LB has always been a bit of a Pull Everything Off Everything and Throw it Around kind of kid. Naturally, this is great motivation to get mobile and mobile ze is. These days, we often catch hir doing pullups on the most unlikely objects, and trying to swing hir leg up on said objects in order to escape or get into something. SMH.
Ze has now scaled piles of boxes, the bed, the sofa, and the refrigerator. I wouldn’t worry if ze demonstrated a lick of sense about getting down from furniture that ze does when climbing on boxes – at least climbing off boxes ze holds onto things. Beds? Nope. Just dives off, headfirst. This kid is jonesing for the world record in earliest self-inflicted concussion.
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LB & sharing. I thought it was too early but ze started offering hir chew toys to Seamus, and then graduated to offering (forcefully offering) things to me. Ze thought I should enjoy tasting the folded clothes that ze was pulling back out of boxes and was quite insistent, mashing it against my mouth.
Ze offered hir auntie some prechewed snacks and saw right through hir fake eating motions. Ze was displeased by the fakery.
I’m seeing shades of past me and past sibling in hir.
There’s a story about how Mom once “had” to take a big bite out of a fake donut my sibling made. Heartless younger-me said: “why on earth didn’t you just pretend to take a bite? What does a kid know?” I’m starting to see why Mom just rolled her eyes, saying HE KNEW.
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Things that are absolutely hilarious to hir: Scrunching up hir face with a grin and making the zzzzzzzzz sound.
Blowing mostly-spit raspberries. This might be a holdover from pool time when ze was encouraged to “blow bubbles” (baby translation: drink the pool water)
Having us pop out from behind things going BOO!!!
Going limp when we’re picking hir up. Just because. Not even because ze doesn’t want to go where we’re going, just because it’s fun. Ze also likes to hang onto furniture and hang backward as far as ze can like the tiniest gymnast that could. Then occasionally forgets to keep holding on and lands on hir head/butt. Still doesn’t stop hir.
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“No!”
Ze has been hearing this since Month 4. No, we don’t tantrum to get our way.
No, we don’t chew on electrical cords, do you want to end up like that puppy who could only lick out one side of her mouth?
No, Seamus doesn’t want you to check his mouth while he’s eating! He’s gonna bite you accidentally and then feel so bad about it.
Ze still reacts to “no” with a grin and does whatever “no!” referred to, faster.
That’s my kid.
Speaking of Not Foods, we’ve officially joined Club Dog Food. Oh yeah. That’s right. LB found a dog bowl with kibble in it (fools! fools!) and sure enough, a handful went into hir mouth. Five kibbles later, I’m pretty sure I got them all but I’m not going to feel guilty if I didn’t. You’d quit diving into a chompy infant’s mouth after they sprout a couple of ivories, too.
I swear, ze bites more than 20 years of dogs combined.
Things we enjoyed…
We were reading regular books to LB because we like stress and fending off grabby hands. Ze loved it too, spending most sessions trying to “turn pages” more than listening (anyone who’s seen an infant knows that means “tearing them out”).
We are now converts to the board books, only about 6 months after they would have been super useful. What? We’re fighting clutter.
I’m a fool. Was offered the opportunity to go back to sleep somewhat peacefully and I squandered it. LB got up at 1:30, upset about something, nursed hir back to sleep. Ze was nestled peacefully against my arm so it seemed like the perfect time to put hir in the crib.
Ze protested, but it seemed like a token protest. I covered hir up with a light blanket so it wouldn’t feel like a shock going from my body heat to a cold crib and crawled back into bed. No sooner did I settle: *squawwwwwwwk*
I ignored it.
*squaaaaaakkkkk squaawwwwk*
Still not listening.
*SCREEEEEEEEEEEEEE* for ten minutes.
Ok ok ok geez.
Ze was unbelievably pleased to be grumpily bundled back up into bed with me, even after a half recumbent diaper change because who would appreciate their infant to stay STILL when being changed in the dark? No one, says LB, so to show my appreciation I shall writhe and wriggle as hard as I possibly can which is pretty hard since you feed me so well, and it’ll therefore be impossible to fasten that diaper with fewer than five hands and an elbow.
