About sixteen years ago, I met him for the first time. My trainwreck sibling brought home this adorable puppy he had no business adopting because he had not one thing in his life that wasn’t a mess. I was furious at my sibling – he didn’t even take care of himself, how could he drag
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February 1, 2009
| >Retirement Savings |
Rollover IRA: $1,019
Roth IRA: $4,143
401(a): $4,856
403(b): $12,009
Total: $ 22,027 (21,950)
|
| Emergency Savings |
Catastrophe: $ 22,291 (25,000)
Problem Cushion: $ 1,000 (1,000)
|
| Short Term Goals |
Car Maintenance: $494
Car Insurance: $1,357
Travel/Con: $400
Taxes: $3,515
Moving: $1,463
Total: $ 7,229 (7,273)
|
| Long Term Goals |
House Down Payment: $101
|
| Investment Loans |
Prosper-ish: $12,630
Personal Loan: $5,000
Savings Bond: $357 (current accrued value)
Total: $ 17,998 (17,998)
|
| Total Assets |
Illiquid: $22,027
Semi-Liquid: $17,998
Liquid: $23,291
Expense Acct: $3,527**
Goals Savings: $7,229
Total: $ 74,072 (74,315)
|
| Debt and Liabilities |
Truck: $0!!!
AX: $158
Citi 2: $735
Chase: $272
Rent: $1,360
Total: $ 2,525 (5,336)
|
| Net Worth |
$ 71,547 (69,325)
|
**Holy cow, the truck’s OFF the ledger! The sale hasn’t been completed yet, but replacing that money in the expense fund will be a huge relief. I feel exposed with such a small expense cushion, that’s only about 1.5 months’ worth of expenses now.
About half the increase was due to some overtime money (~500), the holiday gift (300), and diligently saving my transportation reimbursements (250). Everything “extra” from the paycheck and from reimbursements went into the emergency fund.
The other half looks like some gains in the portfolio, surprisingly enough.
All in all, an increase, so really not bad.
January 31, 2009
I’m calling in that 5k loan that was earning “interest” for me by working off my dad’s debt to the borrower. Uh, yeah, so how does that work?
The borrower lent my dad money years ago during the beginning of our family’s rough times. A few years later, he asked my dad if he knew anyone with ready money to loan him and offered generous terms for interest. Instead of paying the interest himself, he asked my dad to pay his debt back by putting up the interest money, if a lender was found.
I thought it was weird because the amount seemed piddling when you considered he was running an import business. How could he not easily raise/borrow $5? I guess the man had credit problems on paper, but the opportunity to keep the money in the family was there and I took it. That was four years ago.
Now, Dad’s debt is “paid” down, and the principal is owed back to me. I know that business is bad for him, it is for everybody, but I can’t take the risk of waiting longer – I was dumb enough to make the loan sans paperwork. We didn’t set a due date for the money, either.
The whole thing was pretty weird. I don’t know this guy well personally, but he’s been fairly generous to my dad over the years. That’s not to say he was outright charitable, he simply tried to set him up with business opportunities when available. Originally concerned that people would assume I had money, I wanted to remain anonymous; Dad was the intermediary since he was involved by dint of the interest anyway.
Yeah, of the pantheon of my stupid money decisions…… anyway, no matter how it ends, I won’t be making that mistake again. (Knowing me, I’ll find a more original dumb decision!)
By virtue of his and Dad’s friendship, I’m pretty sure that the money’s coming back but there’s still a niggling doubt until that cash is in my hands. Since the debt Dad owed is more than square, there’s no need to stress any longer; contact has been made and he’ll be calling on Sunday to work out the terms of repayment (ie: the dropoff of money).
Time for that loan money to come home! (And potentially to be spent as moving money!)
January 30, 2009
Never would I have expected to have so much tolerance as my continued tenure at the current job implies.
