By: Revanche

Living in the time of pandemic: COVID-19 (53)

June 7, 2021

Year 2 of COVID in the Bay Area.

Year 2, Day 78: Every single time I think we have a grip on our schedule for the summer …. nope! Something big shifts or changes. So now I’m back to the drawing board. I had to take one weekly remote class off the board entirely, one weekly remote class can’t be weekly any more, and their 4 days a week tutor is now down to 3 days a week. We did add a new weekly exercise class for June so that helps.

I realize that this is just practice for the shifting we’ll have to do forever and ever amen. With adults, you can fall into a rut (or deliberately stick to a routine which is my favorite), but with kids, things are constantly changing for one reason or another.

I’ll figure it out.

I have one weekly exercise class on the calendar, then we set the new schedule with the tutor this week. Once that’s done, I can add the Spanish classes in. Then I’ll see if we can add some virtual and maybe outdoor playdates. Thank goodness for aunties and uncles who generously offer their time for the virtual playdates.

Year 2, Day 79: PiC and I had a hilarious fight all the way to the baby’s crib over whose turn it was to take the first post-nap wake up period. I won because he was laughing so hard and I’m used to fighting through laughter but I conceded the baby anyway and went to work instead. I still don’t know why he didn’t want to take the kids in the afternoon instead of splitting the morning and splitting the afternoon.

It was a gloriously (and rare) sunny day today and PiC and the kids got some good backyard time in. JB worked really hard to make Smol Acrobat laugh, way harder than was strictly necessary considering they are Smol’s favorite person and almost anything they do gets a laugh. They chortle themselves into exhaustion. I tried to get some sun too but I missed the narrow window of time where conditions were good. Our blustery windows started howling through the yard, trying to blow me and my computer away. Ah well. At least the kids had their fun.

I was feeling pretty good about Smol’s napping today. They have been falling asleep on their own with less and less fighting, with better stretches of sleep more regularly. I don’t panic up half as much as I used to when I see them moving on the baby monitor because movement is normal now and doesn’t always mean they’re going to wake up. And even if they do, sometimes they just need some time to cry and protest and go back to sleep. And even if they wake up after a short nap which used to feel like daggers in the heart, I can reasonably hope that the next one will be better instead of despairing. We had so many days with just 30 minute naps, all day, before sleep training and the pain of it still lingers. So I’m deeply appreciating this right now.

Also! We got two dividend checks from our auto insurance. That was unexpected and unusual. Yay unlooked-for money and mobile deposit!

Year 2, Day 80: I don’t know why but my body just tried to up and quit on me halfway through the morning. Of course I was boneheadedly determined to stick with my commitment of taking the kids all morning and so instead of the dedicated parenting morning I had envisioned, I was grouchy, impatient and downright surly. And that’s before taking how I felt physically into consideration, or the guilt that was eating at me for being so impatient. I knew I’d bottomed out when PiC asked me a question and I simultaneously realized I’d forgotten to do something before sitting down. The thought of having to get up again made me snap at him. I never snap at him.

After I stormed around the house doing everything I could think of so I wouldn’t have to get up again for a couple hours and worked off that head of pressurized steam that had built up, I explained why I snapped. He was understanding but the idea of having to amend my commitment based on how I felt rankled. I hate feeling weak, I hate feeling useless and I hate not living up to my commitments. Having to adjust plans because I don’t feel good makes me feel both weak and useless. And cranky. And surly.

One thing did go right today. JB’s tutor confirmed their availability for some mornings in the summer which was our preference and now I can build out the rest of their summer schedule around it. Also I have got to commit to a new family computer before the old one completely quits.

Year 2, Day 81: Naturally the night before my second vaccine I can’t sleep because of pain and who knows what else. I’m sure a bit of anxiety was lurking. I had an extremely heavy workload to face today, and then got a boatload of bad news between our friend’s decline and a nibling is about to undergo treatment for a serious medical condition where the cure is as hard to endure as the condition is.

Equally naturally, Smol also had a horrible day of naps. At best, 45 minutes each time. AUGH. May this be a blip and not the start of a sleep regression – cross your fingers for us please?

Year 2, Day 82: Feeling pretty bad today, dosed myself with meds and tried to power through the worst time critical work but it was more of a walrus slogging through mud kind of journey. I did cut myself a break and try to rest but half that time was eaten up by questions from my team. Le sigh.

Random thought: I always want to be able to wear headbands but I also always forget that they don’t seem to work on me. They slip and slide and generally annoy me when they’re on. My hair is the longest it’s ever been after 2 years without a cut, and I keep thinking I should go for a really drastic cut when I’m next in the hands of someone who knows how to cut hair. That’s my normal MO, so why doesn’t it feel like what I want?

We send so much correspondence and some of it gets heavy, and PiC got tired of me asking him to guess if this envelope was more than an ounce. I can almost accurately estimate pounds at the grocery store but I can’t do ounces. We sprang for a little scale. I hope it’s a good one and that it gets here soon! I also ran out of good greeting cards (versus my bulk cards that I use for kids) and sprang for a pack of those last week. It was very satisfying putting them in my correspondence box. Next I need to stock up on good forever stamps! But I should wait a few weeks.

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