About sixteen years ago, I met him for the first time. My trainwreck sibling brought home this adorable puppy he had no business adopting because he had not one thing in his life that wasn’t a mess. I was furious at my sibling – he didn’t even take care of himself, how could he drag
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November 12, 2014
As much as I hate sharing my limitations (weakness, in my mind) with other humans, there wasn’t a lot I could do about hiding the evidence of Little Bean after a time. And despite my reservations at the time, it’s been a strange, almost surreal, experience of rather positive support.
PiC’s friends
I like these people, I really do. We spend time with them together mostly but I actually like them enough that, back in the day, I enjoyed their company sans PiC, too. So it shouldn’t have been a surprise that when we attended an event together recently, they were thoughtful and solicitous of my well-being, making sure that someone was always checking to make sure I was managing ok without being weird about it. They didn’t hesitate for a second to use me as an excuse to hang out in the temperature controlled room and to leave early, either. Win-win!
Chosen family
There’s family, and then there’s family. The latter are the ones I chose to make my family: long time friends I grew up with; friends who have welcomed me/us into their homes and family without hesitation and who actually listen when I talk. Friends who I’ve only gotten to know because of the blog and are more considerate than anyone I’m actually related to by blood.
They’ve been there for me during a huge stint of unemployment, coordinated thoughtful deliveries when I became a member of the Dead Parent Club, celebrated when I got the job or we tied the knot, commiserated during the hard times and mentored me when I needed wisdom. (Some of them are you. And I can’t really explain how some people who are only there virtually are more like family than blood but I think it’s just the great side of having the internet: we can find good people all over.)
These are the people who have been happy for me/us about Little Bean, helpful without trampling my boundaries, share the fun of the weird pregnancy stuff and listen without judging the ICK factors.
The Kids
There’s a group, and during one event, I was bemused to see how much these younguns, many of whom are just starting to wrap their heads around the idea of starting a career, were looking out for me. I lost track of the number of times one of them would shout: make room for Revanche to sit! Or would ask if I was sure I was ok? Did I need water, food, anything?
Most of the time I’m a grumpy “THESE KIDS THESE DAYS” sort but these kids? Pretty good kids.
PiC
Of course, he’s been a saint.
Can’t fix a meal? He’s got it.
Can’t tie my shoelaces? He’s got it.
Can’t carry luggage? Don’t be silly, I was never to carry luggage.
Have a craving, ever so slight? Why, here it is.
Too tired to walk the dog? He’s all over it.
Frustrated and having a rant? He understands.
Frustrated and feeling useless because dammit, I should be able to DO this (that or the other thing) by myself? Reminds me that I AM doing a job that he can’t so he can darn well shoulder everything else.
That’s just the stuff I can remember off the top of my head.
Doggle and Seamus
No, they’re not people. But they are/were daily companions and as such, they get some credit.
Early on, when it wasn’t obvious, Doggle would stand between me and rowdy dogs, pushing them away from me when they got too out of hand. This is a dog who was completely oblivious to most normal cues, but he always seemed to have some small innate sense about the worst health days. He literally refused to leave my side when I was extra-sick for days, long before the pregnancy, refusing food and walks until he was assured that I was still alive and kicking. Once LB came around, he was protective of my mid-section even though I doubt he actually knew why, literally shielding it with his body.
Seamus is the stolid sort and not really aware of what’s changing either but whenever I get stuck sitting down and I tell him to “Come here and help me up”, he comes and stands right next to me so I can use him for leverage. Or he’ll willingly lay however I want him to lay so that I can reach his head for petting.
Some days it’s the little things that make such a difference.
Other days, it’s the sum total realization that despite all the other dysfunction, we do have good people in our corner.
November 11, 2014
Actually, I don’t mean Guy Fawkes Day at all. That just reminds me that it’s November which, for us, means the days of open enrollment!
I used to do a comprehensive analysis with pen and paper: comparing all possible copays and deductibles, estimating the cost of possible treatments and coverages, etc, etc, etc. We always ended up signing back up with the HMO.
