About sixteen years ago, I met him for the first time. My trainwreck sibling brought home this adorable puppy he had no business adopting because he had not one thing in his life that wasn’t a mess. I was furious at my sibling – he didn’t even take care of himself, how could he drag
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December 12, 2008
The feeling of material satiety has worn off with a vengeance. This feels a bit like a rebound from my “Simplify, simplify” mode and I’m not fighting it as hard as I should. The e-fund is still fine, but I hit a plateau when I got sick for two weeks. That meant no overtime. In fact, I had to burn some sick time. That’s what it’s for and I’m grateful to have it, but with the ability to overearn has gone my spending/acquisitive restraint and determination to build up the money reserves while I still can.
1. The dental visit made me feel like I should check with my dentist friend about whether or not he’d recommend getting a new electric toothbrush. I don’t want a single additional cavity, and since the current dental care regimen is evidently not doing the job, something needs to change. New electric toothbrush: ~$100?
2. Flat iron for self, friend (X-mas gift): $150?
3. Laptop: $650?
4. Boots: My older pair are too worn and, most importantly, hurt my feet. Winter weather always makes me long for comfortable boots to keep me warm, and browsing online hasn’t helped the neediness: $50? $70? Meh.
5. New towels: I’ll use a gift card.
6. Interview suit: I keep thinking that I can just wear my old one but let’s not kid ourselves — I couldn’t, er, latch the hook in July and I won’t be able to now, either. There’s an odd feeling: $200?
7. New coat: The thought of moving to a place that has Real Winter scares the bejeebers out of me. That’s probably why I can’t stop dreaming of new puffy coats, gloves that actually fit, scarves, hats and vests. 40 degrees is COLD, people! Frigid! Unbearable!
Where do I think this money is coming from?? Nuts. I’ll pass on the boots, coat, and the flat iron for myself. The travel/gift fund can take care of the flat iron gift and part of the laptop, the rest will have to come out of my expenses. Er, the suit? Well, let’s see if I can cobble together a sharp enough outfit from my regular business clothing to get by. Otherwise, I might try the (new! local!) H&M for separates to be tailored. I don’t want to cheap out on an interview outfit but I shouldn’t bust into the savings, either. I need that for rent! (Then again, I need a new job to pay the rent, too.)
Oooh there’s that “I hate spending money” feeling back. Whew, I thought I’d lost my mind there.
Is anyone else self-gifting this season?
December 11, 2008
As it turns out, going to the dentist IS better than going to work. The experience, I mean, not the paying seven hundred dollars instead of getting paid a fraction of that price tag. (Not that I paid $700 — I paid $78, and thank goodness for the dental insurance that picked up the rest! Can you imagine a routine visit costing that much money?? Do they have COBRA for dental? Eeesh.)
What I mean to say is: I spent 2.5 hours at the dentist having 4 almost-cavities drilled and filled, and I was much less stressed than I would have been at a comparable time in the office. It was a very scientific study.
Other things I accomplished in one day:
Dropped off dry cleaning before their one-day cutoff time.
Lovelied up the eyebrows. ($15)
Lunched with newly employed friend and caught her up on sad news. ($7)
Met with two old friends I haven’t seen in months, played with baby.
Picked up dry cleaning. ($10)
Picked up doggy ashes, chatted with old friend.
Dropped off doggy ashes.
Ok, see, my day seemed a heck of a lot fuller than that list shows. Really! I drove all over three towns to accomplish as much as … that. Thank goodness for sick time. I feel like there were a thousand other things I should have gotten done today because I’ll be busy all weekend, but I won’t undo all the good relaxing by stressing about what-should-have-beens. Oh I remember! I wanted to see if I could get my eyes checked today too, but oops! Forgot. Oh well, I have a clean trenchcoat! And isn’t ten dollars ridiculous for dry cleaning a coat? I should have read the tag before buying. Unless it just didn’t matter because I have the hardest time finding clothes that fit.
December 10, 2008
I’m making a little checklist of things I want to get with my gift card for Bed, Bath and Beyond left from last year that wasn’t used on wedding presents. I didn’t want more stuff during a time of decluttering, but they’re kind of important.
Perhaps a field trip with a fistful of coupons will be my reward when I finish best three of six ongoing projects:
1. Photo organization
2. Submit 5 applications
3. Send out christmas cards with photos from #1.
4. Decluttering under my bed or desk.
5. Exercise!
6. Christmas presents: wrapping (1) or getting (2).
You might notice that I left out a whole bunch of more difficult things to accomplish off that list like dealing with family, finances, or even goal setting for next year. š
Things I need:
1. 2 bath towels; soft and fluffy.
2. Water bottle. Or thermos? Have wanted a nice one since year picked it up because I still cannot decide which is the more economical AND sensible choice. Either way, I keep using the same old plastic water bottles, recycling them after a while and they pile up in between. Prefer to have just one bottle around.