It’s pretty crazy/toxic now, but the following articles don’t help to relieve that ever-growing knot in my stomach; it twists a little bit more each time I face the uncertainty of the economy, and the current unsettlement of my life:
Boston Gal brings us more of CNN.com’s Horror Stories
Laura Rowley tells us that No Good Deed Goes Unpunished
Actually, you know what? Don’t read them. You don’t need to freak out, too. I just need someone to pet me on the head and tell me, it’ll be ok. It’ll be ok. Except that might generate more annoyance, like static electricity.
So I might take Monday off. If I’m ten hours away from maxing out on vacation hours, taking that time will drop me below the maximum accrual limit. My account must credited every single vacay hour earned! (Huh, is that right? Or am I miscalculating? Might have already rolled over into fifth year of tenure which means higher accrual rate and ceiling. Will check with payroll folks.)
Either way, taking Mondays off feels better than Fridays. Is that weird? How does it even make a difference? A day’s a day.
1. There’s a bank errand that’s been put off for too long, and it’s time to visit a new-mommy friend.
2. Her baby is … 8 months old now? 10 months? Whatever, still little enough for me to carry her around like a junior football. Cute!
January 29, 2009
Kelly at Almost Frugal posed the question: How much extra are you willing to spend?
In this case, she’s looking for a new bed for her daughter. Her mother suggested that she just consider how much EXTRA she’s willing to spend over a baseline price for the item. The theory behind this is that she’s going to pay the baseline price anyway, the only consideration is how much a premium she’s willing to pay on top of that.
That’s very interesting: I’ve always taken total price into consideration, and didn’t actively separate the purchase price from the premium.
In coming weeks, this purchasing perspective will be very applicable to my personal shopping needs. If a new apartment is in the works (I hope I hope!), I’m going to need some basic furniture and tools. Mostly kitchen stuff, and a basic tool kit.
Major factors include distance (how far will I lug stuff) and space (do I have room for stuff). The most significant issue, of course, is cost. Since I don’t anticipate any crazy signing bonus, not a normal thing in my industry anyway, what I’ve got in the moving account is what I got. (A whopping $1498, if you’re curious.)
It’s a balancing act: take enough stuff – avoid shelling out cash for new stuff, pay to haul stuff.
Take too much stuff – no room for it, costs money to lug it to destination.
Take too little stuff – minimize moving expenses and buy at the other end.
With that in mind, I’m debating what to keep and what to leave behind.
A few months ago, my assumption was that when I moved, my parents would be moved out into a smaller, cheaper apartment. Reduce cost and required upkeep: less stress all around. Turns out, around here? No such thing as a cheaper apartment.
Get this: we’re paying as much for our rent (3 bdrm, 2 bath house) as some folks pay for a 2 bdrm apartment. Can you believe that!? We have the amenities of a single family home (in home laundry, no share-the-wall neighbors) with the associated utility costs. Most importantly, though, we have the freedom to keep our pets. My sole surviving dog of our former 3-pack is a large breed, and no apartment within 30 miles will allow her breed or size. Not even for a premium. And there is NO WAY I will turn out my dog. None, nada, nope, never.
After parking, laundry, fees, and pets are considered, it doesn’t look like we’d be saving more than a few hundred per month, if that. That means that staying put is an option, and that means that I could keep some of my heavier (really old) stuff in my room. Renting out one room to help with cost is a possibility, but I could also still keep my room and have a home base.
The desk: is a 12 year old heavy particle board executive desk. (Yes, I was a spoiled brat and *needed* the 6 foot wide desk with a hutch. We paid way too much for it. But I’ve used every inch of it and work at it every single night.) Doubtful that I would take it with, it’s survived a couple moves but it’s way too heavy for me to haul up and down stairs. I’d like to be as minimalist as possible in case I have to move all by myself.
The bed: is a 13 year old twin day bed. Same old frame and mattress. I’d like to take it with because it can be set pretty high off the ground to create extra storage space vertically. For once in my life I’d love a double, but it’s not a need.
The bookshelf: it’s comin’ with me! I use a deconstructible (uh, is that a word? I’m not a wordsmith today) steel framed bookshelf. Nothing fancy. Just four shelves in black, and I like being able to hook things into the zigzags of the shelves.
