My kids and notes: Year 7.8
September 20, 2022
Money Lessons
We finally started up JB’s allowance after an inadvertent kick in the pants from their uncle and auntie (but that kick presented perfect motivation for JB).
We had initially put together a basic framework: this isn’t for the chores themselves which they are expected to do regardless. This base rate ($1.50 per week) is for doing all chores and responsibilities without complaint and without endless reminders. When they volunteer for new chores without being prompted, they get a bonus quarter. They’re required to put half in their long term savings bank and half in their saving to spend bank.
They (and PiC) both thought $1.50 was too low. He tried to negotiate for $5 a week but I held firm. It’s way too easy for them to spend. They need to learn what it feels like to save up for things and that’s not going to happen if they have enough to immediately buy whatever they want every couple of weeks. Plus, the opportunity to earn bonus money weekly is incentivizing their eye for spotting chores that need doing, and that’s something I really want them to develop.
We’ll see how it plays out long term but here’s where their uncle and auntie come in: they each offered to match JB’s savings for spending at the end of a year. They’re going to triple their spending money in one fell swoop. They’re absolutely jazzed about this and on the first day we started up, before they had even established the bonus money, they had volunteered to take over washing some spectacularly grubby slippers that I was scrubbing. The next day, they leapt to sweep up a mess that Smol made. My kid is immensely bribeable.
Week two went well too: they only had a couple reminders to do chores which isn’t excessive or in violation of the rules. They didn’t gripe at all, they just figured out when to do them and did them. Then they hit a jackpot coming up with a yardwork task on their own. I offered them a rate of 25¢ per half bucket, because they were handpicking the stuff all over the yard, and then PiC blew up the whole thing by taking out the big rake and making the task ridiculously easy for them. Way to go, dude. Though, it was incredibly painful doing the payout at the end, not only because I needed to find an additional $7 in quarters but because JB’s grasp of money math is terrible. We’re going to have to keep working on this obviously.
Week three: We hit a snag on the weekend with some dire warnings, and then got back on track.
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We know that it’s best to teach JB how to handle disappointment when it comes because they’re going to have disappointments in life and we don’t want them hobbled by emotions they can’t handle or to become super entitled if we try to insulate them from all disappointment.
It’s sometimes hard to stop the “rescue” kneejerk reaction, though. Especially when they’re hurt by someone else. I think that’s a me thing anyway, before you add the parenting aspect.
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Mom superpowers I wish I had: the ability to cut onions without tearing up.
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Great reading at this age: Castle Hangnail and the Hamster Princess series, both by Ursula Vernon
Life with Smol Acrobat
Some of my favorite things about Smol this month: how they respond to lots of things I say with “oh!” and it sounds so much like “that makes sense!” or “oh ok I get it now” or “ahh I didn’t know that.” Mostly it’s none of those things but I love how it sounds that way.
Like when I say, “can I finish reading this page?” because they’re trying to turn it before I’m ready. “Oh!” and they stop turning the page.
Or “you left your water over there!” “Oh!” as they go in the absolutely wrong direction.
“Put your socks and shoes away.” “Oh!”
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They’re displaying a surprising amount of sentience the second half of this month. They’re talking to me with purpose: pointing out when something has fallen, passing by the office and telling me “ja ja ja ja!” (I’m going that way!) and then “jia jia jia jia” on the way back (arms in the air: I won!).
They’ve started hiding from us as play: tucking themselves under chairs and tables to peep out with a mischievous grin.
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Unfortunately we have hit the Terrible 2-4s ahead of schedule. They aren’t 2 yet! This is going to be a long decade. So much irrational hysteria. So much kicking and screaming and tears on the tough days.
Consecutive reasons they were sobbing for ten minutes one morning:
- They asked for yogurt with granola
- So I served them a cup of yogurt with granola. That started the waterworks.
- I offered to help them eat. 😭
- They wanted a hug. 😭
- They did not want a hug. 😭
- They wanted their yogurt and I gave it to them. 😭
- They wouldn’t eat the yogurt so I moved it. 😭
- I took advantage of their wide open crying mouth and stuffed a bit of yogurt in there.
