Living in the time of pandemic: COVID-19 (82)
December 27, 2021
Year 2 of COVID in the Bay Area.
Year 2, Day 281: Intense family time began over the weekend (though any extended-family time is intense for me these days) and will continue in some form until the end of the year.
I’m so grateful for the opportunity to spend quality time with these aunties, one at a time, but it’s also a whole LOT of juggling trying to figure out work and childminding and socializing and how to allocate my energy and and and. The holiday season intensifies my brain fog something wicked.
I set out a very specific schedule to ensure that we balance our many human and canine needs (which unfortunately always includes work for me) and space the socializing enough to make it through the whole schedule. I try really really hard not to make any mistakes but we had one this year that required shuffling of plans and I thought it was very telling that I was so so relieved that the error wasn’t mine. It’s ok for other people to make mistakes but not me, still. SMH.
Year 2, Day 282: JB got a lesson in setting a formal dining table and an adventure in shopping for shoes (masked, not around many other people, lots of open air).
They even got to visit with the fluffiest cats who were friendly as anything and willing to let both kids pet them. It was an absolute delight. We’ve worked really hard on JB’s cat manners and I was so proud when they remembered all of it well enough that the cats approached them.
Year 2, Day 283: My energy, it is drained. I have all kinds of work nonsense to figure out and it’s still Intense Family Time too. Juggle juggle juggle juggle SMASH.
Ok nothing has smashed quite yet but it’s not great. I did get one tiny bright spot of good news at work though which should make our lives 2% better (at first) and I hope for a rapid increase in improvement after that. But still, I must first wade through the nonsense. And make PHONE CALLS. Yuck.
*****
I’m glad we bought some rapid tests last week but I’m deeply regretting not getting a whole lot more of them. That was a result of brain fog causing my future thinking brain section to fail. I’ve been scouring the internet and local stores to no avail.
Update: I haven’t shopped at Walmart for over a decade for ethical reasons but they were the only place that had any rapid tests so we caved and ordered some from them. With the steep rise in omicron, our county is back in the red, we just need some supplies to monitor our health since we’ve been seeing people. Masked and with the air purifier going full blast but still. I cannot stress how much this all stresses me out.
Year 2, Day 284: I hit the wall hard today. I’ve been tired but each day we added socializing to all that I normally had to do was an extra intense drain of my limited energy and I couldn’t keep going. I just slumped over on the sofa and fuzzed out. We used one of our precious test kits today to screen everyone, just to have that data point and confirm I feel terrible because of exhaustion and maybe dehydration and not because of COVID.
PiC was due back to the work site in January but they’ve cancelled that. Does anyone else feel like this is the darker version of earlier spikes in cases? I feel like this is the grittier version of March 2020 back when I, for a moment, thought we would handle this pandemic like adults and not a bowl of idjits. Why are rapid tests still so hard to get and so expensive? Why are people acting like absolute fools about vaccination?? (I have several of these in my own family and it kills me that I love them and WTF!!!) It’s so frustrating.
*****
Smol Acrobat ate like a FIEND today and PiC posits that this is a growth spurt. They had a lot of veggies and fruit, and then noticed I was eating a banana and came right over to join me for a bite. It’d be their first growth spurt if so, in stark contrast to JB who was in a forever growth spurt, outgrowing clothes every month. This slower pace is interesting to live with. They’re definitely progressing in other ways. They’ve got enough teeth in their maw that it hurts when they try to chew on my hands like a baby, they’re managing to stand up from a sit or a squat without holding on to anything. They’re jabbering away in baby babble when they’re feeling good.
*****
JB got an early birthday present of some fantastic waterproof boots and I admit to a touch of envy. They’re cute and functional and I love a good stomp through puddles. 😁
I’m glad that JB gets to do the stomping now.