A storage bench: this comes with me too. I got this storage bench from Ikea, unfortunately in white, but it’s great because it’s got foam padding on top and storage inside. A decent bed in a pinch. Maybe I’ll just use that as a bed until I get a good deal on a real one?
Chair: I don’t even know how old this desk chair is, but the hydraulics still work, it’s got enough padding on the back to serve. It’ll go with.
Lamps: My friend gave me his extra floor lamp a couple years ago and it’s still working well, as is the ten dollar Target desk lamp that sits by my bed. Both go with.
Misc (Clothes, shoes, and books): I think the books will be the heaviest since I have so many paperbacks and trade paperbacks (comics). They’re my indulgence! I have pared down the paperbacks, pulled out about 150 of them and a good friend who shares a PaperBackSwap account with me listed them for swap. It’s awesome, I supply the books, he supplies the labor, we share the benefits of getting cheap books.
Some basic clothes will stay here, but all the comfy and professional clothes go with me. I’ve already spent a lot of time paring down here too, but I could use another concentrated go at it.
Same with the shoes: some will stay here, but I’d like to make sure we’re down to the essentials only. The definition of essentials will depend on where I go.
Kitchen: there’s nothing in this kitchen I would take from my parents, other than a few favorite glasses/mugs. Maybe the Brita. My parents don’t like it anyway. For that, I’ve got about $80 left on a Bed, Bath and Beyond gift card and some coupons. A pot, a pan, a few dishes and utensils from Ikea should do the trick.
I wonder if it’s too early to set my baseline prices for a bed and desk substitute?
I’m not sure if I’d be willing to yard sale a bed, but a desk would be fine. Perhaps I can hold out on shopping until yard sale season?
January 28, 2009
Hm, let’s see … ordered three prescription refills, sent off four more applications, had a wildly hormonal friend yell at me for not depending on her, this week. Uh, said friend is a self-admitted flake, by the way, so it sort of makes sense not to depend on her for y’know, dependability. I love her to death, would take a bullet for her, but dude. I’m not an idiot.
Except I am. When it comes to my family, I’m a complete moron.
We had what was possibly the world’s worst Chinese New Year’s Eve dinner on Sunday. Within 15 minutes, my brother had left the table under harassing verbal abuse fired by my mom, my dad was more than peeved that my mom wouldn’t stop, and I finished my dinner standing by the sink because I was a millisecond away from losing it completely.
It’s NYE! You’re supposed to at least pretend to be nice! Yes, she’s sick, and mentally unbalanced a lot of the time, but … I just expected it to be no more than normal gripery. I hoped. Instead, it was ratcheted up about four notches, and I ended up sobbing, on my knees, in my room 20 minutes after sitting down to dinner, mourning my broken family.
Tonight, I figured out that I’m no better at this than they.
Apparently my rat of a brother told my mom that I think she doesn’t love me. Oh, for heaven’s sake. It’s way more complicated than that. Of course she loves me, it’s just that she’s so infrequently herself anymore that it’s like I don’t have a mom anymore. That, and we’ve had incidents where she made nasty comments about how she can do whatever she wants because I don’t have feelings. I know she’s not in her right mind when she does and says things like that. Or I know after the fact, but it still hurts to see my mom’s face, hear my mom’s voice, and believe that those are her thoughts. Instead, I try to understand that this isn’t my mom anymore, there’s got to be some way to hold on to my rationality. Sometimes she is, but so rarely that it hurts less to think of her as someone else during those episodes.
Hearing that I thought she didn’t love me, she approached me and tried to tell me she did love me. And what did I do? I freaked out and said I couldn’t talk about it.
It’s complicated. I don’t know why I couldn’t just say, “I know,” hug her, and let it be. It might be because she started in on all the reasons things should be fine now and I shouldn’t think “like that.” She tried to tell me that she’s fine, that she knows they couldn’t have survived this long without me, that she tried for as long as she could to work – even sick – to help me support the family.
Firstly, we’re not “fine,” and having her so sick she can’t hold a job anymore does not equal “getting what I wanted!” I wanted her to stop working, get well, start working. Not work to near-death! Not to mention the screwy dynamics in which either parent will bend the truth as necessary so force me to be happy. Never mind the fact that forthrightness and good health are all I’m asking for. And a little cooperation.
