Living in the time of pandemic: COVID-19 (171)
September 11, 2023
Year 4 of COVID in the Bay Area.
Year 4, Day 164: I only labored a little this Labor Day, and that was just to marginally make up for some time I’ll need to be away from my desk tomorrow.
I have had it up to here with cajoling Smol Acrobat to eat their dinner night after night after endless frustrating hair-rending night. I declared that their choice was clear: finish eating their meal, and join the rest of us in a bowl of ice cream, or don’t, and don’t.
PiC wasn’t sure I meant it until I sent JB to the freezer to bring out the tub. Yup. I meant business. I started eating my ice cream right in front of them. They’ve never cleared a plate of regular non-dessert food (safely, no worries, they weren’t THAT motivated) so fast on their own.
All I want for my birthday is not to spend another night trying to get this child to eat their dang dinner. You’d think we were trying to poison them the way they avoid eating until we come up with sufficient motivation.
Year 4, Day 165: All three packages arrived today, ahead of schedule: my medication, Sera’s 🐶 meds and treats, and my binders. It’s satisfying to get them all squared away on a Tuesday because the boxes can go out with the Wednesday recycling. It’s such a little thing to be happy about.
Year 4, Day 166: Roller coaster day. This morning, I contacted the superintendent’s office since the principal never bothered to acknowledge our email, much less engage in meaningful conversation.
The assistant confirmed receipt quickly, then it was just as quickly passed over to the Director of Student Safety, who dumped it back in the lap of the principal for an in-person meeting. You know, the one who ignored the email to begin with.
I shouldn’t be surprised, just like I wasn’t surprised that she refused to offer any constructive feedback on the situation in the first place, but it still felt like a punch in the gut. It felt like it was my failure to be effective. I did my best to lay out the situation as we saw it and open a dialogue. Instead, we get passed around like a hot potato that no one wants to deal with. And somehow it feels like MY failure. PiC says that it’s good that it’s now all documented. I suppose that’s looking at the marginally less dark side of things. We wouldn’t even BE here if they had bothered to respond to my email like they should have done in the first place. Or if they gave two hoots about student safety. They keep acting like we’re trying to punish the other kid. We have no interest in the other kid. We only want to stop the behavior before it gets completely out of hand.
Year 4, Day 167: I keep wondering why I’m so behind this week and then I open this post and realize oh, that’s right. We had one day off and though I cleared my desk on Friday, I’m still burning the midnight oil trying to get caught up and not making enough of a dent. So that’s depressing. But! The good news on the work side is we will be able to train more staff soon, ahead of need for once, because I had a brilliant plan and now all it needs is a brilliant execution to make sure that my team has good backup. So there is that.
On the personal side, I’ve been having all kinds of awful feelings of failure about the bully situation. While mulling over all the things I don’t know about this situation, I stopped by JB’s former teacher’s classroom to ask for her thoughts. She was very forthcoming about the things I asked, and then asked to speak to JB for a bit. She very kindly reassured JB that they have every right to defend themselves if this kid comes at them again, and that they wouldn’t be in trouble for that. I don’t know how they didn’t inherit my “touch me and I’ll pop you” gene but they’re more worried about getting in trouble than they are about protecting themselves. That accounts for at least half my feelings of failure. The other half is probably emotional backlash from seeing responsible adults at the school abdicate their responsibilities to keep JB safe. I didn’t spot that one, genius Jaydot did.
A line from Suits that stuck with me: “for all his faults, he would take a bullet before he would let anything happen to his little girl.” A whole lot of us are in the (We have/had a) Crappy Parent Club. Suffice to say my dad wouldn’t take a bent nail for me and I didn’t know how deeply that would undermine how I parent and how I feel about parenting.
Year 4, Day 168: Friday food review! I threw together a baked salmon, rice, and (frozen) broccoli dinner one night. I picked up a Thai feast the other night. PiC added my fresh dug potatoes from the garden (er, the potato growing bag), to a premade chicken curry from Costco one night. That’s the one dish that was popular with Smol Acrobat. Just enough for them to ask for some more than once but not eat all of it all the time. I can’t wait until they outgrow this distracted eating phase.
It’s felt like pulling teeth to get food on the table this week. I think I’m overwhelmed from juggling all the things.
You are not a crappy parent! Don’t say that you are. It simply is not true.
1000% agree here. I think you were saying you are in the club of people who HAD a crappy parent? I sure hope so, because you did, and JB & Smol are so lucky to have the two parents they have.
Yes, you got it!
@nicoleandmaggie: Oh. I FEEL like one a lot but in this case, I meant the “We Had/Have a Crappy Parent Club”! Edited.
That makes much more sense! I can agree that you had a crappy parent as much as I disagree with the idea that you could be one yourself. Definitely.
You are an excellent parent surrounded my less-than-mediocre so-called professionals. If/when you have that meeting I hope you bring a written timeline of the communication, and ask them if this is the timeline you should expect for future?
Very smart of you to talk with their former teacher, who knows the kids and has seen at least some of the situation. I imagine having you so clearly in JB’s corner is hugely good for them.
Oh Smol, just eat dinner already!!!!
I really appreciate having y’all in my corner. I hate feeling like I don’t know what the hell I’m doing.
The meeting is this week, and after going over it a million times in my head, I think that their teacher already did what the principal should have: made sure that JB felt safe and put a plan in place for reporting that they feel comfortable with if anything happens again.
But we’ll have this meeting as a formality to establish that what their teacher had said will be on the record.
I think that the meeting and the formality are important, if for no other reason than it puts everyone on notice that you’re watching.
I know a family at my kid’s school who went through the rounds because a boy was consistently targeting their daughter, including punching her in the face. The administration was inclined to sweep it under the rug, to the point at which the principal hadn’t documented the punch and I believe at least two other incidents. The administration tried making it seem like the parents of the girl were in the wrong for sending emails, asking for meetings, and not just letting it go. They only started taking it more seriously was when they had an in-person meeting involving the principal plus school board members and the family pointed out that the failure to document violated state laws.
It absolutely sucked for the parents…but I will say that the fact that they pushed despite the resistance has resulted in some good changes for how the school is handling things. And the principal is now gone. I suspect he started looking for a new job as soon as the failure to document was discussed in front of board members, because he announced he was leaving within 1.5 years–much faster than I think would have happened if he’d waited for the board to act. (If they ever did.)