Living in the time of pandemic: COVID-19 (187)
January 1, 2024
Year 4 of COVID in the Bay Area.
Year 4, Day 272: My family isn’t Christian so we had no real reason to do Christmas but our parents enjoyed doing the gifting and the trees early on when we were little so we got those until I was 8? 10?: the trees, the gifts, the time together. Then it all stopped. I know why. My parents worked every single day of the year and were far too tired to add unnecessary extras. I understood but it still kind of stung. I spent years after I got a job working trying to recreate a bit of it, buying gifts for my family and such like, but no one was interested in spending time like that together and so I eventually gave up and sought that with other families. Now, in my turn, I have very little interest in “creating the magic”. We get the kids a few gifts but they get showered with enough gifts from loved ones that it’s all extra bonus.
I don’t feel “Christmas spirit”. If we’re talking about kindness and generosity, that’s something we try to put into practice all year round. This time of year, we go along with the stuff that his family does but none of it appeals to me in any real way. I’m a bit curious what I would enjoy if I could remove what everyone else does and prefers from the equation. Is it nostalgia to want to go back to the days when we didn’t really celebrate Christmas but exchanged some presents and went to the movies with my cousins, or would that actually be fun now?
Year 4, Day 273: Every year winter sets in and I get pushed totally off my game. Why is it so dark so early? Why is it so cold? Although it’s actually less cold during the rainy days. The real question is why am I always taken by surprise by the shift? This happens EVERY YEAR.
But the cold brought out beautiful red leaves on our blackberry bush so that was nice. Here’s hoping it bears fruit when spring comes.
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While walking Sera, I started counting our neighbors. There are the really awful ones who picked multiple, daily, petty fights with us when we had a newborn at home. They are either moving or renovating, I’m hoping they’re selling and leaving forever. I’ll never trust them not to be petty horrible liars again. There’s the family we trade package safety with, we text each other to take in packages for us when we’re out and that’s a nice reciprocal favor trading. We see two sets of neighbors at school dropoff and pickups, they’re friendly. There’s a set of dropoff neighbors who won’t ever say hi to us, despite my attempts to at least politely greet them. There’s the nice hippie who always pets Sera 🐶 or waves good morning and the nice old lady who used to always ask after Seamus when she walked her dogs. We don’t know everyone but we know at least a half a dozen now, and that feels a little like the start of a local community.
This doesn’t come easily to me, I’m generally not into socializing, but we’re alone here and it’s important to build some local connections. My friends are all online and sometimes you need local people.
Are your neighbors friendly?
Year 4, Day 274: Drat, I wish I’d defrosted the scallops and shrimp earlier to make seafood pasta. That’s something I don’t feel comfortable defrosting in the microwave – I hate to ruin good seafood.
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I used to knock out 270 points on Bing a day easily, maybe 2 minutes of time a day, and it’d add up to $100 in gift card redemptions a year but lately they’ve added so much friction (lower points for activities, not rewarding points for searches) that it’s not worth the amount of time/attention I’d have to spend on it anymore. Alas, I’ll miss that tiny stream of random spending money.
Year 4, Day 275: Therapy was hard this week. Talking about the my need for support with some complicated family dynamics, every part of me still struggles with the idea that I deserve help or support or that I can do hard things with help instead of having to tough it out alone.
Increasingly, though, there’s increasing evidence that doing the opposite of my norm is better for me. My asking for help I don’t ever want to admit I need, or even just acknowledging that I need it, to navigate understanding one complicated relationship after another creates a significant change in my pain. It’s not a straight line from therapy to improvement and it’s not a cure, but I have observed: my flares are less frequent, they last fewer days (where they used to span 2-3 weeks of crippling pain), the high intensity level is lower than it used to be. Even if I wanted to go back to old patterns, I don’t want the pain that goes with it.
Also I am still struggling with internalizing the notion that my offering support can sometimes simply take the form of being there for people without taking any physical action. The need to DO something is so deeply ingrained.
