About sixteen years ago, I met him for the first time. My trainwreck sibling brought home this adorable puppy he had no business adopting because he had not one thing in his life that wasn’t a mess. I was furious at my sibling – he didn’t even take care of himself, how could he drag
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November 26, 2018
I miss being warm. Our old home was always warm without heating because of amazing insulation which is great 99.8% of the time. Those five days a year that climb over a hundred degrees suck, but they always suck. I miss having easy access to dog poop bags without having to think about it at all, and trash cans that are emptied without needing to remember what day it is. Our new place is cold all the time and I don’t like that at all, nor do I love our maintenance list $50,000 long. Our old place was full of firsts: the first place I felt safe and secure physically and financially, the first place we felt like a family, the place I went through a tough pregnancy complete with all my worries and anxieties about an ugly terrifying world and then we became parents to a small human.
But I do love living here. There’s a sense of peace, and lack of tension, we didn’t have in the old place after things went wrong.
We had new neighbors move into the old place who were quite frankly bizarre and that was in addition to the evil one who we never have to see anymore wheee! The way the old place was set up, we were in uncomfortably close quarters with some of them, close enough that I had to smell their trails of overly perfumed and cologned selves whenever they went to work, and be on guard against being accosted by their strange parents who have no working familiarity with boundaries. Here, we can load up in the privacy of our own home and only socialize from afar with a quick hello and goodbye if we want. We had a few creepy stranger-intrusion instances but they stopped after we were totally moved in. I’m still creeped out by people who thought that was ok but, again, it’s stopped. I just keep a wary distance from those people.
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November 22, 2018
One Frugal Girl on her earlier decision-making versus now.
Stand with our friends and neighbors who are being targeted and terrorized and stand up anyway.
Alexis Ohanian Says ‘Hustle Porn’ Is the Most Dangerous Trend in Silicon Valley. Here’s How to Eradicate It. I appreciate it when people are real about the importance of sleep and not working yourself to shreds.
I was tickled by Why Do Bitches Get Riches?: The Power of Unapologetic Confidence and Getting Shit Done
These feelings about living in and loving an America that doesn’t love us back, and in fact, barely tolerates us. I was born here but I know I’m not accepted here, not really.
This year I’m dry brining and roasting a turkey but maybe next year I’ll feel up to spatchcocking, if we get a big enough pan. Maybe I should test it on a chicken first?
The real secret to good biscuits
Kohl’s is trying to crack the younger market. I’m not “younger” in the sense they mean anymore I bet but they are doing a good job.
kittens everywhere
November 19, 2018
Last summer, I talked about how we made it work around here and I think it’s worth revisiting a year, and a lot more stressors, later.
We’ve been settled into the new home for a year now – thank everything for being done with the massive renovations. We’ve been ignoring all the other projects around the house that need doing for a while just to recoup our savings and sanity.
We still manage with just the two of us: working, parenting, maintaining a semblance of a personal life. I continue to blog, albeit a bit less with my job problems, and added a monthly massage to help alleviate my pain. He has picked up a hobby again and we try to ensure he gets out at least once a weekend for exercise, during which time JB and I spend quality time together. Mostly we spend that time cleaning and puttering around the house but once in a while we can have a friend visit. We are adding some visits of our own to PiC’s friends we don’t see nearly often enough.
Childcare
Daycare: JuggerBaby is in daycare five days a week, now enrolled in their preschool program (for all 3 year olds and up). We’ve been on the waitlist for the local preschool since 2015 but no dice so daycare and $$$ bills it is. They’re in a new facility now, still open from 6:30 to 6:30 which is still really important for us and spoils us. I know we’re going to face an uphill battle once ze is enrolled in public school – apparently the school system still works on the assumption that at least one parent will be home and ready to accommodate all sorts of weird scheduling.
Last year, we added one chauffeur day to my schedule but PiC needed some more him-time so I now have two designated drop off days.
Babysitting: We tend to avoid babysitting because at $25/hour, it REALLY has to be worth it but we’ve been terrible about hiring the sitter for anything. Maybe we should have tried for our anniversary? It’s felt desperately needed and yet we don’t really have any space for it to happen. (more…)
November 15, 2018
Gift-giving for the British royals. These are interesting in a surreal way, I read as if it’s fiction.
I am hardly any hand at sewing but I am living Kristine’s needlecraft posts because they’re so accessible and get that part of my brain that WANTS to create ticking over with ideas. This week is darning! I used to attempt darning socks purely based on my mental theory of what should be done and the results were pretty hideous but I’m willing to try again now that I have a good guide.
