Dogs missing their kids. Sera can’t stand that JB is gone at all day at school and just about jumps out of her skin when they come home. They don’t even hang out when we’re all home together but the dogs want us together anyway. They have a weird shepherding type of insistence about these things.
The research on materialism: “Children who recall that their parents just bought them stuff when they wanted it, or who paid them money or bought them things when they got good grades, there’s a very consistent association that when these things happen in childhood, when that person is an adult, they’re more likely to be materialistic.
And I’m looking now at what parents do when their kid’s unhappy, or upset, or they have a big disappointment—how do parents deal with that? And my preliminary evidence suggests that it’s something that’s learned in childhood. The parents might say, “Oh, you didn’t make it on to the team—let’s go out and have something to eat,” or, “Let’s go out and get you a new video game—that’ll take your mind off it.” Well, if the parents do that with their kids, we find that as adults, people are more likely to deal with distress in the same way, by giving themselves a little gift.”
I can’t even remember my parents caring about my emotions. Mom must have done but we didn’t talk much about personal stuff when I was younger, and I didn’t know how to communicate well, so – no memories. I feel like I’m starting from scratch a little bit with JB in that regard. I do remember my friends having emotions and being what I thought of as weird because they seemed irrational though. Years on, I realize that they were totally normal in having emotions and you know, being human.
I put it out of sight, in my study, where only I can see it, and I have turned it to face the wall. So I am punishing the little fucker like the malevolent clown he was, I can look at it and remember the honour, and above all I am writing behind Lovecraft’s back.
Sniff. I knew Cait from her Blonde on a Budget days and I’ll miss her voice.
Cloud on Reclaiming Time. A friend with an older child talked about this playing into their decision not to have a second child or to add a dog to their family yet. She’s enjoying having her time back and I think it’s really smart of her to make a conscious decision to protect her time.
This is why intersectional feminism and eliminating toxic masculinity is for everyone– when men are assaulted, they are also dismissed, called liars, and disbelieved. Sexual assaulters can go on and hurt many more people before the first targets will be believed. This is atrocious. We need to do better for everyone: women, men, children.
Sometimes you need to drop that thing you’re writing. Kind of like how sometimes it’s just not worth reading something you’re truly not enjoying even a little bit.
What I learned about weight loss from spending a day inside a metabolic chamber: One of science’s best tools for understanding obesity is debunking myths about metabolism…. The big theme in many of these studies: Our metabolism silently shifts under new conditions and environments in ways we’re not usually aware of.
Is tail walking a dolphin’s dancing? Why would a wild dolphin carry on doing it after learning from a peer? (Learned from dolphins in captivity)
Learned helplessness
We’ve experienced this learned helplessness in our lives. After she’d gotten very sick with no good diagnosis or treatment, and their businesses had crashed, Dad was basically useless (not working, sunk in his own ego problems), she was trying really hard to work but her health was in the crapper, Mom reverted to a mentality I’d never seen before: blaming bad luck.
I don’t believe that we can think or willpower our way through everything and anything. You can’t wish away ill health (the cosmos knows I’ve tried!) or systemic ills, but I do believe that a helplessness mentality will undermine everything you do.
(There was a video here but I realized I didn’t have time to vet the sources so I’d rather remove it until I have a chance to do that.)
Mrs. Steward on work uniforms. I am developing a very uh … shabby chic(?) uniform? I own one pair of jeans that are showing their age, a very comfy pair of athletic type pants and three pairs of leggings in variable quality and thicknesses. Most of the time the jeans and athletic pants are rotated all week, but I started rotating the black leggings with a longer top plus my super comfy cardigan. What do you wear to work and play?
I most certainly dream about luxury travel but we still haven’t done it. The most luxurious thing we’ve done is enjoyed a lounge as part of our travel card benefits. The travel itself remains the main attraction.
I want to jump up and down for NK Jemisin who won a third Hugo in a row. Historic! Her Broken Sky trilogy is beyond amazing. (This link is NOT broken, WordPress is just being a wart and pretending that it is, and I can’t fix it. ARGH!)
Cloud on uncertainty and grace. I’m trying to practice this now that we’re hitting some troughs in our once-balanced lives. We’ve had an extraordinarily good run in job stability and it’s ended but I remind myself that we went through a trough before this good peak and that if we are lucky and work at it, we will end this trough with another peak. I can’t embrace the good without acknowledging and understanding that bad comes with it. Or put it another way, we spent three years with professional ease which allowed us to deal with a most difficult phase of parenting and now that THAT is arguably less harrowing, the professional side of our lives needs more attention. That’s fair.
I’m glad to see Kelly Marie Tran again. The online harassment of her as a woman and POC with a leading role in Star Wars was unconscionable. Also, I adored her character in Star Wars.
First Burn
I missed this Hamildrop in April but it is SENSATIONAL. Just utterly beautiful down to the bone.
Small win: The sun came out long enough for me to wash out the garbage bins this week. First time in months! Of course I have mud all over my shoes now but the bins don’t stink.
I do my best to give candid feedback for my teams. Whether or not it makes me comfortable, the most important thing is that they are learning from mistakes and having the chance to improve their performance.
Three research-based ways to maximize the fun of leisure activities: “The key to enjoying your leisure activities is to live in the moment as much as possible. Be spontaneous and don’t live by the calendar”
They make a good point about not setting an end time but still, I think we do better when we have boundaries like start and stop times, and only one fun activity scheduled per day off. It lets us fully enjoy the thing we’re doing and still get enough rest so we’re not paying the price later. How do you schedule fun?
The Queer Art of Failing Better: “In 2018, Queer Eye is no longer necessarily “For The Straight Guy,” as it was in the aughts, but being a straight mainstream white guy now seems to come with an elevated risk of panic in the face of basic life-skills like learning to clean your room and deal with your childhood traumas. Up till now, this was the demographic that was always told that if they just hung on long enough, someone else would eventually do it for them. Probably a woman.”
“The work that the Fab Five are doing for the luckless, loveless men of Georgia is girlfriend work. It is emotional labor, domestic labor, the work that anyone who has ever dated a straight man will recognize.”
