About sixteen years ago, I met him for the first time. My trainwreck sibling brought home this adorable puppy he had no business adopting because he had not one thing in his life that wasn’t a mess. I was furious at my sibling – he didn’t even take care of himself, how could he drag
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July 8, 2010
I was semi-stranded the other day with only ten dollars in cash and my trusty credit cards. The combination of poor planning, getting stuck in meetings at work, and my public transportation melange resulted in my having to grab a cab for a less than 3 mile hop. Needless to say, I wasn’t thrilled about the extra cost but had no intention of stiffing the cabbie. I asked him, before getting into the cab, if he accepted credit cards.
“Only for a $15 fare or more.”
“Ok, I either have a credit card or I have $10 in cash, and I only have to go 3 miles, will that be enough cash or enough to meet the credit card minimum?”
“Well, it’s like a $12, $13 ride but … just get in, we’ll see.”
We chatted, I asked about his day, and after a few minutes he said over his shoulder, “you only have $10 in cash? Ok. Ok, I’ll just take ten dollars. It’ll be easier and you’re nice. You’re my last fare, my wife called asking when I’d be home, it’s a short ride. And after a shift, sometimes, the nice people are more important, it’s so little difference in money.”
I protested, but he insisted that he didn’t feel taken advantage of and that he was fine with it.
I know it’s not a huge amount, but I also know that cab drivers don’t have an easy job and even though I don’t know how well they’re paid, I believe in giving a fair tip. In this case, I would have tipped $3 on a $13 fare. He basically gave me a 50% discount.
Has this ever happened to you? Have you ever been the “cab driver”? Is niceness important enough to give up some money? Or do you think, as PiC would jokingly rib, it was because I’m a giiiiirl?
July 6, 2010
In the last two weeks, I’ve attended two weddings. One was a surprise invite from a new friend I’d bonded with over rheumatoid arthritis, unemployment, job-hunting and other mutual concerns; the other was a surprise as well but from a very dear friend.
The second friend insisted that out of town guests not give gifts, and provided a really cool “registry” where those guests who didn’t have their own ideas could donate towards a few things that the happy couple would like to own. I love everything they picked and loved the idea of donating toward the really cool stuff.
The first friend, well, I’m a little bit stymied. I think that it’s probably appropriate to give more of a token gift because I’m not a very close friend and we were a last minute invite. I know this because we had discussed her wedding in casual chats several times, namely how she was keeping it very small and budget – there’s no way we’re good enough friends that we were A-list guests. No harm in knowing that in my opinion, we’re both pragmatic people and I’m in no way offended.
My question is: am I wrong? PiC immediately assumed we were giving $100. I’m of the mindset that a token gift card of $50 would be fine. Is that a cheap consideration? Should the depth of the relationship be part of the equation in determining a gift?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Other wedding related posts:
Weddings
Weddings: how far would you go, how much would you spend?
Wedding Registries: A time to judge?
July 3, 2010
One of the hardest things about having moved away from family and friends is that there’s no way I can swoop in and visit whenever someone’s ill, depressed or distressed. That was probably the best thing about being unemployed/freelancing: when situations came up, I could be there for people.
In fact, the way people tend to hermitize when they’re going through rough times (which I’ve been doing myself for three months, so I’m not throwing stones), I’m not even likely to know that they’re having a bad time of it until well afterward.
I’m attending an old friend’s wedding this weekend and it happened to put us in the right place for once. PiC’s sibs were expecting and their wee one was born early in an emergency situation. We’ll be able to visit them in the hospital and help out over the weekend if there’s anything they need.
My fingers are crossed that the health situation resolves soon and they can enjoy their new addition without this extra concern soon.
Hope you all have a wonderful weekend and an extra day off for those who have Monday off.
July 1, 2010
Win-Win-WIN.
I’m not the wedding type, I’ve said that time and again. But I’m spitting mad and am willing to have a wedding just so that I can leave out almost a whole branch of my family.
Let’s talk petty, shall we?
Speaking with my dad, I find that not only have my mom’s siblings carried on in their tradition of being utterly selfish (no great surprise), they’ve zero empathy for the fact that she literally has no control over being kind of out of her gourd a lot of the time and as a result, they’ve pushed her out of their lives. Fine, that’s their choice. BUT they’re also choosing to pick and peck at her from afar. They sneer at her behind her back, and to all the other siblings, for not being successful, healthy, or wealthy. And it’s no longer even just the sibs, their mom has joined in the act. That’s the final straw.
While she doesn’t remember two days after it’s happened, I won’t tolerate that kind of behavior and it’ll be a cold day in Zimbabwe before they’re welcome in my home.
Would you believe that they invited her over to “visit” only to ignore her the whole time, and her own mother walked away from her rather than respond to attempts at conversation? Really?? She’s ill. Her entire “childhood” was about raising those ingrates. She gets married which should be a bit of a pass but then spent more than fifteen years of her married life scrimping so she could send money to them, spending untold amounts of time and money to support their move to the U.S. After all that, this is how they treat her?
