December 20, 2017
Tantrum CITY
We have had the best and worst month. We did lots of fun things together, and they were legitimately fun. But they were also punctuated by some of the worst tantrums I have ever seen. You know us, we’re not going to let zir get away with that. There were quite a few times ze pulled a Bratty Chihuahua and sat down in the middle of the street, so I’d toss zir over my shoulder like a sack of potatoes and haul that hollering sack home.
The worst of this is knowing that kids pull the boneless act even when they’re much older. This has to stop!
Last year, I chalked these tantrums up to brain leaps, they were temporary but usually preceded some serious mental growth spurt. This year, I don’t know what it’s all about. Maybe this is preceding a parenting growth spurt because I have had to cultivate so much patience. (more…)
November 22, 2017
JuggerBaby legitimately and of zir own volition apologized this month for the first time. It might have been for elbowing me in the throat.
We learned from daycare that at age 2, it’s not good to pressure kids to apologize because that mainly teaches them to say the words but not necessarily mean it when the more important lesson is for them to use their empathy and care if they hurt someone. It was a little bit of a struggle but we banished “say sorry!” from our stock phrases and just demonstrated the appropriate use of apologies in our everyday interactions.
JB has offered a couple of offhand apologies, since. Big steps!
Speaking of daycare
We’re really struggling here.
Ze has at least one of our tempers, or both, and most definitely my lack of tolerance for kids encroaching on my territory, or getting in my face. A kid taking things away from zir, or yelling NO in zir face usually gets a physical reaction. That’s one big problem. (more…)
October 25, 2017
Sleep shenanigans
Another month, another sleep challenge.
It seems like JB is having nightmares because a few mornings a week, ze wakes up crying, with real tears, and calling for me. It’s a total departure from zir usual routine where ze ONLY wants Dad so it makes me think there’s a bit more trauma.
Ze doesn’t have the concepts to explain to us why ze is so upset so I can only hope that ze didn’t also inherit my propensity for bonecrushingly scary nightmares. They started so early I actually don’t recall the onset, but I do recall many of them to this day. I used to curl up next to Mom and Dad’s closed bedroom door because I was literally scared stiff, too afraid to knock on the door. Not because I thought they’d be mad but just because the nightmare had me in its grip even after I’d woken.
(more…)
September 13, 2017
IT ME
Someone has developed self awareness.
(JB: Me!)
Me: Someone ate all my crackers.
JB: ME!
PiC: Someone doesn’t have the-
JB: ME!
Pic: -best hand-eye coordination.
PiC: Someone’s made a mess here.
JB: *proudly slaps chest* ME!
Consequences
Sometimes JuggerBaby gets so frustrated by a no, or life, that ze gets rude, sulky, and throws things. Now, being frustrated is normal. That happens. But ze isn’t allowed to throw things in anger – it’s hit me, PiC, or Seamus in the past and that hurts!
Ze requested goat pictures and a book and conditional permission was granted: after ze got socks and shoes on. For some reason, probably impatience, ze was struggling and got mad at the socks for not just getting on zir feet. The socks went airborne, and the goat pictures were forfeit.
My voice got quite level and stern, “you’ve lost goat pictures, the book is yours to earn or lose.” The shoes went on the wrong feet, then the right feet, then, “may I have goat pictures, please?”
“No, you threw your socks so that means no goat pictures today. You have your book.”
“May I have goat pictures, please?”
“That’s a good ask but the answer is still no. Remember throwing your socks?”
*nods*
“That’s why you can’t have goat pictures now, throwing socks is not ok.”
“May I have goat pictures please?”
“No, but tomorrow you can try again, without throwing socks. If you do, then you can have goat pictures.”
“Oh. Ok.”
Freedom and sleep shenanigans
We didn’t have enough going on, so JuggerBaby thought it’d be HILARIOUS to climb out of zir crib and fall overboard with the loudest thump you ever did hear.
SpiderBaby this kid is not.
