Living in the time of pandemic: COVID-19 (146)
March 20, 2023
Year 3 of COVID in the Bay Area.
Year 3, Day 354: Weirdly enough, the time change knocked us for a loop more last night and this morning, not on Sunday morning as expected. Probably because Smol needed soothing at 4:30 am, and went back down for another sleep cycle or two before getting up at the equivalent of their usual time instead of an hour earlier than that. Getting everyone to bed an hour later than usual last night was partially a function of how exhausted we were after a long day with two kids playing and fighting all day long. Our heads were ringing with the endless screeches.
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All the confusion about my antidepressants refill has finally been straightened out, I think, and my refill for 100 days worth of meds is FINALLY on the way. It took two false starts and three phone calls.
It might be time for me to try that off label naltrexone prescription for my pain. It’s startling to realize that I keep thinking I’m not in that much pain anymore so it’s not worth trying. In reality, most nights my marrow feels like lava. That’s not being pain free.
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My first (or the last one was so long ago that history has been erased) successful dinner!
I made a triple batch of chili, baked cornbread, and served both with a spinach salad that PiC picked up. The kids – BOTH OF THEM emphasis mostly for Smol the pickypants – ate up everything I served! No fuss, no fidgets, no frustration.
What do I have to sacrifice to which kitchen god for this to happen every (or most) night? Two thirds of the chili went into the freezer for easy dinners in the next couple of weeks. We’ve got just enough leftover chili to have chili dogs for tomorrow night.
Year 3, Day 355: The rain and winds have finally moved in on us, in force. The lights are flickering and threatening to go out.
It’s odd, my perception of pain flickers in and out too. Or rather how my brain interprets it? I feel the deep burning ache across my shoulders (which feels the same as highly fatigued muscles) and in my left knee today but it’s instinct to dismiss it. How much less tired would I be if those didn’t hurt so much?
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The kids have been loving their swim classes this past 2 months but the next session’s session registration has been canceled because the pool is broken. I hope they get this fixed, I’d hate to lose all the progress both kids have made. JB’s swimming like an actual swimmer, not just the little kid thrashing around. Smol was just getting comfortable in the water. They were resistant to laying on their back in the first lessons, but after one play in the tub (they usually shower) where I encouraged them to lay back and show me their kicking, they came around. Cross your fingers that we can get lessons started again in April?
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I never watch the Oscars but I love the sharing on Twitter. No idea what the background is on this dance number but it’s infectiously fun
Here’s the energetic performance of “Naatu Naatu” from #RRR at the #Oscars. https://t.co/ndiKiHeOT5 pic.twitter.com/Lf2nP826c4
— Variety (@Variety) March 13, 2023
Year 3, Day 356: Every day this week has felt like every day of the week. Today is Wednesday but it feels like Monday at work, Tuesday for JB’s after school stuff, Wednesday for early release, Thursday for the urgency to clear up the bulk of my work for the week before Friday, and Friday for the fact that I’m totally over everyone and everything. Every day this week has felt like that. It’s very unsettling. I wonder if this is the anxiety feedback from my being determined not to focus on the anxiety of Spring Break foolishness? Just feeling utterly unmoored since I’m deliberately blocking out the negative thing that I’d normally fixate on?
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Anyway, I ordered this card holder.
I’m planning to divide it into three sections: gift cards, travel (Clipper, global entry, rarely used Oyster cards – do they even use those anymore?), and other important cards. Though, come to think of it, I’m hesitant to put social security cards in there. They should probably stay with our important financial documents. Unless this whole thing stays with the important documents. Let’s see if this is $10 well spent or foolishly spent in search of organization.
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This was a nice bit of happy. I look forward to one last installment of the Old Man’s War series.
Year 3, Day 357: Before I even got to work this morning I had: loaded the dishwasher, washed all the remaining dishes in the sink, started a load of towels, took my dreadful disgusting new pain medication.
That was moderately better than my day at work. Someone had put out a cattle call for the clients to bring their Best Worst Unethical Shenanigans for us to unpick and that was half my day. Hate.
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I can’t tell if today’s sadness is because depression is still fighting for the driver’s seat or because I am refusing to give in to an anxiety spiral (by ignoring the issue), or because there are genuinely sad things going on in my friends’ lives that sadden me for them. It weighed on me all day. I went for a walk. I stood in the sun. I rubbed Sera’s belly. Nothing changed. The neighbor dog came by and begged for his skritches, that helped a little bit.
This really made me feel like it’s a chemical imbalance. I know this thread was funny but I didn’t even crack a smile internally.
Year 3, Day 358: Smol slept through the night for the first time in WEEKS!! That was so much needed. Again, what do I need to sacrifice to make this happen more often?
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I struggled with anxiety a lot today. I’m not sure what the right thing to do is but I’m trying REALLY hard not to let my brain fixate on the thing it wants to fixate on. That left me simmering in the unfocused anxiety instead. I can’t say that feels like a real improvement but maybe it is because unfocused anxiety can’t be made worse with specific negative thoughts? Nowhere better, either, unfortunately.
I had an unexpectedly nice walk with one of JB’s classmates’s parents, and then I chased Sera around the backyard for a while. The exercise, as much as the sight of her gallumphing around like a silly elephant with a ball in her mouth, was a help. A new music suggestion also helped.
The coordinator finally got back to me with the PO Box address I’ve been needing all week for the Lakota family we’ve been outfitting. Getting that out of the house, along with the 3rd and 4th box of clothes I’m shipping to them, and off my list will be a relief. I hope it feels good.
Getting our tax return documents back would feel better! It’s been three weeks, I don’t know what the hold up is. Our person usually just needs a week. Assuming we don’t owe a truckload, having that off the to do list could also bring a bit of relief.
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Wisdom, from children, I think
Thank you so much for the “Naatu Naatu” video! I’ve since learned about the language Telugu, Dravidian languages in general, how the director arranged the dance sequence and filmed it in Kiev, and how the Oscar production rearranged the dance sequence in real time. Wonderful production!
Neat! Love that you got so much extra enjoyment after the video
Oyster Card as in travelling on London Transport Oyster card??
You can use contactless next time you come over but that would probably incur currency exchange fees.
Might be worth checking the balance in case you have a large balance which could be more use in your account than theirs…
https://oyster.tfl.gov.uk/oyster/entry.do
Yes that’s the one! It’s left over from my pre-kids traveling days, I had wondered if they even still use them on the Tube. I know SF Bart has changed their methods of taking fares a lot in the past several years.