One climate scientist’s commitment to not flying. We are working on our carbon footprint and fly a lot less now than we did years before which is a step in the right direction but I don’t think that we’ll be able to completely give it up for a while yet between my health limitations and being hundreds of miles away from loved ones. I think as we grow our financial independence and have the options to take more time to travel, we can reduce our flying even more. At present I think we’re flying once or twice a year.
I am very much looking forward to reading Michelle Obama’s memoir.
Mining crytocurrencies is absolutely devastating for our environment: During the past two years, researchers estimate cryptocurrencies generated between 3 million and 15 million tons of carbon emissions.
A story about home from Nnedi Okarafor.
I could watch this awesome otter juggling for so long.
This manager is [unprintable].
Hugs
November 14, 2018
Multi-lingual family (kinda)
I’ve been determined to pass on our respective languages to JB but it’s been tough because ze has struggled with enunciation for a long time. We limited our exposure to different languages to help zir focus but the “failure” to pass it on in this critical time period when ze can absorb language like a sponge sits heavy in my stomach.
I just about jumped for joy the other day when JB spontaneously piped up with the (wrong) color in Second Language even though I didn’t actually understand the first three times until PiC suggested ze might not be gibbering English but rather trying to speak Second Language.
Chronic illness makes no sense
I have to explain why I can’t do things for JB sometimes, like when I’m in too much pain to do piggybank rides or carry zir, and ze really tries to understand. Sometimes it’s too vague, though, and the explanation that my fingers are swollen so I can’t use a particular utensil stretches the limitations of zir understanding: You mean a bug bite you?? Das why your finger swolled up?
Swelled up. No, sometimes my body hurts and it swells up, it’s not a bug bite.
But if a bug bites you, then you get swellened!
Yes, but that’s not the only reason something might get swollen. This time it wasn’t a bug bite.
A bug bit you!
Noo….. that’s not what happened.
I can’t help but laugh because this condition makes no more sense than that to us adults, either. Random parts of me hurt all the time and for no apparent reason. Might as well be a mysterious bug bite!
Portion control, appetite and satiety
We’re working with JB on the concept of eating at moderate speeds, taking time after finishing salad, pasta, rice, and fruit to let your tummy catch up to the reality of the food you’ve eaten. Ze doesn’t quite believe me that it’s important to stop eating if you’ve barreled through a whole meal and wait ten minutes before deciding you’re starving and need second dinner.
We’re also talking about the concept of NOT using food for comfort but rather seeking comfort in hugs or humor and other intangibles, though PiC thinks that’s too advanced for this age. (It might be.)
Can I help?
YES. The answer is always yes.
I notice that we have a tendency to put JB off when we’re in a hurry because it’s easier if we just do it all ourselves. BUT those are learning opportunities – both for zir to learn the actual skill of whatever we’re doing be it cooking or changing out brake lights, but also to learn that chores are a thing we do with willingness and happily in this household. We all pull our weight around here and that’s something that ze will only develop if we actively encourage zir when ze expresses interest in doing those things with us.
New lessons and skills
See previous months for zir current responsibilities.
JB already knew how to do all these disparate tasks but it really came together this month: ze comes home and puts away socks and shoes, washes up, offers to help me make dinner if it’s not ready (ze gets to mix sauces and cut up cucumbers, beets, tofu, spam, and other relatively soft items), gives the dogs their medications (with some direction), carrots, and late night treats. It’s gotten so that I only have to prompt a little bit and ze takes care of the whole thing.
When we came home from travel, ze helped me unpack the laundry, load the washing machine, unpack and put away all the toiletries and various papers and electronics. I’m rather impressed, honestly.
Precious Moments
Throwback a few months
JB: Maybe Baby V can come and I will put this on her (bib).
Us: Maybe!
JB: But I cannot pinch her body (with the button closure) otherwise she will CRY.
Us: Yes, because that would hurt.
JB: Maybe her mommy and daddy will come too and they will say haaahehehheheheheheheh
Us: Why… Would they laugh maniacally?
JB: I want MOMMY to read to me.
Me: that’s weird.
30 minutes later I figure it out. It’s because PiC doesn’t know all the names of the characters in Night Night Groot.
I try on a new shirt, dubiously.
JB: I love that shirt!
Me: why?
JB: Because I love you.
Me: oh, so you love the shirt because I’m wearing it?
JB: yes. I love all the shirts dat you wear.
Our conversations always take a weird turn
JB: Do we have a backpack?
