Perspective: Nothing is permanent
October 3, 2018
PiC and I were having one of our talks about life and stresses. He’s going through a particularly rough time at work right now with no specific end in sight, and in our discussion, I had a realization that may be incredibly morbid.
I am not deeply stressed by our three kids (2 and 4 legged alike) because this is all temporary. Parenting woes, power struggles, training a new to us dog, juggling work and relationships, love and friendship, finances and fun. All of it will go away. JB will grow up and leave. If we’re lucky, ze will always want to come back and spend time with us but no one can see that future. The dogs, honestly, will not live for 20 more years. Everything in front of us, including the mortgage if we’re diligent but not the house if we’re lucky, will be gone from our day to day lives.
Nothing is permanent. Nothing stays the same forever. Whatever good I have in front of me, it’ll go away. Whatever bad I’m staring down the barrel of, it’ll pass.
I know what it is to lose a parent, to lose the people you love and cherish and respect, to lose people who have just been getting started in the world. I know what it is to mourn and to have the edges of grief blunted, to have their memories fade with time. I know that in years to come, we’ll lose more because life is also aging and dying. I know that that’s going to happen with us.
Somehow, that thought galvanizes me. I try to do better, be a better person, be more humble, be more confident, love hard and authentically, whine less (a little less). Our time here is short. It needs to matter to me because it doesn’t matter to the universe as a whole. The vastness of how little I matter as this tiny speck in the cosmos is reassuring.
This makes my life with the responsibilities I chose, that I got to choose, feel light in comparison to the weightiness of the day to day pulls on my time and energy. Obviously I get stressed in the moment, of course, after the third go-around with the 3 year old or fourth meltdown of the morning but way deep down, I still have an even keel because objectively this is the best I’ve ever had it. Everything that’s tough right now? Is here in my life because I got to choose it. The very privilege of getting to choose my life, life companion, family, friends, and a hobby, even? Boggling. I’m grateful for that choice.
I’ve lost so much over the years to illness, to my own body’s frailties, that I cannot help but be all in on what I get to have now. Tired? Sure. Frazzled? Yup. Worried, uncertain, furious about the state of society? Absolutely. But overall? Grateful for what I do have.
I’m sorry to hear you are dealing with this uncertainty in your life right now. The impermanence of it all is both freeing and a bit scary at the same time. This is a beautiful post and perspective – thank you for sharing it.
Thanks – I have to find ways to remind myself that the bad times end too and impermanence does the trick but it’s definitely both freeing and scary. I don’t deal well with the unknown and impermanence is the very essence of not knowing, for me. But this is just one way to look at it.
We gain more as time goes on too. Twenty years ago you didn’t have these pups or this POC or JB. Who knows what the next 20 years will bring.
Very true! I know that time will rob us but I forget that time will also gift us as well.
This is a timely post for me! Thank you. I have allowed being “furious about the state of society” (Trump in Mississippi … no words) to rob me of joy and fullness of life this past week – and by extension, my loved ones. Time to step back, breathe deeply, and recognize that this too shall pass. The only thing I disagree with: ” Our time here is short. It needs to matter to me because it doesn’t matter to the universe as a whole.” I believe there is a real connection between your time here and “the universe as a whole.” I’m glad it matters to you. I believe it matters to the universe too. (Though as you might guess, my word would be “God” instead of “the universe.”)
I do think it’s so important to care about those things, but equally important to take the breaks we need in order to keep our bodies and souls strong for the fight. Because there are things worth fighting for!
And I think that I’d be willing to flip that statement around as well – sometimes I think it doesn’t matter to the universe at large and it’s ok not to sweat the small stuff. Sometimes I think it matters a lot!
This is a timely post for me. I recently lost an uncle(my dad’s older brother) recently and it made me reflect that our time here is short. Their are times that our everyday occurrences with work, family, friends seems like it will last forever. But with the passing of my uncle put it in perspective that we should enjoy our time here on earth. We should become more loving around the ones we love and care, be more wise and have fun. For me, spending as much time as I can with both of my parents is important because their time here maybe up sooner than later given their age.
Now with both my wife and son, I just want to support them as much as I can by enjoying life like bonding, traveling, teaching, learning, and just be happy.
I’ve felt that way since Mom died early – a group of us lost our parents in our 20s and it was incredibly rough. I hate that we tend to forget these things until we experience a loss but at least we do learn.
My condolences for your family’s loss.
Best wishes. Sometimes, things are just rough. We’ll have to try to stay positive and work through it. Take care of yourself.