This year? Hell with it.
I know what our HMO covers for medical services and it’s fine. I’ve never had trouble getting a referral to a specialist when I need one and they have a pretty awesome (read: they have one at all) department that specifically deals with chronic pain. Don’t use them much but they’re there to provide support.
I could have wished to go with a provider who would let me have my regular OB deliver LB but it’s way the hell too late to worry about that and besides, I’d really want that because I LIKE my OB. She wouldn’t be available if we went with a PPO.
Our prescriptions are made as easy as I could ask for generally, except if I forget to order a medication refill far enough in advance for mail order delivery, then I just have to wait a few more days. Prescriptions are basically $10 or less without fighting over getting this brand or that generic. I don’t have to deal with approvals and the hassle of hit or miss, inept retail pharmacies, we get pharmacy folks who are dog people so they understand the plague of the paw-licking dog, and remind us that people are kind of ridiculously stocking up on wound cleanser in their fear of Ebola. (What the hell is a wound cleanser going to do for you if you get Ebola?)
Our dental coverage is the more expensive one but it’s good for our needs as far as treatments being covered. They are really stupid at billing, sending us bills that say we owe 100% but I ignore those and three weeks later, I invariably get a zeroed out bill.
We have basic vision coverage for literally less than $5 a month and this is sufficient to keep PiC in glasses or contacts every other year. I have been lucky enough only to need my eyes checked for medication side effects (none) and have thus far avoided glasses.
So we’ll keep the same coverage options. With the projected increases in medical and prescription premiums for 2015, and then a new one to cover, we’ll be paying an additional $857 annually for the privilege. Yay.
Edit: It could actually cost us $1457 extra depending on one thing out of my control right now. ARGH.
Have you made your elections for the upcoming year? Are you looking at some serious increases?
November 10, 2014
Every time I get annoyed about something to do with our income or expenses, or am reminded that I have to keep holding a job I currently resent for whatever reason, I go back to the drawing board to see how we’re doing with income replacement.
I’ve never been an early retirement fanatic, precisely, but I do want all the freedom of choice that I dream comes with having loads of money squirreled away. Then there are days I want that freedom to walk and not look back at the workplace in any form.
At the moment, we’re drawing regular and miniscule dividend income from the stock portfolio. I’m proud of my few picks, they may bump up and down, but they do continue earning some money.
Look, a visual!
In 2010, I earned a whole $4.40 of dividend. I’d pried loose as much money as I could from bills to buy two lopsided sets of stocks. I couldn’t even buy a whole 20 shares! When I dip my toes in, it’s a very timid dip. Though, remember, this was just about the time I’d just come off a huge stint of unemployment. Clearly, my financial behavior holds – in times of uncertainty, invest in growth.
In 2011, I earned $18.80, just hanging onto those stocks, and throwing a little more cash into the account in a burst of enthusiasm.
In 2012, I earned $20.40.
In 2013, we earned $56.00 (gross) and thanks to the hit of an inactivity fee ($50), $6.00 (net). Way to go, inattentive me.
In 2014, we’re at $31.60 gross earnings and I don’t intend to get hit with any other stupid fees, so we may log record earnings this year… record earnings meaning a whole dollar more than last year.
The dividends just get reinvested regularly, but I still think this calls for a reprise of my song: All I want for Christmas is a great stock portfolio.
What shall we get this year? More of the same, or a new dividend paying stock?
November 5, 2014
PiC and I are on opposite ends of the spectrum when it comes to parental leave.
He’s eligible for all state/federally mandated leave, and will have some days or weeks of vacation accrued if I carry to term as long as we’re careful about what we do up until then.
I have none of these things. I work for a small shop and so they aren’t bound by any of the state/federal leave laws. It’ll come down to a conversation with my generally accommodating and awesome (grumpy strikethrough) boss to work out something.
No matter what we work out, I’m staying on top of our saving right up until I can’t, in case anything happens and I can’t go back to work or I need more time. I hate this uncertainty.