Ze didn’t try to play when we got back to bed, thank everything, but hir idea of “settling down” was a series of flopping from back to front to back to front to back, burying hir face in the comforter I’d piled at the foot of the bed to prevent another Great FaceFirst Launch Off the Bed, squeaking and doing a Baby Gregorian chant. If I didn’t know better, and I don’t, ze could have been summoning the Greater Gods of Baby-induced Sleep Deprivation. I’m tired.
After about an hour of this, LB was content to mostly stay still with one foot propped on my ribs, the other on my chin, hands reached up over hir head in an attempt to create a tiny human bridge between me and hir father, still doing that odd Gregorian chant / kitten yowl every 20 seconds in case I might fall asleep. Cute. But when ze was evicted from this womb I’m pretty sure there was a clause in there about not kicking me in the ribs anymore. Ze is in clear violation of hir parole.
Two hours later. I realize that ze has finally stopped emitting any sounds and movements have slowed to nearly a standstill. Oh blessed sleep.
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Related: The baby food lie: blast from Nicole & Maggie’s archives still holds true. I vaguely remembered the information in this post if not the post itself and with full endorsement from our pediatrician (which was nice but not strictly necessary), proceeded with not very reckless abandon.
We are working on food and not food categories. Food goes into the mouth and is eventually swallowed. Not food includes: any part of Seamus. Confidential documents. Electronics. Remote controls. Any of my comic books. My toes – dear god why would you chew on my toes?? Head bands. Shoes. The dishwasher. Power cables. Furniture. Seamus’s leash. Seamus’s collar. Seamus’s toys. Seamus has made a bid that anything associated with him should be off limits to being eaten. I agree.
Things that still aren’t food but I can’t be bothered if ze chews on them: Legos. My arm. Tags. Bedding. Pillows. Blankets. The drying rack.
It’s a steep learning curve here.
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Mimicry has suddenly started happening here. We always echo back at LB when ze vocalizes because it’s funny, ze has started echoing back at us when we do it to hir. Everything is just funnier when you’re an infant.
Actions, too. If we do a thing, ze tries to, sometimes. Right now ze is in an ET phone home phase: holding hir index finger out to touch PiC’s when he holds up his hand. Ze won’t do it with me, though. I guess it’s just a daddy-kiddo thing.
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Word babbles are happening. Ze suddenly added about 5 more consonants to hir 2 vowels. Conversations are still not deep but they’re entertaining. Except when it’s “I’m putting your legs in your pants. KEEP THEM THERE” or “STOP worming away when I’m diapering you!” Then I vaguely wish for five months ago when ze could barely flip. But I guess that’s less language and more Infant With Shit To Do.
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Ze thinks it’s funny to elicit a reaction out of us by licking inappropriate things. I just figured out ze was just playing me when ze leaned over to the wall, glanced at me, waited til I looked, then licked the wall. Then chuckled at my expression.
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Teeth are starting to happen. Ze was remarkably pleasant when they started breaking through. Then two days later, it all went to hell. Ze was clingy, upset, every little thing was the end of the world. Dosed hir with Tylenol while we waited for the teething tablets to arrive and we were back to normal. Getting new teeth is a tough business.
Best part: ze is genuinely curious about this “teeth” thing and occasionally pries open PiC’s mouth to investigate what’s going on in there. That’s also just a daddy-kiddo thing, ze has no interest in my teeth. I think it’s for the best.
Things we love
LB most preferred to chew on my arms when hir gums were uncomfortable but when those teeth finally poked through, that was a no-go. A combination of frozen teething rings, hard teething toys, and teething tablets saved us all. The tablets were miraculous for those middle of the night wake ups when ze couldn’t stay asleep.
We introduced sippy cups a while ago, but while ze is willing to drink water, ze hasn’t quite got the hang of the whole thing.
Inchworm is officially mobile. Something clicked one day and ze went from struggling planted in one place, or wiggling backwards, to crawling forward in the most awkward foot-planting fashion. It’s clear that with every creep forward, ze is just preparing to stand up and walk. Often I’ll catch hir on all fours, hands and feet, butt in the air as ze tries to figure out how to get the front half in the air but fails. Not much complaining about this anymore – ze is too busy concentrating.
