My kid and notes from Year 4.5
August 19, 2019
Parental Perspective
Whatever our challenges, I keep reminding myself that we really only have a limited window of time to teach JB.
Sooner than we think, ze is going to be exercising independent thought (for good or ill) and making zir own choices.
On that note …
You be you, and I’ll be me, and that’s the way we’re meant to be
There’s this song the kids sing that cracks me up with their earnestness but it makes a great point, especially for parents.
I catch myself, every so often, imposing my fears and worries on zir. Next fall, we’ll be facing kindergarten. In order, I hate change, hated going to new schools, hated meeting new people. So of course, I find myself worrying about zir transition, adjusting to the new school, to new people, to new routines and I have to catch myself. That’s me and my worry. Ze isn’t me and is so different, my worries aren’t zir worries. So then I take a step back and push away all those preconceptions so I can see and hear what ze really cares about.
Lessons from Star Wars’ Kylo Ren and She-Ra’s Catra
Me: You can’t help people who don’t want to be helped. Rey tried to help Kylo Ren but she didn’t know that he really just wanted to turn her to the Dark Side. Adora keeps trying to help Catra but Catra doesn’t want her help, she just wants to win.
JB’s takeaway: If you’re good and fighting someone bad and you ask them if they want help, and they say yes, then you help them! Dat is being nice.
Me: …. mmm … ok. Dat is.
Lessons about hoarding
JB operates with a scarcity mindset that’s astonishing to me when ze owns so many nice things: books, 30 million plush friends, all kinds of hand me down clothes, shoes. Zir shoes only have holes and look shabby because of sheer wear and tear. And yet ze hoards everything, particularly stickers, with the avarice of Smaug.
I can’t blame zir, really, I know I have those tendencies myself. I have more than enough and yet I still have wants. It’s tough for me to consciously detach myself from wanting things, so I can hardly expect a four year old to be good at this. So we have to start learning!
As the lucky recipients of a grand dragon sized pile of stickers from a friend, we embarked on a new journey: learning to share when you have more than enough to satisfy your needs. Ze gets a healthy sized box for zirself. Then ze gets to go through a bag of stickers at a time to pick zir favorites and pick stickers to give away. With this exercise, ze is both learning to prioritize. There’s limited space in zir box, can’t physically keep all the stickers, nor should you keep any but the stickers you most like. Ze is learning to be ok with giving some things away because it doesn’t mean that you necessarily have less, because what you can have is a set amount anyway. Ze is also in control of choosing how many and which ones to keep and that gives zir a sense of ownership over the process. I make no comments except for occasionally swooping in with Mom tax and taking away some that I really like.
Halloween
JB has been asking to be a new thing for Halloween approximately 129 times since October. I don’t see this getting narrowed down any time soon. Help.
Precious Moments
JB: Daddy, do you have a meeting today?
PiC: (awwww, ze cares about my day!) Yes.
JB: Can you bring me home a snack from there?
PiC: Oh.
I can’t stop laughing, personally. Ze doesn’t know a meeting from a rotary telephone. Ze just knows that after meetings at Daddy’s work, there’s usually leftover food and they become SNACKS.
Ha! Ze is a smart kid – always go to the work meetings… free food!
I love what you say about not passing your own worries and anxieties onto your kids. I think it’s something every parent grapples with, and it’s amazing that you’re able to recognize it now when zir is so young. My stepkids are now teenagers and we still catch ourselves doing this. When it happens, we’ve gotten into the habit of reminding ourselves to stop and ask whether a certain situation is actually causing the kids any distress or anxiety, or whether it’s just our projections. Lately, it seems to be the latter. Ultimately, we just want our kids to be happy, and it’s about letting go and letting them find that one baby step at a time!
LOL I figure it’s a good way to look at meetings if you MUST go š
I’ve always borne in mind that my child is a whole other person and not my second act. It’s going to get tougher to respect that as they get older and we worry more about the mistakes they’re going to need to make but I’m going to try!
Haha, I have a scheduled post up tomorrow aaaaaaaall about my hoarding and…how I think it’ll help me be a better person? Lol, maybe I need stickers to help me think about and organise my stuff.
That meeting excerpt is brilliant – I love the ways children’s minds work! And it puts a very positive spin on meetings too…
LOL we have some stickers if you need š
I definitely have hoarding tendencies when it comes to money. I feel so behind in retirement saving that I’m having a hard time donating to charities that I know I can afford to give to. It just doesn’t FEEL like it. This month I had a particularly good savings month, so I forced myself to sit down and call two charities and give a bit of money. If I can just do this every month, maybe I’ll declench a little overall.
I truly know that feeling.