Living in the time of pandemic: COVID-19 (215)
July 15, 2024
Year 4 of COVID in the Bay Area.
Year 5, Day 103: No, the giant boxes destined for UPS didn’t go out. There were multiple hours this weekend where I thought “I should…” but the body said “hahaha you’re funny”. I feel like I’m constantly at odds with my brain, my body, or both, and they’re independent entities that I coexist with. Starts to make you wonder where your “you” lives and who’s in charge anyway??
Ahem. Anyway.
Today I am stalking the delivery truck. After much adjusting of the watering (more water, less water) making absolutely no difference in the cucumber plants refusing to grow taller than 2 inches, I’ve ordered fertilizer and it’s due today. The snap peas are still refusing to germinate to my disappointment, so I’m overcompensating by planting a whole lot more green beans. But few of the plants seem willing to grow much right now, so I’m pinning my hopes on fertilizer perking them up.
Year 5, Day 104: Big sigh. JB’s not feeling well again and a small part of me wishes this happened next week when we didn’t have camp paid for. There are no refunds for non attendance, obviously. But this is me putting down the wasted money woes and leaving it here instead of dwelling on it. We are trying to balance “don’t give up at the first sign of discomfort” and “your health comes first” with them and sometimes that means money is wasted.
Year 5, Day 105: Some days I feel like a bizarro incarnation of the terrible manager in Office Space. I arrive at work with my cup of water and my annoyance and spend the day calling people to task for embarrassing mistakes, misinformation, and wasteful incompetence that makes life harder for everyone else. It leaves such a sour taste in my mouth. The external people are terrible, my reports are the best, but it’s still ever so frustrating.
These changes have been creeping up on us so it’s not a surprise but is still deeply unpleasant. Not unlike a dousing of ice water in the face at six random times a day. When they first started, I resolved to TRY to ride out 12-18 months to let the dust settle before making any decisions. I’ve been leaning really hard into the Buddhist idea that clinging to what I want (and can’t have) is what produces (more) suffering and we have control over nothing (as another Buddhism practicing friend reminds me). Not sure if it’s actually helping, there’s still so much frustration in my day to day right now. Actually, yes, as I think about this more, there’s a tendency among the Buddhists in my family to interpret the “let go of the illusion of control” as “have no feelings, show no feelings” and that’s not healthy. This DOES help because after my feelings run their course, it helps to recenter myself in accepting that I’ve done my best and let the rest go.
In a fit of ironic self soothing, I revised our 2024 and 2025 cashflow spreadsheets with the assumption that these numbers will be stable for at least 18 more months. At this very moment, I’m skeptical about that outlook but will lean hard on the spreadsheets to keep my sort-of-promise to myself so that I don’t quit in a huff.
Year 5, Day 106: Wastewater levels in California are classified as high. We still mask, and we just got our boosters, and I’m adding a third layer of protection. We ordered an iota-carageenan nasal spray (Nasitrol) for use when we’re going to be around other people for hours at a time. We’ll have to unmask to eat and drink so the nasal spray adds protection for those times.
You know what’s really creepy? When your kid starts whispering really harshly like they’re possessed, in the middle of the night. Not a fan!
Year 5, Day 107: Shoe report! For my replacement sandals, I bought Crocs flip flops (very functional, can get wet without getting ruined) and Clarks Arla Glison (functional and fancy) sandals. They are all very comfortable. I was skeptical when I bought them, probably most skeptical of the Clarks because they’re platforms, but I’ve been able to wear both pairs for long stretches without pain. And without tons of regret at the end of the day. Total surprise.
PiC went rogue and bought Hokas for me which look a touch outlandish but, after adjusting to them, they’re quite comfortable. Their very large price tag is uncomfortable, I usually buy 4 pairs of sneakers for $110 and that lasts me 4-5 years, so these are way outside my price point but they feel really good now that I’ve gotten used to the height.
Ohhh the health vs stuff paid for struggle is so real. This winter school holidays I had leave to use so took time off mostly instead of paying for holiday programmes. I was also conscious that it’s prime season for colds/bugs/flu…
And as for school attendance that’s a struggle to balance too. Like an under the weather kid is not going to be primed for learning and we don’t want to spread stuff, but also at some point you do just have to go about your normal life and deal with mild cold symptoms…
It feels like a year round worry now between winter bugs and COVID the rest of the year round. š
Yep, balancing how bad they feel (and therefore their ability to learn) against building the ability to power through SOME obstacles feels like such a tightrope act some days.