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Ze figured out self directed play if I’m just sitting nearby. Ze is even better at it if I’m walking around and not watching over hir. But there’s always a risk that ze will finish with all hir toys and head for Seamus or his toys. He won’t bother hir, even when ze is trying to lick him, but I don’t want him to feel tormented.
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At some point, LB quit spitting up / drinking too much too fast. A little bit before ze learned to roll over, and hold hir own bottle, ze quit needing to be burped. We just honestly forgot because ze would wiggle away to do something and then noticed ze was rolling out the burps all on hir own. Excellent! The drool continues unabated, though, and still, no teeth. I’m enjoying the gummy grins though, so I’m in no hurry. Also, as I might have mentioned before, ze BITES. And holy hell does that hurt. I have a bruise on my arm from hir chewing.
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When LB was just a speck, I assumed that I wouldn’t want to share my living AND working space with a Tiny Tyrant. It’s really weird to realize that I am quite enjoying it right now. Ze is a lot of work, but is at a semi-ideal stage right now where I can drop hir in a play area, leave hir to get into things, and redirect hir as needed. Ze explores anything and everything, tasting everything: Seamus, our shoes, electrical cords, our toes, carpet, rugs, drawstrings. You name it, ze wants to chew on it.
Note: Seamus is not a fan.
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What’s the difference between a puppy and this baby? A puppy has dander and this baby has opposable thumbs with which to pick up electric cords for chewing.
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Unfortunately for us, LB’s mobility is not matched by hir language skills. Meaning “no!” and “no that’s dangerous” or “no that’s not for eating” or “no that’s not for you” are just amusing mouth noises we make. Meanwhile, Seamus jumps with every “no!” like he’s in trouble.
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SOMEbaby thanks it’s hilarious to chipmunk cheek hir food. We were doing our usual sharing at dinner and ze just kept cheeking hir veggies. Ze likes them, normally, but I guess learning to hide your food in your mouth is an essential baby skill? After a visual check AND a finger sweep, ze spit hir greens at me with a cackle.
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Ze caught a cold. Infant colds, from this experience, consists of 2 parts “aww you’re pitifully cute”, 3 parts “aww you’re just pitiful” and 95 parts “Ew snot bubbles!”
Our weapons of choice: infant Tylenol, nasal spray and the Snotsucker. That name, by the way, should have tipped me off to what it was but no, I just refused to use it. PiC did, and it helped a bit, but if you’ve ever wondered how an infant would react to waterboarding, we know.
P.S. There’s something very wrong with my child, ze loves the fake grape taste of the Tylenol. Gross.
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For a little while, I had the timing on naps figured out and it was amazing. Then it changed again, and ze would do that terribly miserable scrunched up You Traitor face wail when put in the crib. I started handing hir a toy and walking away. Sometimes ze would just cry til ze slept. Other times ze would get up, play for a long grumbling while, then pass out mid play. As long as sleep happens, I don’t much care how we get there any more.
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Cruising a Carter’s sale for a few things that ze didn’t get from the hand me down bag, I learned what crib shoes are. We were given some but I didn’t know what to do with them since shoes for a not-walking kid doesn’t make a lot of sense.
Shoes on an almost walking kid, though? As entertaining as putting shoes on a cat.
LB tweets
Doing my very best (but still terrible) whale sounds impressions for a wiggly grouchy LB’s entertainment.
Inchworm is trying so hard to crawl but hates it so much. Ze wants to walk and walk NOW. One day, ze learned to hold out hir arms to us and hasn’t stopped since. We won’t pick hir up on demand every time, though, we don’t walk hir muscles to atrophy!
Often you can’t walk past without hir grabbing your ankle with both arms in order to use you as leverage. Hir balance still sucks though, so there have been more than a few faceplant scenarios followed up by earsplitting shrieks of pain. Nothing serious, just actual pain versus the usual surprise cry.
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This child has zero sense of self preservation. Ze will launch out of PiC’s arms, flip off the edge of the bed like a flying squirrel without flight capabilities, throw head and arms backwards into a backbend whether on the ground or on someone’s lap with no regard for the likelihood of a concussion or a broken head.
