About sixteen years ago, I met him for the first time. My trainwreck sibling brought home this adorable puppy he had no business adopting because he had not one thing in his life that wasn’t a mess. I was furious at my sibling – he didn’t even take care of himself, how could he drag
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June 27, 2012
This is the tax season that may never end.
It was probably between lines 35 and 37, estimating our 2011 taxes. I was writing in another set of numbers. And before the reason fully settled in, I felt the full force of idiocy wave through my system.
My first mistake on my taxes and a whole filing year had passed.
I’d forgotten to claim my brother as a dependent for tax year 2010.
I could blame it on any number of things: Sheer carelessness, rushing through the taxes, not double checking my work, filing in a new home, or just plain being so mad at him he was financially dead to me.
Fact remained, I was an idiot.
And I had to meet Mssrs. 540x and 1040x.
For the record: If you’re not a neurotic fool, *ahem* you will read the instructions first like a normal human and find that it’s not actually all the difficult to fill out a correction. Twice. Once for state and once for federal. Because let’s face it, when you screw up claiming a dependent, you will have screwed it up on both.
In total, if I hadn’t gone back and spent too much time doing it wrong the first pass for three hours fussing over unnecessarily recreating the previous tax form and then taking a second, sane, pass at 30 minutes per form getting it right, I would have forever lost more than $3000.
The I.R.S. has already paid me back with a gentle nudge of a correction because I made a math error but they didn’t hold that against me and cut a check anyway.
The state of California still hasn’t paid ten weeks later, giving me a financial noogie, to rub it in that much more.
Bonus Round
To extend the pain cycle, I couldn’t even finish up our 2011 taxes because: We. Are. Still. Waiting. On. A. Schedule. K.
Hello, Filing for an Extension. For the first time in thirteen years of employed life.
No, I’m not bitter that I’m still not done with filing taxes in July, when I’ve always been done with taxes/FAFSA by February 2nd, why do you ask?
I’ve booked time in August to file the dratted thing. [Long dramatic sigh.]
Welcome to married life! Whereupon you hitch your star to the other guy and you apparently can’t do everything on your own time anymore. Apparently. *chagrined grin* No, obviously I’m not perfect. I just have my thing about getting taxes done by a certain time and we are oh-so-very-late.
June 23, 2012
Anne-Marie Slaughter’s article in the Atlantic, Why Women Still Can’t Have It All, comes at a poignant time for me. Warning: long read.
I mentioned that I’m struggling with some increased stresses in life, mainly to do with work, and it’s got my health in the tank. Or my health was in a death spiral and the stress means I can’t pull up out of it. Chicken, egg.
In any case. Slaughter argues that even she eventually, to her surprise, found herself making the choice to give up the high-powered government position to go back to (let’s point out still highly placed) job to be with her family because the juggle, despite the full support of her academic husband, wasn’t sufficient for their needs, in her estimation. So she can’t imagine how, short of being truly superwomen, women would be able maintain powerful positions and families and whatever else they wanted.
I felt a twinge: why does this argument have to be gender specific? Do not men also suffer sacrifices or the loss of being with their families when they’re off pursuing high-powered careers?
Not a few months, my feminist soul would have risen up out of my body in extra-normal outrage at the suggestion women couldn’t have what we wanted. But realistically? I don’t always think everyone and anyone can have this “everything” business if it actually assumes that everything means everything. I think it’s highly unusual for any single person to have a “whole” package unless they are hideously wealthy and genuinely blessed.
On the other hand, “everything” is bandied about very cavalierly as though we all want the same generic packages. Some of us are happy with messy homes, a pack of half mad pets and decent jobs that make us money whilst others need picture perfect roosts, don’t care about the job thing and whatever other combination of pieces and still others, well, just add water.
I did appreciate the fact that she went on to reframe the discussion to view the problem from the sociocultural standpoint: the fact that the (American) workplace isn’t family-friendly, that we don’t respect family or simply life outside of work. That our usual current business practice is the assumption that employees who are childless may be more reliable than (typically newer) parents, but that’s got to be recognized as a red herring. That in our political arena, the euphemism for being fired is to “spend time with the family”, and that is a demonstration of how devalued is the coin of the role of the family.
I always knew when I was in the wrong workplace when it came to these matters, even though I had no intention of becoming a mother any time soon. When employers pried about my plans to have kids, it was really easy to tell when they were simply making conversation or trying to determine whether I was a maternity risk; and their attitudes about performance and merit were equally shoddy.
