Just a little (link) love: Flying Pickets edition
June 13, 2019
IMPORTANT for CHASE account holders: You’ll want to opt out of forced arbitration with them before August 2019.
I haven’t seen Endgame yet, but I don’t mind spoilers myself so if you do, do NOT click this link. For those who don’t mind or have already seen it, Drea’s psychological analysis of the movie is worth reading.
Nicole Cliffe’s mother breaking off her third engagement.
Walking Awake, by N.K. Jemisin
When anxiety eats at you: Moriah worked through her anxiety (and her husband really stepped up).
Aunties Know Best? Data Suggests Single, Childless Women Are the ‘Happiest Population Subgroup’
The Same Story About My Mom: The other day, I was teaching a gender studies class — nine teenage girls all anxious to say the right thing, their desks in a circle — and my students and I were talking about mothers. We were talking about the impossible positions they are placed in, the ways in which they are our models; we were talking about what little space moms have to also need and also want.
…
There is a gaping hole perhaps for all of us, where our mother does not match up with mother as we believe it’s meant to mean and all it’s meant to give us. What I cannot tell her is all that I would tell her if I could find a way to not still be sad and angry about that.
I wish relationships with mothers didn’t seem so fraught sometimes.
I was not a fan of that essay about the woman and her mother. I don’t want to have phone therapy sessions with anybody(!)
At some point I think we have to realize that we are adults and that our parents are (just) people too. We can take control over our own destinies. Even the best parents are imperfect, and the worst parents we no longer have to spend time with. Things are more complicated in abusive situations, but it doesn’t sound like that author’s mom was beyond the boundaries of normal parenting (unless I missed something– I did start skimming). Set some boundaries and let go.
nicoleandmaggie recently posted…RBOC
I do think that the author recognized she wasn’t being fair to be so angry at her mom, and that her mom is just a person, and that “mother” has unrealistic standards in her mind. Or maybe I’m just projecting my own thoughts on top of her writing.
That’s how I was reading it, SP.
The lens I was reading it through was similar to SP’s, and also from a place of being sad that my mom and I had so many years of butting heads early on, and didn’t get nearly enough adult years to be fully human and understanding with each other. We got a couple but her illness took over.
awww, the mom thing really got me. That is so sad. I know my momma isn’t perfect, but by golly, I think she should be sainted. I wish everyone had someone like her as a parent/guardian. Her at her worst is better than a lot of other mum’s best. I have several friends whose mothers do and say really horrible things to them, and have done since they were children. I am aghast that anyone would treat their child that way. It just makes me appreciate my mom even more! She is and has always been my biggest cheerleader. I love her so much.
What a wonderful mom you had, I’m so glad you did <3
The mother post also got to me, although more from the point of view of a mother and what I can hope for in a future relationship with my baby. It’s so easy right now, and it so often gets fraught in the older years. I won’t be the perfect mom and we won’t have the perfect relationship, but if I can help support her at getting to a happy and healthy adulthood, I guess that is my main job. Having a great relationship as adults would be amazing, but harder. SO few adults I know have simple and happy relationships with their parents.
SP recently posted…2019 Goals and Plans
Same. I wish I hadn’t given my mom such a hard time and wish / hope that I won’t struggle so much to communicate with my own children as we grow together but I had far too many years of discord with my mom before losing her and I regret that.