Living in the time of pandemic: COVID-19 (47)
April 26, 2021
Year 2 of COVID in the Bay Area.
Year 2, Day 36: WordPress is threatening to take away Classic editor in the app “soon” and that makes me mad. I don’t have time or brain to waste on figuring out the stinkin’ block editor so this may mean a forced pause in my blogging for a while. I almost entirely update on my phone in stolen moments here and there.
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I have been so tired that I:
- Set down my aligner case where it belongs and then spent the next ten minutes searching for it.
- Tried to place an order online without ever entering my credit card information.
- Tried to turn on the baby monitor six times and forgot what I was doing every time.
- Watched PiC make Sera get up for a last outing, then completely forgot that happened and went to take her out again half an hour later.
- Kept forgetting to close Twitter to open my Kindle or Kobo apps to read a book. I got stuck on scrolling because I couldn’t remember what else I was going to do.
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Is there a greater gift than a partner who doesn’t need to be told what to do next? I’m not that partner right now, PiC is. I was planning to cook dinner with my zero energy and less than half a brain. He decided we were getting take out, asked if I had a preference, placed the order and picked it up. We’re totally imperfect people but we also always try to do our best for each other and it shows. He’s the best.
Year 2, Day 37: The Derek Chauvin, AKA murderer, verdict was read today and until the moment it was read, I truly didn’t believe they would convict. Even in 2021, even when we all watched that video of him murdering George Floyd in cold blood, there were strong doubts in my mind that the jury would find him legally guilty. I hate that. I hate that so much about our society and where we are. I hate that people will bend over backwards and turn themselves into pretzels to justify police brutality and murdering citizens. If you believe they are here to protect and serve, and believe in due process, then how can you justify their being self-appointed executioners? If they can apprehend (white) serial / mass murderers without fearing for their lives and with hardly a scratch on anyone, why is it ok that they’re murdering Black people in their beds and children playing on the streets holding toys (IF they actually are), or even with their hands in the air? None of this makes sense unless you look at the roots of policing, and look at how police are trained to revel in murder, and it’s infuriating.
Year 2, Day 38: My turn to sleep last night! But alas, I had one of those nights where I woke up aching from head to toe. For once I don’t really remember my dreams but my tight as whipcord and aching neck muscles assure me that they must have been intense. Acetaminophen, ibuprofun and the TENS unit all together couldn’t put Humpty together again so I’m doing a whole lot of deep breathing and not turning my head at all today. Whoo.
My neck pain lasted all day but I practiced a mindfulness about how I dealt with it: no self recrimination, just letting myself acknowledge that it hurts and that sucks, and not being mean about my body’s failings. I think that helped.
Year 2, Day 39: “I’m better when it’s one on one, and we’re both looking at our phones, and I don’t know the other person, and we don’t talk.” Eleanor, The Good Place.
I don’t have much in common with Eleanor, but that up there? Resonates!
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Having a really tough week. We’ve had two more losses in the family / friends circle this month. I’m not sure how much more loss in a short period of time I can take.
Year 2, Day 40: So much of our days pivot on how well Smol sleeps. When they don’t nap much, I can feel the tension ratcheting up as we struggle to get through the day on diminishing energy, patience, and ramping up stress over work that can’t get done. When they sleep for a long time, I can feel that stress melting. It makes SUCH A DIFFERENCE.
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On the heels of feeling like I just can’t take anymore, I realize I’m going to have to take more. My dear friend of over 20 years has been battling cancer and it’s not going well at all. There are more bad days than good and I’m so worried for them. Privately, I’m worried for me too. I don’t know how I’m going to handle losing yet another friend-who-is-really-family. I truly don’t.
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I’m really grateful that PiC has had his first vaccine this week and is doing ok. I’m doubly grateful that while he had to venture VERY far afield to get that one, I was able to find a second vaccine for him much closer to home.
I didn’t expect a conviction, either. Wow.
I’m dreading the block editor being forced on me. Ditto with having to upgrade my iPhone 7…
Spud has had terrible sleep lately – food issues plus dreams – and it’s really stressful and quite frankly triggering. Solidarity.
It really says something about this country that we were not expecting justice even after the crime was committed in front of our eyes.
Have you been getting warnings about the block editor? I am going to have to find a way to go back to / keep classic editor. I don’t have time for these shenanigans!
Oh no, poor Spud and poor you!
That is a lot of body blows of loss to take on. When I think about whether I would want to live forever I come back to no, I couldn’t stand the accumulating pain of loss. I hope Smol gives you some rest today.
I am with you on the notion of immortality. It would just be too much.
I just use wordpress.com, but I also really don’t understand the point of this block editor. It is annoying. I just want blank space to type in!
I hope it doesn’t drive you away, though!
Yes! Just give us blank space! If I can find a plug in that prevents block editor, I’m going for it.