My truly personal twinges are that I’m already feeling the pains of limitations. We haven’t yet made the decision about whether or not to have a family, and I had far greater ambitions for my career than where I am now. And yet, at this stage, just reaching into what might be called senior management, I find myself burning out.
My health is refusing to cooperate with any grand plans to be a high powered anything.
There are aspects of my job that I do really well and quite enjoy, but the new stresses of the growing pains haven’t settled yet. And even newer stresses that may or may not be permanent changes were recently piled on unexpectedly that ate up all my happy life balance, eating into any ability to take care of myself at a time I desperately need it most.
For all that I work to protect my staff and fight for their work-life balance, their salaries, their promotions, and I win, dammit, I have no shelter of my own in the face of adversity at the moment. And that lack is wearing on me.
I’ve accomplished a few things, in my time here. But it’s just a handful of things. Educated a few people a bit, brought some people up a few ladders, sent some to their next dream. But have I made a difference yet? I really don’t think so.
I find myself wondering: for so many years, I climbed and leapt the ladders and toiled for experience to rise to this level. It feels like I have achieved next to nothing, compared to where I’d really like to be. And now? Will I have to give up now? So far from having accomplished something real?
Is this it for me?
I’m not sure which targets I want to hit in life precisely.
To help. To make a difference. To secure freedom, security. To educate. To improve. To leave things better than I found them. To achieve. To “wear the white hat” if I can quote “Scandal.” To be happy. To live a good and true life. Maybe to have a family, which I would then need to support.
It doesn’t have to be at this job that I do most of those things. I do need to make a living somehow. But right now, it’s feeling like I’m going to be lucky if I can walk to the grocery store most days of the week. And that’s not particularly conducive to having anything at all, much less having it. And All.
—
Cloud of Wandering Scientist has a great discussion going on this very topic.
June 21, 2012
Every time SingleMa tweets travel deals, or StackingPennies finds another awesome trip package, my heart leaps and sinks.
We just had a lovely time in March, aside from catching a horrible bug that lasted nearly three weeks, and already I’m ready for another getaway.
Why?
This is in large part a reaction to the ramped up stresses of other areas of my life. I had high expectations for work-life balance out of the promotion and just when I was digging into the new responsibilities, the position, and the support, a professional hipcheck sent that into a complete tailspin. Thanks.
Not ready to get into all that right now, but the upshot is my brain keeps thinking about places not here. The extra stress has my teeth literally on edge and my body so reactive with nonstop pain that I’m going with it, mentally. Travel is the lie I tell myself for sanity’s sake.
Where to?
At first, I was yearning after an introduction to Barcelona and Paris even though my Spanish is now atrocious and French is non-existent.
Then, Fab Fru-Gal’s jaunt to Italy reignited my love for the country and all the delectable foods.
Katherine’s travels to Tokyo Part 1 and Part 2 and Kyoto booted Japan back into the top Want to Go There Someday List.
When?
Any and all these places would be fantastic but scheduling has become more rather complicated these days. I think we’re going international, at least 3000 miles away, next year for about 4-7 days for a wedding.
A comic convention is still on the table, despite the fact that I may or may not be able to get tickets for SDCC next year (!!) We are still absolutely committed to continuing my tradition of going to a convention because no one wants to see my heart break completely.
Add to those bigger bits the usual routine travels to see the family and vacation budgeting of time and money gets tricky. And call me sentimental but leaving Doggle for too long starts to make me sad too. It helps when we are seeing people with dogs but I much prefer to have our very own pup staring us in the face morning and night. I’m getting a wee bit of an inkling of what it’s like to have a child.
And so, I simply dream.
Where would you go, if you could just GO footloose and fancy-free?
June 18, 2012
I’ve been getting mysterious phone calls from individuals naming themselves employees of Greg Adams and Associates for the last two months. The area code is associated with a Florida area code and they’ve left the following sorts of messages:
“Good afternoon, this is Melanie Steinberg representing the firm of Gregory Adams and Associates. I’m calling in regards to allegations that are being filed out of my office attached to your social security number. At this point in time, you are a person of interest, however, if I do not hear from yourself or some type of representing counsel, I will have to file this out as willful evasion and proceed in favor of the client. My number here is 561-210-4826. Thank you and please govern yourself accordingly.”