I soothed zir and back to bed ze went, but softy that he is, PiC decides to release zir from the crib the next day, converting it into a toddler bed. Ze really is getting too long for this small crib but it’s “home” and ze will fit for a while longer.
Honestly we could have released the wee beastie months ago but ze was content and so were we.
Now, though. Now ze has had a taste of freedom. And ze is a mixed up pile of not knowing what to do with it. One night, ze insisted I stay in the room with zir. So I did, and ze caterwauled for 15 minutes before dropping off to sleep. Another night, ze kept trying to snuggle with me which was cute but awkward. I hide my illicit phone activities under a blanket but when the toddler insists on being Big Spoon and then pops up with a “what doing, mama?” every couple of minutes, ze is bound to catch me in the act of blogging or emailing.
Most nights involve a little chasing back to bed. The novelty of being able to slide out of bed physically, not just sitting in the cage stalling for time, is a delicious heady brew and ze can’t get enough of it.
But mama has her ways. One night I shrugged and said I’d sleep in zir bed, then. “No! I sleep own bed!”
Another night I stood watch at the door for a few minutes listening to the giggling and in zir amusement, ze forgot to make a break for it.
Occasionally PiC intervenes but I often shoo him away. He takes every single wake up, every painful morning, without fail so I insist on sticking to my end of the bargain. Night calls are my calls.
It’s a mixed bag, honestly, but we’ll see if ze settles down soon, for good.
After naps it’s like ze forgets the prison door has been unlocked, and hollers for Daddy repeatedly. When I show up at the door, ze asks: may I get out?
It’s a slight improvement on when ze would holler for me, specifically to tell me: I want daddy.
Really? You called me in here ten times to go get daddy?
Yes. Daddy please.
Dietary development
Something weird happened this summer: salad became desirable! It started when we shared a Costco Ceasar salad. Ze has an obsession with dipping foods in sauces, and lettuce into Ceasar dressing was a match made in heaven. The next dinner salad that was served turned into a greens massacre, leaving us adults with only salad toppings and frisée to eat. Frisée being, as any civilized being would know, not nearly green enough.
Brain development
The contrast between this month and the month ze turned two is unbelievable. At that time, I thought we were DOOMED. Ze was irrational, demanding, and melted down at all possible provocations, including breathing the same air as ze was breathing.
Now, though ze has moments of frustrations or even tantrums, a semi reasonable child is about five minutes away with a bit of space and even tempered handling. Of course if you get cranky and snappish, it escalates, and boy howdy does it escalate. And of course when we’re tired, that’s exactly what happens until everyone is cranky.
Precious #parenting moments
Me: Put on your pants.
JB: I can’t.
Me: Why?
JB: My hands broken.
***
JuggerBaby snuck out of zir room in the middle of the night, cackling. Spun around to run back in, full speed into the door. BAM!!!
I laughed so hard that ze laughed, too.
It’s pretty clear that JB has inherited the Complete and Utter Klutz gene from me.
:: How did you learn that actions have consequences? Do you remember changing your mind about any particular food that was previously anathema?
August 16, 2017
Books, books, everywhere
We read three books to JuggerBaby before bed every night. On the rare occasions PiC isn’t there for bedtime, that can go up to seven as compensation for loss of daddy, but that’s only happened a few times in zir short life.
We once agreed that after being long distance for nearly a decade, we were ready to settle down and stay that way, in near proximity to our family for a long time.
We repeat lots of books; I’ve read that repetition is good for young children because it helps reinforce language. I can certainly see it developing as ze memorizes the stories and bursts out with truncated rushed narration every few pages.
It makes me wonder what my parents did at this age. Supposedly I already knew how to read so maybe they let me read to myself? We didn’t own many books, though, just the encyclopedia and a dictionary. I remember reading newsprint and smudging everything, though.
Sweet sleeper
For a whole week this month, I was instructed to stay in zir room with zir, after bedtime: Mama sleep dere peez. I’d just lay down and pretend to go to sleep for five or ten minutes, sometimes fifteen, and after several “Mama, what doin?” queries, ze would pass out. On Night 8, PiC passed out during reading and bedtime, so he groggily offered to stay for a while in my stead. Nothing doing, though. Night 8, ze kicked us both out: Mama, Dada, sleep own bed. Good night!