Me: Yes, we have your backpack and daddy’s backpack.
JB: And yours!
Me: No, we’re only bringing one adult and one kid backpack
JB: Why?
Me: We only bring what we need and we don’t need more than one adult backpack.
JB: Oh. Yeah we don’t need TWO adult backpacks.
Me: Right.
JB: And I’m 3.5.
Me: What? …. Yes.
Pretend and pivot
JB: OH NO A DINOSAUR!!!
Me: Where??
JB: No no I jus puh-TENDING there’s a dinosaur! And it’s chasing us!
Little cousin: no no! No! I don’t want it!
JB: It’s ok! It’s a NAICE dinosaur. It’s walking behind us and is not spitting blood, so it’s ok! (me and PiC *raised eyebrows*)
Little cousin: No! Das scary!
JB: It’s FRIENDLY! It eats plants so it won’t die.
Me: Maybe we should pretend it’s something else?
JB: YES! It a horsie!! Ok cuz? A horsie and it eats plants. Look, it can eat ALL DOSE PLANTS and dey will die.
Little cousin: Yah!
Me: *shrug*
Thumb war
I taught JB about thumb war a few months back and this kid is a CHEATER.
JB: One-two-three-four-I-beclare-thumb
Me: why is your thumb already trying to squish mine?
JB: *hysterical cackling* One-two-three-four-I-beclare-thumb*slaps over hand over my thumb.
Me: HEY!
JB: *hysterical cackling*
Me: Give me your other hand! No cheating!
JB: No! I won’t cheat again!
Me: Yes you will.
JB: No! I won’t!
Me: Mm-hmmm…
JB: One-two-three-four-I-beclare-thumb*slaps over hand over my thumb. *hysterical cackling*
Friday night play
Using my craft scissors, JB wanted to cut bits of paper into my hand.
Don’t worry, I won’t trim you.
We’re cutting gems!
You’re a stonecutter, that’s special. What kind?
Blueberries and mango!
Yum!
Now we’re going to make pizza for Daddy. Hands me a second pair of scissors.
Let’s cut together.
Roleplaying and reality
JB: How about you’re the baby dinosaur and I’m the mommy dinosaur.
Me: What kind of dinosaurs are we?
JB: You’re a Mighty baby Trex and I’m the mighty mommy T-Rex. The doggies are not dinosaurs. They are dying.
Me: ……..
Perspective
JB: I got water on my shirt!!!!!!
Me: It’ll dry
PiC: That’s what we call “no big deal”. N. B. D.
JB: ENN. DEE. DEE.
(Me: You know that’s going to come back and bite us.)
Give up the veggies, Dad
PiC, clearing the table: I’m finishing the zucchini.
JB: Can I have one?
PiC: We’ll make more tomorro-
Me: IF THE CHILD ASKS FOR VEGGIES YOU GIVE THEM THE VEGGIES.
You NEVER turn down a child asking for veggies, what are you, mad? Isn’t that an ironclad rule somewhere??
November 12, 2018
I’ve had a hankering for an electric vehicle for a while now, as part of our striving to be as environmentally friendly / sustainable as we can with disastrous climate changes hovering over our heads, but it’s not been in the cards for a few reasons.
We have philosophical differences.
PiC thinks a smaller EV is ok to be our daily driver as long as we have our second car for longer hauls. We tend to the two extremes of driving: very little locally day to day and a few very long distances.
I think a new car needs to be able to hold our whole family (2-3 adults, 1 car seat, 2 large dogs, everyone’s luggage) because I’d rather the EV take the brunt of our driving day to day AND be our comfortable road tripper. But no EV is big enough for that.
That difference of opinion alone will keep us from buying anything until one or both of us compromises or is persuaded to the other’s point of view. I confess I’m not sure which way it’s going to go! I suppose I’m open to persuasion like I assume he is.
Friends buying Teslas a while back told me about federal tax incentives and so on but since I refused to give Tesla any business, I didn’t pay much attention.
Our local dealers have teamed up with the county to offer some incentives but on their own, there’s nothing compelling here for a bargain bin shopper.
Looking at other available incentives, there are a variety:
- Federal Tax Credits for certain vehicle makes and models ($3500-7500)
- Clean Vehicle Rebate ($1500-2500) (San Diego residents can get preapproved!)
- Pacific Gas and Electric Company offers a one-time $500 rebate to customers who own or lease a qualified plug-in hybrid vehicle (San Joaquin gives a $2000 rebate),
- The state of California allows plug-in hybrids like Prius Prime to use the HOV lanes regardless of the number of passengers,
- Pacific Gas & Electric (PG&E), Southern California Edison (SCE) and Sacramento Municipal Utility District offers reduced electricity rates for charging the vehicles.
