By: Revanche

My kid and notes from Year 3.2

May 21, 2018

Meltdown city, continued

We had four glorious days with JB. Ze was calm and cheerful, reasonable, playful and obedient. That was an amazing four days. The OTHER days were soooo much harder. The tantrums of last month? Came to stay.

Ze was so prone to melting down over the most nonsensical reasons, it was incredibly hard to grab hold of my temper with both hands and hang on tight through it all.

We had to be alert for when ze was simply being bratty or when ze was losing ability to reason and react accordingly. One bleak afternoon, overdue for a nap, ze started to melt down AGAIN because ze didn’t WANT to go to put on pajamas, didn’t WANT Daddy, WANT MOMMY! (believe me, if I was the one putting zir to bed, that would be reversed immediately), don’t WANT to read a book.

I grabbed zir vest and dug into the pockets with both hands and told zir to do the same: take out alllll that attitude. Scoop out the grumpy! Pull out all your grouchiness and whining and tears and yucky feelings and dump them on the floor here. I’ll sweep it up later. Go on, pull it all out!

Ze started to crack a smile and dug in enthusiastically with both hands. Then we dug into the other pocket: take out your best listening ears, put them on. Take out your Good Attitude hat, pull that down on your head. Take out your listening to Daddy mittens, put them on! There. Now you’re all ready to go off with Dad.
Ze came pattering back 2 seconds later: I lost my mittens!
Here you go, silly kitten, here are your mittens.

Blessed peace, for 45 minutes.

Memory of an emu

We’ve been totally frustrated by the tantrums and constant little defiances even after my revelation last month about not taking it too personally. I decided that for my own temper and anger management, I needed to look at the whole thing differently. I decided to treat every single  interaction as a new and fresh one, totally not influenced by the ten previous interactions which were driving me crazy because HOW MANY TIMES do I have to tell you not to touch knives, lick knives, bite me, or stick your hand in the flour? Seriously, how many??

Taking the many many (many many) times I’d already given zir instructions out of the equation brought my temper down to a neutral or even cheerful level. I was even tempered through every single meltdown, and even thought of new ways to redirect rather than silently screaming my frustration to the heavens. I honestly don’t think that JB does actually remember that I’d told zir not to touch that tantalizing pile of fluffy, dusty, inviting flour 2.7 seconds ago if ze even processed the command the first time. This article on preschool thinking suggests that my own posited theory on zir memory is close enough to right to go on with it for now, at least insofar as how I conduct myself: “Memory is the ability to acquire, store, and recall information or experiences across time. It is not until age 3 that children can reliably do this, although they remain better at recognition than recall, and they do not show the ability to spontaneously use mnemonic strategies to assist remembering for a number of years.”

Selective Empathy

Ze just bit me the other night in a fit of exuberance, and just looked at me blankly when I yelled OW STOP THAT! But when we were walking to the park the following day, I asked zir to please slow down, my hips really hurt.

JB: Why?
Me: I don’t know, they just hurt a lot so I need us to walk slowly.
JB: I sorry. You need med-a-sin!
Me: Yes, I took some, thank you for thinking of that.
JB: And water! Water will ‘elp you feel better. Den it will ‘eal (heal).
Me: Water helps, yes. Though this might not heal the way you’re thinking.

New lessons and skills

See last month for zir current responsibilities. Nothing new this month, we’re just surviving and emphasizing the earlier chore skills so that ze can operate them independently.

Precious moments

Told JB ze could only have one bite of a muffin. Ze unhinged zir jaw, engulfed 3/4 of the muffin, and nearly took my fingers with it. What. On. EARTH!

Getting ready for dinner with a friend one night, JB frantically grabbed at my hand. Ze waved hands at zir face and overstuffed cheeks. I’ve seen zir finish many overfilled mouthfuls as big so it wasn’t clear what ze needed. 5 questions later, ze had to relinquish half the muffin in zir mouth (into my hand – gross) to be eaten in smaller, humane bites.

JB gave PiC two clementines. JB gave zirself two. Turns to me: you can only have one little orange.
Me: Hm, ok.
JB: But you can break it and den make it two!
Me: *shocked* That’s true! You mathed!

JB scolding NewPup: don’t do dat! *turns to me* if she does dat, den she will be ‘urt and she will need to go to dah doctor!
Me: That’s actually true. If she gets hurt, she will need to go to the doctor.

JB: mebbe we can <garbled> dese! *points at clementine*
Me: what them?
JB: Pant dem!
Me: OH PLANT THEM
JB: Yes! P’ant dem! N we can p’ant apples n potaaaaay-toes n gwapes n boo-bewwies n *sly look* people!
PiC: We don’t plant people, silly!
JB: YOU can grow one!
Me: Well. Yes.
PiC: Babies grow in the uterus, not in the ground.
JB: Yah! *nodding sagely* Yoo-da-Wus.

We all got our haircuts together. JB’s reaction to mine:
*holds my face in two hands* *smushes my cheeks* *brushes hair away from face* “WOW! ….. She need to cut it again.”
Me: -___-

As JB turned to leave on a daddy-kiddo adventure, ze turns to wave to me: Have fun! Take care of Gigi! And all my toys!

Driving home, JB asked why I wasn’t going to go with them to the park.
Me: Because I don’t feel well. My head hurts.
JB: I will take care of you! I will hold your ‘and, and it will get betta, and you will ‘eal!

It’s taking some practice but we’re slowly getting the hang of this “pre-logic”.

JB, in the car with me on the way to daycare: I want DADDY!
Bad logical answer: You’ll see him when we get home. Inevitable Result: Tears.
Good answer: I know, you miss him, don’t you? Well, make sure you tell your teachers all about your weekend, and then I’ll come get you early, and we’ll make a surprise dinner for Daddy and then we can play. Does that sound good?
JB: Yes, ok.

JB, tears leaking out: I want to get OUT!
Bad logical answer: We’re stuck in traffic, and we can’t get out til we get to school. Inevitable Result: Tears.
Good answer: Me too! I want to get out but these cars are in the way. I want to get out and jump around! Would you like to jump with me?
JB: Yes.
Me: Would you like to do BIG TIGGER bounces? Or little Roo hops?
JB: Little Roo hops. *calmer*

Mommy! Mommy I want my blanket!
Wrong logical answer: it’s in the wash so you can have it tomorrow.
Right answer: I know. It’s sad. (Repeat 50 times while ze squeezes out a tear and wail zir grief a touch overdramatically) I wish you could have two blankets. Three!
JB: five!
Me: with so many colors! The biggest blanket in the world!
JB: no jus five.
Me: ok. In blue and green and red and purple and yellow and brown and silver and black and
JB: no I don’t want those colors. Blue and purple and yellow and … (quietly) I want my blanket. I want my blanket. Blannnkeettt.
Me: I know.
JB: ok let’s pretend your blanket is my blanket.
Me: with all the colors?
JB: yes.

Fin drama.

After sucking down 6 ounces of chocolate milk, JB hands me the box.
Me: all done?
JB: no, I almost drank it all but I didn’t. I saved some fo you betuz you laik so I didn’t drink it all so you can ‘ave some.
Me: awwwww

:: This stage is giving me a headache – how do you constantly remember not to rely on normal logic??

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