I’m also reflecting on how I hate the piles and piles and piles of presents tradition that some of our family do. It’s overwhelming, it’s wasteful and it’s too much stuff. And if the kids open gifts together and the other parents bring their own gifts for the kids instead of opening them at home, it quickly hits a level of too-muchness (and inevitable envy and fighting) that I dread. I hate the presents part of Christmas with those family. I cherish the good family time and the fun, but the presents opening doesn’t feel at all fun to me. All I see after a certain volume is mess and stress.
We give JB one good gift, usually a set of books, and they get lovely gifts from aunties and uncles. They’re outfitted with 6 pairs of shoes in 3 sizes so they have gear to grow into, an art set, they’ll get books and a new swimsuit from us. Their grandparents sent them some presents that they can open later after all the visiting and this is just the stuff I know about. We allow them to open certain presents as we have visits with family so the adults can enjoy the joy. Smol Acrobat is too young to appreciate anything beyond paper! Plastic! Boxes! Lick them all! This isn’t an issue for them yet but I truly dread the doubled up presents coming next year from the maximalist sides of the family.
I keep looking around and wondering how we can cut down on the things stacking up before I feel like a hoarder.
Also, we (I) only give one well considered gift per person, and I feel awkward when people hand over two large gift bags and I have one tiny thing for them.
Year 2, Day 285: There are times the world seems vast but right now in this moment, as COVID surges again, it feels really small to me. I don’t know why exactly, just that it does.
*****
Our friend is dying. She’s been declining for the past two years. We had a visit before the pandemic started. That visit was only PiC spending time with her while I kept JB busy farther away to protect her from kid germs. We thought we’d have more time with her but then COVID hit and now two years later, we’re all out of time. We managed to get a very brief visit in with her this week. She’s been fighting so hard and her body is done, even though her mind is clear as ever, and it’s so very very hard to see our bright and beautiful friend’s body giving up no matter how much she wants to live. We had only planned for her to see PiC, not wanting to wear her out, but she insisted on seeing the kids so of course we obliged.
We didn’t get to say goodbye to so many friends and family who have died this year. This was so painful but so necessary. But oh so painful. She asked JB for a masked kiss and her look of sheer delight when JB obliged, oh my heart. JB later asked why I was crying. “Because we just said goodbye to our friend for the last time.”
The last line of your post broke me. I know all to well what it’s like to watch someone’s body give up when they want to live. I’m sorry you had to say goodbye.
Thank you, OFG. <3
Oh what sadness. We’ve been taught a silver lining is that a person is ready to be done fighting, but that’s just not always true. I’m so sorry for your friend and for the terrible sadness of losing the last two years.
I hope you have some quiet recharging time coming up!
It’s very much not been the case for so many of our losses this year, it’s somehow even more heartbreaking. Thank you <3
I’m so sorry to hear of your friend, and it is truly sad how much COVID took from all of us, but in particular those who were unable to spend time with loved ones who were ill and/or have passed.
I’m with you on the presents and the “too much!” feelings. But the kid loved it, and we didn’t spend with family so no jealousy to deal with, so I tried to set aside my inner minimalist for the day.
I also have shopped at walmart a couple times this fall/winter for the same reason of easy to order tests (and also, the test price has dropped). I can’t seem to get any more tests for the past several days, but we have 2 boxes of 2 tests and no real need for them until LO goes back to daycare and inevitably brings home a cold (or COVID). But, we can’t do at home tests for return-to-care anyway, so I guess that having 4 tests for the adults, just-in-case, is probably fine. I’m seriously struggling with the reality that our family is very likely to get COIVD in the coming months, even though it is so likely to be OK with vaccines/boosters.
Thank you. There has simply been too much loss and these weren’t even COVID losses, these were peripheral to COVID. Sigh.
I wonder how much this colors how they approach STUFF when they’re older.
We have that pile of rapid tests coming now but I’ve been trying to schedule PCR tests for all of us for ages and it’s driving me up the wall because I can’t. Even if the vaccines keep the infection to a minimum, I’m still really concerned about the long term effects.
So sorry about your friend. What a devastating situation.
Thank you.