Small win: We had an extra long stretch on the social calendar in addition to my tripled workload. It was touch and go whether I’d make it through without blowing my top. I made it!! What were your wins this week?
I’m thrilled for Stacking Pennies, one of my original early days money blogging friends. She is expecting!
The Fuck-over-ability Index: As a manager, I definitely don’t pry into my people’s lives or encourage them to overcommit financially so we can overwork them. That’s messed up. I expect them to do a great job because that’s the job while I do my best to compensate them fairly and treat them well. And regardless, I expect that attrition will happen because that’s how it works.
The quiz was reasonably accurate for us though. I scored a 22: You can push back on your boss if they’re being totally unreasonable without fear of immediately going into financial ruin if you lose your job.
Waffles on Wednesday talks privilege. I like it when people are willing to speak on this, and when we practice gratitude for our many advantages and blessings.
A trustworthy immigration lawyer I know vouches for this group of lawyers fundraising to litigate against Jeff Sessions. If you can support them, that would be a tangible way to fight the ongoing horribleness with immigration in the US.
Sandy dug into the fine print of the Tulsa Real Estate Fund and points out some very valid concerns. It would be awesome for this fund to succeed, but as a mentor and I lamented, not on the backs of our own people (respectively). We see investing schemes and money advice that are about exploiting the community rather than building it up and it’s highly concerning because there are a lot of people trying to make their financial situations a little better, and a lot of people out there to take advantage of the shared connections, to take advantage of them. I truly hope they make some minor changes to ensure that doesn’t play out here.
Anthony Bourdain’s passing saddened me, he was such a creative thinker and I admired his risk taking and unique perspectives. One of the reasons I liked Anthony Bourdain (as much as you can like someone you’ve never met) is because I admired his ability to deal with his own pain and anger without projecting it on others, and instead trying to portray the humanity of cultures that were not his own without trying to look superior or like he’s the first to discover them. There was no appropriation or disrespect, it was entirely the opposite, and that was refreshing.
Scalzi on coolness vs not coolness. This is exactly how I’ve been thinking of the cool / not cool designations in our friend groups! But it does leave me I’m confused where I go because I’m definitely not cool (people don’t expend energy coming to me, by and large), am very ok with that not-coolness, but also don’t put energy out to draw people in, either.
Not due to racism, obviously, but JB doesn’t have much of a relationship with my Dad right now. It wasn’t due to lack of effort on our part at first but I’ve stopped trying. Ze doesn’t seem to notice that my parent isn’t in zir life. Ze has noticed that ze hasn’t met my mom and knows that she’s dead but perhaps due to age, or because I’ve supplied multiple surrogates. I am maintaining a policy of not lying but am working on giving zir more neutral and graspable answers suitable for a 3 year old.
Do you have any pre-marriage and/or pre-kids regrets? Things you wished you’d done? I kind of wish we had traveled a little more, mostly because I now appreciate how many times simpler it was back then.
Over at MarketPlace, Tanja breaks down “How to save twice your salary (or more) by age 35“. She started with a zero net worth at age 28 so she knows some things. As always, I never think “everyone can do it because I could” but rather “there’s always something we can learn, it might help”.
Roxane’s piece is painful to read. The things she has had to go through because our society is so incredibly judgemental.
Ah ha! Neuroplasticity and Novelty Effect! The reasons I keep researching tropical vacation deals, or seeking the next freelance gig, even while I’m stretched out on the sofa comfortably going about my routine and know that I can’t commit to anything like a new volunteer gig or workout routine: “….when you make time for new skills that are personally interesting to you, the benefits of success are heightened. Your body will actually release more dopamine when you achieve goals that your mind has deemed more interesting and fulfilling to your core interests and values.
….The novelty effect is a particularly strange psychological phenomenon that shines a light on just how finicky the human brain can be when it comes to feeling renewed and ready to go back to work. Research has uncovered that your performance at a task will initially improve when a new technology or process is introduced. That’s right—you can instantly get better at something old simply because your brain will be interested in the new process on the block.”
The DIY Scientist, the Olympian, and the Mutated Gene: “Something was “terribly wrong,” as she put it, but she didn’t even bother to tell her parents about it. Other people went to doctors and got solutions. That had never happened for Jill, so she started looking for answers on her own, the way a kid would.”
It took me 20 years to get any answers but my medical journey was far less interesting and revelatory.
I don’t miss pregnancy, PUPPs, or being unable to touch my toes. I don’t miss missing sleep, or having that mildly insane moment when I think “we’re never going to survive this”, or the tantrums we were having twice a day like clockwork last week. I don’t miss wondering things like Mrs Frugalwoods’ “surely five-year-olds can pull up their own pants and don’t walk around with their bums hanging out“. But I do miss my 12-20 month old something fierce. I adore this child with every fiber of my being, except those three toes ze just stomped on while enthusiastically River Dancing to “Let It Go” (yes, it’s invaded our home).
White male managers treat their colleagues worse when it’s not a white man at the helm of their company: Researchers found that white male executives working under a female and/or racial minority were also less likely to provide help to fellow colleagues, with an especially negative effect on help provided to minority status colleagues. Come on, men. I know you can be better than this. I’ve seen better with my own eyes.
Joe talks about inheritances. I want to leave JB *something* but that’s more along the lines of a solid foundation with less debt than the average kid, self respect and skills to make zir way in the world, without being overly burdened by caring for us. And in the end, I know I’m just hoping my hardest that ze will turn out to be a good person.
Yet Another PF Blog asked some great questions recently: Bloggers: Are you transparent about your economic class on your blog? Is your content geared toward readers in your same demographic / level of PF knowledge? How much do you work to make your content accessible? Readers: What level of transparency do you want from your personal finance bloggers? What kind of content do you want to see? Do you feel like the community as it is now has sufficiently targeted your interests and questions?
Stacey Abrams’ debt shouldn’t disqualify her for running for governor. Point one: the life she describes – supporting her parents who took in her young niece, student loans, etc – is a hugely familiar story to me. It’s repeated over and over in my family and doesn’t mean that the person in debt is bad or makes bad decisions. It means that they feel responsibility well beyond what the average American feels to their community and they do their best to step up. Ignoring the fact that many others in our country are burdened by similar kinds of debt is shameful and stupid. Point two: people tend to assume that being in difficult financial straits will push you toward corruption. I point you to our President and countless politicians who don’t have debt and are happily lining their pockets with lobbyist money. At least her debt comes from trying to do the right thing.
Just act like a cat
Raccoon 1: “Here’s the plan, you go in the house, act like a cat and they’ll give you food?
