About sixteen years ago, I met him for the first time. My trainwreck sibling brought home this adorable puppy he had no business adopting because he had not one thing in his life that wasn’t a mess. I was furious at my sibling – he didn’t even take care of himself, how could he drag
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November 26, 2014
Ingredients
1-1/4 pound ground turkey
1 medium onion, chopped
1 zucchini squash, chopped fine
2 large garlic cloves, chopped fine
1/4 teaspoon paprika
1 tablespoon Worcestershire sauce
salt and pepper, to taste
1 egg
1/2 cup seasoned bread crumbs
Directions
Preheat oven to 400 degrees F (200 degrees C).
In a large bowl, mix all ingredients thoroughly, create 1 or 2 loaves. Prepare a loaf pan with non-stick cooking spray. Bake for 40 minutes.
An instant-read thermometer inserted into the center should read at least 160 degrees F (70 degrees C).
Thoughts
This was a halfhearted attempt to use up the ground turkey I’d defrosted for another recipe and sneak in some vegetables as well – surprisingly, it was really good!
Bonus points for being incredibly easy to toss together and cook. It just takes a while to actually cook.
November 24, 2014
Parents say the worst things
Comparing notes with a good friend, we discovered that both our dads cannot resist saying things that make us livid.
When we shared the news about Little Bean, one of his few comments (this one directed to PiC) was: if there aren’t any boys in your family yet, then you should have a boy to carry on your family name.
I cannot even describe what my face did in reaction to that blase, utterly dismissive, and completely thoughtless statement.
So, having a son to carry on your name, was that worth it? Having a son who completely disrespected you most of his life, used you, manipulated you and everyone around you, continues to leech off of you in the most mundane and spectacular ways, who continues to be a trial and a misery to everyone – that’s worth telling your daughter who has carried you for eighteen years in all ways but physically hefting you on her back, and the way you smoke let’s not rule that out for our rosy future – that she should bear a son to carry on her husband’s name since she, her identity, her name, her LIFE doesn’t even bear consideration?
All those years he’s been claiming that he valued me just as much as my sibling (oh thanks, that’s nice to have reached such heights), that he appreciates everything I’ve done and sacrificed, and continue to sacrifice for them, but at the first opportunity, he suggests boys are better. Based… on….?
It’s not the first time he’s enraged me but this is one of the first times it’s been so easy to say that I’m furious with him.
This APW post reminded me of that fury all over again.
Mom had this theory: I was a really angry child because she was so angry and stressed during her pregnancy with me. She regretted not being able to breathe past her frustrations with having to deal with a toddler with no help, selfish and the opposite of helpful in-laws, and the stress of living in a new country learning a new language and building a new life.
My theory is that I’m not an idiot and I’ve had a look around me at this world we live in.
But if her theory holds, Little Bean is going to be born a living, breathing ball of incandescent rage-flame. Sorry, kid. But maybe that will turn into the ability to actually throw flame and wouldn’t that be cool?
People say the damnedest things
You know what’s really fun when you’re pregnant? Even if you’ve never met before that very moment, almost like everydamnone has advice because they know best and also you’re an idiot.
It’s a little easier to ignore strangers. Sometimes. But all people who’ve even thought about having a child feel free to expound at length, going on the assumption that I’m not me and therefore would enjoy hearing utter flipping useless speculation.
Of the WTF variety
“You should have a [boy/girl] because [outdated gender notion about why a boy or a girl is better at this time].”
Girls are better because ….
Boys are better because ….
If it’s a [boy/girl], get used to never saying no again.
Of the It’s Science, didn’t you know? variety
“Oh, if you’re having a [boy/girl] then it will feel like [fill in some old wives’ tale].”
“How far along are you? [Range of months] will be easy, it’ll get hard at [whatever was hard for them].”
“You’ll have a [boy/girl] because of those symptoms.”
Are you sure it’s a boy/girl? This (points at belly) just LOOKS like a girl/boy.*
Now (no matter when they found out) is the best time of pregnancy. It’ll get hard at Y months.
