Living in the time of pandemic: COVID-19 (97)
April 11, 2022
Year 3 of COVID in the Bay Area.
Year 3, Day 17: Hello Monday, we meet again. It started with my scalp itching dreadfully. It has for the past four days. Something set off my allergy-to-something that causes me to itch intensely at random times mostly when I’m trying to sleep. Ugh. Also I enjoyed chills and night sweats alternately all night too! Woot.
Then a jolt of stress with the news of a new sub-variant (but who didn’t see that coming?) (And when are we going to get any real protection for Smol and their cohort??)
Then we had JB shenanigans, they and PiC really got into it so I had to step away from work and take them to school to let them get some space.
Shortly after that, our invitation to start daycare in July landed in our inbox with a very short window to respond or lose our spot but we still don’t have a good vaccine. NGAH.
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Smol had such trouble with naps today! It led to a very Smol-activities day. I suspect the first time they were overtired and it took over an hour of fussing and playing to get settled.
I did a lot of work yesterday in anticipation of today’s bad napping and between nap times. We had lunch and then took Sera for a walk. They learned how to give Sera treats and Sera was very polite in taking them one at a time only when Smol was ready.
Then they both played / sunbathed / picked at weeds in the backyard for half an hour. That was a touch too much outside time for all of us.
When they got grouchy over nothing and flopped on their face, earlier than expected, that seemed like a sign. Just in case, I asked if they were tired and all done. They signed “all done.”
A short nap later, I had to retrieve them again because PiC had had a morning of meetings and JB pickup time, and needed to get SOME work done.
This time I spent my hour laying down and reading to them while they sat on my chest, snatching at my glasses like a crow in training and tore paper into bitty bits. That was … Fun? They really need to stop sitting on my chest. They’re heavy!
Thank goodness for leftovers but dammit I ran out of time and didn’t order in delivery for tomorrow and I think we’re going to be out of leftovers by lunch.
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I rounded out the night with reviewing our tax amendments and portfolio. I’m still working on getting CA to cough up my refund for 2017, Federal to cough up my correct refund for 2018 and we’re filing the amendment to 2019 for both now. Crossing my fingers that those will be resolved in the next three months.
A review of PiC’s employer connected portfolio made me rethink my “individual stocks are fine” mentality I had when reading Nicole and Maggie’s thoughts on ther
Year 3, Day 18: The 4:30 am babbling and yips were not at all promising for this day. PiC was my hero, taking Smol at 5 when it was clear they weren’t letting up with their conversational gambits. We had to make a real effort to get through the first part of the morning.
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I’m trying to let myself be honest with myself about the need for space between myself and family who have stirred up so much anger and betrayal with their stances toward COVID that I don’t even know what to do about it. (My therapist would say there’s nothing TO do, just feel. And that’s really hard for me.) Their approach has been, at best, reckless this entire time and I’ve been trying to pretend it wasn’t hurtful and enraging. I knew that nothing I said would make a difference. They’re completely set in their Fox News inspired stance and so I did my best to maintain neutrality toward them. But we’re in Year 3 and while my world has turned upside down, they continue blithely going about their lives with hardly any changes that aren’t imposed by others. And I’m so angry about all the loss, all the sacrifices, all the risk that the rest of us are having to deal with. I’m so angry that my kids have to miss out on family time because the rest of the family won’t vaccinate and some of them won’t even mask around the vulnerable members of the family. My heart is bruised. I’m in this storm and even though I have people here with me, the betrayal of my chosen family is so hard to bear. I feel alone when it comes to them. I know that it’s most intense right now because we’re still in it and because of the news about the vaccine being so much less effective with the new variants. Maybe these feelings will pass with some distance.
But I do have the right to be angry about how their choices directly affect us, now. That right isn’t something I’ve afforded myself in adulthood and it’s been harmful in a lot of ways.
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Poll: Is it possible for kids to stop interrupting and to remember as many as TWO directions they’ve been given after 30 seconds? Evidence currently suggests no. JB wanted to run a message to PiC, and I instructed them: Go tell Dad, then come back to clear the table and wash up your lunch stuff.
They return 14 seconds later and have already completely forgotten to clear the table. Come ON!
