Living in the time of pandemic: COVID-19 (93)
March 14, 2022
Year 2 of COVID in the Bay Area.
Year 2, Day 354: Smol started the festivities at FIVE AM.
I, having had severe heartburn until 2 am, was less than pleased. And less than half conscious. Thank goodness PiC took them for the morning round as usual.
I finally crawled out just after 7 am, barely functional and wishing for day’s end. What a way to start the week!
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JB had the gall to watch PiC making their lunch, to their exact specifications, and then asked: can I buy lunch today?
I came down on that like a ton of bricks. How rude!! Children, I tell ya.
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We had leftover ramen for lunch, yum. I’m glad that PiC pushed me into catering to my cravings yesterday. There was nothing on Bentocart we wanted so we decided that local takeout would be our “ease the pain” meals this week. It’s still surprising how much decision making capacity is freed up by choosing ahead of time to pay for just two meals that someone else cooks ready to reheat for dinners and maybe some leftovers for lunch. The planning ahead is one huge bonus, we’re no longer stressing over what to order and pick up while juggling two kids who need our attention now now now. We plan ahead and get the meals in the course of our chores. It also frees up enough energy to cook the rest of the week, without scraping rock bottom, or snarling to ourselves like bewildered rabid badgers!
Saturday afternoon I had cooked a big batch (4 large chicken breasts, from 2 Costco chicken packs) of the baked panko chicken. Remembering to spray oil on the foil before baking was instrumental to this batch turning out better than my first try and JB declared it their FAVORITE. That was a big enough batch for two dinners and a snack. I’d not have this foresight or energy without the takeout assist.
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I finally asked the right questions and updated my spreadsheets with a whole chunk of investing information on a portion of PiC’s portfolio I didn’t have before. We make decisions on that portfolio together but since I’d assumed the website was through his company intranet, I couldn’t access it. Not true! So now I have a whole load of information at my fingertips to work with and make better decisions with. That’s exciting.
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Smol is very interested in music these days and threw themselves at me when I was listening to Yo-Yo Ma playing the Ukrainian anthem. They sat on my chest and BOUNCED. Oooof! That’s at least 20 lbs of enthusiasm right on my airway.
Year 2, Day 355: A few friends have secured new jobs recently and I’m really happy for them. They need a fresh start or these next steps, and they need the income still, so a new job is the change they need and I’m so hopeful that they’ll get what they need out of them.
By contrast, I don’t have any of those feelings for myself.
I remember being excited, and rather intimidated, about applying to Penny Arcade for a job maaaaannyyy years ago. I didn’t get it of course.
I haven’t felt that sense of possibility or wanting that kind of change in a lot of years.
I’m not sure I do now but I did forget how it felt to want it. Jobs aren’t a thing I get excited about anymore, but the idea of doing projects that matter to me and pay does tickle my fancy a bit. Maybe the anticipation of that happening down the line sparked this memory.
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I really wish Smol was learning to feed themselves at daycare. I do my best to sit back and let them explore food with their hands as they should but it kills me to watch.
They’ve learn to sign more, please, all done and eat. I couldn’t get JB to sign a thing before daycare so I worried that it’d be the same for Smol. So grateful we’ve got a few signs going. Though today, Smol refused to sign “more” most of the day so that was a Lot Of Screeching instead. Sigh.
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Maybe when I have some spare change for myself, I’ll get the full Incryptid series (Seanan MacGuire) and Murderbot Diaries (Martha Wells) in ebook format for keeps. I find myself checking them out from the library repeatedly, they’re excellent comfort reading.
Year 2, Day 356: It turns out that on 2 hours of sleep, I turn the weird optimistic delirious state where I hypothesize that Smol Acrobat’s persistent pre-6 am wake ups this week are preparation for next week’s time change. This is the only time I’m going to look forward to a time change, I suspect. (It won’t be funny at all if next week’s time change sees Smol waking up pre-5 am. Not. One. Bit.