Of the “Oh you’ll HAVE to…” variety
Once the kid’s older and sees friends doing it, you can’t just have cake, you’ll have to rent out a big (museum, restaurant, something preposterous) and host huge birthday parties! How else will you keep up with the Joneses?**
My wife walked an hour a day, every day during pregnancy. You should too.
When’s the baby shower? Why wouldn’t you have one? This is how you get everything you want FOR FREE.
A special little hell on earth
It’s like every interaction is a fresh opportunity for people to treat my pregnancy like their own personal story time.
* Speaking of stories? A friend of a friend – basically a complete freakin stranger to me – was SO proud of herself for, as she tells it, praying a penis onto her friend’s expected daughter after hearing the results of the ultrasound.
“Dear God, I know you know best but if you could just add a little something to Janey’s daughter, that would be great!”
I wouldn’t have believed it if I wasn’t standing there in utter shock as she proceeded to feel me up, cackling over her success. I could have punched her in the face for touching me if I hadn’t been trying not to add stress to friend’s plate.
I don’t care if LB is a boy or a girl, I care if this child turns into a decent human being. The last time I checked, it’s possible for males AND females to be horrible or wonderful. If YOU couldn’t tell your kids no, that’s your problem, not ours. Little Bean is going to have boundaries from the first day ze can understand them. And that’s not at the age of 16. If you say one more word to me about why boys or girls are better, I swear I’ll …..
And this is just the tip of the iceberg so you’re welcome to imagine how annoyed I get with baby-centric conversation.
Maybe this is their way of relating but seriously?
** This is hard NOW. And not one bloody minute of it has been easy or better than any other minute.
Don’t get me wrong, people sharing their stories as just that, like Leah did here, I’m all for. I love hearing other experiences. But NOT in that completely presumptuous, “you need to X, you should Y, because I know better obviously” kind of way.
It’s the strangest phenomenon that the moment people know you’re pregnant there’s just no chance that, possibly, I might still be a person. My only interest in life must now be the expected child. I have transformed into nothing more than a vessel for Little Bean and there’s no higher favor they can confer but to share the universal knowledge to end all parenting because they had a kid, once.
Of course, the biggest concerns that I have have nothing to do with stretch marks or whether we have a boy or a girl, or anything mundane. There are far greater things, Horatio, the chronic health issues, financial preparation, LIFE! that will and have had a huge impact on the pregnancy and child-rearing experience.
Thankfully, not everyone has showered me with unwanted opinions. Some people are wonderful at offering support while still talking like we’re both humans who have individual experiences, kids or no.
November 20, 2014
We just paid what felt like an awful lot of money for a used crib. It was the one that PiC liked best from all the research that he did, so I had to hop online, find out what it would have cost new, and how much we would have saved for a new but less fancy crib.
Assumptions: if we bought all of this new, we’d be paying tax, but probably not shipping because paying for shipping is against my online shopping rules (unless it’s drastically cheaper even with shipping).
If we’d gone the IKEA route, we’d probably have bought the more expensive version with the drawers underneath because I’m a fan of underbed storage, and spent: basic crib, $200; mattress, $60-100; and add in a few sheet sets at say, $6-10 each.
Approx. total with tax: $330-375
The retail costs for the crib that we chose were: crib (without all the convertible options) $799; mattress, $199; 4 sets of fitted cotton sheets, $39/each; 1 set of waterproof sheets, $49; 1 bed skirt, $49?; 1 bumper (I couldn’t find the bumper that we actually got but it’s much nicer than the ones I could find online so I assume same price or more), $149+.
Total with tax: ~ $1500
I didn’t do a used-Ikea comparison because while their stuff is fine new, I don’t think it tends to hold up well after one or two cycles of kids so I wouldn’t have gone that route.
