About sixteen years ago, I met him for the first time. My trainwreck sibling brought home this adorable puppy he had no business adopting because he had not one thing in his life that wasn’t a mess. I was furious at my sibling – he didn’t even take care of himself, how could he drag
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July 26, 2006
Apparently I just don’t read before I write, but I discovered that FR over at Fiscal Responsibility expressed exactly what I want to say when people ask, you have to establish yourself first, why are you focusing on their retirement first?
“Because… they have given up everything so that I could have everything.”
Exactly. My parents left everything they knew behind to give me everything I have today. Yes, I worked my way through college and supported the fam for a short time, but that’s exactly it: I got to go to college. In America. Now we can all talk about the shortcomings of America but you know what? In many parts of my country you either scrambled and starved slowly, or you didn’t and you starved faster. So why would I expect to give them a house, a retirement? Because they have earned it a thousand times over.
My new visitor, Moom, suggested that it would be helpful to get more background on My Parents so my response is continued here … (I know, I initially said it was a short story. I’m long-winded, sorry!)
Now since BF and I are from two very different financial backgrounds, what my parents might require is likely to be much more or different than what his financially stable parents would. Again, my parents don’t have expectations but if I truly felt that I could just move on with my life without making sure they were ok, I guess I’d be doing a lot of other things wrong too.
So, no essentially, they don’t have to own a house or retire but my feeling is that if I can set things up in a way that they can, modestly, later in life, then they certainly would not require help to meet basic needs.
Admittedly my pride plays a huge role in this. I love and respect my parents and want them to be respected by his parents too. Certainly they made financial mistakes but none of those mistakes were for their personal gain. They didn’t run up credit card debt because they were buying crap for themselves, they didn’t take loans so they could go on vacations they couldn’t afford. They spent the last 20 years working 15 hour days, 365 days a year running a small business and didn’t ever take a day off, all to provide for us. I’m not exaggerating, we stopped celebrating Christmas about 15 years ago because that was one of the busiest days of the year. They tried their best to provide the best they could, put my brother through private high school because they wanted to make sure he didn’t go the way of many first generation kids and the fact that that decision didn’t work out the way they hoped isn’t their fault. Maybe they could have made better choices or said forget this, we want a better work-life balance, but they wanted to do everything they could for us first.
Yes the suggestion has been made that perhaps I’m enabling them or that I’m allowing myself to be taken advantage of and I can see that there is some merit to that thought. In response I have adjusted my thinking and planning for more long term planning. With Sibling out of the house, they have also been more receptive to the idea that they were enabling him and it’s more than about time for him to grow up and get along on his own. Also, I’ve taken a step back in trying to run their daily financial show (because my instinct is to pay off everything immediately) and simply contributing my fair share. They also do everything else around the house, all the cooking, cleaning, auto maintenance and home maintenance that I can but don’t want to do with arthritis, fibromyalgia and long work hours. I consider it a relatively fair, though odd, tradeoff in money and labor. Also Mom gets depressed when it’s just her and Dad at home for too long, so what does it hurt? I’d need to visit anyway and I still go off and do my own thing on the weekends.
Anyway, going back to the pre-marriage deadline I’d set: I don’t want BF’s parents to resent my parents or look down on them for taking resources from their son (post-marriage). I’m not saying that they will, but I feel that it’s a situation ripe for resentment. So, since I don’t know how they will respond to my parents or their situation two or more years from now, I’d rather plan for the worst and hope for the best.
July 25, 2006
LA Times article That Raise Might Take You 4 Years to Earn As Well has some rather disheartening numbers about the economy and the effects we as recent college grads may see or may have seen since graduation.
Just as I suspected, shipping is no deal!
| Region |
Ground |
Third Day |
Overnight |
|
(5-8 bus. days) |
(3 bus. days) |
(1 bus. day) |
| U.S. |
$5.95 |
$11.95 |
$19.95 |
| U.S. (Gift Cards) |
FREE |
$4.95 |
$10.00 |
| Canada |
$12.00 |
$22.00 |
unavailable |
| Canada (Gift Cards) |
$10.00 |
$20.00 |
unavailable |
I didn’t think much of it at the time, but when I returned a pair of jeans that were actually too small to Aeropostale, the tag had ripped off and I had to accept store credit instead of a credit on my card. I figured it didn’t much mattter, it was a small amount and I would find something practical like a bag or a wallet or sunglasses as a treat for myself later on. A couple months later I’m starting to realize that I never shopped their store because … well, they really don’t have anything I’m particularly interested in! So I have a gift card with $16.09. Oh well, I’ll try checking their website to see if there’s anything better there, but I definitely don’t want to have to pay for shipping which would probably mean I would pay more money to spend THIS money.
I don’t have many of those, just a coupla gals I used to work with who are in varying degrees of debt and basically need to learn and do as much financial waltzing as I feel I do. But I had a conversation with my close friend from college who has made the statement more than once that he’s not ready to marry his girlfriend until he’s in a more financially stable position. His plan and my plan (hear that? God’s laughing at us right now) are relatively similar: save enough in the emergency fund first and be in a stable sustainable job that doesn’t pay chips and dip like his current teaching position. Mine is a little more complicated with the parental thing (a negative) whilst his is more a positive parental thing: their college graduation gift is locating and paying for a move to new dwellings when they’re ready for it and purchasing the new abode’s furnishings and pretties.
So we recently talked numbers and I realized that our numbers are … vastly different. I mean, VASTLY. My numbers have certainly shifted a bit, but I’m still insisting on something like a 10k personal e-fund with a 5k personal uh-oh/oops fund. And another 5-10k e-fund for my parents, while building some Roth IRAs for both of us. Somewhere in there I’ll also be saving for a wedding and down payment for a house. Er, also maybe I’ll figure out what I want to go to grad school for too. That also costs money.
His is 5k. That’s it. Yes, of course he started laughing at me because … “you’re never getting married!”
*sigh* Yeah, ok, but it could happen!!
So what are your numbers? When will you feel ready to take that next step?
July 24, 2006
DL at My Money Path brought up the topic of long term care which has been on my mind … well, on the periphery anyway, and that reminds me that I should take a long look at the materials I have at home to see if this is something I need to consider setting up for my parents in the near future or if this can wait another year or two. I also wonder if the Cancer Expense Protection is just too paranoid, I just recall overhearing people at the orientation saying they’d used it and were very happy to have it offered again (or was that just a planted conversation to lure in the gullible??):
Long-Term Care Program
Benefits from this program help pay the cost of nursing home care, convalescent care, or home health care for patients requiring special care due to illness, injury, or the natural aging process. This includes expenses not normally covered by Medicare, Medicaid, and most other medical insurance policies. Costs for coverage are based on your age at the time you first enroll and do not increase as you grow older. Parents and grandparents of eligible employees and their spouses or domestic partners also may purchase this insurance.
For more information, contact your benefits office. Brochures and enrollment kits are available. You can enroll in this program at anytime with proof of insurability.
Cancer Expense Protection Insurance
This insurance provides direct cash payments to the insured who is diagnosed with cancer. It also pays for several types oexpenses associated with the treatment of cancer. These benefits are paid regardless of any other insurance you may have.
For more information, contact your benefits office. Brochures and enrollment kits are available. You can enroll in this program at anytime.