But the kicker was that last comment, that got me right in the gut. That is exactly why I’ve been so upset with her for so long. I’d begged, pleaded, and argued with her to take care of her health for years; I knew that the pittance she could earn meant nothing to me if her health failed. Her marriage was changing, too, she was angry with my dad for all his mistakes and all his bad decisions, and insisted on expounding on all the negative things she felt he did to her, literally every chance she got. It was the Worst.
Again, I begged, pleaded, that she concentrate on her health, exercising, eating better, resting. And she refused. She refused my help with her diet, she refused my concern about her diabetes, she refused to listen. She insisted that she was right, dammit, and that she needed to worry, fuss and tizzy. And refused to take care of herself, determined to sacrifice herself to the last for the family. Except it never works that way, does it? She didn’t go down in a final, noble flame, she didn’t come back on her shield, she simply … broke. She went from a strong, smart, clever role model, to a hand-wringing, anxious, physically sick, out-of-her-mind dependent, seething with anger and resentment.
Somewhere between her eventual breakdown and now, my dad finally stepped up and started to take care of her and her medical needs. But before that happened, I lost my mother to his multitude of mistakes, and her self-inflicted maelstrom of negativity. To survive day to day, I had to divorce myself emotionally from them, and from her. And of course, that hurt her even more.
And I keep hurting her, the more distance I put between us, but I can’t close the gap yet. I should. I need to. But I …. can’t.
Things I wish I’d done in the last five years:
1. Started a CD ladder. Even if it were just a little thing with a few hundred per step, I wish I’d realized that I wouldn’t need everything in the e-fund immediately.
2. Contributed more to the Roth: it’s the only investment I have that’s doing well in this market.
3. Applied for a job in San Diego in the comic book industry two years ago. I was afraid to take the leap and it would been really cool to have a foot in that door.
Conversely, I’m glad that I did not:
1. Go straight into grad school out of college. Not only would I be in debt, I wouldn’t have known what my professional strengths and likes/dislikes were.
2. Continue to bail out my brother. Telling my brother that his free ride was OVER might have been painful for me to say, unbelievable for him to hear, and shocking for fellow bloggers to read, but it was past time that he started to grow up. Of course, my decision alone didn’t matter until he’d hit rock bottom, but it was the right thing to do at the right time.
3. Let go of my responsibilities before I was ready, as some friends encouraged me to do. They just worried about me, but my OCD attachment to PF over the years has been a blessing in this blog, the friends I’ve made through the community and the knowledge I’m able to use and share.
While washing my hands this morning, I had two long term goals occur to me:
1. In the job after next, I would like to be earning a six figure income.
2. And I want to save half of that income. My portfolio/net worth would be SO awesome!! Muahahha…..
Anybody else reflecting on their dids and didn’ts lately? Care to share?
January 27, 2009
For now, anyway. The Driver’s Edge card is one of my most rarely used credit cards, but it came out recently for the window/lock repairs and covered a good $160 of the $180 mechanic bill.
Unfortunately for me, the due date was on January 1st and I completely flubbed the payment. Don’t ask how, I can only blame the stupidity that is my complete confidence that I wouldn’t forget to look at my planner in the middle of a 2 week holiday break. Yep, totally thought that one through.
Of course, I incurred a cute little $15 fee and a finance charge on top of that (83 cents) for the pleasure of using my rebates (and being stupid, yes). For about a week I considered just paying it and keeping my mouth shut because one, it was totally deserved, and two, it’s not a $29 fee.
Luckily, I came to my senses and gave them a call. I didn’t lie, I just asked if they would waive the fee. In under two minutes, the CSR cheerfully waived both the fee and the finance charges and sent me on my way.
It’s awfully nice that they’re still willing to waive fees so easily, considering the straits the company is in, and I thoroughly appreciate it. After all, every penny counts in this economy!
Besides, after paying a huge stupid tax via the towing fees and associated pain, I’d like a little credit for having paid some dues. 😛