PiC: Can Dada stay?
JuggerBaby: No, Dada sleep own bed, good night!
Well then!
I don’t know why it continually surprises me that JuggerBaby’s sleep habits change so frequently. I’ve never been a good sleeper. Since early childhood, I’ve been prone to nightmares, restless sleep, and insomnia even before the pain became a problem. Was it just wishful thinking to hope that ze would inherit PiC’s amazing powers of falling asleep anywhere, anytime? Probably.
Manners
I love that daycare teaches the kids new concepts, but I don’t love that they don’t come with manners. This month we’ve been working very hard on the concept of manners.
Instead of “I don’t WANT it!!!”, we prefer “No thank you.”
Instead of “I WANT THAT”, we prefer “May I have….”
It took weeks but ze finally started voluntarily asking for things politely:
“May I see?”
“May I hold it?”
“May I have more stickers, please?”
“May I have mama’s purse?”
“May I sleep in big bed, please?”
Bathtime playtime
The bath is incidental, from JuggerBaby’s point of view. Ze just expects to splash in zir tub of water while a bath happens to zir. I used to vaguely plan to get zir some bath toys but ze has been perfectly content with a handful of blocks, a boat, and a few empty shampoo bottles. It used to be about building and stacking, now clearly the imagination has set in as ze “cooks pasta” by using small containers to fill larger ones and we pretend to eat “pizza and pasta and butter and avocado!” (Ew)
What’s even more interesting is that ze clearly understands the concept of “pretend” now. The “pasta” and other food groups are water but ze understands that this is pretend only, so we don’t really drink the water. “Oh, no drink?” “No, just pretend.” “Oh ok.”
I know for a fact that I didn’t grasp that “pretend” wasn’t real until well after 7 or 8. My jerk sibling took full advantage of this, of course. It’s one of the reasons I felt stupid for so long – he was a master at manipulating me from very early on and it took too many years to catch on.
I’m hoping we’re giving JuggerBaby the tools to spot these things without falling for an abuser’s tricks first. I often wonder if our coddling means ze won’t believe us that terrible people exist, when I’m closely related to some of them, because I won’t let them near zir.
Precious #parenting moments
- JB + tape measure: it taller and taller and taller!
Me: Be careful, that can cut you.
JB: and taller and ‘igher and taller ow
- JB: MY CHIN OWIE!
Me: what happened?
JB: I pinch it.
Me: so don’t do that.
JB: Oh.
- Things I’ve washed out of JB’s hair: yogurt, rice, red wax, guacamole, orange pulp, cheese, sand, fur, corn kernels, scrambled eggs…
- Me: JB, you have two minutes before we turn off the tv.
JB: NO!
Me: *mother’s glare of THAT WAS RUDE*
JB: ONE MINUTE!
Me: …. Ok.
:: Did you ever struggle with sleep? Did you prefer to sleep alone or share your room with live or stuffed companions? Is there a good effective way to teach kids about people and their machinations without hurting them?
July 12, 2017
Books, books, everywhere
Did you know that some daycares let kids take books with them to their napping cots? Ours does and now JuggerBaby has to take a book, or five, to bed with zir every night.
We’ve had to set a hard limit of 2 small books for the bed lest ze fall asleep perched atop a mountain of all the books ze can carry.
Helper monkey
Amidst a really hard weekend of meltdowns, JuggerBaby turned into a most helpful creature. Once summer rolls in, Seamus’s allergies flare up, every single year and he requires twice daily feet wraps to ward off infection, calm his hot spots, and relieve his itching. It’s pathetic. This summer, though, his human sibling didn’t just try to horn in on the foot wrapping “fun” like last year when ze demanded I “yap feet!” for zir to look just like Brother. This year, ze is more advanced and less self centered. When ze spotted me closely examining his feet, ze loudly announced that Brother had “ows!” and ran to bring me the first aid kit, his treats, and generally made zirself useful by hovering closely and giving him treats as I worked.