Worst case scenarios.
If none of my leave is covered, I’ll need to work out the budget for being without income for 2, 3 and 6 months just to project how much money we need. At this stage, my feeling is that we’ve saved enough that I shouldn’t forgo a minimum length of leave (2 months?) just because of the money. It’s a luxury to take that time whether or not we have income but these are the first months of LB’s life, I probably want to be there. (And if I don’t, well, work should always take me back!)
A warning from experienced mothers
Try to prepare things before the third trimester, you won’t want to need to do too much at that stage:
This wars with my preference not to get ahead of ourselves preparing for something that, well, might not really … work out. As first-timers, we’re pretty cautious about the outcome; I think we’re both so cautious we won’t truly breathe easy about this whole pregnancy thing until we’ve got a healthy baby at the end of it. We also don’t want to accumulate too much stuff, either. We don’t have a lot of room to begin with, so it really makes sense to purge everything we’d been meaning to move along and then add just a few essentials. On the other hand, ebbing energy is absolutely a concern and if I can expect to be even *more* tired at that stage, well… we’ll have to figure something out.
I’m grateful for some online resources that give me an idea of what on earth might be going on in there as I wait for time to pass. Though it’s always a great reminder that on some forums, people are dirt stupid and seem to think that all science was just a joke – be leery of those folks.
I’d read the scary stuff like SaverSpender’s first time mother notes and while I’ve had a ton of childcare experience, obviously I’ve hadn’t had any in the actual birthing department. Despite having heard what I thought was “it all” from so many mothers, there were still a lot of “ewwww ….. !” notes.
Reading also doesn’t prepare you to live through the bumps in the road, but having now done a certain amount of reading, I find that I”m not interested in reading all I can get my hands on anymore. I’m grossed out enough by the realities, there’s only so much one can take!
I’m not one of those people who either glow or enjoy their pregnancies. I’m doing my best to be healthy, be active and be responsible and I’m sure the end result will be cherished, but no joke, this is hard work.
November 3, 2014
While we were traveling, a few somewhat unexpected bills came in the mail for the Investment House: utilities!
I tend to operate a little bit on autopilot when it comes to bills, I check the amounts and dates, then I go straight to paying them, particularly when a due date is in the past. I’m a bit allergic to paying after the due date, it gives me flashbacks to writing checks for Mom when I was a kid, not understanding why we didn’t pay on time, and then later to my late teens when I could only JUST pay bills on time after working hundreds of overtime hours.
My bottom line was about to take a beating when I took a minute to whine at my RE friend and he pointed out that the property manager should be able to bill the tenant for these – well!
I blame the heat, pregnancy brain, and totally being a rookie for not remembering that tenants almost always cover all the utilities unless it’s explicitly covered by the rental agreement. Heck, I was a tenant for years, my Dad still is and I pay his bills, so why it totally slipped my mind that we have always paid our own trash, sewer, water and electricity bills, I couldn’t even say!
Luckily, it was as easy as emailing the scanned documents off to get that sorted. Whew. Saved myself $200+. Never mind the slightly horrified lurking sense that if I nearly messed that up, what else have I done wrong? Ach. Live and learn.
Paula from Afford Anything posted about being off for a month and how well that worked for her; she shared a story from a single income family that has been working away at this real estate thing as well and it was a bit heartening. Randy’s also following the same general thought process that I was: save enough cash to cover the first purchase, with some extra to cover unexpected expenses, and keep reinvesting any income to build up to the next purchase. If I have a good cash cushion that I can dip into, of course I will, but Little Bean potentially changes that landscape for the moment.
