About sixteen years ago, I met him for the first time. My trainwreck sibling brought home this adorable puppy he had no business adopting because he had not one thing in his life that wasn’t a mess. I was furious at my sibling – he didn’t even take care of himself, how could he drag
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August 11, 2009
Even though my authorial participation in carnivals is low, I haven’t found my stories yet, at least, not the stories that fit into each specific carnival, I still want to remain engaged with the pf blogging community at large.
I’ve found a job for myself that is more in line with my behind-the-scenes style: helping Flexo manage the Carnival of Personal Finance!
I’m excited about this opportunity, and hope that I’ll be a good fit on the other side of the curtains!
August 10, 2009
Fast on the heels of my declaration of independence from one kind of family tie, I face another.
What does one do, when simply listening to the cadence of another’s speech, the emotion, knowing that the little tears in the corners of the eye, the breaking voice, were all just cues built in meant specifically for manipulation [to my ears], drives you into a hands-shaking rage?
No, that’s not healthy. But that IS family.
I’ll be honest. I’ve been avoiding my brother via the cold shoulder and various other defensive-shunting techniques for the past few months because every time I even consider having a sit-down with him, I get angry. It took two months to pen a response to his most recent outrageously audacious “I’m trying ever so hard, and btw, can I get a little more free rein around here if I help out some more?” missive. Are you kidding me? Because I’m pretty sure that was followed up by a distinct period of doing less. I never sent it because I wanted to be sure this was a battle worth engaging in.
Frankly, I just didn’t want to hear it. Not the excuses, not the whining, not the plaints that he’s trying soooo hard. None of it. Don’t care. Haven’t seen it, and don’t care. Patience hath boiled over and boiled off in this little pot, and the last thing we needed was steam in this already sweltering heat. Yet, how long can you ignore a family member who lives feet away from you? [At last count … three and a half months. We’re restarting the clock.]
Seriously, though. He actually came and apologized for being too loud, which he was, but really, it was an apology because he’d gotten caught. And for what? For the dumbest thing — I wasn’t out to catch him! I’d just remembered to take out the trash! [Serious. Check my Twitter. I’d just gone out to get the trash and ran into him outside.]
Jeepers. If I didn’t know better, I’d swear I was living in a trailer park, about to get shipped out to Jerry Springer.
So now I feel obligated to give the real verbal thrashing for the real issues I’m angry about – of which there are many, and of those many, all are justified – since I had to listen to his idiotic sob stories despite doing my darndest to avoid them and the angry rant I’ve got to deliver. It’s only fair. If he’d just left me alone, I wouldn’t have to play the parent role again. Jerk. *scowl*
August 9, 2009
[Stacking Pennies, Paranoid Asteroid, Sallie’s Niece, who else am I forgetting?]
I’ve sown the first (second, truthfully) seed.
No, not that one. The other one. The one where I tell one member of my family, a beloved cousin, that I’m just not on for that wedding + extended family + people I Don’t Even Know nonsense. Present company excepted, I’m just not into the wedding hullaballoo and not to be surprised if I elope.
She didn’t give me the You’d Better Tell Me! ultimatum like my other cousin did. Which is good. That means she’s not taking it too seriously, but now she knows the possibility is out there.
*rubbing hands in anticipation*
I feel like a total rebel. There’s been one non-traditional wedding in the family in the last 25 years, and that was only acceptable because the two in question were two older adults who weren’t expected to be their parents’ showcases. [Because their parents were deceased.]
It wasn’t until this past year that I realized that all my stressing about saving at least $25,000 for a wedding that I wasn’t going to enjoy just because I wanted to honor my family’s expectations was just crap.
1 – I hate being the center of attention. My poor mom kept trying to talk sense into me: you only get this chance once, it’s your only special day, everybody will want to see you…. but she never realize that last point was always the endgame. I like my friends, I like some of my family. I love spending time with them. But I hate being in the spotlight! It makes me feel like a spastic, awkwardly grinning monkey.
2 – I really hate being in the spotlight. Hate hate hate. I’ve served as bridesmaid often enough to be happy I’m just in the sidelines of the spotlight, but I grinned and bore it for the love of my friends who were reveling in their special day.
