About sixteen years ago, I met him for the first time. My trainwreck sibling brought home this adorable puppy he had no business adopting because he had not one thing in his life that wasn’t a mess. I was furious at my sibling – he didn’t even take care of himself, how could he drag
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July 31, 2010
Hello dog days!
I’m sitting here wondering if this feeling of paddling like hell to Keep Up is just a phase or if this is Life. And I’m pretty sure it’s just Life. It’s just easy to forget the important things, sometimes, and sometimes they’re all crowding out everything else.
UP: Had a great time reconnecting with family and friends during Comic Con. Missed the opportunity to meet up with fellow SD bloggers because we were so busy. Next year, I’m going to take a bit more time off so it’s a little more relaxed. I think I stayed within budget, roughly.
DOWN: For the past weeks, we’ve been worrying for our dear friends’ baby who has a very serious diagnosis. It was touch and go whether the baby could breathe without assistance and every single “normal” step of taking care of a baby is slow, painful and requires expert medical aid.
UP: Though stressful & at the last minute, I finally got my paperwork out to roll over some last remaining retirement dollars from a previous employer into a new account at Vanguard. It’s a bit of a pain – the amount is just a bit less than $3000, and they were giving me guff about rolling over into a previously employer-sponsored plan so maybe I’ll roll the now-three employer sponsored plans into a single IRA.
DOWN: We launched a major change at work this week and while it went much more smoothly than expected, it still bred a TON of extra work. Thusly, I won’t have time to do my monthly snapshot for today. And I’ll be working all weekend, I think.
UP: I decided that I wanted the free match at work, FWIW and got the paperwork in. Also added a DD peeling off a few hundred dollars into savings, anticipating stabilization of my spending. Or forcing a stabilization of spending.
There’s more but I gotta git! I wish you all a very lovely Saturday and let’s catch up!
July 30, 2010
That’s the rather steep fee I’ve been paying since the summer of 2009 (last year). The reason I took that pricing was because I got sick of dealing with price quotes during a pretty stressful layoff anticipation and it was so much easier to just extend my existing policy as a rollover plan.
Now that I’ve got an employer sponsored policy again, I’m wondering if it’s worth carrying both policies for a combined near $500K in coverage. I don’t want to become reliant on being employed to be insured – that’s why I was scrambling last year for an independent policy. But is it worth carrying this much more expensive policy for yet another 3 months at $150 for the privilege of being lazy?
July 28, 2010
I’m barely mentally unpacked from San Diego Comic Con, and I’m looking up another itinerary to go back down to SoCal. I haven’t been *home* since May but this is another quick round trip. Possibly even a same day trip.
In a couple months, we’ll be memorializing the passing of my dear friend’s beloved father. We lost him exactly midway between my birthday and his – we were four days apart and he always joked that I was four days older than him. Growing up, I hated my birthdays because they were always strangely lonely, now I don’t know how to feel about it.
Every year that passes and takes with it another loved one makes every memory and tradition that much more poignant.
I’m considering using my Southwest award tickets for this trip. Between the recent vacation spending, the purchase of tickets for next year’s vacation, the upcoming dental expenses for both my parents, it behooves me to stop bleeding cash.
July 26, 2010
I was going to answer all the comments on this post, but my response is long enough to be a post of its own.
I’m not jumping into any fires. I might have moved in but I haven’t completely lost my mind. We’re not sharing money at this point, but we’re sharing some expenses and combining our money philosophies to create something we can both be happy with.
Most importantly – you wouldn’t realize this because you don’t know him so it’s only fair to point it out – he wouldn’t ask me to take on any more, and especially not his mortgage in truth.
He was joking about that and I understood that. I only parsed out what I could shoulder to illustrate how he needs to be prepared if he were to quit his job. And he may well be, but he wouldn’t foolishly up and walk out either.
CaitlinO pointed out that if I’m not splitting all the bills down the middle, he’s subsidizing my lifestyle/savings/family responsibilities. True. And I’m not thrilled with that but the truth is, what I bring to the table is a lot of financial knowledge and a willingness to dig in to any financial situation and improve it. He points out time and again that what I bring to the table is every bit as valuable as the mortgage he pays because I’ll take care of our long term financial health.
I love that my blog friends are so smart, y’all see some part of the truth of what I was sharing:
Frugal Zeitgeist is absolutely right: “the best thing you could possibly do for both of you is be his work cheerleader and number one fan while working together to figure out a backup plan that doesn’t involve bankrupting you. With your good sense as a guide, it sounds like between the two of you, you’ll find a way.”
That’s exactly what I was doing. Using myself as an example, I was sharing with him the economic breakdown of what we’d need to be able to do in a dire situation.
SingleMa understood exactly the spirit of my comment: “It wasn’t a commitment I chose to take on but our relationship is and this is part of the game.”
That made me smile. 🙂 I hope everything works out with your SO’s situation.
Thank you, SingleMa, for seeing the spirit of my post.
Sense made me laugh: also, does he have an e-fund of his own to fall back on? that might make the situation easier to handle, knowing that you’re combining your Forces. You know, ‘Power of The E-Funds Unite!’ and you could get shiny rings and place them together whenever you needed to draw on your new improved dual powers. 🙂
I love this. We totally need Power Fund Rings. He doesn’t have what I consider a good e-fund for his obligations but this situation has enlightened him more to the need. Slowly but surely, I’m turning a spender into less of a spender?
Crystal pointed out the very thing I don’t want to face, what could happen if I didn’t share with him my accountanty brain: Life works out most of the time, but I hope PiC doesn’t quit until he finds something better. Toxic sucks, but so will the fights that start when you start feeling used…or at least, that’s what happened to us.