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We’re doing all kinds of solid and pureed foods so “hack it up, clear your throat” has become a daily part of our vocabulary.
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I don’t have time to read to LB as often as I’d like so I make it a point to talk hir through anything I’m doing whether it’s prepping hir next meal or explaining my work. Lots of history-of, why-we-do-things-this-way, it’s-important-because conversations. Ze thinks the formal stuff is the funniest.
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Ze has lint contraband. I found it in hir leg folds in the first weeks of baths. After a few weeks of confiscation they were mysteriously clean and then I found it’d shifted to hir knees, then later still, in hir armpits. The latest stash zone is under the chin in the neck.
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Sleep has always been weird. We’d have (3) 30-minute nap days and those were terrible. We’d have (2) mega long nap days and they were wonderful (but confusing. what did we do right?).
Ze has never slept through the night more than 2 nights in a row except for during SDCC. And mostly never sleeps through the night. We’d go from getting 8 straight hours to only 4 and 3, or 6 and 2. Or some weird combination in such a way as to guarantee we’d both be zombies.
There are days ze gets a 3rd nap just because the two were so stinking short ze would wake up still tired.
Basically our whole life is one giant sleep regression. Which, I guess, is good because we basically never get used to the good life of sleeping through? We’ve stopped worrying, fussing, or trying that hard to influence the sleep. We just stick to a routine for bedtime, and time the naps for a sleepy baby as best we can.
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It shouldn’t, but this Washington Post article saying that parenthood is worse than any other life event including the death of a partner elicited a rueful chuckle. That could still come to pass, it was one of my terrors about becoming a parent, and I have seen where some experiences were hard enough that the parents declared No More after the first. I think PiC is actually in that camp after being so very worried about me during labor. And also we had a tough pregnancy. It’s hard to imagine how we could do that again but this time with a toddler running around needing attention too, especially as we still haven’t found good, reliable help.
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*snorgle snargle* Now that ze has figured out crawling, climbing on things, and grabbing in a semi-intentional, sorta-accurate fashion, we’re all in trouble. Ze has a special Attack Face, a combination of a grin and a scrunched brow, maw stretched wide open, as ze prepares to destroy electronics in reach so I know to defend against baby drool within five seconds of The Face.
LB’s tweets
I hear paper tearing. I look up to see LB on hir back, huge chunk of newspaper in left hand, strip in right hand, huge sheet in mouth.
PiC: “I think ze might have eaten some newspaper. That didn’t taste good, did it?” LB shakes hir head really hard, no. Then jabs PiC in the eye.
LB is mild to moderate good at self directed play. Ze is a Master at grabbing everything ze isn’t allowed to.
Seamus is a little pissed. LB tried to snake his hedgie but he’s not allowed to steal Grey Wind.
Woke up to LB chirping to Seamus and playing w/Elly, hir crib companion. Possibly ze was plotting to take over the world.
LB vs the world
Stop screeching, I’m changing your diaper. This is a feature, not a bug.
Please don’t lick your brother.
Please stop eating the ground. And the recyclables. Ok fine, chew on your foot. Enjoy the flexibility.
How did you get fur up your nose?
We love …. cheap entertainment!
These interlocking rings. I’ve strung them across hir chair, down from dresser drawer handles, on hir stroller, anywhere I need hir to stay put for a little while so I can do things. Ze loves to chew on them, pull them apart, and just wave them around. Also good for securing toys into the stroller when ze loses interest and drops it.
Baby Kisses: It took me a while to understand why LB would glom onto my cheek like a little suckerfish, and lick my face. Ze is trying to kiss us back! And it’s basically the weirdest, cutest, funniest thing. Ze obviously doesn’t know how we’re kissing hir cheeks, but ze is doing hir best estimate.
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LB loves to chew on hands, mostly my hands though sometimes hirs are good too, and lick knees. Ze has odd taste.