Actually, I can’t remember what else I wanted anymore. I do remember discussing getting a really nice professional flat iron through a friend of a friend for 50% off for myself. Maybe I should get two and give the other to my girlfriend. Huh… that could be a nice gift for a couple gals, actually. Girls, would you appreciate a flat iron as a gift or is that too humdrum?
Late Note: Check off numbers 2 (2 of 5 sent), 5 (got a few minutes in) and 6 (wrapped one) as partially done. I’m really good at getting partials done. Completion’s a whole other thing. Busy day ahead.
December 9, 2008
Healthy or not, we’ve been toasting pizza rolls for breakfast this morning. Yesterday morning, it was tator tots, $5 for a five pound bag. It’s been rough of late, comfort food gets me through a day.
If anyone needs to go shopping at Old Navy, here’s a coupon for $10 off a $50 purchase:
December 8, 2008
As we approach year’s end, my mind is drawn irrevocably into evaluation mode and I assess how I’ve done this year and what methods worked or didn’t work for me. I like to work through this stage before the holidays so that I can create a new plan for the following year. As I grow as a pf blogger and budgeter, I’m learning and sharing what I learn as best I can.
One of the basic tenets of personal finance is that setting goals is critical to growth. The smart money says that setting Specific, Measurable, Attainable, Realistic and Timely goals is the best way to achieve your aims. I’m not sayin’ what it was, but SMART money my money wasn’t.
I’ve failed miserably at setting and achieving SMART goals this year. Psh, there was a time I quit setting goals entirely. When I admitted that, there was a moment of guilt for being so disorganized, or even unmotivated. Because that’s what it was, right? If you’re not even willing to set a goal (and let’s face it, I wasn’t trying) then clearly there’s no motivation.
You know what, though? That wasn’t true. Despite all my lofty goals from the end of 2007 that I didn’t actually accomplish, like buying a house, or investing, or saving half my salary, I still made some progress this year. No, it wasn’t Specifically what I had in mind, I had trouble Measuring it sometimes, other times it seemed downright impossible (A) or crazy (R), and nothing happened quickly or in a Timely manner. But if you look at the whole picture, it’s a different story than just a failure to achieve. (And if the markets were kinder, it might even be rosier than that. But never mind them.)
See: a year in review
Despite a few challenges……..
It’s been a tumultuous year to say the least, even discounting the whole economic meltdown, but it hasn’t been all bad.
I’m seeing that the smart way isn’t the only way, and that’s not necessarily a bad thing. All this time I didn’t understand how money can be such an emotional issue, or why people would choose the psychologically satisfying rather than mathematically efficient method of getting out of debt, or growing an income. Looks like I was wrong!
If I had insisted on following just the straight and narrow road by setting strict goals and assigning Passes or Fails, I would have felt terrible about it. It was difficult enough to K.I.T. (keep it together) well enough to focus on the big picture, and take little steps without calling myself a failure 6 out of 7 times a month.
A comparison of my finances from last year against this year shows an increase of about 20%; keeping myself on a looser leash worked out pretty well. You could rightfully point out that it’s not that significant because I didn’t start out with that much. That’s true, but I am ending the year on a relatively healthy note and that’s nothing to sneeze at. Having stuck to the basic principles of reducing expenses, increasing income where possible, and maximizing how far each dollar went, we did pretty ok this year.
Editor’s Note: Flexo posted about Taking Control of Your Finances today, and he has a few other good reasons SMART goals might not be applicable to your situation.
December 7, 2008
Am worn out from trying to make up my day. Arrived home at 5 pm, had a short whirlwind of activity: did two loads of laundry, ate a little bit, showered, cleaned the tub, boiled eggs for tomorrow. Now, exhausted, so am giving up on job apps, organizing photographs, writing cards. Was rousted out of bed this morning to go to BF’s house to check on his dog. His sister was alone, distraught as their 15+ year old dog’s somewhat neurological behaviors and unsteadiness increased, so I went to keep her company and tender what advice I could.
Precious little advice it was, too. He’s had a good long life, and we’ve been blessed to have him this long after last year’s tragedies, but it was clearly his time to go. Finally, he had such rough bout of difficulty breathing after a bit of activity that I was about to recommend that they call the vet and let him go more peacefully when he passed on his own.
I was able to make a few calls and make arrangements since I used to work at the local vet’s, so that spared the family some little bit of stress.
I’m glad I could be there to help in BF’s place, but I fervently wish that after losing their father, their cousin and now their beloved family pet, we can be spared the need to hold vigil, please, for at least another couple of years. I know life’s not fair, but this is getting to be a bit much.
December 5, 2008
An official announcement hasn’t been made, but the word is that our entire staff is likely to be laid off in a few months. You might know that SOP for layoffs is denial until the moment of truth, no matter how wrong I think that is.
Call it naivete, but I certainly did not expect to run a gamut of emotions when my prediction months ago was confirmed. Keeping in mind the huge numbers of people being laid off, at best, I expected frustration, a little tiny bit of vindication that I was right, and a readiness to move on. It turns out I’m not that simple. And that I play devil’s advocate with myself even when I’m upset. Read on ….
