About sixteen years ago, I met him for the first time. My trainwreck sibling brought home this adorable puppy he had no business adopting because he had not one thing in his life that wasn’t a mess. I was furious at my sibling – he didn’t even take care of himself, how could he drag
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April 9, 2011
A couple days ago, FB revived interest in my earlier post, Generational Poverty, when she wrote her own thoughts on her motivation to save.
The latest commenter, Layla, asked some practical questions that I simply had to answer in a post.
And I can’t imagine doing what you did during school. Did you fail any classes because you chose sleep over school? When did you have time to shower? Didn’t you go crazy with no time to yourself to tidy up or get yourself organized?
1. I didn’t precisely actively choose sleep over school.
My conscious priorities were school, then work, then sleep. However, I would only take the minimum number of courses per quarter full time (12 units = 3 classes) because I could do that, plus a couple summer quarters and still graduate on time in order to make sure I could also work at least 20 to 40 hours of overtime every week. That meant I was only sleeping 2-4 hours per night, depending.
An average day: up at 7 or as late as I could get up and get dressed, brush my teeth, grab my bag and get out to the car in five minutes. I was a 15 minute drive to school and a quick run to my 8 am class.
My school schedule was either a Mon/Wed/Fri block of 8a-12p days, followed by a scheduled workday (1pm – 10 pm, and stay as late as they needed me). I’d squeeze in a quick nap and make lunch for my mom (she was ill for a time) if I could in the 12-1 hour. Those quarters, I’d also be working Tues/Thurs/Sat/Sun.
During quarters when school was scheduled Tues/Thurs 8-5pm, I might have had those evenings off, and work the rest of the days of the week. I studied between classes, during work breaks, and during other classes if they were boring.
I never failed any classes, but as far as being a straight-A student went, I failed at that. The schedule on paper was perfect but I was one tired puppy all the time and the grades reflected that. I brought home a handful of Bs with my As and that was pretty disappointing considering I was slaving away for my own education.
Funny Story: I did always fall asleep in my philosophy class. And I did definitely only get a B in that class. And I didn’t know until after graduation but because I always sat at the back, behind one of my friends, he used to sell me out all the time to the professor. He’d move so the professor could see me conked out. Meanie.
2. I always showered after work no matter what time I got home – 11 pm, 12 am, 2 am. After an 8, 10, 12 hour shift, following after a day at school, you must shower. Even if you’re mostly asleep, forget if you have or haven’t shampooed and end up shampooing three times and conditioning none. (Happened many times.) But I mastered the five minute shower.
3. Go crazy? Well, not for lack of organization – I lived and breathed organization being straight out of high school so that wasn’t any cause for concern – I knew how to structure my life into a highly productive, totally efficient schedule so I did it and it felt comfortable in the sense that everything kept turning like clockwork.
I still lived the academic schedule so I always knew when I had to do that next set of planning. My time wasn’t my own. But we were all students – my entire cohort was, so that was normal.
You know … I honestly can’t even remember much other frustration. I don’t even remember if I was all that upset by my life being dominated by this grind, other than being annoyed by people who got in my way telling me not to do it. Friends who didn’t understand why I was working so hard or all the time, who wanted me to just get out and play; I can remember being aggravated by their lack of understanding. I needed to make a living to pay the bills and the simplistic outlook on life because they didn’t have any responsibilities didn’t jive with my moral compass and vision. But that was just grit in daily life.
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I knew why I was doing what I was doing and that was more than enough for me. And at that time, my family was still intact. I had a strong reason to believe it was all worth it. I was doing it for my family that I loved and that loved me. There was no grey area.
Ed Note: At this time, I was working to pay for:
1. Tuition and books
2. My parents’ debt, in $10k chunks
3. Household bills, I was starting to take over paying the rent and utilities because my parents weren’t making enough to pay the bills anymore.
April 5, 2011
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Breathtaking.
Also, above our pay grade. |
One of the things we’re going to have to do, once we finally set a date, is to select a place to have this shindig. We’re discussing more casual options like local parks which can be absolutely beautiful even as late as fall in Southern California.
Some reality checks: the weather can be capricious so a back up plan is advisable. We’ll have to budget for some set-up if we want tables, chairs, games or anything like that for guests to eat, drink and play. I don’t think a park picnic with just blankets would be terribly comfortable for all our guests, especially if some of them chose to dress up to any degree. That calls for a discussion of whether to go DIY, hire a company to do set-up, or part A, part B. Given the level of disinterest on the part of most of our family and friends, I suspect the practical thing to do from afar is Option B.