Sounds appropriately alarming.
She:
1. Mentions a law firm that can be found on the Better Business Bureau site,
2. Mentions a social security number,
3. And makes a threat to proceed to something that goes against my putative interests.
Except wait – she never once identifies me by name, I’ve never received any official notification of what this matter is about, she never says what this matter is regarding in the message, she doesn’t mention her client’s name, she doesn’t identify herself as a lawyer or a paralegal, and how does she get to determine that I’m willfully evading anything? I do believe that would be up to the judge and court to accuse me of evasion of summons if it got to that, would it not?
When I received the first phone call, I did a Google search on the incoming phone number, which matched the verbally given return phone number and found a list of complaints that other people had received the same sort of phone calls with the same language. It sounded fishy and now it sounded phishy.
Two weeks later, I get a message from the following phone number 954-345-4786:
“Hi yes, this is David Zimmerman with Greg Adams and Associates. This is my second attempt to make contact with you at the number linked to the case in my office. Please contact my office at 561-288-1193 before end of business day today. If I don’t hear from you I have to assume you are evading the matter and will be forced to make decisions on your own behalf without your knowledge. Again this is David Zimmerman at Greg Adams and Associates. Thank you.”
Interesting. They do keep track of their calls enough to know which number they’re on at least, and use appropriately threatening language but assume I don’t know that they actually don’t have power of attorney and aren’t allowed to make any decisions for me without my permission, forget without my knowledge.
Eight days later, 305-222-7826 calls, irritably:
“Yes this is David Zimmerman calling on behalf of the firm Greg Adams and Associates. We’ve been more than accommodating by issuing not only one but two Notice of Intent, uh, your state only requires one to be issued ten business days before we commence with filing in your local county. Not so sure if in fact I have the correct number or not but if I do, I understand that things happen but based on the seriousness of these allegations attached to your social security number it would be advantageous for you to return this call to the firm’s direct office immediately 305-222-7826. Thank you and please govern yourself accordingly.
The cheek! You’re annoyed with ME?
Honestly, these folks haven’t once identified the supposed allegation(s), they haven’t mailed anything directly, they haven’t proven they even know my name. They repeatedly talk about my social security number but if they knew it, they would know how to reach me by other means, not just by phone.
Generally, these phone calls are just annoying because I’m not bothering to return any of them. It would be great to pursue some form of recourse to make them stop because they are disruptive but so long as they’re limited to my cell phone, it’s limited harm done. Still, I would be concerned for anyone who did call back without any skepticism and fell down that rabbit hole – I’m sure they’re looking to nab identities, social security numbers, bank accounts, etc.
Has anyone else received these calls or similar such?
June 13, 2012
With every successive job, the people I work with drink more than the last group.
Socially, generally.
Some, sportingly.
A few, competitively.
I long ago realized I was never going to evolve some genetic mutation that would enhance my alcohol tolerance. Since I never much cared what people thought, I generally order my favorite non alcoholic bevvy when out with friends. I’ll try a glass of wine on the company dime if I’m feeling experimental (if I pick badly, the wine tastes like regret) and call it a night. After two, I’d call it a night in the middle of the day.
But this week has been a week to end all weeks in drinking. Alcohol has happened every single day for business reasons, and I’m grateful that this isn’t my chosen vice. This could add up to some real money if I had a tipple of something every night.
Wine country: some tastings free, a bottle of wine to share: $30
Glass of wine: $10
Glass of sparkling wine: $5 (thanks, Happy Hour)
Cocktail: $13
That’s all before tax and tip, so we’re horking up nearly $70 on beverages mostly for one alone. Then again, I’ve watched those professional drinkers knock back a bottle and a half of wine each so I might be wildly underestimating a normal person’s drinking habits and expenses.
I took PiC out for a really nice dinner for that, and we could have done it on half if it weren’t a restaurant on the Embarcadero.
I’m not saying drinking is bad and therefore choosing to spend on drink is bad, mind. I choose to spend on other things, like ceviche, french fries and oysters, when I do splash out rather than drinking because it’s not something I enjoy nearly as much as food.. Or books.. Or having a few really nice things or trips or money in the bank.
I’d just never done the math on a drinking tab before. And lots of people I know very much enjoy sitting over a few glasses and whining their hearts out. There’s nothing wrong with that. But I sure am glad I can be happy with one drink, and don’t care when someone teases me for “not keeping up”.