3 – I like the work involved in putting a wedding together, I’ve done enough of them to know the drill, the dance and the panic polka, and it’s kind of fun, really, but that’s more because I’m a workaholic. Thus, I like the work. And it’s fun creating a bride’s vision. But I just don’t really have a vision of my own. I’ve never looked at the weddings I’ve attended, been in, or worked on and said, “laaaa-siiiighhhh, I want mine to be juuuust like thaaaat.” Given the chance, I might be able to pick a dress. But that’s about it.
So this is my thought. If I get married, I’m really pushing hard for an elopement, or a civil ceremony and a small friends + family party. I just don’t feel the imperative to prove it to the world in the form of perfectly arranged flowers, too much fluffy tulle, and organizational gymnastics. The world doesn’t know me, or particularly care.
Besides, marriage isn’t about that. It’s about the relationship, which is best homespun and supplied with plenty of food and laughter. So I’m not betraying anything, I’m just taking it down a notch to simplicity.
P.S. Ladies currently planning or intending to plan your weddings? Please continue! I love attending a lovely wedding. I like wedding pictures, even watching the wedding video afterwards, if it’s good. I just doubt I can handle being the bride myself. 🙂
August 7, 2009
Even if ING hasn’t been the highest savings rate leader it once was, I still keep some money with them. Paltry though the interest rates are, that’s pretty much the case across the board at all of my banks. Since I’ve been going minimalist, one step at a time, I’ve refrained from opening more accounts at new banks in the name of rate chasing. If any bank offers the whole package, and allows me to access my own accounts using an aggregator, though, I’m switching! [Watch yourself, ING!]
In the meantime, their interface remains easy to navigate, and the bright orange motif attractive. No, the latter means nothing to me as a customer, it’s just true.
Their Electric Orange checking account has been at least a little intriguing because I’m going to run out of paper checks soon, and it’d be nice to have an alternative to buying another 300 checks to last a lifetime.
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People I’m grateful for:
1. Massage therapist friend. I paid her $48 for a Swedish massage and for the first time since Sunday, I can (carefully) raise my arm above elbow height!!! Oh, the freedom. My shoulder’s only sensitive/tender, and not throbbing with pain today, and I have half use of most of my fingers again. Sweet sweet recovery. If I can sleep the night through, it’ll be the first time in a week.
2. Bestie. Despite toting a 3-month-old with her, she was unquestioningly generous in chaffeuring me during our get-togethers this week. She’s not been in town for months, but she was great about making it possible for us to spend time together during a seriously painful week. We kept it very low-key, running one errand a day and hanging out at her parents’ place afterwards, but I’m grateful nonetheless.
August 6, 2009
1. A set of ninja hooks for my super-classy future foyer. When I have a place of my own …. Y’all know my decorating theme will be whatever Makes Me Laugh, right? [And this is why in more lucid moments, I ask anyone with an ounce of sense and taste to take care of my interior design.]
2. A full size mouse. Not the squeak-squeak with whiskers kind, though I don’t mind them, I want .. I NEED a full size mouse for my computer. Rheumy fingers don’t like this micro-POS that I got from an ex-boyfriend in college for my first computer to hold me over until I found a real one. It’s been nine years. I deserve a grown up mouse. And with 4 USB ports, I don’t have to splurge on wireless if I don’t have the money.
3. A trust fund.
What??? Don’t give me that dirty look. I’ll buy you all ice cream if you stop looking at me like that. You can’t imagine the good I can do in the world with a trust fund. Think of the animals! Oh, you didn’t know? My childhood dream was to get rich enough so that I could own a ranch and collect all the old unwanted animals where they had enough food and room to roam. I’m pretty sure someone else was going to get paid to pick up the mess, though. I only do grooming.
3a. For those of you still judging me, I’ll take a final decision on an interview bag as a close, but poor, second third option. I think we’re closer, but it’s still going to cost $30, probably. It looks a lot better than the first option. I did return the first and second bags I took for a trial spin.
4. To give the best birthday and Christmas presents ever, always. It’s really hard, and I’m already worried about Christmas.
