About sixteen years ago, I met him for the first time. My trainwreck sibling brought home this adorable puppy he had no business adopting because he had not one thing in his life that wasn’t a mess. I was furious at my sibling – he didn’t even take care of himself, how could he drag
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July 10, 2007
And while wealth doesn’t just mean access to gobs of cash, I’ll take that as a down payment. š
Of course there are dozens of reasons why I’d love to be wealthy but my need to be is most poignant when I greet the morning (like this morning) with “ow” followed by “ow ow ow crap ow! Don’t move!” These sorts of mornings remind me how important it is to achieve a sustainable level of financial stability. It’s important to earn and save for the present, for the short term future and long term future. It’s not just important to me because I don’t like pain, but also to my immediate family for whom I cannot care if I’m out of commission and for my future family.
Health has been on my mind a lot lately. MaDucky’s not doing well, nor am I, and the biggest barrier we face in resolving those problems is financial. There’s nothing I’d love more than for Ma to quit working entirely for a period of time to deal with her health issues, but she can neither afford the time off or the cost of *serious* treatment and I’m sad to say that I can’t yet pay for her either. Ironically, if she were financially stable enough to do that, I think that’d go a long way to relieving her stress-related issues. If only I could add her to my health insurance, I think we’d have a far better shot at addressing her needs.
For myself, if I didn’t spend half of every month fussing over finances and overworking, at least some of this nastiness that I’m combating would be less intense. And there’s an alternative medicine center down south (not too far south, don’t worry!) I’d like to try, but taking a week off to spend money there is simply not an option. Heck, just a week off now and again would go a long way in reducing stress!
My financial planning is geared towards eliminating these obstacles, but the steady worsening of my family’s health firmly underscores the correlation between good healthcare and a sturdy financial base. If you cannot afford access to good healthcare, and cannot afford to take the time and effort required to USE that healthcare, it’s vanishingly unlikely that you’ll have satisfactory resolution or treatment of health problems.
The point has often been made that those of us scrimping and saving so much today are running the risk of being rich but too old and sick to enjoy the money, but if you’re going to be old and sick anyway, you’re really going to need money to address your health concerns. I don’t think relying on “the good die young” as a guarantor against needing a hefty retirement plan, Bruce Lee notwithstanding, is such a great idea. ‘sides, I’m not that good!!
July 8, 2007
I’m back from a very nice weekend with BoyDucky. We just hung out with friends and each other. All in all, it was Quite Relaxing.
This trip, I only took one backpack of clothing and few very necessary odds and ends like my book, an extra book, my iPod in case I ran out of reading material and my planner which is attached by umbilical cord. It was an effort to save my shoulders from the duffel-slump that’s caused by dragging a 40 pound duffel around the airport, and to prevent me from accidentally shopping. It worked, until I saw this beach towel (the middle one) and the 60% off headline in the ad at Mervyn’s:
Sadly, it was not at the lowest end of the sale price range (4.79) but neither was it at the high end (13.97). I’m ashamed to say I still wanted it. So, as penance, I’m going to return the pink flowery dress, and embroidered sleeveless shirt that I bought from Macy’s on sale last week. I don’t NEED them, I just really liked them. Still, they’ll go back so that I can indulge in this childish impulse buy instead. *tsk*
July 4, 2007
It’s the beginning of the third quarter, and it’s still not clear who is going to win this year’s fiscal game, but I have to say that despite all the setbacks, financially, emotionally, and familially (that’s not right, is it? It’s just familial), I’m slowly creeping towards a milestone of financial stability.
No, there’s not much left after the bills are paid and I’ve mentally subtracted the amount of the outrageous loan I made to my brother. Nonetheless, I have a steady job that brings in a few slices of bacon every two weeks, and I am, at the end of the day, able to pay the bills and have a little left over. It’s time to be grateful that, despite all the obstacles in the way, and despite all the hardships that are yet to be faced, progress is still being made.
There’s light at the end of this tunnel. And I’m grateful.
June 29, 2007
It’s amazing how little time, and how few sentences it can take to evoke that numbing sensation of helplessness.
Pa: Your mom wants to work three days at the local *business which I’ve asked her to give up. It pays next to nothing for hours upon hours of work.* They’ll pay her $50.
*Realization: She’s doing this because she’s absolutely determined to do whatever it takes to gain some financial stability and independence. She resents PaDucky refusing to change his ways, and in the meantime letting me work constantly, and not getting a real job himself until I finally insisted on it. Despite her poor health, it’s not practical for me to ask her to not work at all because I can’t take on the one bill that she does pay out of her own pocket, and I won’t undercut her independence. But knowing that my mom is literally toiling away at drudgery and I’m not able to save her some of it is …. utterly depressing. There’s a small bright side to this. She was offered extra hours at the local restaurant, cashiering, and so she’ll do that instead. But I have a sinking feeling that if Pa hadn’t tattled on her and the cashiering hours weren’t offered, she would have done the other job behind my back.*
Ma: Your dad is really short of money again because your brother made him cover his portion of the monthly investment bill. (This is the investing thing that I’d talked about before, I’m part of it but I’m positive that I’m the only one of the family who is disciplined enough to make money from it.) Your brother said it was because your dad owed him money.