I wouldn’t go so far as to say he appreciated it but he didn’t hate the treats.
Just one bite
JuggerBaby still has terrible table manners – frequently trying to steal off PiC’s plate; depositing rinds, peels and cobs on my plate like it’s zir mobile compost bin; randomly overstuffing zir mouth with one food only to chew it and spit it out because you stupidly offered zir something else to eat next. Next can’t come too soon for this toddler. We’ve learned our lesson – never ever offer zir anything new when that mouth is full.
The one thing that’s gone well is ze is still open to new foods and tastes. Even if ze doesn’t think ze will like it at first, occasionally refusing foods on the basis of I don’t wanna, ze is still willing to give anything a single bite trial. We tell zir often: just try one bite. If you don’t like it, then swallow that bite but you don’t have to eat any more.
I’m positive that wouldn’t have worked on me, but it’s perfect for zir. Ze has often rejected food out of hand, mostly out of pique. The dawning realization that this pancake/salmon/pickle is awesome is followed by a delighted “I LIKE it!!!”
Success.
Perhaps my proudest moment was serving a totally new dinner of grilled salmon, rice with mixed veggies, and broccolini the other night. Ze has eaten all these food types before but I’ve never served this meal. With zero fuss over the food, ze cleaned zir plate and asked to try the arugula quinoa salad too. Though ze returned a half chewed arugula leaf to me, “I don’t like it”, I can’t blame zir. Peppery leaves? Why??
Ze has come around on the notion of cake, too. Last year, cake was strange and distasteful. This year, we can’t get enough of it!
I wonder if this will be consistent into zir older years. I recall being very adventurous when I didn’t know better, eating fertilized eggs and jellyfish and other interesting native culture foods. Never durian, though, that stuff is a taunt from hell. As an adult, though, I’ve had to actively push myself to try new things like beets and kale and parsnips, or give previously despised foods a chance like yogurt and tomatoes.
Precious #parenting moments
- JB: I want yoom.
Me: Broom?
JB: Ya. Yooom.
- Me: Did you just suck the butter off the green bean, then give it back???
JB: Yes!
Me: …… just … go.
JB: JUST GOOOOO!!!
- From across the room: *thunk* Ow. *thunk* Ow. *thunk* Ow. *thunk* Ow. *thunk* Ow. *thunk* Ow.
Me: JB?
JB: Mama?
Me: Stop hitting yourself?
JB: *thunk*
- PiC: Want to share a banana?
JB: Yes!
PiC: Here. Have a bite.
JB: My ‘nana. Dadda get own ‘nana.
- Me: Go wash your hands.
JB: I wait my toon.
Me: ? It is your turn.
JB: MAMA WASH, I WAIT TURN!
:: How was your palate as a kid? Is it better or worse in adulthood?
June 14, 2017
Skills
Complete sentences and abstract thought
JuggerBaby normally skips words ze can’t pronounce or doesn’t think are relevant. This makes for conversations more akin to translating pantomime and Choose Your Own Adventure than communication. It gets even fuzzier when ze slips into a play-pretend mode in the middle of a normal conversation. At dinner we might be talking about people ze knows, the food’s characteristics, and then suddenly we’ll be pretending to drink tea, or cooking. I’m sure JuggerBaby wonders why we’re mentally slow and why it takes us 5 minutes to catch up to zir imaginings.
As usual, the norm abruptly changed this month.
Out of the blue, ze started telling us “I like this!” Who taught zir that concept?? But munching down on some pastry, ze will cheerfully pipe up: mama, I like this!
And the next day: mama, I need water, please!
And then: no more stah-berries? No more boo-berries? Onee peach right now?
It seems like ze is grasping the more abstract concepts that we don’t always have exactly what ze wants, when ze wants it. That led me to thinking of how I don’t remember ever complaining of hunger as a young child. Though I certainly skipped meals with unhealthy regularity in the early days of this blog to save money, I will never forget to be grateful that my child has enough to eat.