October 31, 2014
Chicken pot pie: Filling
Ingredients
Cooking spray
3/4 teaspoon salt
1/2 teaspoon freshly ground black pepper
1 1/2 pounds boneless, skinless chicken breasts, cut into 1/2-inch chunks
4 teaspoons olive oil
1 medium onion, chopped
2 medium carrots, chopped
2 celery stalks, chopped
1/2 pound green beans, trimmed and chopped into 1/2-inch pieces
2 cloves garlic, minced
1 1/2 cups lowfat milk
1/4 cup all-purpose flour
1 cup low-sodium chicken broth
1 cup peas, thawed if frozen
1 1/2 tablespoons fresh thyme leaves
Directions
Add 2 more teaspoons of oil to the same pan and heat it over a medium-high heat. Add the onions, carrots and celery and cook until the vegetables begin to soften, about 3 minutes. Add the green beans, garlic and remaining salt and pepper and cook for 2 minute more. Add the milk. Stir the flour into the broth until it is completely dissolved and add to the pan. Cook, stirring, until the mixture comes to a boil. Reduce the heat to medium-low and cook for 2 minutes more. Return the chicken with its juices back to the pan. Add the peas and thyme and stir to combine. Season with salt and pepper, to taste. Spoon the mixture into the baking dish or individual dishes.
Drop the batter in 6 mounds on top of the chicken mixture (1 mound on each individual dish, if using) spreading the batter out slightly.
Bake until filling is bubbling and the biscuit topping is golden brown, about 20 minutes.
Adapted from Food Network’s Ellie Krieger
Drop Biscuits
Ingredients
2 cups all-purpose flour
1 tablespoon baking powder
1/2 teaspoon salt
1/4 cup chilled butter, cut into small pieces
1 cup fat-free milk
Cooking spray
Directions
Preheat oven to 450º.
Lightly spoon flour into dry measuring cups; level with a knife. Combine flour, baking powder, sugar, and salt in a bowl; cut in butter with a pastry blender or 2 knives until mixture resembles coarse meal. Add milk; stir just until moist.
Spoon the batter into 12 muffin cups coated with cooking spray. Bake at 450° for 12 minutes or until golden. Remove biscuits from pan immediately, and place on a wire rack.
Thoughts
I’ve finally found some decent uses for the Dutch oven and one of them is heaven on the stovetop.
October 29, 2014
A strange thought struck me as I poked around the internet instead of keeping on top of the work I intended to get done tonight: Have I lost my ambition?
The most enjoyable parts of my day are more and more domestic: watching the dog sleep. Having dinner prepped well in advance so I can bunk around online, recreationally or working. It’s not totally unthinkable, I’ve always enjoyed housework just as much as I do working professionally.
Granted, some part of this is because there be a critter parasitically using what energy I do have, to spare me the trouble one presumes, but for the first time in my medium-length career, I don’t have any lofty job related ambitions except to be comfortable in my role and to make good money while I rock it. I’m not the fire-eater of half a decade ago, tearing a path through the ranks and taking no prisoners (except for the inevitable scheming backstabbing bastards, I’ve got your names and someday karma will kick your asses).
Occasionally, and this is more frequent when there’s a thousand conversations about side hustles everywhere on twitter and in the PF blogosphere, I’m motivated to think about getting off my moderately well paid duff and doing something more than just the usual investing and saving. After all, if I intend to be a multimillionaire before I’m either 40 or broken, whichever comes sooner, there isn’t that much time to be wasted!
But this year feels less like a growing and conquering year than any other. Maybe I have lost my fire. Perhaps this is the fallow season in preparation for the next push.
Or maybe I’m just riding out a wave of boredom that will crest in new ideas and new projects. I could use an interesting new project around here.
***
After some reflection I realized what this really is.
I’m harboring some resentment over a financial agreement that was reneged upon at work as a direct result of Little Bean.
I won’t get into the nitty gritty at the moment but to summarize: the principle of having had an agreement, and then being penalized specifically because of the time I’ll need to take off for LB makes me reconsider my commitment to a workplace that I otherwise love. It reminds me of all the times I’ve had to fight tooth and claw to be paid what I’m worth, and all the times I’ve had to compromise or put up with horrible people and harassment for the sake of the work experience and paving the way to a better next step.