Is it your norm to go out for drinks with friends or colleagues when you want to catch up or unwind?
Has it ever been or become a financial issue or does something/anything else get cut first?
June 11, 2012
Doggle gets his own oversized water bottle for long road trips.
I started using it to refill his water bowl because carrying his water bowl to the sink while he tried to weave around my legs was dangerous, and the shoving his head in the bowl while I put it down bit was just annoying. A big thirsty dog is a pest. With the water bottle, I can very easily fill it, distract him with a treat (or the fake-out of a treat) in one hand, and pour water with the other, and voila! No accidents, jostling or cursing.
It’s worked too well. He now assumes that any bottle of water is his and follows random bottles like a bloodhound. It’s amazing how easy it was to change his behavior. Next up: drinking straight from the bottle!
Psychologically thwarting myself
If only we humans were so easy…. (though maybe if someone else were training me, it would be. And according to Sheldon Cooper, we are.)
Back in March, I’d made a few tiny changes to my regimen, slipping in small changes that would be easy, and set me up to make better choices because I was already making good ones.
The next steps though, aren’t so easy to get around and I’m thinking that it’d help if I weren’t such an annoying pain in my own patoot.
For example: I need to start seeing various health professionals, start physical therapy and trying
other kinds of health-related therapies on a
regular basis to deal with my pain problems. What do I do? Nothing. For weeks. PiC’s the one who schedules the massages for me because he knows I won’t have time to, much less deal with the actual medical stuff.
It took months to make a few minutes to pick up the phone to schedule a few starter appointments with new people and then I had to reschedule three times. I still haven’t gotten in to see them yet. *sigh* Next week.
The new strategy is to set my work schedule to be at home one day per week and block off a set time that’s not available for meetings or work. It’s just for me and appointments. Then I have to work around that.
I just know that I’m going to disrespect that time and let work bleed into it.
My problem, really, is that I function in two modes: 100% on work or off work. If I set aside an afternoon block, then I’m going to have trouble disconnecting at the right time. If it’s a morning block, then I’m going to have trouble disengaging from Lazy (I’m doing real life) Mode and going to work starting in the afternoon. Equally, I’ll hate having to work straight through the evening or I’ll just do it because I won’t be able to stop.
These things I know because I’ve had to do this on an irregular basis and it’s a struggle either way.
Honestly, is it so much to ask for one to get out of one’s own way?
I never have to trick or manipulate myself when it comes to money, but every single time, health or life stuff requires a monumental effort to manage my peculiarities. Is that the case for anyone else?
June 7, 2012
Of all the annoying …
My car was up for a smog check this year and we were starting to cut it closer and closer to the deadline as we ran out of weekends to take the car in. That drives me nuts. But what’s worse? The fact that I was pretty certain that I’d paid for the registration itself months in advance of the smog check. Once PiC took care of the smog check, I mentally filed it away as: wait for the new registration.
That was over a month ago. I should have received the new stickers a long time ago but I’d completely forgotten about it in the flurry of recent events.
And I didn’t actually submit the payment.
ARGH.
The State of CA was kind enough to wait until the last tier of lateness was past to send me a reminder that they hadn’t received my payment!
I was so sure I’d already paid! And if I’d checked anytime after he did the smog check the late fee would have been lower.
It’s going to cost me an extra $89 to register my car this year. This makes me a few kinds of grouchy.
*****
I had some not-insignificant income that had gone astray last year and I’d jumped through so many hoops trying to resolve the issue with no result.
It was so twisty and frustrating that I couldn’t think of another person to call or another avenue to pursue. But the idea of that much money just sitting there was so frustrating that I was literally waking up at night every so often thinking about it. $3000 is no small beans! And I’d already paid taxes on it.
It was for the stupidest of reasons, really, the check was misaddressed, but I couldn’t get through to anyone to get the check re-addressed. And for the silliest of reasons, I was reinspired to try to resolve it again: watching a tv show, one of the characters started calling to request that companies reissue old checks.
The very next business day, I tackled it again: starting with the phone number on the check and working my way through every single contact phone number I had in my emails for the company’s Accounts Payable. It took a couple hours but I made contact with a real person who actually processed a real reissue!
*****
I came home later that day to a surprise check for a hundred dollars from a product I’d paid too much for. What a good mail day.