Backyards aren’t an option – neither of us have people whose yards can accommodate nearly 200 guests (alas, that is the intimately-sized guest list).
Along the way, we encountered some delightful places that I just had to share with you.
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The Stop Talking Venue
PiC asked me to look at the Wayfarers Chapel. It came to him as a recommendation or a take a look cause it’s cool or something (I stopped listening.) It was designed by Lloyd Wright, of the Frank Lloyd Wright line.
It’s really pretty, and inspired by the giant redwoods so they loom … but they loom. And I’m not all about the chapels. And then I saw the cost.
$3,000 for Saturday or Sunday weddings. No, no, no, and no.
We’re not spending that much of our budget on a venue, my dear, no way, no way. He kept telling me about the “Friday special” just to torture me.
The Wed and Run Venue
Well-Heeled pointed out that contrary to our (PiC and mine, at least) assumptions, the Huntington Library was anything but affordable. You sure can be wed there, they’ll even reserve “scheduled access for vendors on set-up and tear-down days, as well as the day of the event; scheduled access for guests on the day of the event; and an engagement portrait session and a wedding photography session.” The use fee doesn’t include “catering, flowers, musicians, security required by The Huntington, cost of event planner, etc.”
All for the low, low, exclusivity-guaranteeing price of: $100,000.
For a mad moment, I suggested that WH run in there on a free admission day with CB and her officiant, have him pronounce them man and wife, and RUN. What? It’s no more raving than paying a hundred grand just for access to a place that doesn’t include anything but the place and a planner.
Any takers?
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We’re still “working on” the date/place thing, but this was a breath of (gaspingly drawn, after much laughter) fresh air). Oh me, oh my. That we had that kind of budget.
Speaking of, we have a rough one. I’ll share with you once the edges have been smoothed over.
March 31, 2011
Let’s talk bonuses, windfalls, and irregular income.
Say you have the occasional gob of money come your way every so often that isn’t part of your usual cash flow. Birthday money, Lunar new year money, an annual work bonus, work overtime, what have you. The size of it doesn’t matter so much as the definition of money that is not part of your usual income.
Is that money budgeted into your cash flow in some way? Does it get directed into your emergency savings, towards paying down debt or into bigger savings goals? Or does it get spent on a treat? Does it depend on the size, timing or something else entirely? Do you plan for it, in the case of annual events?
I earned a modest bump in income outside of my regular income this year, and after taxes:
1. I put the first $700 in the insurance fund. It’s been looking bare and I know the auto insurance and renters will be coming due in April.
2. The second $700 was my first deposit into the wedding fund.
Thinking back, my modus operandi has pretty much always sent windfalls into existing savings funds because that brought me the most joy. Or satisfaction, really.
March 28, 2011
Last year, I’d started a couple SmartyPig Goals mostly to take advantage of their slightly higher than ING/Citi interest rates, and because I wanted to give their cash out options a whirl.
They offer the following withdrawal options:
A: redeem all the cash, transferring principal and interest, directly into your bank account;
B: redeem your entire goal into a gift card retailer that has partnered with SmartyPig which gives you between 2-11% cash back to your account
C: loading the cash on a SmartyPig Cash Rewards Card
D: Combination of the above.
When time came to smash open the Travel piggy bank, I did so with great aplomb recently to fund our upcoming Thailand trip.
At first, I only intended to go with Option A, but got greedy and decided to do a combination of A and B. Knowing that I may well need a new business suit in the next year or so, I “stole” $200 for Banana Republic gift cards which nets 10% cash back, and another $200 for Amazon gift cards which earned 3% cash back. Neither set of gift cards may be spent anytime soon; locking hard-earned cash into store currency is only a smart move if that currency is then combined with stellar deals when the purchase is an actual need, not just a want.
In the meantime, the cash will be paid back to the travel fund from the expense fund since we maintain a strict separation of fun and seriousity around here.
March 23, 2011
My part of Tax Season came and went with surprisingly little fanfare, after a fashion.
I used a free code for TurboTax to file my federal tax return online after finding out that there were several complications with my family’s information that has effectively left me out in the cold. I was hugely frustrated, enough so that I couldn’t even really talk about it.
It will cost a substantial refund but there is nothing to be done about it and dwelling on the lost saving or buying power does no one any good.
March 9th and 12th welcomed early, modest, refunds from both federal and state, and that whopping $700 will go toward the wedding and insurance payments, by halves.
Nothing like the lovely mistake Stacking Pennies made but survivable.