Oh we’re done. I’m divorcing that side of the family.
And y’know what? If PiC insists he really wants a wedding? Fine. No problem. Starting with Grandma and all the way down the line of aunts and uncles who participate in the shenanigans, and their kids who aren’t old enough to be independently considered, we can consider my guest list thoroughly revamped. I’ll keep about ten members of the clan, the rest of them can go fly a kite.
Just think how much money I can “save” by being just as petty as those I’m condemning! 😉
**Please don’t think I’ve entirely lost my mind. I’m not seriously doing up a shindig just to spite them. But if PiC insists on a wedding, they are NOT invited.**
June 28, 2010
It’s time. It’s more than time. Given all my health spasms, the delay makes absolutely no sense but it should. Going to a new doctor to explain all my issues (pronounce: “iss-seeuuwws”) from the last 15 years transports me into the state of denial and aggro.
It’s dumb. Absolutely dumb. I know it but there’s something that’s balked at having to start that Find a New Doctor and Start Over nonsense. That would be the memory of 10 years of being bounced from doctor to doctor who all told me it was in my head, that my pain was imaginary, that no one my age could be experiencing what I was, in fact, experiencing. Jerks.
Anyway, no more delaying tactics – I’m going to start going to the doctor so I can find a good doctor. As much as I hate the rigamarole, I have to start somewhere and at least I’m not a confused, shy, teenager in too much pain to stand up for herself.
I’m compiling a single page document to summarize the past 15 years of tests, meds and exams and bringing it with me – that’ll save time.
And the bigger pain is the literal one in my neck and shoulders that tighten up to iron-rod strength every time I get stressed or something else hurts. It’s just foolish to not try and fix *that.*
Wish me luck!
{————Carnivals————}
My thanks …..
to Suburban Dollar for hosting this week’s Carnival of Personal Finance.
June 26, 2010
Everyone is still alive and well.
Family
This is how I know my parents are still eating regularly and out and about town even though I’m not right there to see it:
$239 of my $439 credit card balance is for gas and groceries at their favored markets and gas stations.
Friends
Two dear friends (two separate couples) just let me know they’re expecting. Both surprises, and they’re both really early in the first trimester which always makes me a tiny bit nervous when people announce that early. But I’m health-matters-shy so I keep my worries to myself and bid them Congratulations!
I’ve been MIA in friend circles for the most part so it’s nice to know life really does go on.
Work
I still haven’t determined the best commute method or schedule that’s most time and financially efficient. I’ll just load a chunk of money onto my Commuter FSA, use that to fund a Clipper card for the bus that I’ve been paying out of pocket and have a fairly flexible way to pay for all kinds of SF transportation. I’ll use it eventually.
This week – I may have found my center. My Zen. My professional bedrock. Not once did I crumble in despair over people quitting (another one’s off to do cool things, good for that one!), the imminence of a major project, the stresses of getting my job done and done well. The pressure is still ON ON ON but I’m now standing tall and moving through it.
FUN
Heading out to a wedding reception in a few, then have PiC’s back-home friends in town this weekend. Comic Con is coming up quickly and I have a small budget for to enjoy it with. *squeeee*
’tis all for now, hope you’re having a fantastic weekend and see you soon!
June 23, 2010
Remember how I needed a new phone? I’m still eking out as much life out of my current phone and plan as possible but it’s clearly geriatric and the simplest commands take as much as 25 seconds to start working. It’s time for a contingency plan. But ….
After 5 years of working on a Powerbook, I still went with a PC for my primary use laptop at home. It took me two and a half months to activate my iPhone (2G) from Christmas 2007. Heck, I refused to activate it until my phone actually stopped working. To this day, I’m still grumpy about paying $65/month instead of $40 for cell phone service though admittedly, am addicted to having email and Twitter almost all the time. The shortcomings, quirks and many many dropped calls or freezing up incidents could fill up a phone book.
So … why is it that I’m having the worst time imagining life with a different phone? No, that’s not what I mean. I would looove a phone that functioned fully. I would love to have reasonably good performance and reasonably low pricing. T-mobile has a fantastic deal right now with, get this:
No Activation Fee
2 Free Smartphones
Free Shipping
750 Anytime Minutes
Unlimited texting
Unlimited web service
Unlimited mobile to mobile
All for $100/month.
$100!! For two phones! (I’m considering a family plan with PiC.) After taxes, even, let’s say, 20% in taxes and fees, that’s still less than I’m paying now. My budget rules my decisions when it comes to phones, so why does my not-budget now chime in with a reluctant “Mehhhhhh…”?
That’s it. Apple has brainwashed me into believing that their interface is right and all others are wrong.
I can’t even remember where half my apps are, I hate Apple’s business practices (good for them, oh-so-bad for me) but I viscerally can’t accept a different interface.
Well played, Steve Jobs.