About sixteen years ago, I met him for the first time. My trainwreck sibling brought home this adorable puppy he had no business adopting because he had not one thing in his life that wasn’t a mess. I was furious at my sibling – he didn’t even take care of himself, how could he drag
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October 21, 2008
At some point, I’m cutting the cord, and moving out of the shared household situation. I never planned to disappear or run away; a healthy, low stress transition for my family is paramount to my ability to actually leave. As things in the workplace deteriorate, essentially forcing my hand, I’m not sleeping well now, and likely won’t until a good back up plan is put together. So I’m not cutting the cord, I’m just loosening it up.
Now that I’ve reached a relatively stable point where I can cover my expenses for a few months, I thought that I was ready to re-face the tangle of my family’s poorly met needs and start mapping out a reasonable course of action. I asked my dad to write out his understanding of their financial obligations and income (prospective or otherwise) and the sources so I could see the full financial picture.
One of our major obstacles has been my dad’s inability/ refusal to separate his pride from the situation. He couldn’t get over the fact that he/they were depending on my financial support so never got to a mental place where we could work together to create a tenable solution for the family. The only times I’ve ever fought with my dad were those few times I tried to get him to talk to me about money so we could address the needs and problems. As a result, I resorted to commandeering all of the bills, except their car payment and the loans he wouldn’t tell me about, because seeing late late late reminders and late fees drove me insane.
We’ve finally made some progress; he had to come to this on his own, I just wish it’d come sooner. I don’t know how long the cooperativeness will last, he and Mom are both depressed by the long struggle and their guilt of being a burden, and asking me to make some major mistakes to help them. After spending many months being solely responsible for Mom’s care, around the clock, this is the first time he didn’t even argue. He made out a list for me that I’ve been pondering ever since.
Frankly, it’s scary. Really really scary. I knew that I’d have to make enough to survive on my own, and send money home, but I have no idea where to begin, it’s so bleak. Their unstable income doesn’t even fully cover their few obligations (a couple loans, the car loan, medical care) much less living expenses. For reference’s sake, I pay:
- The rent,
- All utilities (electric, water, gas, trash)
- The truck,
- Auto insurance,
- Gasoline,
- Groceries,
- Cell phones,
- Phone/Internet,
- Any household incidentals like supplies or appliances.
The car will be paid off in a year, the truck in 9 months. That will relieve both our wallets, but it’s still a long way away.
I need to sit down with a sharpened quill and calculator this weekend. Meantime, I’m going to concentrate on the positive: I might finally be able to get Dad to participate and share the burden of planning. And he won’t be in the dark about the finances as a whole. And maybe I can actually get him to see light at the end of the tunnel!
The nearly thousand page tome has arrived! I immediately started reading it the second I opened the box. Thank goodness I still live at home and have someone to tell me to go eat dinner; I’m so easily distracted by mail, and good mail at that.
October 20, 2008
A chunk at a time, (sometimes literally), the material possessions in my life are being reduced, digitized and eliminated, or picked over. I found myself choosing NOT to sign up for free samples just because they were free, a holdover habit from my uber-Fatwalleting days, knowing that I have a packet of said samples that have yet to be used. I’m passing up Walgreens FAR items that I won’t immediately use, or won’t be able to find a home for. CVS ExtraBucks items are carefully considered and not purchased solely for the sake of generating EBucks. Not that I ever really got into that last, but was gearing up to. There’s very judicious stockpiling of essentials only.
I like this trend, and that the only remaining accumulation is in my savings accounts. My fellow LA-area bloggers, Well-Heeled and Stacking Pennies, are doing remarkably well with their emergency/Freedom Funds and asked how much would make you feel safe or comfortable?
I feel a bit like Chicken Little when I think “just add a few more months’ worth to the e-fund,” but then I read comments like this one on Boston Gal’s post, Keep debt low and cash high:
Puddle Jump Photo said:
My husband has been laid off twice in the past 18 months and all of emergency money is gone…so right now…it’s just trying to stay afloat!
and I remember that my own family’s troubles over the last seven or eight years, for numerous reasons, and it suddenly doesn’t seem unreasonable to want just a few thousand more banked away.
That’s not to say that I’m entirely fatalistic, I certainly can’t be with the progress made over the last few years. I’m just feeling more and more cautious and less willing to take risks with my money or my career. That’s probably not the worst thing right now.
October 16, 2008
I’ve avoided blogging about the financial landscape and various unfoldings of fiscal policy for the past few weeks, not because of a need to play ostrich as in the case of my retirement accounts, but because everyone else has been doing it, every single day. What had I but personal outrage to add to the mess? What had I but negativity? And as I’m trying to avoid dwelling overmuch on the bleaker side of affairs to the point of creating paralysis, well, not adding my voice to the cacophony seemed prudent.
For the most part, it’s been helpful. I’ve managed to, slowly, stabilize certain crucial aspects of my (financial) life even as other elements are becoming less and less comprehensible. I won’t get into the latter, but will say there’s an overwhelming desire to escape. Mindfully paying less attention to the frenzied media has enabled me to get some work done.