Related, in a fictional way: I put on very old shows that I can mostly ignore during my work day. This week it’s Bones. In the episode where Hodgins learns he has an institutionalized brother he’d never met, he only found out because the bills came due (and he’s no longer rich). Booth offers him a large sum of money to pay for his brother’s stay “until you figure something out”. Hodgins declines, “I’ll take a loan, like the normal person I never was.” That struck me as nonsensical. How is he going to pay that loan back? If he can’t afford the institution fees now, how is he going to afford the fees plus interest if he and Angela make no changes to their jobs and salary? To my mind, this is one of those times you let your friends help your family. It’s not like you’re taking it yourself. Of course, that’s easy for me to say in a hypothetical way. If I were to be offered a large sum of money from a wealthy friend to pay for a family member’s care (can’t speculate on siblings because I already have such a bad history with mine) I wonder if I would still feel the same way. Maybe I would.
What would you do?
Year 4, Day 276: How long-lived are your clothes? How often do you feel the need to replace pieces?
My clothes tend to last roughly 7-9 years before I cycle them out. I’m still using maternity underwear from the first pregnancy, they’re getting threadbare. I could probably stand to get a couple new packs. But maybe not yet. My jeans from 7 years ago died an ignominious death, as my pants generally do. I’ve been wearing hand me down skinny jeans but I hate skinny jeans when my hands are hurting. It’s hard enough pulling them up on a good day, it’s impossible on a bad day. So the current jeans are brand new. Three of my four Target tees, bought 6 years ago to attend a FinCon, have sprouted so many holes even I’m a little embarrassed to wear them anymore so those are out. I replaced them at Comic Con this year with Fat Rabbit Farm shirts. They are much more expensive but also much higher quality, judging by the one I have owned since 2014(?) that’s still in great shape. My hoodies and sweatpants are new from the second pregnancy, er, well, “new”. I guess they’re actually about 3 years old now but they still seem new relative to the rest of my wardrobe.
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We don’t really interact with our neighbors at all. We did like our retired next door neighbors who we would occasionally have to talk to about replacing fences etc., but they passed away. Their replacements have loud dogs (one yappy, one big) that they keep in the backyard all the time. They also added a story to their house. Not fans. Waiting for political season to see if they have a Trump sign. But like generally just means we’re not bothered by– it is scary to try to form community with people who turn out to be bigots or proselytizers and it’s easier just to leave everyone alone. Ignorance is bliss.
I have some pocket t-shirts from Walmart from high school(!). But I also have new stuff. It’s a large vintage spectrum. Though all of my pants are relatively new because that’s where my new weight goes and I don’t fit into any older pants.
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Yeah, where you are, I’d be really cautious too. It took me 7 years to get to this point in a neighborhood that was almost certainly going to be reasonably safe. The ten years before this in our other place I only ever had a nodding acquaintance with a couple people, and friendship with one couple. It almost makes me feel better that I’m not the only one who is more on this end of the range normally.
You’re doing well with your neighbors! I barely know mine – I’m part of the problem, as I’m either inside my house working/living my life, or I’m driving away someplace.
It seems like the best ways to meet people don’t apply to me – other school parents, dog-walking, or front-yard gardening. Also if you picture a capital H, my house is on the short bit that connects the longer bits – there are only 3 houses that face on my street. But I have the phone numbers of 2 nearby households so we can text once or twice per year, which is something, at least.
I do know 4-5 households in my area but they are several blocks away.
Clothing: jeans/pants usually last a few years until the thighs get a hole. Shirts can last 6+ years until I do a sweep of the ones with the worst armpit situations (I don’t know how to fix that – it’s like the deodorant piles up or something). I have 2 pairs of sweatpants I got before I started college that I pulled out when covid started and now wear .. most of the days I’m WFH (3 days a week right now). The sweatpants are over 30 years old!
It was always dog walking for me before this! I found it really interesting (weird, actually) to see to whom I wasn’t a person until I had kids, though. We always nodded hellos to all kinds of folks: single, couple, with or without dogs or kids. But there were at least a few people who didn’t even acknowledge my existence until I had a kid.
Feels like you’re doing pretty darn well without the assists of critters, furry or not.
I don’t know how to prevent that armpit staining thing, either, it’s so annoying. Way to go, sweatpants!
Thawing your seafood! Fill up a bowl with cool or slightly warm water and dump them in. Thaws super quick!