Living in the time of pandemic: COVID-19 (8)
June 8, 2020
If you’d like to join me in helping Lakota families and/or rural libraries this year, please read this post. Over 6 weeks in 2019, we raised $2669.94 for the Lakota families, touching 27 lives. What can we do in 2020?
Current total: Lakota, $1,570.70; Rural libraries, $321.62.
Weeks 11 and 12 of shutdown in the Bay Area.
I had to change the day numbering so I would remember what day we’re on, total. It’s been that long.
Week 11, Day 69: A half day at work for me today! WOOOO. We had a very hot (for us, nearly 80 degrees F) day and I was basking in walking around in a tee shirt even in the house. It’s normally so frigid I’m in three layers all day long.
Week 11, Day 70: I woke unexpectedly early but crawled right back into my nest and then woke up late after 8. Oops. On the other hand, JB got enough rest and got themselves all dressed and ready, AND even remembered their assigned chore for the morning. Extra bonus, they went and filled in the chore on their activities board without prompting too. I thought the first week of the board was a dismal failure but maybe our little adjustments are starting to take hold. We’ll see.
Week 11, Day 71: JB has wholeheartedly and suddenly thrown themselves into the Activities board, racking up an all time high of 9 activities in a day: helping with the laundry, clearing the dishwasher, spending a lot of time outdoors. Most of this was made possible by PiC’s flexible schedule on this day. Most days are not going to be like this.
Week 11, Day 72: The world has exploded and my sorrow is endless. Why does our country think it’s better to viciously put down protests than to hold murdering cops accountable? None of this had to be that way.
Week 11, Day 73: Checking in on dear friends, having absolutely no good words to express how I feel about their grief, and trying to be there for them in a way that isn’t asking them to do emotional labor. It’s a hard day for everyone. We explain to JB that many people are angry because the police are hurting the very people they are supposed to help, even killing them, and that we are all sad and angry because they should not be allowed to get away with that kind of choice.
Week 12, Day 76: The aftermath of the FinCon revelations dominated today. It was incredibly hard to focus all day, and I got very little done. This isn’t good. I already have a very limited amount of time to get things done! It didn’t help that I then couldn’t sleep this night, probably too keyed up.
Week 12, Day 77: I was so tired after the previous day’s mess that I got up after 8. Not great. We are slowly adapting to PiC’s more demanding schedule but boy it’s painful on extra tired days.
Local kids are having friends over and sleepovers and JB is so jealous. But we are simply not prepared for that level of socializing yet.
Week 12, Day 78: I’ve been compiling a list of places to donate once our enormous bills of the Spring clear.
Experimental Station in Chicago (fresh locally-sourced food boxes for the South Side which has been affected badly), 70+ community bail funds, mutual aid funds, and racial justice organizers in one link, GoFundMe to support Breonna Taylor’s family fight for justice, The Human Utility (water is a basic human need), Southern Poverty Law Center, Eden House NOLA, Innocence Project New Orleans.
I had to outsource our dinner to the local Thai restaurant and boy am I glad I did. My only regret was that I didn’t get enough for two meals because we demolished that order. Technically Thai food doesn’t adhere to any of my food restrictions, so I wasn’t feeling great the next day, but I didn’t over consume like I did for the Great Pizza experiment. (That one didn’t go well for me.)
Week 12, Day 79: Definitely had inflamed joints today and definitely just wanted to sleep all day (unrelated stress reasons).
Last week I was stressed over the sense that the county was starting a Phase 2 re-opening when my physician relatives were still saying we really just don’t know enough about the disease right now. This week I know some things must be opening or have opened but all sense of what’s what is turned upside with the protests and police brutality that’s playing out every day.
We also got a new tentative return to work guideline for PiC: the end of the year. That’s still pretty vague and non-committal but what that definitely means is we don’t have childcare anymore. JB would normally have been attending daycare until August, when kindergarten starts. Now they won’t have a slot until it’s past time to return. That’s a weird thing to be absorbing right now, and I am also uncertain what plans are brewing at the elementary school and school district.
I’m catching myself wanting to stress shop more this week. I know it’s the mental equivalent of self soothing but in a way that I’ll likely be annoyed later so I’m being very careful to stick very closely to shopping lists and only permitting the occasional variation or impulse edit.
Week 12, Day 80: JB and I are alike in small ways but so very different in others. They are an extrovert (horrors!), a hugger, a kisser, a toucher, a “I’m going to sit with you because I didn’t want to be alone” personality. I’m the opposite. I hug a little but mostly I want my space. A lot of space. A lot a lot of space and silence and alone time. That’s in normal times. In these especially fraught times, particularly this week of police brutality and the world FINALLY sitting up and taking notice, it’s even worse.
I worry that my distancing emotionally may become a situation where they feel I don’t care about their emotions. I do! I just can’t care 293784 times a day and check in every five minutes and constantly be hugging. Oh my dog, did I give birth to Queen Poppy???
I worry that my face and my mood will stick like this: short tempered, crabby, isolationist, pushing people away in a desperate bid for space.
Then I get rare small moments where I have no other responsibilities or worries, I can be present in the moment and I remember who I am again. Maybe I won’t get stuck like this.
Sorry to hear about your joint pain flaring up again, friend. We’re also dealing with some back-to-office planning for Mrs. Done by Forty, and daycare planning. Right now our loose plan is…to not go back in the office & not send him to daycare, and just let her employer decide what they want to do about that. I don’t think we’re willing to do something healthwise that we’re not 100% comfortable with and if that means some income impacts, well, we’re in a position to deal with that.
We’ve been pretty isolated this whole time & pretty much virtual everything as far as social. It’s been helpful to see your documenting of the days here & on twitter. We have some similarities, for sure. 🙂
I’m sorry your pain is flaring 🙁 Hope you are feeling better this week, friend!
Our daycare is only now starting the process of reopening to the public, per county regulations. They have been providing emergency childcare for essential workers so far. I think we are going to pursue it, even though neither of our employers are demanding we show up regularly in person any time soon. They won’t open until July 1 or later, and we don’t even know if we still have a spot, so there is tons of uncertainty… but there is a possibility. I don’t think I can get through some major work things this summer without full time childcare, and we haven’t felt super comfortable with alternate care options yet, so we are at least going to go down the path of pursuing it.