There were a few reasons that I ended up liking this crib best, over an IKEA semi-equivalent: it’s a bit smaller than the standard crib sizes which is better in our cramped living quarters; it’s really easy to move around so that means less claustrophobia AND less frustration for me. That alone is worth a bit of money. And down the line, there is some decent resale value to be had with this nicer model, even used.
What we paid: $500.
That’s no insignificant amount of money, but I’m now comfortable with paying a little over $100 more for a piece of solid furniture that fits best in our space.
November 17, 2014
Change from October: 1.67% increase
Change from January: (367.80% total); 1.05% decrease
On Money
I’m working away at Swagbucks to earn Amazon money for household, Little Bean, and dog things we need. Feel free to join using my referral link if you like!
***
We’ve nearly recouped the investment losses from last month. See, nothing to worry about.
***
Chatting with J.Money about his Craigslist challenge, I realized we’d been doing pretty darn well at it ourselves. (We = PiC, but I get to claim…. writer/banker credit?) I proudly present The Craigslist Sales Tracker!
This changed to Our Sales Tallies and then again to Our Side Money Tracker. Like anything with money, it keeps evolving. Check out our progress page in the top navigation bar there.
***
Venturing into I-Bonds: I have been what you might call “a lazy git” at maximizing certain investing avenues. Jonathan’s regular update reminded me that I’d always intended to start buying I-Bonds and with CDs paying so little in the “basically-cash” investment vehicles category, now was a decent time to get in there.
Buying right before the end of October means that if I keep the I-Bond over a year, which I plan to, it’ll earn 1.94%.
I maxed out my contribution limit and am waiting to see what the new rate in November will be. If it’s a decent rate, I’ll max out PiC’s contribution limit.
***
Investing is where my head’s been lately. I know it’s all slow and steady wins the game but I’m a bit twitchy. Reminders that we have quite a few irons in the fire and it will be ok:
I-Bonds – one bond to have and to hold til a better almost-cash vehicle comes along.
CDs – a strange CD ladder: one will CD mature next year, four will mature in 2016, and the last one matures in 2019. Never let me build an actual ladder for you.
Real Estate – one property with a trickle of cash flow.
Stock Portfolio – tiny, but growing.
Retirement accounts – his and hers, medium-sized.
***
We all knew this was coming but with the increase in property value? Yep. Increased property taxes. To the tune of $700. OUCH.
By the way, not that I’m complaining, but it’s a little weird that the actual Payment Is Delinquent date is more than a month after the due date, isn’t it?
***
We’re looking down the barrel of nearly $1500 in increased medical insurance costs for 2015.
***
Mr and Mrs PoP asked an interesting question about how comfortable you’d be sharing your income. I’m not totally sure that anyone’s actually interested in reading these Net Worth posts but I’m still on the fence about declaring actual numbers. Seems like it’d be more useful (to me) but I’m not sure. Pros? Actual milestones!
Cons? We’re not poor anymore, not the way I used to be, so it makes me wonder (like Abby did a couple months ago) whether I’d be alienating people by sharing our actual numbers and progress. Your thoughts?
***
On Life
We celebrate three years of marriage this year. I don’t think that I’d ever anticipated coming around to the notion of having kids or being this content with our family life. We’re not about excitement and big thrills, we’re happiest spending quiet time together and getting things done. And on occasion, a bit of fancy food to commemorate how far we’ve come.
We’re lucky and grateful to have met and, over time, become good fits for each other. I don’t think it was anything as arcane as “meeting the one” so much as learning how to mesh our lives. Sure we started out as a couple that really clicked but that doesn’t make a life. We worked hard at making our differences work for instead of against us, and making each other’s needs a priority. It’s not easy but it’s worth the effort.
November 15, 2014
A five minute geeky money chat with J.Money inspired this post. Most of the time, I just take our savings as a routine thing and forget that creative stuff to bring money back in that’s not just job-centered is fun.
Yes, I’m still all about the big wins in money:
- Increasing salary (then increasing it again).
- Building a solid professional reputation that helps catapults you from one serious promotion to another.
