Pre-parenting raves: (some) people are the best
November 12, 2014
As much as I hate sharing my limitations (weakness, in my mind) with other humans, there wasn’t a lot I could do about hiding the evidence of Little Bean after a time. And despite my reservations at the time, it’s been a strange, almost surreal, experience of rather positive support.
PiC’s friends
I like these people, I really do. We spend time with them together mostly but I actually like them enough that, back in the day, I enjoyed their company sans PiC, too. So it shouldn’t have been a surprise that when we attended an event together recently, they were thoughtful and solicitous of my well-being, making sure that someone was always checking to make sure I was managing ok without being weird about it. They didn’t hesitate for a second to use me as an excuse to hang out in the temperature controlled room and to leave early, either. Win-win!
Chosen family
There’s family, and then there’s family. The latter are the ones I chose to make my family: long time friends I grew up with; friends who have welcomed me/us into their homes and family without hesitation and who actually listen when I talk. Friends who I’ve only gotten to know because of the blog and are more considerate than anyone I’m actually related to by blood.
They’ve been there for me during a huge stint of unemployment, coordinated thoughtful deliveries when I became a member of the Dead Parent Club, celebrated when I got the job or we tied the knot, commiserated during the hard times and mentored me when I needed wisdom. (Some of them are you. And I can’t really explain how some people who are only there virtually are more like family than blood but I think it’s just the great side of having the internet: we can find good people all over.)
These are the people who have been happy for me/us about Little Bean, helpful without trampling my boundaries, share the fun of the weird pregnancy stuff and listen without judging the ICK factors.
The Kids
There’s a group, and during one event, I was bemused to see how much these younguns, many of whom are just starting to wrap their heads around the idea of starting a career, were looking out for me. I lost track of the number of times one of them would shout: make room for Revanche to sit! Or would ask if I was sure I was ok? Did I need water, food, anything?
Most of the time I’m a grumpy “THESE KIDS THESE DAYS” sort but these kids? Pretty good kids.
PiC
Of course, he’s been a saint.
Can’t fix a meal? He’s got it.
Can’t tie my shoelaces? He’s got it.
Can’t carry luggage? Don’t be silly, I was never to carry luggage.
Have a craving, ever so slight? Why, here it is.
Too tired to walk the dog? He’s all over it.
Frustrated and having a rant? He understands.
Frustrated and feeling useless because dammit, I should be able to DO this (that or the other thing) by myself? Reminds me that I AM doing a job that he can’t so he can darn well shoulder everything else.
That’s just the stuff I can remember off the top of my head.
Doggle and Seamus
No, they’re not people. But they are/were daily companions and as such, they get some credit.
Early on, when it wasn’t obvious, Doggle would stand between me and rowdy dogs, pushing them away from me when they got too out of hand. This is a dog who was completely oblivious to most normal cues, but he always seemed to have some small innate sense about the worst health days. He literally refused to leave my side when I was extra-sick for days, long before the pregnancy, refusing food and walks until he was assured that I was still alive and kicking. Once LB came around, he was protective of my mid-section even though I doubt he actually knew why, literally shielding it with his body.
Seamus is the stolid sort and not really aware of what’s changing either but whenever I get stuck sitting down and I tell him to “Come here and help me up”, he comes and stands right next to me so I can use him for leverage. Or he’ll willingly lay however I want him to lay so that I can reach his head for petting.
Some days it’s the little things that make such a difference.
Awwwww! Such a sweet post!
🙂
*Getting a little emotional over here*. Hope you and PiC enjoy it all and tell him that the bloggers love him. He’s rock solid. I hope you do a post soon about money for LB like what SaverSpender did. It will be nice to have a US perspective on what to do 🙂
Thanks & I have told him what you said, but I think he knows that my blog / Twitter folks all love him. They always side with him in disputes 😉 Are you thinking of SS’s baby expenses log? I was thinking about it but I have to really pull some numbers together. If there’s a special request, I’ll make a special effort to actually DO it.
Not the baby expenses log, but the one where she did all the different contributions to his account, and government tax breaks/credits . I know we have way less of that in US, but I know there are some tax/savings? Like when will you save money for LB, how will paying for childcare affect your budget, all that fun stuff! 🙂
THAT PiC is a gem. “Reminds me that I AM doing a job that he can’t so he can darn well shoulder everything else.” made me tear up.
He really is awesome. Even more so during this pregnancy, I didn’t think it was possible 🙂
Glad your life is filled with awesome people – this is the time you need them!
They are pretty awesome and I’m awfully grateful for it. Between carefully avoiding the ones who aren’t and spending time with those who are, it eases the frustrating parts.
I love the sentiment behind this post. It is too easy to disregard humanity sometimes and be pessimistic about the future. But for sure, GOOD people are worth it and the reason we all keep moving along..
It’s easy to lose sight of the good people, sometimes. But they exist!
Wonderful!!!
You know, I think making a kind of alternate family out of lifelong friends is something that’s peculiar to your generation.
My son and his friends do that, too. He, unfortunately, hasn’t married (got any nice friends around 35?? Must love extreme heat and dogs…), but his friends have, and they have kids. So he’s the “uncle,” as it were. I love his friends — they’re delightful people. This Thanksgiving, as always, we’re descending on one couple’s home…they trot us old people out once a year and feed us. 😀
The young men in this set have known each other since high school.
We never did that kind of thing. I sort of know where my friends from college are — scattered all across the country. But high-school and grade-school friends? Gimme a break!
It might be, or it might be semi-cultural in that we learned it from our previous generation.
My parents remained friends with the people they grew up and went to high school with even decades after the Great post-war-era Diaspora; college wasn’t an option for most in their set. My friend’s parents kept in touch primarily with their high school friends though they were both born and raised in the US, and both went on to higher education.
Conversely, most of us only keep in touch with maybe one or two college friends.
Hmmm…. Interesting possibility. He had a lot of Asian friends in grade school & high school. One has been booted out of the group. Another drifted away — is living in Portland — but they keep in touch. Cultural cross-pollination??
You deserve the very best, every bit of it. I adore you.
Thank you. You’re good people too. <3
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