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I can’t decide if this belongs here or in a money post but I’m figuring it’s about LB, so … LB is trying out a lot of new foods, just little tastes, but won’t be ready to transition off milk for a while longer. Until then, whether due to fatigue (baby or syndrome related), or not hydrating enough, or some other thing, my milk production has been dropping significantly so we rely on formula a lot. It’s convenient but I hate the cost and I hate the inconvenience and the waste when ze suddenly decides 1 oz into a 5 oz bottle that ze is cranky and doesn’t want that bottle after all. I hate that we have to chuck formula at $1/oz! So I want to keep providing hir almost all breastmilk but it’s just not happening.
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Speaking of foods, ze has been an adventurous eater indeed. It seems that the last two months of watching us eat and not share has motivated hir to take every proffered food even if ze thinks it’s disgusting at first. I know this acceptance of food may change when ze gets older but it’s fun right now.
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In what seemed like a flash, LB figured out how to try to push hirself into a sit position from a flat on the belly position, and then learned how to actually sit up. It just … happened. A friend with an older baby marveled at how strong ze was – I didn’t think it was abnormal for a baby to be able to get up on all fours and rock and scoot backwards at this age but what do I know.
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I keep comparing pictures of LB from when ze was a week old to now and the change is astounding. So much so that it doesn’t look like the same human at all. I birthed a cute tiny alien and it’s turned into a cute tiny human!
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“Babies need to get frustrated. That’s how they learn.” Great advice from @vanitygames the first time LB was the Angriest of all Inchworms and I felt bad for hir. Now when ze hollers from frustration, ze gets encouragement and a little bit of support after ze has given it a really good try. Independent (angry) baby!
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I’m understanding why cats imitate baby voices now but it’s really creepy when I can’t tell if that’s a cat yowling on our street or LB waking up from a nap prematurely.
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Last in the series of vaccines! Ze was a total champ. Angrily screamed for about ten seconds and then sat up like nothing had happened. That’s about the standard for any “but you’re fine” fall when ze topples over and conks hir head not terribly hard. Given how hard ze has head butted me in the face without even blinking, I’ve taken to pointing out that ze is merely startled for most of those very comparatively gentle head conks. After a second, ze seems to agree.
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I no longer try to soothe most of LB’s crying. Not because I’m a heartless monster, but because most of hir crying is frustration over not knowing how to do something or wanting to do something or just wanting attention. Instead of trying to soothe, I redirect to a new toy and 90% of the time, ze is amenable. Also, I don’t hand hir toys anymore. Ze wants what ze can’t have, so I play with it in front of hir and if ze gets interested, ze’ll leap-crawl over.
Baby Savings: It’s important to remember this is artificially inflated due to not having reliable childcare and not withdrawing cash to pay for the trial nanny days.
Summer weather in summer months? In the Bay Area? This is confusing. We’ve had days of 80+ degree heat and it’s just not right.
In other news, LB is hir father’s child. When hot: Do Not Touch.
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On the subject of touching: toes. Ze has toes and would like you to know that ze likes them, can grab them, and will occasionally mouth them. I flip between “Talent!” / “Showoff” / “Gross”
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The developments seem to be more incremental in this month but the effect is huge. Ze suddenly managed flipping from belly to back again. Previously ze could turn hir head to follow sound but only did so selectively. Now ze is actively trying to figure out where certain sounds are coming from. Toys, or would-be toys (aka everything), are huge incentives – ze will work for ages to reach something crinkly.
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Obviously, everything still goes into the mouth for taste testing and chewing. I’ve got three bruises on my arms from where ze latched on like a (toothless) moray eel and wouldn’t stop chomping. Moms are, apparently, delicious. This has led to some rather unfortunate painful biting incidents. Clearly empathy hasn’t developed yet because Ow! just elicits a big grin and sometimes a squeal.
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I used to love the 3-month age best but 5 months is pretty awesome. Ze has opinions but they’re no longer all grouchy.
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LB thinks that hair is the best handle a human adult can come with. Woe betide this kid who tries to latch hold of someone bald! Watch out for these hands otherwise! Ze grabs hold of my hair every chance ze gets and yanks out at least three hairs a day. OW.
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Handclapping has morphed from a scary thing to a hilarious thing. If I clap a rhythm, ze will grin and waggle hir eyebrows at me!