Year 3, Day 19: Well, when Smol makes it past 6 am AND has a good first nap, everything seems right with the world. I got some work done / rested on my duff so my body recovered enough from bad sleep and stress. When they got up at lunch time, we went right into a hearty pasta and fruit lunch, which they mostly ate instead of throwing on the ground. Except the sour fruit. That went flying. But a solid meal after a solid nap? It’s like heaven here!
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I am bearing a lot of sadness this week over our losses of last year. From one friend after another dying from various causes to (I can only hope temporarily) losing loved ones to their own battles, 2022 is the one year anniversary of a lot of loss, a lot of grief, and a lot of sadness.
I caught myself in a old habitual cycle of blaming myself for being a bad friend, as well, and that was distressing but after a while and after unburdening my heart a little to friends who are still here, I saw where I was sliding down the spiral again.
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Smol’s second nap was respectable enough that I managed to get through the critical work for the day and knocked off at 530 just as a blinding headache smashed into my right eye and took over my brain. I popped two acetaminophen and thanked the weather sprites for giving us a heat wave this week, on this day, that meant that I could take the kids outdoors for an hour and catch some warmth to attempt to shake it. We dug holes to plant sprouting potatoes, we found surprise purple potatoes that I didn’t know had ever sprouted because the plants never made it aboveground, and Smol attempted to eat a fresh dug potato. They didn’t like the taste of the dirt. I got some lovely pictures of all the kids and lots more silly bloopers.
PiC emerged from the office cave when we came back inside and thankfully cooked up a quick dinner. I was flat out of ideas and ability to stay upright. My back and legs ached and my stomach was cramping up a storm.
Naturally this being the night that I feel the absolute worst and couldn’t even stand up for shower, this is the night our accountant finally sends over the tax return for review. Of course!
I logged another hour at my desk poring over each page and marking down corrections. Glad I’d made a list of likely problem areas beforehand, it gave my brain a place to get stuck in when all my body wanted to do was fall over and stay down. It’s just too close to the filing deadline for me to be comfortable with pushing it off another day when she might not be able to make the edits for a day or two. I prefer to file in FEBRUARY so we’re well past my comfort zone. And it’ll be such a relief to shelve that to do.
Year 3, Day 20: I’m very sorry for all the people who hate it but I love the short heat wave that brought us high 70s – low 80s today. My grieving soul and aching body deeply needed this brief hug from the weather. I love the heat, I love being able to walk around outside in just one layer and not three. I love how fast my towels dry and how they smell almost toasty when they do. I love how quickly dishes dry when we air dry them. I love how I’m not freezing from the moment I get out of bed to the moment I get back into bed.
I don’t love the necessity for lots of sunblock every outing and lotion for thirsty skin but it’s worth the tradeoff for water balloon games and working outdoors and soaking up the heat to defrost my frigid marrow.
JB is among the set who doesn’t appreciate the heat by the by, they flung themselves through the doorway with the dramatic flair of a person discovering an oasis in the desert. That lasted until they realized this means cold treats and water balloons. Then they got on board with it.
It’ll go back to normal tomorrow but for today, I’m appreciating the good we have since the bad we have (so much pain, so many aches) is ever-present.
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I was worried about Smol’s inattention to reading last month. Today they decided to set that at ease with a vengeance. Not only did they very much want me to read to them before every sleep, they wanted a minimum of four books and at least two of them were specific requests. They refused to let me sing their going to bed song until I read Carl’s Afternoon.
Year 3, Day 21: Whew. A solid first nap from Smol let me get through a huge portion of my work this morning.
PiC took them out for an hour in the afternoon and I got through another lot then, plus their second shorter nap. I finally felt less stressed signing off this Friday than most every other Friday.
We got through this week but it was still very much a fail on the physical activity side of things. PiC was never able to get out for a run and that always makes a week feel not good.
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I did get our taxes done though! I was shocked we were due for a refund.
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Smol’s finally starting to get the “ready” sign a little bit, they were previously trying to slap MY knees, and “read” is coming along nicely.
They’re getting into absolutely everything and I can’t say with any certainty if we’re going to survive all this intact. We’re so tired.
I am really glad that we have a meal ready to go tonight. So tired.