It’s not that I’ve ignored the news, or the bloggers who are blogging about the ongoing situation, though, which means a new spark of exasperation flared this morning when I read this headline from the LA Times:
Because the first stimulus package really did wonders for the economy. Sure, the author acknowledges that “The battle could be even tougher than the one that played out last month over the $700-billion rescue plan for the financial system.” The fact remains, the first stimulus package passed, the bailout rescue plan passed, the government quietly bailed out the automakers somewhere amidst the bailout furor, the list of fear-motivated “solutions” goes on. And now we have another one.
As JLP asked this morning, is a credit-free Christmas such a horrid concept? More macroeconomically, is desperately trying to stave off a period of correction and downturn worth all the time, money and desperate measures we’re taking? It’s not that I don’t feel the effects of a softening economy, it’s not that I lack empathy or sympathy or any other -athy (other than apathy, I don’t feel that). I’m just concerned that the flurry of perhaps poorly conceived reactions, the flailing of our collective government, business leaders and ivory tower economists, is creating a bigger monster. I’m just wishing for a long-term solution Christmas, more than anything, solutions that are well-thought-out and aren’t short term fixes that don’t actually help.
And now I’m worried again.
Last month, I took it into my head that I should compare my year to date income versus expenditures. It’s all part of this finances and housecleaning kick I’m on, and because I wanted to rethink my monthly snapshots (again). The results are weird. In two simple lists, I’ve got my income (all forms of it), and pulled my year to date spending numbers from Yodlee for the expenses. Added the deduction/reductions/taxes into the mix as that money comes out of my gross income, and retirement contributions.
Maybe it’s because I keep working on this when I’m sleepy, but I keep coming up $7,000 short! I don’t get it. I’m not in debt. I mean, other than the truck payment, but that’s been steadily decreasing.
Hm. The only thing I can think of that’s missing from the equation are reimbursements because office supply purchases did go on my cards for a while, but the reimbursements aren’t tracked in any real way. Except, after accounting for the insurance, it can’t possibly have been that much, could it?
Well, when I search Yodlee for “Other Income,” I have about $2865 in that category comprising of FSA reimbursements, tax refunds, and miscellaneous income. Add $1000 of insurance reimbursement, and that would account for more than half of the missing income. That’s imprecise, though, and it’s even messier when I look up the “Deposit” category. I don’t have the time or inclination to go back through ten months of transactions to try and parse out, down to the penny, what income I’ve lost track of, but it’s safe to say that I didn’t actually *lose* that money, I simply spent it and that’s a sobering thought. I somehow spent $7,000 of “extra” income? Oh, some of it was absorbed into the savings accounts, I’m sure, but that’s still quite a lot of money that should be on the ledger somewhere.
The takeaway here is that my family’s needs plus a dash of inattention complicate my finances. To cope, I need to devise a tracking system that encompasses all categories, including miscellaneous income, reimbursements, contractor income, savings of all kinds, etc.
I just don’t like the idea that at some point, I got sloppy and overspent. It’s entirely probable that all that extra income really went to refilling the savings funds, and filling in shortfalls during expensive months, but I’d like to be sure. This has to turn out better than my fruitless search for a perfect bag!
October 15, 2008
Has anyone else received this email? My spam filter is easily fooled, I guess:
From: Tax_Refund@IRS.gov
Subject: IRS : Tax refund value is $252.60
Date: October 15, 2008 9:46:17 AM PDT
To: undisclosed-recipients: ;
Reply-To: do-not-reply@IRS.gov
Dear Applicant:
After the last annual calculations of your fiscal activity we have determined that you are eligible to receive a tax refund under section 501(c) (3) of the Internal Revenue Code. Tax refund value is $252.60.
Please submit the tax refund request and allow us 3-6 days in order to IWP the data received.
▪ If you distribute funds to other organization, your records must show wether they are exempt under section 497 (c) (15). In cases where the recipient org. is not exempt under section 497 (c) (15), you must have evidence the funds will be used for section 497 (c) (15) purposes.
▪ If you distribute fund to individuals, you should keep case histories showing the recipient’s name and address; the purpose of the award; the maner of section; and the realtionship of the recipient to any of your officers, directors, trustees, members, or major contributors.
To access the form for your tax refund, please click here
This notification has been sent by the Internal Revenue Service,
a bureau of the Department of the Treasury.
Sincerely Yours,
Director, Exempt. Organization
Rulings and Agreements Letter
Internal Revenue Service
Note:
▪ If you received this message in your SPAM/BULK folder, that is because of the restrictions implemented by your ISP
▪ For security reasons, we will record your ip address, the date and time.
▪ Deliberate wrong imputs are criminally pursued and indicted.
© Copyright 2008, Internal Revenue Service U.S.A.
Obviously, inputting ANY data in the form they provided would be a mistake, as the IRS doesn’t typically evaluate your fiscal records nor contact YOU to give you a refund. File under: scam, spam and too good to be true.
October 14, 2008
Wow. I was having a really bad morning plagued with doubts, insecurities and a desperate need not to be at work/around negative people so we decided that the solution to my problem was to eat the rest of my birthday cake. There was about a quarter of a round, three-layer cake left and so I dug in.
Someday, I thought, I’ll learn that eating sweets is not the answer. “Someday” might be today…. I’ve had too much cake. But at least my mind’s in a different place now. A really sugared-up, distracted sort of place, but a wholly different place.