- That stopped the crying until they swallowed and the yogurt disappeared. 😭
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Books they come back to five times a day:
Down at the Beach
Noodles for Baby
Hush now, Banshee
My Kite is Stuck and other stories
Pupdate
Smol has been learning to help me with feeding Sera. The problem with this is they get Very Attached to Routine. In the mornings, I add some joint powder and a cranberry extract tablet to her bowl, to go with the kibble and chewed fruit that Smol Acrobat previously tasted and refused.
In the afternoons, she just gets kibble.
Smol’s job is to bring me the powder and the tablets. But they don’t have a job if I only give her kibble! So they insist on the whole shebang and then (bizarrely) scolds her when she starts to eat. Not sure what that’s about.
That done, they put away the kibble and the jars and then waits (very) impatiently for Sera to finish eating to give her a dental treat.
Precious Moments
JB: You know an easy way to have flower girls at your wedding?
Me: How?
JB: You just give birth to girls. Then you can get married and have your flower girls!
Me: …… There’s nothing easy about that….
JB: Yeah but then you’d have flower girls!
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Washing a bottle out for Smol Acrobat’s milk, they sounded oddly… content? Behind me? That’s not usually a good sign. I turned to find they’d been happily stuffing their face with something they found on the counter. Usually we have nuts and crackers there, all things they’re allowed to have, but we don’t usually let them serve themselves.
Imagine my surprise when I discovered they had found a secret stash of Sugar Babies and was in the process of gluing their mouth shut with them! I confiscated the few left in the container, and then peeled the lower jaw mold of Sugar Baby stickiness off their bottom teeth. Eewww.
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Smol has some weird priorities.
Wood block? Stick it up the nose.
Pencil? Stick it up the nose.
Pork chop? Stick it up the nose.
COVID test? Absolutely not, get away from me!
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Smol Acrobat signs “open” at the vacuum.
No, it needs to sleep now just like Mommy.
Smol: oh.
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Smol Acrobat signs *milk*.
I offer a cup of milk.
They throw their hands in the air: no no no!
Me: Did you want milk?
Smol: Yah.
Me: This is milk.
Smol: Yah. *takes it like they knew that all along*
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Smol: mum mum!
Me: that’s dad.
Smol looking straight at me, still patting PiC’s arm: MAAAAAAAMMMMM.
As of DC2’s last birthday we’ve been giving 30 cents/year (previously it was 20 cents/year, but inflation was high so I figured now was a good time to do a level bump). So DC2, age 10, is getting $3/week and currently spending it all on chocolate from her friends who are doing an orchestra fundraiser.
I think there’s plenty of time in the future for disappointments that parents can’t fix. And we can always be there for love and support.
DC2 LOVES the hamster princess books.
Hehe inflation affects the kids too! I’m feeling more comfortable with our rate now compared with DC2. We’re only just starting out so there’s room for it to increase as appropriate.
That’s depressingly true. I guess I won’t feel terribly decadently guilty over supplying that mom prize when they ended up getting the school prize anyway. (still worried about their sense of entitlement though….)
The Hamster Princess books are great!
Whoooo! Yay for generous relatives!
Gosh I was planning to start $1 a week once Spud turns 4. Even that doesn’t feel like i will go very far/add up fast. But I don’t think we are at an age where we can do bonuses for extra chores, etc. I’m still not sure how exactly how I’m going to obtain so many coins…Cash, sigh.
And yes, as a lifelong codependent/fawner/rescuer, I also struggle with not jumping in.
JB is SO LUCKY to have the relatives they have!!
I think that sounds great! It should go far enough for a 4 year old, I’d guess? I do hate the coins/cash aspect of it, I’m running out of quarters 😅
We’ll get better with practice!
Oh, I have a suggestion of something to try for the onions. Our current house doesn’t have a vent fan over the stove, but my old one did. I used to put the cutting board across the burners, turn on the fan to its highest setting, and cut with the fan running. It didn’t completely prevention my reaction, but it made a marked difference. Could be worth a shot?
My current trick is to only buy sweet onions. They’re gentle enough that DC2 eats them straight up raw!
I do love a sweet onion! I don’t love how they don’t seem to be consistently and properly identified in the store.
I will try this!
My sister just told me having very sharp knives helps with the onion problem. I DO have pretty sharp knives (sharpening is a friend’s hobby) and I haven’t had onion tears in years. So maybe there’s something to it!
Huh, I wonder why that works! I will keep an eye out for knife sharpening services.