Having it all: careers, our kids, Bon Chon Chicken
September 28, 2015
I made pantry dinner twice last week. A couple other nights saw us reheating leftovers, and then we had take out.
Our lives, post-baby, still revolve around dinner and what to have, and who’ll make it happen.
Things that have to happen before we can settle down and adult for the night: walk the dog(s), feed the dog(s), feed the Inchworm, play with the Inchworm, bathe the Inchworm, feed the Inchworm again, put the Inchworm to bed.
This is after a 12-14 hour day of working and Inchworm-related activities, so, at some point, it doesn’t really matter how we make dinner happen, just that it does happen. Sometimes I’m inspired and have enough short breaks to whip it up delightful oven miracles. Sometimes PiC gets home to an explosion of toys, an Angry Inchworm, épuisé wife, and that means he should magic something out of the pantry or the crisper.
We both work, and we both have to eat, and our schedules are topsy turvy most days. I’m pretty Type A and live by my calendar but these days I’m relaxed enough to count myself happy if we both get our work done in a reasonable time and we both get nourished.
Right in this instant, I’ve only ever been more tired a couple times in my life but I’ve never been this sure that this is the best life right now. I have my baby family, we’re both working and building our careers, and we both have to compromise to make it work.
I think it’s our healthy relationship barometer. When things aren’t going well, dinner is later and sketchier and more often eaten separately and standing up. When we’ve got our bits and pieces in the right bins, we have a bit of a warm potato pass off. I might have started a side or an entree cooking, leaving the finishing touches to PiC while I wrangle the kidlet, or I might have a one pot meal finishing up when he walks in the door so he gets to walk the kids. Other nights I have exactly two brain cells still keeping each other warm in the frosty cavern of a mind and he’ll arrive with a basket of Korean fried chicken to go with the cold rice I’d made lots of the day before.
Every day there’s a compromise. He takes the early morning shift (and weekends) so I can sleep. I sleep an extra hour or two so that I can take the all day shift. We split the evening duties because we’ve both worked long days and some things are easier with four hands and a knee.
In other words: symbiosis.
Frankly the only one who’s losing out on this equation at the moment is Seamus who is nursing hurt feelings over my pushing back my dining chair and accidentally running him over a little. I’m sorry!
Actually he’s having a bit of a rough time overall: he doesn’t get our undivided attention, LB likes him too much and therefore he comes in for a share of slobbery kiss attempts he’s not much into, and he’d like to play more. But all of these things would be, minus the slobber, wishful thinking even without LB because we have to be really careful of his skin.
It’s not doggy heaven but he gets fed enough and regularly, he has three beds and more warm places to rest his grizzled muzzle than he can use, he’s well loved, gets walks three times a day and sometimes we run into his fellow doggy the Titan and they have a mighty clash-romp.
Other compromises: I still do all our tax planning and financial stuff. I love it, and I’m a control freak. He does our auto maintenance: repairs, routine checks and gassing up. I do most of the laundry, he’s got the dishes and most of the sweeping and vacuuming. Travel planning: me. Grocery shopping: him. Electronics, purchasing and fixing: me. Clothing, picking out sporting goods, fun gear: him.
Nothing’s perfect, we have our little tiffs when one or the other is flat out of patience and exhausted but they’re rare. We’re getting better at saying: I’m so tired, can you do X for me please.
Like when he ran his first road race since LB came along. He does 99% of the morning duties. This time, he mentioned that he really needed a good sleep before he went out running, so at 5 am when ze was burbling away, I dragged myself up to take care of hir for a couple hours. He was immensely grateful and made sure I had some time to rest to make up for it later. We don’t keep score, per se, we’ve just been practicing listening a lot more.
Compromise! It’s our secret sauce.
Compromise and communication are two of the most important things in a relationship in my opinion!
🙂
I love this post Revanche! I’m still smiling. Sometimes you just gotta eat, right? It doesn’t always matter how it happens!
Will you tell me how old your children are? I know the youngest is a baby and I have an idea about the eldest but I’m not quite sure. This is need to know information! After all, I’m their aunt by long distance, right? Haha! Don’t freak, I’m many states and miles away, lol.
I love the relationship you and you’re spouse have! That’s fantastic and an excellent give and take. Mr. Crackin’ does help with cooking, dishes, cleaning, etc. However, I actually started a post about how I don’t mind doing “woman’s work” on a tough weekend where everything seemed to break! When things get tough, we have “his” and “her” duties because um, you know, skills! I don’t know that I could fix the dishwasher or do auto maintenance. Maybe only to save my life? Yeah maybe I could do it then.
Other than that, Mr. Crackin’ doesn’t do laundry (his granny told him this was not a man’s job) and I don’t drive him around even though we car share (my granny didn’t drive my grandpa around)! Of course, this all goes out the window in a “time of need”!
Compromise, that’s what it’s all about!
Yes indeed, we have to eat and that’s the important thing.
Hehe I’m always very vague about personal details on here (the internet is forever!!!) so for public consumption: the youngest (human) is under a year this year, the oldest (canine) is maybe about a decade or so? That one I’m fuzzier about.
I have to laugh at the “women’s work” thing cause according to our skills over here, it would not at ALL look the same as the commonly assumed definition. And that’s cool. Cause like you, in a time of need, everyone does a bit of everything!
I wish we were anywhere near that organized. Right now, we’re both down for the count, but groceries stubbornly refuse to float their way over to our house. Just ate peanut butter off a spoon because there’s no bread.
I need one of us to get better. Especially because I just gave up candy again and am about to start PMSing — run for your lives! — so everything is about to seem exponentially worse.
I promise this isn’t being organized, just being flexible. Which is good when you’re both dragging because no one but the kid got sleep!
Sounds like you have a great partnership. It’s an inspiration. 🙂
Aw gee, thanks! We work hard at it 🙂
Having witnessed your partnership firsthand for a whole five days (!), I must say I am in awe of you two and how you work together as a team to make your household work. Not to stereotype my neighbors but it is not at all common in the Southeastern US, so it was refreshing to see your relationship at work!
<3 I am glad you didn't come away thinking "oh how dysfunctional!" :)