March 21, 2011
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The shape I might have picked (David’s Bridal),
minus the coked out look. |
The J.Crew dress has long-since been packed up and returned, a deal though it was; design properly simple and easy to handle though it should have been. (“Should have” because I still, as previously mentioned, had difficulty managing a basic zipper. User error, obviously.)
In its place, hangs a far far far fancier specimen. A proper garment, if you please. My “fittings, and tryings-ons,” were back in February, with all the grandiose moment of a new friend dropping in for twenty minutes followed by a handful of “whatcha think?” emails to a few good friends. The interested actually replied. The busy or disengaged didn’t bother. And thus, I have my wedding dress.
The story is better than that, actually.
At a dinner of PiC’s friends/coworkers, the hostess quickly judged me and said, we’re about the same size. If you don’t really care, I’ve got a dress hanging in my closet …
Two weeks later, she and her spouse dropped by with a huge foofy dress for me to try on. Lo, it pretty much fits me. It’s too long, as no four-inch heel wearer am I, but the owner is happy for me to have a seamstress take it up in length.
She also suggested taking in the sides for a more svelte look if desired if I was certain I wouldn’t put on any more weight before the wedding. But, breathing and eating are far higher on my list than looking more svelte or removing a rib to fit into a dress after alterations. I am not that bride.
It has a train. It has sparkles and ruching. It has all this other stuff I never would have picked considering the budget I was willing to pay. It literally forced me to HAVE a maid of honor instead of no one at all because I literally cannot do up the dress by myself. But it’s gorgeous in its own right, and came with the goodwill of a rather random friend of PiC’s and it was so unexpectedly pretty and lightweight to boot that I have no qualms at all about wearing this with every bit of good cheer and a bit of excitement as anything I might have picked for myself.
PLUS: That woman saved me from the jaws of dress shopping. And saved me the price of a dress on top of alterations. I could nominate her for a special kind of wedding sainthood. Instead, I think I’m going to have to dream up a wonderful thank you gift for her, starting with cooking them dinner.
So I was really happy back then. And then I let it sink in a bit, and I’m still happy about it. Not just the savings, either. The time (now to be spent trying to pick a photographer) and the money (now to clothe my groom) saved are huge, but the lack of anxiety about a subject I really don’t like: what I’m going to wear – most excellent.
Collective karmic hugs for PiC’s friend, please?
March 20, 2011
The Goal: Roli Roti Pork Sandwiches
At $8.50 for a modestly-sized Pork Porchetta Sandwich, I silently promised myself that it would be awesome. And anyway, it’s all Friend’s fault. Having emerged once again, as he does once a quarter, or something like that, from the backwoods, he craves the oddest things that mean civilization. This trip, the Sandwich was Civilization.
After queuing in the pelting rain, wandering off to examined the neighboring florist’s purple and red anemones, bulbish strawflowers, and huddling in my hood, we finally pulled up to the actual truck itself where four congenial fellows were ripping apart various pork portions, grinning at the anticipatory patrons.
One of the two check-out folk asked for our order but seemed not to know enough English to do anything with the information, having gotten it. With their severely limited menu, I wasn’t sure where I was going wrong. They only had one sandwich on the menu. Friend and I turned to each other, perplexed, “Sandwiches? Two, please? One with the cress and one with the arugula?” Still blank. One of the sandwich compilers quickly explained they were out of the cress, was the arugula alright? “Well, sure! Two of the only sandwiches you’ve got then, please!” She was still perplexed. Her compatriot took over at the point, asking what we’d like, acting as if we hadn’t just gone two complete rounds with the person two inches away. I suspect this is not an unusual situation. 😉
The sandwich was rather divine. Full of sweet and salty flavor, soft pork melted into the onion with crunchy bits, layered with the harder, more substantial slices of pork. We waited too long to eat the sandwiches so the arugula didn’t stand out against the pork, but it didn’t melt either, so it was fine. It was heaped in the right proportions into a ciabatta roll they get from the bakery inside the Ferry Building. With the harder crust, the bread doesn’t fall apart which is absolutely critical in a sandwich – I absolutely hate sandwiches and burgers where the wrapper collapses.
We took a small side of roasted potatoes as well and the rosemary salting – delicious. The potatoes were more like chunks, huge chunks. Not a problem for this potato lover.
At $20 for a lunch for two, no drinks, it’s a bit steep for lunching more frequently than as a treat but it’s absolutely worth it as a treat. Come visit me so I have an excuse to go again? 😉