Exasperation
There are about ten thousand ways that this could have been prevented. Really. This is not a poor-economy related issue, this was a bad management issue, and it’s no surprise.
Anger
Unsurprised or not, it ticks me off, royally, that management wouldn’t change their ways even when we were in a poor negotiating position. They continued to act as though they had the power to make demands, break promises and generally acted the fools. That led directly to the current situation.
Anxiety
I’m not ready for this! I associate unemployment with (immediate) brokeness. Even though I know approximately how many months I would last without a drop of income, there’s still a visceral reaction that a major emergency will eat up all that money and I’ll immediately go into debt trying to survive without a steady paycheck. That’s silly. I’ve taken a few months off between jobs, without having a job, having less in the bank before. Yes, that was four years ago when the outlook wasn’t terrible and I wasn’t paying all household expenses. But I’ve got the budget, the e-fund, the cushion. And it’s not like I haven’t supported other friends while they downsized and job-hunted and become re-employed in the last six months. This is survivable.
Shame
Even though I brought my A-game every single day, regardless of the politics and turmoil, I’m actually a little ashamed that I didn’t manage to save us. And is there stigma attached to being laid off? Even in this environment? There shouldn’t be, and I can confidently state that it’s through no fault of my own. My performance and abilities are respected, even if it feels like management’s failures reflect on me.
Helplessness/Depression
This wasn’t advertised except to a select few but I’ve been preparing and job-hunting during the last few months. My tolerance for the BS was about to crack spectacularly so I took steps to prevent going postal. The resume was perfected in August, and I’ve been quietly applying to new jobs while working insane hours and trying to keep up with everything else. Nothing has resulted so far, and even though I know, intellectually, that the job search while holding a full time job combined with a downturn in the economy means that it’s going to take longer, I still can’t help but mentally wring my hands for a minute. Or file this under frustration.
Confusion
How are the people who DO know the intimate details managing to pretend everything is status quo?
Loss
There’s a sense of regret that a huge part of my life is going away. Why on earth would I feel like I’m losing something leaving this job? It’s been a major source of frustration and negativity for months. Yet, there it is.
De-motivation
I’m not at all inspired to work, work hard, and work well today. Considering I work through natural disasters, this is a little different. Because of the combination of the above emotions, I just don’t care today. It doesn’t matter whether or not I perform well today, as I did yesterday or the day before that. I’m still going to be out of a job. Except that’s not true. I still have my pride and self-respect, and at the end of the day, that’s what I’ll be taking home with me. Among other things I’ll be taking home with me: my work laptop, that lovely new spindle of CD-RWs, and a lifetime supply of pens and toilet paper. Nick at Punny Money says it’s ok.
I’m kidding!!!
So the other side of all this? Barring the part where I’m not making any money because that’s not good no matter how you spin it, this is motivation to search even more diligently for a new job while I still have one.
Opportunity
This is a chance to start fresh, and that’s not such a bad thing. Sure, being the bottom of the employment totem pole is not where I want to be, but there’s nothing saying that that’s the only place I’ll get hired. I’m not entry-level, I’ve got great skills, I work damn hard, and have an excellent reputation. Now I have to learn to sell whatever doesn’t shine through in a cover letter and resume.
At the end of the day, Pandora’s Box still had one important thing to give, and that’s what I’ll hold on to: Hope. Hope that better things are still to come, hope that I’m resilient enough to handle this change, hope that this isn’t the straw that breaks this camel’s back after all the nonsense that’s gone before. (Hope that this time next year I won’t be reporting that I’m completely broke, in debt and at the end of my rope……!)
Faith
Despite all the negativity and doubt, deep down, I still have faith that there are ways to get past this rather ugly situation. There are, I just have to find and implement them.
Relief
In my frustration after my farce of a review early this year, I decided that I wanted to be ready to pick up my purse and saunter out without a moment’s regret. That’s how ticked I’ve been with the poor team building, blatant double standards and favoritism-based policies. I cleared out my desk then, and have only kept food here since. Not having to “stick it out” under this sort of stress because it’s practical is kind of a huge weight off. Or I’m trading for a different weight. š
Determination
Did I say I was de-motivated? That’s only in terms of this job right now, not the next one. I’m absolutely charged with the energy to find the next place where I can give my time and dedication to a good cause. (And receive a good check, in return, of course!!)
Alternate plan
If I don’t land anything before the layoff? I’ll take my severance, and my unemployment, and go nanny my best friend’s newborn for a couple months while I continue to job hunt. The timing’s about right. They’ll “pay” me room and board, and I’ll pay for COBRA. And thank PF-blogging for a good emergency fund. But what to do with my parents …..
Edit: I forgot to link to this great article guest posted by Jacques Sprenger at The Digerati Life: Are you in Financial Trouble? Money Tips to Cope with Hard Times.