5. A cozy little home of my own, with all the stuff I need in it. Financed by a lovely JOB of my own.
**Other Wish Listers (this all started from Stacking Pennies)
Fabulously Broke
Little Miss Moneybags
Stacking Pennies
I’m only sort of tongue in cheek about most of this list. I really do want that mouse though. My fingers are cramped already, I don’t need help. My biggest real wish is to be done and DONE with this stupid disease business because it is getting in my way. I hate losing whole days to pain and fatigue, it’s such a WASTE.
August 5, 2009
Possibly the most popular question of the year: What would you do if you lost your job?
Well, young grasshopper, I’m totally there.
Most PF savvy folks immediately address cost-cutting measures, identifying and trimming the fat from their budgets. This is always a good idea: you need to batten down the hatches since you don’t know how long you’ll be taking on water before you find another job.
I’d already been on the cost-cutting rampage for months so discovering that a layoff was imminent was even more motivation to bring monthly expenses down to a bare minimum. By the time the layoff and I were staring at each other, inches apart, nose to nose, I’d achieved near parity. My household’s monthly needs, outside of my personal spending, were officially within $200 of my unemployment benefits.
The cash cushion I’d amassed during that time, courtesy of those very same cost-cutting measures (eliminating extra vehicles, reducing auto insurance, reducing gas and electricity usage, etc.,) and working mucho overtime meant that I had the luxury of not panicking once the paychecks stopped. I was sure that I would, but I didn’t have to.
Applying for unemployment. There was a tang of bitterness when I sat down to fill out the claim form. I thought I’d have found another job by this time – didn’t I establish my rep as a resourceful, high-producing, motivated careerist? Yes, but that’s a gripe for another day. Today my job is to make sure that some form of income continues to flow in to cover the bills while I stump for jobs. The one benefit of ending employment mid-week was that even though I was paid for a few days of work the last week of June, the entire week of 6/28-7/4 was designated the mandated waiting week. That only cost half a week of waiting for benefits.
Constantly on the move. Since long before the layoff paperwork was in motion, I’ve been working on my resume, talking to people, networking, applying for jobs, and interviewing. I’ve got at least three active applications in undecided status right now, but I’m not resting on my laurels. The resume is being revamped again post-feedback from another professional and I’m sending the new one out ASAP to my current contacts. In the meantime, though I’m awaiting a decision on the Dream Job, I’m exploring other options in other fields. The second I know that these prospects aren’t panning out? I’m on the next train out to another career.
R&R: The last 5 days were eaten up by friends/family obligations, so I didn’t have time to do more than make sure paperwork was in the mail in time, and gather information for my next moves. Still, I’ve got to build in some time to rest because I can’t be on the run constantly. I’ll physically rest at least one day a week, but my brain will finally begin to process the list of opportunities.
My first unemployment check arrived in the mail. There’s no sense of excitement or satisfaction like that of paydays. Maybe it’s because there aren’t the corresponding retirement contributions, or the transfers to savings that are normal with direct deposited checks. Or maybe it’s because “earning” unemployment is exhausting to the soul. Whatever the case, I’m depositing it know that it’s part of what keeps the wolves at bay and continuing with my job search.
Note to self: the stub attached to the check had the following note: “Your claim balance after this payment is $11,250.” I’m not certain what that means. Must find out.
August 4, 2009
Free Wi-Fi at Barnes and Noble – Use the storefinder to see if you’ve got a free access store near you. Thanks to Jonathan of My Money Blog and Lifehacker.
2 Free Hours of Wi-Fi at Starbucks – Also from Jonathan. When you have a registered gift card and use it once a month, you can get 2 hours of free wi-fi.
Tradeking celebrates National Friendship Day – Between August 1 and August 27, a referral nets both parties $50 each after a $1000 deposit and trade has been executed. Email me [revanche.gs – @- gmail.com] if you would like a referral!
200 Bonus minutes and text messages for AT&T FAN customers – If you have a FAN [Foundation Account Number] account, you can try calling in to add feature codes for freebies. My CSR had some trouble figuring out how to add them, and it took her a while to access the codes, but she was able to add 200 free bonus minutes [U200] and 200 free bonus text messages [CLL2]. Found on Fatwallet.
I’m pretty psyched about that last one, I’ve been very frustrated with the limited number of minutes and texts on my plan for a long time. Using the phone conservatively worked when I was employed but it’s been particularly hard during the job hunt with interviews and such.