*Realization: One, the two of them should never deal with money together. Neither the borrowing nor lending of. I made my stance on that crystal clear years ago. If Pa needed money, he should have come to me. But he won’t. Why? Because he’d rather lie to me than tell me that he needed something. He’d rather lie to me and say that “Oh, haha, Ma took out the money I meant to give you (my profits that he collects from the investment on my behalf) I’ll get that to you later!” I knew I shouldn’t have asked for it if he didn’t volunteer the payment, but I had to know if he was still going to lie to me. I guess he will. Two, apparently there’s still nothing I can do to force anyone in this family to GROW UP. And for the sake of my sanity, I have to bite my tongue, and refuse to get involved if they insist on making deals, plans, or anything behind my back.*
I realize I’m not the parent here, but with all the tattling going on, and the sheer inability to make the tough, prudent choices anymore, I feel like I AM their parent!! Part of me finds that exasperating, yet a little bit funny. This had better be good training for the future.
June 27, 2007
As I get closer and closer to the date of my own little Mecca, you’d think I would be gleefully planning each day, girding to do battle with the masses of people who’ll be attending Comic Con this year. Most especially, you’d think I would be hoarding my pennies more fiercely than ever to maybe add a little somethin’ to the miniscule budget ($200: food, parking, gifts for 4.5 days). Heck, I’m not even sure that I should be spending THAT much in the wake of some recent revelations!
You’d think. How I wish you were right! Because you’d be wrong. Oh, so wrong. The programming for Comic Con is still not available, and so I’ve not got a program to obsess over.
In its place, my obsessiveness has grabbed hold of my acquisitiveness left over from that weekend jaunt to Macy’s and now I’m restraining myself from yearning after adorable summer clothing the likes of which I can only imagine would be wonderful for our lunch reception aboard the USS Midway, or for the lectures of Salmon Rushdie and Michael Tilson Thomas.
Surely, surely you say, such intellectuals wouldn’t be interested in my attire if they even gazed in my direction. True, but I can’t help but want to make a good showing anyway. It’s not for them, it’s for me. Hah! That makes it even harder to stand firm. And NOT BUY. Lord, give me strength to resist!
“Anything I spend now only takes away from Con.” (Repeat 10, no, 100! times.) Where’s someone to browbeat me into obedience when I need him/her??
I know, this is not the most dire situation. But, still.
June 26, 2007
BoyDucky’s rolled out his best offer, take it or leave it, in a bid to gain my consent on the car he’d like in a few years: The Honda Element SC. (bleech!)
In his attempt to woo/win me over, he’s offered FIVE CUTE PUPPIES.
HIS:
HERS
What do you think of that? Are five whole puppies cute enough to balance out the decided UNcuteness of that hideous boxcar? On one hand, they are distinctly, overwhelmingly cute. On the other hand, that car is ridiculously not cute. Pro, They’re REALLY cute. Con, I’m not crazy. I can’t handle five puppies. Pro, Puppy breath. Con, having to look at that car everyday. Pro, I have puppy fever and this would hit the spot. Con(s), one bedroom apartment, drive ’til the wheels fall off mentality, he might possibly have been thinking of stuffed Gund puppies.
The jury is still out …. but at least we show the spirit of compromise! š
June 25, 2007
Wanda brings up the conundrum I frequently debate: to travel or not to travel?
In particular, my group of friends had a mini-pool party this weekend, and we got to chatting about trips we’d love to take. The conversation rapidly evolved into a discussion of weekend trips we could actually take over the summer like a kayaking trip either over by Alamitos Bay or in the Channel Islands, or camping in Yellowstone, or a long weekend in New York.
B, an outspoken blonde, asked with some asperity if we were ever going to take a cruise as we’re always talking about it, and never actually do it? Cue the requisite “Can we take a cruise when we have money?” from a few members of the group. B’s response? Absolutely guaranteed to give me hives: “That’s what credit cards are for. I’m in debt anyway, what does it matter?” *shuddering uncontrollably* Seriously???
I withheld my mental, knee-jerk, ranty response to her disparaging implication that now that she’s got money, others should be willing to pony up for fun regardless of their circumstances.
I only said that I didn’t believe in getting into debt for luxuries, but it did turn my mind to the trip to Italy and Greece that my best friend is taking with her family next year, and whether or not I’m refusing to consider it out of an enforced sense of poverty? I expect it would cost approximately $2000-2500 and I already have about 130 vacation hours. Sure I don’t have the money yet, but if (and this is a BIG if) the rumors about a substantial raise really do come through, could I? And I really want to go. Of course, if I evaluated everything on the basis of how much I really want it …. š
To be honest, you know what I’m really looking forward to if that raise truly comes through? Giving my mom a monthly allowance. I’m sure it couldn’t be much, but it would mean, to me, that she would see that she doesn’t have to slave away at her various jobs, earning a mere pittance, so that she’s not a burden to me. It would mean that she isn’t a burden to me and I could prove it. And for her to believe that? Priceless. So, really, there are more important things in life than going on a trip or three.