- Slashing costs for things like cell phones, cable, internet.
Over 15 years, spanning retail to professional office work, busting my butt on those bullet points resulted in killing off a huge pile of debt and then making savings happen. This is Excellent.
But I absolutely do not scoff at the little money. I’ll take a minute to:
- Ask for a discount.
- At checkout for items that are imperfect.
- Get a refund on a late fee or whatever fee.
That stuff adds up quickly over time if you ignore it which is antithetical to my policy of My Money is My Money. Note: Fees are no longer the absolute devil BUT if I’m going to pay one, it’ll be for something of value like a travel rewards credit card that makes rewards redemption easy and is stellar at handling disputes.
While we are somewhat conscientious about not buying crap we don’t need, over time, you find that “need” was really a “want” or that people gifted you things they thought were needs but were really “eh?” etc.
And so Crap Accumulates. In getting rid of it, mostly I’m happy to donate the little things but we have a lot of bigger things this round, and so PiC took on the job of Craigslisting. Craigslist is where he lives on the internet.
So add to the list, for entertainment’s sake:
- Earning via programs like Swagbucks and CC rewards.
- Craigslisting!
Y’all, that man has been on a ROLL unloading the stuff we unearthed during The Purge (still ongoing). He does all the work, brings me the cash and I log it in Mint. And now I’ll log it here!
We didn’t set anything like J. Money’s Craigslist Rule (List 1 item for sale on Craiglist every week) since this is more of an EVERYTHING MUST GO approach.
Benefit #1 is the cash coming in, of course.
Benefit #2 is the space it’s clearing up.
Benefit #3 is the demonstration the cost of buying things (new) that you don’t actually need. Resale is not what you’d generally call competitive. Though, probably just to needle me, PiC decided to call it “renting” goods. *scowl*
After setting this page up, I was inspired to add a couple tables of my own.
For those, on a much smaller level, I’m recouping some change by selling little things and earning non-taxable gift card rewards as part of my daily routine. As much as buying discounted gift cards saves some cash for important things, so does earning gift cards outright for those piddling household things that add up. As much as the masochistic part of me likes to wander through say, Target, and gawk at things I really don’t need, we’re all better off if I spend that time doing something else.
November 14, 2014
Seamus is still with us, still going strong.
He’s a dear dog, in his own silly ways, and is doing surprisingly well with the transition considering he’s had to be shuttled hundreds of miles and spent a lot of time with near-strangers over the past few months.
We’re working through his health problems, it’s taking a lot of elbow grease, and an incredible amount of cooperation from him. Doggle was always a sweetheart but even he occasionally had opinions about being tended to.
His ears have probably never been cleaned. We spent an hour with his head in my lap as I worked out all the guck with cotton balls, gauze pads and the occasional Q-tip. (Word of warning: Vets don’t really like for people to use Q-tips. They’re easy to lose in long ear canals. But since I’ve done this a million times and have done it both professionally and with professional supervision, I’m comfortable with it.)
His nails have probably never been trimmed. I snuck up on him during a nap and trimmed them… a few minutes after I was done and left, he cracked open an eyelid.
His skin still looks pretty bad. All the scabs and bumps from his condition are still not resolved, but it doesn’t look red, angry and patchy anymore. We think he may always be on some kind of medication, given the as-yet undiagnosed condition and how slow it’s been to respond to a LOT of care.
Regular medications. Without Doggle around, it takes a LOT more effort to get this guy to take his medications. Doggle always lurked during the pill rolling (I use pill pockets so we didn’t always have to pill them), so Seamus was convinced anything I offered was going to be fantastic and he couldn’t swallow it fast enough. No competition = no motivation, apparently! The plus side, though, is that PiC has learned how to pill a fairly cooperative dog, so there’s that 🙂
Needles needles needles. With no vaccine history that I know of, we had to subject Seamus to the full battery of vaccines and he’ll have to get boosters next year. After that, he’ll be fine to transition to a 3 year schedule.