I don’t anticipate any reasonably sized EV would cost us anywhere in the neighborhood of sub-$10,000 that we’re accustomed to paying. For example, the Volt gets $9,000 in rebates, plus a $4,000 discount, which then works out to about $18,000. The investing opportunity cost on that has me squinting.
Our two are working just fine. We paid $7800 for my car about 7 or 8 years ago and it’s just needed some maintenance now and again. We paid $10,000 for PiC’s car two years ago and that happened well ahead of our planned replacement period only because someone crashed into us.
Of course “planned replacement period” implies that we regularly replace our cars. We don’t. Up until I cut off Dad and transferred, I still owned the first car I ever bought, a 2002 model. Why not? She still runs fine. Both our cars run well and we all fit into PiC’s for road trips (though not comfortably) and could squeeze all of us into my car in an emergency, though the dogs would have to consent to be stacked.
My last hesitation: I’m a bit of a Philistine when it comes to cars. The newest cars we drive are rentals and they’re sort of spaceshippy mysteries to me. I’m really in no hurry to have to learn the ins and outs of a new vehicle! (What’s “regenerative braking”??)
——
I’ve been sleeping on this for a while and doing some more research on EVs and hybrids (I also fell down the rabbit hole of hydrogen powered vehicles via the Toyota Mirai but where are hydrogen fueling stations? Here’s a map! But it doesn’t look like they’re available for Federal Tax Credits).
RoadShow has a reasonable overview of the technology out there.
Oddly enough something clicked for me, while doing this research, though we haven’t discussed it any further while I’ve been leaving this to marinate. What I wanted was an EV (battery electric) for everything but we don’t currently have two cars that do everything. We have a people car and we have a whole family car. The people car is for local commuting and half day trips that the dogs can’t come on, the whole family car is for outings and long road trips.
Though I wasn’t seeing it this way before, it can make sense to just replace the people car with a battery electric car and spend this time burning less fossil fuels while we wait a few years to how battery electric and plug in hybrid minivans develop. Battery electrics still don’t have AMAZING range, it makes less sense to jump into one now for our everything car.
We don’t want to worry about running out of charge without a charging station in sight!
The two things that predisposed me to pressing for the battery electric now was knowing a friend who road tripped up the coast of CA just fine in their battery electric, and already being equipped with the necessary 240 volt charging station that was the far-reaching notion of our contractor that we just went along with.
Since I don’t have $45,000 to throw at a plug-in hybrid minivan, which is still just the (very expensive) compromise vehicle, coming around to the smaller battery electric version first seems like a much more sensible approach. Not that I’m eager to sink $20,000 either, but I do feel a strong urge to stop burning fossil fuels as soon as possible considering what dire straits we’re about to be in with our carbon emissions. I know we need a global solution but I strongly feel that every little bit that we can do matters.
In the meantime, as I return to this post several weeks after saying “Our two are working just fine“, my daily driver is slowly falling apart. It needs new tires ($500-800? haven’t priced this thoroughly yet), the a/c compressor is out ($800), and the automatic shifter was acting really odd indicating we might have a transmission problem. Nooooooooooo….. Considering my car’s served me well for the past 8 years (bought used for $7900) and only needed basic maintenance, I’m loath to give up on it but I’m starting to wonder when we do the math on the continued repairs of an older vehicle. When do we pull out the pot and hand it over for the next daily driver….?
:: When do you know it’s time for a replacement vehicle? What do you plan to get when it’s time? Do you have an actual schedule or do you drive until the wheels fall off?
November 8, 2018
Mushing through a 7.1 earthquake.
The Wellington Zoo welcomed an extra large litter of Capybara pups on October 25. AND THEY ALL HAVE THE SAME EXPRESSION.
A doctor on his suicide attempt 30 years ago, read Comment 30. (I didn’t read any of the others)
Tame The Beast Or Be Tamed: A musher story that made me feel bad for laughing.
Did you know about Paw Patrol’s dominating popularity? I had just seen some of their co-branded things like Band-Aids but knew nothing about them despite having a preschooler. All the kids are into PJ Masks (absolutely terrible stories in the books we checked out), Peppa Pig, and one other color coordinated set of kiddie superheroes but I don’t know their names.
So many cephalopods – gorgeous!
Angela’s report from the first annual Cents Positive retreat! It sounds like it was awesome.
Baryshnikat!