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Seamus laid down in front of us on the rug one day, and LB decided ze wanted to try petting. They sniffed each other’s noses and then Seamus obligingly offered his head for inspection. LB was delighted with the muzzle, soft ear, and his neck, touching each inquisitively and then trying to grab on. Of course I stopped hir before ze administered the classic grab and twist, but he stayed stock still, patiently letting hir explore with hir little grubby fingers. My rule in these situations for safety and sanity is that Seamus is in charge of the interaction’s duration. Forcing him to put up with hir past his patience would be the biggest mistake. (Especially since his patience is so vast.)
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Talon trimming update: Managed a FULL set of talons in one session. Ze was wiggly and kept yanking hir hand away but did not freak out, scream, or otherwise get upset.
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This child clearly hasn’t learned empathy yet. When ze bit me while nursing, I said OW! and gave hir the “no” face. In all other things, when I give hir the no face, ze at least looks back soberly. Hir response after chomping on me? A wide gummy grin. Like I was playing. HRMPH.
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Aside from my computer and all related cords, hir favorite new toy:
The Oball ball with rattle (click picture to buy at Amazon)
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Baby Savings: Thanks to some generous gifts from family, diligent savings on our part, and not continuously paying for childcare(!), LB’s savings account has – holy crap, I didn’t even realize this – $25,000.00. That’s freakin’ amazing. Of course, that’s before we deduct the cost of hir diapers, wipes, and formula. And penalty fees for pooping on us. It’s gonna take a hit for the poop. Also the penalty for being the Mayor of Fartopolis because holy moly are hir farts stinky.
I can take on any dog or cat and trim their nails but holy shekels, trimming LB’s nails is … a nail biter.
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I didn’t know it was normal for babies to hate tummy time. LB spent a lot of time faceplanting for most of the first few days, crying angrily.
We don’t seem to have growth spurts at regular intervals. We have five days on and two days off, if we’re lucky, from the things that seem to indicate growth spurt: increased appetite, intermittent wakefulness through the night. Makes for interesting sleeplessness on the part of hir hapless parents but also incredibly interesting development. We could see hir cognition becoming sharper and more focused one day to the next, adding deliberate interaction and movement to the mix.
One day, ze held my hand and selectively chewed on one finger at a time, clearly testing and rejecting on the search for the perfect finger. The next day ze picked up hir pacifier and tried to put it in hir mouth.
Out of the blue, ze decided that ze was going to turn over on hir belly from hir back. I couldn’t tell you what brought this on. Over 6 days, ze started the attempts. One every other day. On the last of the 6 days, on hir third actual attempt, ze made it. Angry and crying the whole time. Once accomplished, it seemed forgotten but really ze was just gearing up for five more days of seeing what else ze could do with this skill.
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Some day, ze will sleep in hir crib for daytime naps, right? RIGHT? Please say yes.
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The answer IS yes! We had to break all the rules but since ze is so strong, I’m not so worried anymore. Ze always rolls over onto hir face now that ze has mastered the art, so over the course of a few weeks, we added blankets and pillows and bumpers to the crib, experimenting with what seemed most comfortable.
Ze gets stuck on hir belly because apparently rolling from the back is easy but rolling from the belly is not. My child, ze is backwards. But in the process, ze often gets a limb stuck in the prison bars, so bumpers were much safer. It’s helped a lot, and once a week, ze might even sleep more than 6 hours at a stretch! And the cozier (blankes and pillows) the bed, the longer ze might sleep.
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The moment LB actually looked at us, not through us, or past us, or around us, but actually directly at us was pretty cool. But far better was the moment that ze progressed from smiles to little gurgles to full blown belly chortles. It’s intoxicating! Hir eyes just about disappear into the creased chubby cheeks, hir mouth opens wide and curves into a huge toothless grin, the laugh wells up from hir toes. Hir whole body shakes with each outburst of glee. Needless to say, once I discovered that kissing hir cheeks or tickling hir cheek with my hair accidentally produced that chortle, I did that forever. Or at least until my face hurt from laughing.
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Lots of “holy crap, this is OUR child” moments.
Ze rides in the stroller the way I ride in cars, feet kicked up, slumping down into the seat;
Crinkles hir face like I do;
Has some of PiC’s facial features;
and some of mine.
Weird.
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