Fruit according to JuggerBaby and language shifts
Stah-berry – strawberry
Boo-berry – blueberry
Peesch – peach
Backberries- blackberries
JuggerBaby’s taking liberties with the English language again. Suddenly everything comes with an “y” at the end of it:
Noy = no
Oh noy! = oh no!
Boy = bowl
appy ertay oo-oo = happy birthday to you
moy = more
Toddler portion sizes
Speaking of eating, it seems that JuggerBaby is finally eating about the recommended toddler portion sizes for a meal. From the point ze started eating solid food til about 2-3 weeks ago, ze has eaten 2-3 times the recommended-by-pediatricians amount, and has suddenly switched to a much lower gear and eats far far less. At first I was a bit worried but ze wasn’t starving, just self regulating. A few times it was really because playing during dinnertime was more entertaining than eating, but waking up two hours early and STAAAARVING seems to have taught zir a lesson in eating when the eating’s good.
Counting
Ze can count up to ten, but ze hasn’t made the connection between the numbers and the idea that they are used in a specific way. Ze used to count all the items on the dinner table, this is how I know ze knows 1-10, but ask zir to count at any random time and ze will cheerfully do so: one-two, one-two, one-TWO!
…. that’s six.
Reading comprehension
Ze is on a huge mimicking kick right now. Clearly both we and zir teachers are doing the same things when we read. Normally, when I read simpler stories to zir, I try to engage zir by asking what things are on the page. It’s backfired. Now ze insists on holding the book up and points at every illustration quizzing us: wat izzit?
Now I encourage zir to act out parts of the story instead. See me next month when ze turns me into zir very own thespian to direct.
Household chores
The industrious little helper monkey I always joked about has arrived! JuggerBaby now insists on peeling oranges for me, and vacuuming, obsessed to the point of falling to the ground crying when I hooked up a new attachment to the vacuum and didn’t give zir first dibs.
Too like a mischievous monkey, though. You can never turn your back on zir without possibly being leapt on. You might be unable to lift your left leg for reasons of 30 pounds of child suddenly latching onto it, or having that same child dart around you cackling and racing to shut the door in your face.
Helper monkeys may be more work than help.
It’s also really strange to see how zir empathy works, or doesn’t. Ze thinks nothing of slapping you across the face, clawing at you like a angry cat, pinning down a limb and trying to bite the belugas out of it. Not a drop of remorse to be found, and if you were caught by surprise and yell “ow!” ze laughs like a homocidal sociopath.
At the same time, I’ve explained that some games are too rough because my hands hurt and each time I decline to hold hands and play a rough game, ze gently holds that injured hand, asks “mama ow?”, pets it, kisses it and gently hugs me. Or ze will get wildly enthused about something, grab my painful hand, and even before I can wince, ze catches zirself and says “oh no! Mama ow!”
Even stranger, it might have been a few days since my hands were that dire, but ze will remember and scold me for playing with that hand, patting it and reminding me that it hurts.
It’s hard to reconcile the Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde flip flops.
Sweet sleeper
We always have our ups and downs but I cherish those nights when we have a peaceful dinner, quiet bathtime, go through a pile of books and then ze settles in for sleep. I’m not sure how it’ll work when we open up the crib so ze isn’t trapped anymore but ze usually has several good nights in a row settling in without a fight for a long night of sleep. The irony is I can’t thoroughly enjoy the peace because of my own recalcitrant body, but I appreciate the ability to lay down starting at 8 or 9 and stay put!
Precious #parenting moments
- JuggerBaby kissed me on the nose and then head butted me twice. That sums up our relationship pretty well.
- My two freaking year old just told me “I do me, mama, you do you.”
- JuggerBaby grabs my hand and shakes it: nice to meetchu!
- JuggerBaby hovering a piece of an orange rind near zir mouth: “ahh? ahhh?” Joke’s on you, kid.
:: What helper animal would you pick? What’s your favorite summer fruit?