But the biggest thing was his surgery. At his age, I hated to put him under anesthesia but he really needed to be fixed for obvious reasons and as he was at risk for cancer. PiC’s convinced that being the drop-off man means that Seamus held a grudge about the surgery but after a few days on pain meds, the old boy is nearly good as new. The vet gave us a huge discount (about 33%) and the bill still pushed $900. Thank goodness for savings.
***
It’s been a rough few months but he’s such a trooper and chock full of personality. I’m still glad we decided to commit to it.
November 12, 2014
As much as I hate sharing my limitations (weakness, in my mind) with other humans, there wasn’t a lot I could do about hiding the evidence of Little Bean after a time. And despite my reservations at the time, it’s been a strange, almost surreal, experience of rather positive support.
PiC’s friends
I like these people, I really do. We spend time with them together mostly but I actually like them enough that, back in the day, I enjoyed their company sans PiC, too. So it shouldn’t have been a surprise that when we attended an event together recently, they were thoughtful and solicitous of my well-being, making sure that someone was always checking to make sure I was managing ok without being weird about it. They didn’t hesitate for a second to use me as an excuse to hang out in the temperature controlled room and to leave early, either. Win-win!
Chosen family
There’s family, and then there’s family. The latter are the ones I chose to make my family: long time friends I grew up with; friends who have welcomed me/us into their homes and family without hesitation and who actually listen when I talk. Friends who I’ve only gotten to know because of the blog and are more considerate than anyone I’m actually related to by blood.
They’ve been there for me during a huge stint of unemployment, coordinated thoughtful deliveries when I became a member of the Dead Parent Club, celebrated when I got the job or we tied the knot, commiserated during the hard times and mentored me when I needed wisdom. (Some of them are you. And I can’t really explain how some people who are only there virtually are more like family than blood but I think it’s just the great side of having the internet: we can find good people all over.)
These are the people who have been happy for me/us about Little Bean, helpful without trampling my boundaries, share the fun of the weird pregnancy stuff and listen without judging the ICK factors.
The Kids
There’s a group, and during one event, I was bemused to see how much these younguns, many of whom are just starting to wrap their heads around the idea of starting a career, were looking out for me. I lost track of the number of times one of them would shout: make room for Revanche to sit! Or would ask if I was sure I was ok? Did I need water, food, anything?
Most of the time I’m a grumpy “THESE KIDS THESE DAYS” sort but these kids? Pretty good kids.
PiC
Of course, he’s been a saint.
Can’t fix a meal? He’s got it.
Can’t tie my shoelaces? He’s got it.
Can’t carry luggage? Don’t be silly, I was never to carry luggage.
Have a craving, ever so slight? Why, here it is.
Too tired to walk the dog? He’s all over it.
Frustrated and having a rant? He understands.
Frustrated and feeling useless because dammit, I should be able to DO this (that or the other thing) by myself? Reminds me that I AM doing a job that he can’t so he can darn well shoulder everything else.
That’s just the stuff I can remember off the top of my head.
Doggle and Seamus
No, they’re not people. But they are/were daily companions and as such, they get some credit.
Early on, when it wasn’t obvious, Doggle would stand between me and rowdy dogs, pushing them away from me when they got too out of hand. This is a dog who was completely oblivious to most normal cues, but he always seemed to have some small innate sense about the worst health days. He literally refused to leave my side when I was extra-sick for days, long before the pregnancy, refusing food and walks until he was assured that I was still alive and kicking. Once LB came around, he was protective of my mid-section even though I doubt he actually knew why, literally shielding it with his body.
Seamus is the stolid sort and not really aware of what’s changing either but whenever I get stuck sitting down and I tell him to “Come here and help me up”, he comes and stands right next to me so I can use him for leverage. Or he’ll willingly lay however I want him to lay so that I can reach his head for petting.
Some days it’s the little things that make such a difference.
Other days, it’s the sum total realization that despite all the other dysfunction, we do have good people in our corner.