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The news out of Ukraine, and the many other conflicts across the globe really, growls in the back of my mind and there’s a good chance that’s why I haven’t been able to sleep this week. I’d stopped taking diphenhydramine to help me sleep last week (when it stopped working making it less of a choice) but I might have to chance it again.
My family were refugees after an absolutely devastating war. The obstacles they had to overcome to find their way to “safety” with nothing but the clothes on their backs …the disappointment I feel in this country I was born in for all the racist brutality that is commonly practiced here on a daily basis… All of that is reflected as I see the racism spewed by newscasters and prominent people lamenting how this war is in EUROPE and happening to WHITE PEOPLE LIKE US and so on. As if it’s right to care only about this horrific conflict because white people are visibly affected and right to shrug off the human rights violations happening in so many places including places we wrecked. It’s a hell of a lot of hypocrisy amid a hell of a lot of horror and I’m as spiritually tired as I am physically tired. Maybe tomorrow I’ll have some faith in humans again but not today.
I made it to 3:30 pm with an abominable headache and aching eyes before I remembered that glasses alone cannot overcome fatigue eyesight. I gave up and might have dozed on and off for an hour after that. Reality became very blurry for a while anyway.
Thankfully, PiC sent me to lay down for another half hour or so and he prepared dinner. I read while my two monkeys played on and around me. That held me through the whole dinner, bath and bed routine before I had to collapse early.
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Up until a couple weeks ago, Smol’s Prime Directive was to take diapers out of the bag or basket and throw them everywhere. They have started experimenting with reversing course and putting them back into the basket but it’s still against instinct so they’ll frequently forget that they’re on the putting IN part of the cycle and dump everything out instead. It’s a work in progress.
Year 2, Day 357: We’ve made it to Thursday!
It feels like Friday. But that’s disappointing the same way Tuesday feels like Monday lite. This again.
Smol’s good first nap got me through a whole lot of work though it required all Kinds of willpower to stay focused on powering through. Thank goodness I did because their absolutely terrible second nap meant I had to cut my work day short. I figured I’d go back after dinner but I really didn’t want to. My every bone is tired and preinflammation achy today.
I’d made a green onion and ginger chicken broth (a la Hainan chicken) a couple days ago. Today I fried garlic and rice in sesame oil, tipped in way too much accidentally, and then cooked that in the broth. Came out the other side with an incredibly flavored pot of chicken and rice. Phew. Paired with bok choy, we had dinner! It only took 3 days from start to finish. š
Everyone, even Smol, ate heartily. That’s satisfying.
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On our walk today, Smol decided they had to get out of the stroller.
After taking exactly five steps, they tried to climb back in but whined about being strapped in. Nope, Mama’s not messing around with this climbing in and popping out business. I booted them out and walked ahead with the stroller forcing them to chase after me (with PiC alongside them), and they cackled the whole way home. Just needed something to chase!
Year 2, Day 358: Rough last day of a rough work week.
I temporarily lost my phone after putting Smol down for first nap. Then pressed through a load of work I didn’t want to do but had to. Juggled my work, training work, staff management stuff, and checking in on my team to make sure they’re ok. Troubleshooting and documentation for training references ate up more precious brainpower.
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We’re days away from PiC having to return to work at least on a hybrid schedule and the anticipation of how badly it’ll wreck our delicate balance of support and energy and survival is deeply stressing us out. I’m going to be juggling solo parenting and working simultaneously the days he’s gone, he’s facing a crappy commute and stressing over getting enough work done in an already short work day now made even shorter with an unnecessary commute. This push to get back in the office is foolish and a huge waste of valuable time. But we have no choice.
Love to be hanging on by the skin of our teeth and then having a new complication stacked at the top of the burden!
Also the treatment of international students and BIPOC trying to evacuate Ukraine is another dagger to the heart š
So sorry about the impending hybrid schedule. No help to offer, but hope that it’s short lived.
It truly is. The inevitable vultures are coming in to prey on the refugees as well and all the time I’m also aware that people are in dire straits in Syria, Afghanistan, and more as well and it’s so much.
Thanks, I hope so too!