how you told me never to put my hand in the toilet?”

*****

I was trying to figure out why Smol started lunging at me when they’d been buckled into their pocket seat for meals. Finally figured it out when they started patting my knees. They were trying to sign “ready” but couldn’t reach their OWN knees once the tray was set up!

*****

I hugged JB and thanked them for that morning’s independent getting ready, and also for all their helpfulness during a particularly good week. They responded: It’s because of you!
I asked what they meant by that and they said: You’ve taught me MY WHOLE LIFE!

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