Funny About Money: If he’s that unhappy with the job, I hope he’s looking elsewhere. It’s a lot easier to get a job when you’ve got a job.
If he’s not at risk of being fired, it might be good for him to consider what my tax lawyer once said when I wanted nothing more than to get away from the Great Desert University: “A sh*tty job is better than no job.”
Not at risk, no, but there’s absolutely every reason for him to find a better place before he becomes so unhappy there IS a risk.
July 25, 2010
There was always supposed to be some scheduled posts but that didn’t happen, obviously, so here I am, dashing off a quick note on my last night in San Diego to let you know that my spending proves I’m still alive and kicking.
Sunday Confessional
I’m totally out of shape and am barely making it out this year: my feet are blistering in protest of the miles of con floor walking and dashes to panels, and the astronomically long lines while carrying 20 pounds of comics.
I bought 20 pounds of comics.
Only half of them were gifts.
That and 2 other gifts cost all the cash I brought down with me and then some ($173).
Am packmuling home ten t-shirts (9 freebies, 4 from the Scott Pilgrim Marketing Bonanza, 1 gift for a friend).
I’m still online because I’m watching my inbox for an email from a stranger with an attached photo of me with Adam Baldwin. (!!!)
And now I’m going to pass out and dream-brainstorm good thank-you gifts for the gracious owners of the condo in which I stayed for free. Flowers? Food? (Food’s too hard.)
July 19, 2010
“Can you pay the mortgage for a while?”
If you hear that high-pitched squealing, it’s either my tires peeling out of the garage, or the whistle of my brain on overdrive.
PiC wasn’t totally serious when he asked, it was really just out of frustration. He’s been going through a rough patch at the job and it’s at a point where I think it’s toxic. Having been there, I know from toxic and I know it’s insidious. You develop defense mechanisms that are hard to break and stop trusting people. He needs a major change or at the very least, the comfort of knowing that if he wanted or needed to jump ship, he’s financially able to. You know, the e-fund!
As much as I practice financial responsibility here, I don’t preach it everywhere and especially not to someone who is meant to be a partner. We have our differences and discuss them rationally to find a compromise. That said, of course there’s a corner of my brain that goes “poof” like a small atomic bomb. “Why?!?!” it screeches.
Not “why would you lean on me?” and not “why would you even think about quitting?” I know the answers to those questions and I’m fine with it. It’s a very simple “why did you wait until nooowwww to think about this??”
Ok. That’s my vent. Onward we go.
I did a quick verbal calculation for him: worst case scenario, I could support the both of us, and my family, for about 9 months using the cash I have on hand. That would completely drain my cash holdings without accounting for the incoming paychecks. (That is not, as we all know from the unemployment rolls, a very long time.)
At some point in the near future, very near, we’ll have to discuss a more realistic plan than burning bridges or stewing in a bad work environment for the sake of a paycheck, chained down by a mortgage. It wasn’t a commitment I chose to take on but our relationship is and this is part of the game.
If there’s a bright side to this situation, we’ll be talking much more frankly and proactively about money than ever before. And that’s a good thing in my book.
Click here to see the follow-up post, comments and further explanation.
July 18, 2010
PiC does stand for Partner in Crime, for those of you who were asking. I think it’s fun but he would like it to be known that we are “strictly on the up and up” with every bit of “legit”ness possible. 😀 This is why he cracks me up, he takes the oddest things literally. And it’s true, we’re totally legit around here.
In other news, I’ve been thoroughly irresponsible this weekend thanks to an unexpected houseguest. An old friend gave me a call on Thursday asking if I happened to have bedspace, which we do, and made a serious drive over to visit. He’s been housebound for a while so he was in the mood for a lot of city livin’ – which is so very much not me. As it turns out, we compromised pretty well.
We had a lovely dinner out in the city with his old friend which cost $23 each for the traditional 7 courses of beef. I didn’t know there was a Pagolac in the Bay Area – I used to dine there with my family as the ultimate treat for big big things down south. I know now that it’s not really that costly in comparison to gourmet food but it was pretty serious stuff for my fam. We rarely ever ate out so for that lifestyle, that was a splurge. Honestly, I still appreciate the simplicity and still feel a touch spoiled when we eat that meal.
Saturday dawned late with a little bit of sleeping in which was lovely. We cruised the Farmers Market, picking up salami cones, quarter pounds of cheese, the most excellent bread, and a couple of really expensive peaches. We got lost, taking the wrong freeway, and ended up munching our way through all that food watching the waves crash on the rocks of Treasure Island. Best thing? We avoided having to pay the toll for taking the wrong bridge! Lunch, snacks for later: $24
Later that night, we discovered a fantastic Thai restaurant in Oakland, Sabuy Sabuy, that the nearest multiplex cinema had the worst parking structure set-up ever, paid $2 for the privilege of parking for 3 minutes to not see a sold out movie, and THEN paid $10.50 each for a movie ticket at another theater. *smh* Unfortunately, I completely forgot that I had a Regal Cinemas ticket voucher – could have saved a bit of cash.
Today was going to be errand running but we got a late start and after feasting on the leftover peaches, frozen hash browns and other carbs, I’m settling in to finally get some work done. Ahh….leftovers for dinner tonight!
There’s something incredibly refreshing about hanging out with friends of old. I’m not terribly social, nor that trusting since college, so it always takes more effort to spend time with people who I’ve not been acquainted with all that long. It’s been lovely catching up with these friends more frequently but I definitely need to find a more economical way to do it. “They’re worth it” is the first step on a pretty slippery slope! And on the eve of my trip down south, I should be more conscientious about spending.