May 21, 2018
Meltdown city, continued
We had four glorious days with JB. Ze was calm and cheerful, reasonable, playful and obedient. That was an amazing four days. The OTHER days were soooo much harder. The tantrums of last month? Came to stay.
Ze was so prone to melting down over the most nonsensical reasons, it was incredibly hard to grab hold of my temper with both hands and hang on tight through it all.
We had to be alert for when ze was simply being bratty or when ze was losing ability to reason and react accordingly. One bleak afternoon, overdue for a nap, ze started to melt down AGAIN because ze didn’t WANT to go to put on pajamas, didn’t WANT Daddy, WANT MOMMY! (believe me, if I was the one putting zir to bed, that would be reversed immediately), don’t WANT to read a book.
I grabbed zir vest and dug into the pockets with both hands and told zir to do the same: take out alllll that attitude. Scoop out the grumpy! Pull out all your grouchiness and whining and tears and yucky feelings and dump them on the floor here. I’ll sweep it up later. Go on, pull it all out!
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April 30, 2018
Viral
This flu season is particularly terrible with a death toll. We’d all gotten our flu shots early but we also stayed away from humanity as much as possible. It didn’t save us from the common cold, of course, one of the lesser scourges of having a preschooler attending a daycare where only fevers and vomiting are stay home worthy. Generally it’s ok, we’ve gotten through the worst of it in year one but I’m still pretty cautious and don’t share food and drink with JB if ze is dribbling fluids. We’re really lucky that ze has been relatively robust, certainly more so than I am, and recovers well or has been only lightly touched by most germs but even still, those nights when ze can’t stop coughing rend my heart. Ze is having one such night so I’m sitting up cuddling a bundle of mostly sleeping three year old so that, even if the propping up doesn’t help zir breathing and coughing, ze knows I’m here and loving on zir. It’s almost more for me than zir. I miss my mom fiercely, never more so than when I’m sick or hurting to the point of vomiting, and long to lay my head on her lap. I understand now why she was sad that I didn’t do so as a young adult, when I was busy trying to carry a burden twice my size. At the time, I didn’t think I could afford to need my mom. I had to be strong every minute lest a crack in my shields break them wide open. All the more my loss. I could have gotten and given comfort that I’ll never have again. Now, with my own child, I know to hold on tight on these late nights when maybe all the comfort I can give is being a human pillow. That’s fine. As long as ze still wants me, I’m here to be zir pillow. (more…)
March 14, 2018
Mixed feelings
JB (who definitely needs a new blog name as ze is no longer a baby but probably still The Unstoppable something) is turning 3.
I don’t know how to feel about year 3. Everyone keeps harping on how much harder 3 is over 2, but 2 was pretty dang hard. Didn’t we get a lot of that difficulty out of the way yet? No?
We are exhausted many days keeping up with the mood changes and high spirits. But ze is suddenly so much more capable too! But only if ze is motivated.
We’re having real, if distracted and fractured, conversation punctuated with random Christmas songs and outtakes from one of 4 favorite movies. Ze can help around the house a bit, is interested in the world, is interested in sharing zir thoughts with us.
Learning & responsibilities
New lessons and skills
Generally if you want JB to learn to do anything new, ze is interested. If it’s a repetitive chore, then the shiny tends wears off after the second or third time. That’s not nearly enough time for zir to competently do anything so I like to make up silly little songs to keep zir entertained/interested. Bragging rights naturally top the list of motivations, but ze doesn’t have much to revel in when we’re talking about necessary and not fun things like washing your own hair.
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February 14, 2018
Things I shouldn’t have to say
- Don’t use my finger to pick your nose.
- Don’t pick Seamus’s nose.
- Take your foot off my head.
- Don’t sleep on top of my head.
- No, I can’t trade socks with you.
- The climbing wall is for climbing. DO NOT LICK IT.
- Don’t lick the dog food!
- No, you can’t eat food off the ground. Seamus can have the apple you dropped on the ground because he’s a dog. You’re not a dog.
- Don’t eat boogers, that’s gross. No, it’s not funny. GROSS.
Appropriation
Things that JB keeps trying to steal from me:
- purple socks, adult sized
- fuzzy boots, 5 sizes too big
- fuzzy blanket, one size fits all
- childhood teddy bear unearthed from old home
- favorite sweater
- Rogue Squadron books
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January 17, 2018
I’m Awake!
JB’s zir ability to go from deep sleep to wide awake in 0.7 seconds is fascinating. We never wake the baby if we can help it but, and this is a problem I sure wish we had in infancy, sometimes ze sleeps in so late that we have to. I try gentle tactics first, out of habit: tickling zir face with hair, calling zir name quietly, slow back pats. When nothing works, I give up and try to get zir dressed as ze sleeps. Right about then, ze pops straight up asking: What you doin??
When ze wakes on zir own, zir brain goes into gear. It’s not clear if ze just starts thinking immediately or if this is a remnant of a dream:
– Daddy! DADDDDYYYYY! May I p’ay (play)?
– Is it my birfday? (No, not for 6 more months)
– Where is Uncle’s doggy? (We haven’t seen him in 6 months)
– I’m an elephant!
– May I have Allouette?
I almost envy zir – I take 15 minutes of grogginess, if not grumpiness, to become conscious.
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December 20, 2017
Tantrum CITY
We have had the best and worst month. We did lots of fun things together, and they were legitimately fun. But they were also punctuated by some of the worst tantrums I have ever seen. You know us, we’re not going to let zir get away with that. There were quite a few times ze pulled a Bratty Chihuahua and sat down in the middle of the street, so I’d toss zir over my shoulder like a sack of potatoes and haul that hollering sack home.
The worst of this is knowing that kids pull the boneless act even when they’re much older. This has to stop!
Last year, I chalked these tantrums up to brain leaps, they were temporary but usually preceded some serious mental growth spurt. This year, I don’t know what it’s all about. Maybe this is preceding a parenting growth spurt because I have had to cultivate so much patience. (more…)
November 22, 2017
JuggerBaby legitimately and of zir own volition apologized this month for the first time. It might have been for elbowing me in the throat.
We learned from daycare that at age 2, it’s not good to pressure kids to apologize because that mainly teaches them to say the words but not necessarily mean it when the more important lesson is for them to use their empathy and care if they hurt someone. It was a little bit of a struggle but we banished “say sorry!” from our stock phrases and just demonstrated the appropriate use of apologies in our everyday interactions.
JB has offered a couple of offhand apologies, since. Big steps!
Speaking of daycare
We’re really struggling here.
Ze has at least one of our tempers, or both, and most definitely my lack of tolerance for kids encroaching on my territory, or getting in my face. A kid taking things away from zir, or yelling NO in zir face usually gets a physical reaction. That’s one big problem. (more…)